The Nostalgia Kid
by Nukid
Summary: Parody of the Nostalgia Critic. Nukid looks at the Anime/Cartoon/Movies/Games/Fics of today and yesterday and tells you what to think of them! Sit back, relax and enjoy, this is The Nostalgia Kid. Current Chapter: Top 11 Stupidest Things About Naruto
1. Naruto Vs One Piece

Hey everyone. Welcome to the first of what I hope to be many reviews. Enjoy

**Warning: The language in this review may not be suitable for minors. If you're under the age of 18 and have not heard the word "fuck" before…..well you have now**

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We see Author Fighter Nukid sitting at a blue desk, seemingly looking towards a video camera. He wasn't wearing his usual attire however. He was still wearing a black jacket, but now he wore a black cap on his forehead along with a black tie around his neck. Around his mouth, there were black pen drawn lines around his mouth, which looked like a beard. He sat up straight on a cushioned chair, a calm smile on his face

"Hello I'm the Nostalgia Kid, I remember it because you're all idiots" Nukid introduced with a quick flick of his hands towards the camera "and welcome everybody to the first chapter of my Nostalgia Critic parody! I'm not the first author to be doing this, since the Fictor Brothers are doing a great job with "The Insane Critic"

"However, what I aim to do in my version is to focus on things they may not. Since over the years I've become quite the Otaku, my focus will probably be more towards Anime and Video Games, though I will at times focus on movies and fanfiction too" Nukid explained calmly. From Nukids left, came in X Prodigy, bearing a questionable look

"Nukes, I understand that you're parodying the Nostalgia Critic, but what's with the cosplay of him?" X asked, referring to Nukid NC attire

"Oh this?" Nukid said as he looked down on his clothes "I'm just getting into the right mind set for this review"

"I understand that, but dude you've dressed up just like him!" X pointed out

"Ah ah ah, not exactly" Nukid waved his finger, before grabbing and lifting up his tie "Nostalgia Critics tie is red. Mines black!"

"O…kay" X nodded nervously, before retreating out of camera view. Nukid turned his attention back to the camera

"Now, to start off these reviews, we're going to look at arguably the two most popular Manga/Anime out today, and decide which one is truly the best. Naruto Vs One Piece"

"I know what you're saying "but the Fictor Brothers have already done this, so what will the difference with your review be?" Well……besides an actual full and up to date knowledge of both series, very little! Anyway, on with the match!" Nukid proclaimed** (Just a joke Fictors, you did an okay job)**

**Naruto Vs One Piece**

"As I said earlier, these are pretty much the biggest anime series out today, with both shows having several hundred episodes under its name, and each with its own loyal fanbase. Even if you're only a little interested in anime, then chances are you've seen one of these series" Nukid explained

"Before we begin, let me give you all a brief sum up of the two series" Nukid said "Naruto is the tale of a blonde haired, loud mouth Shinobi who has big dreams of becoming Hokage, leader and strongest ninja of The Hidden Leave Village. The series follows Naruto on a journey across the Ninja world, growing stronger with every battle, and facing enemies as they come"

"One Piece follows the adventure of Monkey D. Luffy, an energetic pirate with a love for adventure and the ability to stretch his body to a limitless amount. The story goes through his journey across the Grand Line, finding new crewmates, battling Pirates and Marines, and hoping to acquire the legendary treasure, One Piece"

"And now, without any further ado, let us begin!" Nukid exclaimed "First up: Main characters"

**Round 1: Main Characters** (Pictures of Naruto and Luffy flash onto screen)

Nukid stared silently at the screen for a moment, until he scratched his head uncomfortably "Wow, first part and its already hard. The fact is comparing these two is like trying decide who is more insane: Caboose or Tobi"

Nukid probably shouldn't have said that, because at the moment Caboose and Tobi jumped into the river like frantic dogs

"I LIKE BEING A GOOD BOY!!"

"I LIKE ORANGE JUICE!!"

"GET OUT OF HERE!! RANKYAKU!!" Nukid shouted, before sending them air blades with his legs towards them sending them flying out of the room. With that, Nukid calmed down and turned to the screen

"Like I was saying, comparing these two is hard because we're looking at very similar characters. Both of them are strong willed, determined characters that believe in doing the right thing and grow stronger and stronger as the series progresses. But, if you look hard enough, you can see what separates these characters, and which ultimately is the best" Nukid said

(Screen changes to scenes of Naruto Uzumaki)

"First up, we have Naruto. Besides the fact the guy dresses and acts opposite to what you'd expect from a Ninja, you can quickly grow to like Naruto. He is determined to achieve his goal and the guy never gives in," Nukid ranted

"What I do like about Naruto more than Luffy is his backstory. Kishimoto really makes you feel sorry for this character, yet at the same time make him seem awesome. He does this by explaining that on the day Naruto was born, a Nine tailed demon came and attack Konoha"

(Screen changes to scenes of The Nine Tailed Fox attacking the village and killing many Shinobi)

"You see? THIS is what happens when you give Pokemon steroids!! They should've realised that when they created Godzilla by giving that Charmander steroids!" Nukid ranted, before giving a calm smile

"I bet you guys didn't know Godzilla was merely a Charmander on steroids. I bet you thought he was a monster made by a nuclear explosion to symbolise the Japanese fear of weapons of mass destruction after the Atomic Bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki!!…..Well now you know, and knowing is half the battle"

"G.I. JOE!!"

(screen changes to the Nine Tails getting sealed into baby Naruto)

"Anyway, the Nine Tails gets sealed into Naruto, and due to the belief he is the Nine Tails reincarnated, nearly everyone in the village hates him. This gives Naruto an edge over Luffy because you can really sympathise with the guy, and you can't help but root for him as he tries to become Hokage" Nukid said with a warm smile

(Screen changes to scenes of Luffy)

"Next is Luffy. Monkey D. Luffy is an energetic, simple minded character who happened to have eaten the Gomu Gomu No Mi fruit, granting him stretching powers. Normally Luffy has three things on his mind. Nakama, adventure and food" Nukid explained

"The thing about Luffy, he's like three people rolled into one. He can be Luffy the fun loving idiot…."

--

"Yosh! Hey everyone, let's have a party and stick chopsticks in our noses!" Luffy proposed

"Hahaha! Man, Luffy is so stupid and hilarious! We love this guy!"

--

"Then there's the determined and brave Luffy…"

--

"Robin, you're mother died so you could live! Don't waste the life she sacrificed her life for!" Luffy roared towards Nami at Enies Lobby

"Wow…..Luffy is so determined to help his Nakama…..it's like there's no way he can lose!"

--

"Then there's Luffy the demon…"

--

Luffy stared at Rob Lucci with a face of pure anger

"Lucci…..I'LL MAKE YOU PAY FOR HURTING ROBIN!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"…….I think I just shit myself…."

--

"To those who think Luffy is just a stupid and Loony all the time, you are VERY WRONG! Luffy can go from fun loving, to encouraging, to fucking monstrous! Naruto may have a demon inside of him, Luffy IS a demon!"

"This means that more than once Luffy has literally stormed into enemy territory and took on countless enemies in order to save his friends. You'd think with all those enemies, he couldn't win, but heck even Enies Lobby, a marine capital couldn't stop him!" Nukid said, before going into deep thought

"Hmm, you know Luffy always seems to go to enemy fortresses and fight unimaginable odds to save a female friend…is it me or does he remind you of someone?" Nukid wondered

(Screen shows picture of Mario)

Nukid shrugged "nah, must be imagining things"

Nukid sighed "Now, despite his great personality and backstory, Naruto has one big problem. Do you know what that is?" Nukid asked rhetorically "NARUTO IS A WUSS!!"

Anonymous crowd: "BOOOOO!!!!"

"Shut up! All right, that may have sounded a tad unfair, but hear me out. He's a very strong character with a lot of potential, but surely you've noticed that Naruto needs someone to train them whenever he loses a fight! Think about it" Nukid said

_**Cutaway gag…..**_

Screen changes to Naruto standing by himself in an open field

"Hi, I'm Naruto Uzumaki! I'm gonna be the next Hokage and toughest Ninja in the Leaf Village!" Naruto boasted

Haku suddenly comes up and smashes Naruto to the ground. Naruto then gets up and runs over to Kakashi

"WAAAA!!! Kakashi sensei! Show me how to beat that guy!!"

--

We see Naruto, again standing by himself in the field

"Ok, I've made it to the finals of the Chunin Exam. I'm gonna win it for sure!" Naruto proclaimed

Neji walks over and smashes Naruto to the ground. Naruto gets up and then runs over to Jiraiya

"Pervy Sage! Show me how to control my demon power so I can beat Neji!"

_**End gag….**_

"So yea, what lowers him in my opinions is the fact he needs help fairly often in order to win. Unlike, Luffy" Nukid stated

"This is what separates Luffy from Naruto. Luffy has taken on unstoppable forces, and after perhaps a few losses here and there, will prevail and win. But here's the thing though. Luffy NEVER needs someone to teach him how to win. Luffy comes up with his own moves by himself, will fight someone without someone to guide him, and even against uncertain odds, he doesn't give in and show fear. True, he would've had training as a kid, but ever since he's became a pirate, he did it all by himself" Nukid explained

_**Cutaway gag….**_

We now see Luffy standing in the same open field, a huge grin on his face

"Yosh! Me and my friends are gonna sail across the Grand Line and find the tresure One Piece!" Luffy proclaimed

Rob Lucci suddenly appears and punches Luffy to the ground. Luffy gets back up, rubs his face, and then..

"GOMU GOMU NO GATTLING GUN!!" Luffy roared, sending hundreds of quick punches towards Lucci, beating the crap out of the CP9 agent

_**End gag…..**_

"I think I made my point on that one" Nukid nodded with satisfaction "that's not to say Luffy is without flaws. Yes, his constant character change may be hard to get past, and sometimes he can be hard to take seriously"

(Screen changes to Luffy dancing with two wooden chopsticks between his nose and mouth, looking like a Walrus)

"…..Yea, but really, in the end that just adds to his charm. Things that would scare a smart man don't even shake Luffy. If his friends are in danger, you could send Satan after him and they STILL wouldn't make him shake in fear. Luffy will stop at nothing to protect what is important to him" Nukid explained

"That leads onto my final point on this round. Luffy is the only one that actually keeps his promise to save friends in danger. When Nico Robin needed saving from the CP9, Luffy DID save her despite the odds. Naruto…….different story altogether"

(Naruto: I swear….I'll save my friend Sasuke and bring him back to Konoha!!)

"Kid, its been over 3 years and you still haven't got him back, I've grown tired of waiting!!" Nukid shouted

"Anyway, both characters are good in their own ways, but Luffy truly emphasises what it means to be a main character. He's stronger, he's funnier, he's more kickass. Point goes to One Piece!" Nukid proclaimed

**Winner: One Piece** (Luffy punches Naruto off screen)

"But what's a main character without supporting characters?" Nukid asked "Well lets see how they fare in round two!"

**Round Two: Supporting Characters** (Screen shows pictures of The Konoha Genin and The Straw Hat Crew)

"You know, no self respecting shonen series is complete without a batch of crazy, unique characters with great background stories and personalities. And the good thing about both series is that they both deliver very well" Nukid said

"One Piece has you meet Luffys crew one by one, which REALLY lets you get to know each character. And good god One Piece has by far the craziest supporting characters I've ever seen in a Manga/Anime!" Nukid said with excitement, which turned into a sad sigh

"Unfortunately, this may contribute to why some don't like One Piece. The characters in it are very over the top and unique in style and personality, so you really have to watch it in the right mind set or else you're not gonna like this series" Nukid sighed, before looking at the screen angrily

"It's unfair though! Surely everyone can enjoy a living skeleton with an afro and panties fetish!" Nukid stated

His reply was utter silence….

"Point taken" Nukid said, giving up

"Anyway, Naruto also has a lot of unique characters that deserve merit, such as the lazy genius Shikamaru, the casual yet kickass Kakashi, the bushy browed shinobi Rock Lee and his even more energetic sensei Maito Gai. There's a lot to love about these characters and it's a joy to see them get the limelight once in a while"

"That being said, there is something that really holds them back. Once a character has gotten his limelight….chance are they're not gonna have so much time to shine after. It's like some characters just expire during the series but Kishimoto wants to keep them there for the hell of it" Nukid explained, before pondering

"Though, Shippuden is supposed to be the series that expands on the side characters. How many characters from the first series have gotten main character treatment so far?" Nukid

(Screen shows picture of Shikamaru, Gaara and Kakashi)

"…..That it? Only Shikamaru, Gaara and Kakashi has gotten a decent, main character part in Shippuden?! I thought the point of the series was to show how they've developed and gotten stronger?!" Nukid exclaimed, jumping out his chair in disbelief

"Where's Rock Lees time to shine?! When do we get to learn more about Kiba and Shino past? When do we get to see Hinata and Tenten have sex…..okay that last one probably isn't gonna happen, but you guys get my point. Kishimoto makes these awesome characters, but rarely does he capitalise on them" Nukid said, sitting back down

"To be fair, a lot of these said characters have interesting past and traits, and it's cool that Naruto is the one that helps bring them to the light. However….don't you think they come to their senses a little TOO easily? Think about it…."

**_Cutaway gag…_**

We see Neji in his fight against Naruto

"I am Neji, and I believe that everything is decided by fate and you can't fight it" Neji stated

"You're wrong Neji!" Naruto stated

"Really? Okay, I'll change my way of thinking"

--

We see Gaara in his fight against Naruto

"I live for one reason, and that is to kill! I love only myself, I trust only myself!" Gaara snarled at Naruto

"Your way of living is wrong Gaara!" Naruto shouted

"Really? Damn, guess I'll change my ways from now on"

_**End gag….**_

"One Piece however, you're an idiot not to know each members past and ambition by the time you've finished it. Every character can make you laugh, make you watch in awe, and truth be told, every character has moved me to tears" Nukid admitted

_**Cutaway gag….**_

We see Nukid, holding a cloth to his tear filled eyes as he sniffed loudly

"Oh Zoro, we know you'll become the best swordsman one day!" Nukid cried

--

"Oh Nami, what Arlong did to you and your mother was wrong!!"

--

"Oh Usopp, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO FIGHT LUFFY OVER SOME SHIP?!! WHY?!!"

--

"Oh Sanji, you have to go through so much for your beliefs in cooking!"

--

"Oh Chopper, we know you'll make Dr. Hiluluk proud!"

--

"WAAAAAH!!!! WHY DID THAT HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ROBIN?! WHY?!!"

--

"Oh Franky, what happened to Tom was wrong!"

--

"Oh Brooke, even though you're skeleton, you'll meet up with Laboon again!"

**_End gag…_**

"Honestly, this review can't explain just how awesome the supporting characters are. There is SO MUCH detail in each one you can't help but appreciate Odas work. There's only one way to appreciate these fine characters, and that's by watching One Piece!" Nukid declared

"Naruto sets suitable supporting character for the show, but One Piece is just better than it needs to be. Without a doubt, point goes to One Piece!"

**Winner: One Piece** (Straw Hat crew kicks the crap out of Genin)

"But what about the Antagonists? How do the cutthroats and Ninjas fair? Time for the villains to duke it out!" Nukid proclaimed

**Round 3: Villains** (Picture of Pein and Buggy The Clown appear)

"Now the thing about both series is that neither really see their best villains until later on. As such, we're left with pretty lame excuses for villains at the start of both series" Nukid Explained

"Unlike most people, I would say One Piece starts off with better villains. This may sound weird since I doubt many got good impressions off them. Believe me, I share those first impressions" Nukid assured

_**Cutaway gag….**_

(Picture of Alvida appears onscreen)

"Fatty" Nukid said dryly

(Picture of Morgan appears onscreen)

"Jerk"

(Picture of Buggy The Clown appears onscreen)

"Retarded Clown"

(Picture of Captain Kuro appears onscreen)

"Wasted opportunity!"

(Picture of Don Kreig appears onscreen)

"Loser"

(Picture of Arlong appears onscreen)

"Oh now he looks stupid! No way is he a…"

(Screen changes to scene of Arlong killing Namis mother, Bellemere)

"….Well that's shut me up"

_**End gag….**_

"However, as bad as you may think they are, they were certainly better than my impressions about the first Naruto villains" Nukid stated

_**Cutaway gag….**_

(Picture of Mizuki appears onscreen)

"Bland"

(Picture of the Demon Brothers onscreen)

"Bland"

(Picture of Zabuza appears onscreen)

"Bland and overrated"

(Picture of Gato appears onscreen)

"Bland"

(Picture of Haku appears onscreen)

"Bland and somewhat creepy"

(Picture of the Three Sound Ninjas appears onscreen)

"Bland"

(Picture of Orochimaru appears onscreen)

"Finally! A good villain!"

_**End gag….**_

Nukid shifted uncomfortably in his seat "I might regret calling Zabuza overrated, hehe. Sorry, he just never really gave me a big impression"

"Now, it would hardly be fair if I compared the starting villains, now would it? And the great thing about both series is that they both get excellent villains as they go along" Nukid said

"The One Piece villains later on in the series are just…..wow, what a turn around. You've got the diabolical Crocodile, the god like Enel, the simply awesome CP9, the three invincible Marine Admirals, and of course the Seven Warlords of the sea. These guys are just insane in strength! Hell, more than half of them make Chuck Norris look like a wuss!" Nukid stated

At that moment, Chuck Norris burst into the room and walked up to Nukid, showing a face of pure anger. Suddenly a fist flew out of Chucks beard and smashed Nukid right in the face, knocking him to the ground! Chuck then turned around and left

"….Wahoo….first…Family Guy….reference…." Nukid groaned, slowly sitting back onto his chair

"This does cause a problem with the One Piece villains. THEY'RE TOO POWERFUL!! Seriously, you'll wonder how the heck The Straw Hats will ever beat them. More than once the group has been brought to the brink of destruction by these guys!" Nukid exclaimed, before calming down

"Naruto villains however are a lot more tamed. The Akatsuki are, in my opinion, the shining achievement in the series. They're what you want from an evil organisation. Strong, evil, mysterious and unique, but they're also not so strong that the heroes can ACTUALLY win!" Nukid explained

"One thing I will always credit Kishimoto for is how well he handled these guys. They're each given much time to flesh out these superb villains and each have awesome powers. You have the living puppet Sasori, the bang loving Deidara, the cannibalistic Zetsu, the money loving Kakuza, the shark demon Kisame, the fangirl messiah Itachi, the Axel bait Konan, the not so good boy Tobi/Madara, the torn and powerful leader Pein, and of course….Hidan…" Nukid finished the last word with a happy sigh

(Picture of Hidan appears above Nukid)

"I..I adore Hidan. I recently watched the arc where he & Kakuza were in, and let me tell you, every second he was on was a moment of pure joy and awesomeness. That same awesomeness you feel when watching The Major from Hellsing. He's sadistic, but you love him for it" Nukid ranted, before saluting towards the camera

"Hidan, god bless you….or Jashin bless you. You and Killerbee are Kishimoto crowning achievements" Nukid said with a salute

"Anyway, despite being a lot weaker than the One Piece villains, Naruto wins this round. They feel like real villains, and the Akatsuki are just too awesome to put into words. Also, unlike most One Piece villains, they're actually trying to take over the world" Nukid explained

M. Bison: "OF COURSE!"

"Hey! This parody is completely original! That means no jokes stolen from the Nostalgia Critic, got it?!" Nukid warned

"………..**Big lipped alligator moment**"

"Oh god…" Nukid groaned "….point goes to Naruto"

**Winner: Naruto** (Pein smashes Buggy out of the screen)

"Now that we've looked at the characters, how does the design in both series fair? Let's take a look!"

**Round 4: Design **(Picture of Naruto and One Piece Logo appear)

"Now, everyone and their grandmas know about One Piece and its art style. One Piece incorporates a very cartoony style that has put off many anime fans from watching it. This has always been a draw back for the series…..even though Dragonball and Fairy Tail both have THE SAME STYLE!!" Nukid shouted the last bit

Nukid sighed "I suppose it did get some attention…..from the wrong kind of people"

**_Cutaway gag…_**

Alfred R. Kahn, leader of 4Kids sat at the centre of a huge table surrounded by fellow 4Kids members. In the centre of the table was a TV, showing clips of One Piece

"Gentlemen, judging by these characters cartoonish style, we have found a new anime we can market" Kahn proclaimed to the fellow 4Kids members

"You mean another anime we can ruin with bad voice acting and abysmal editing my lord?" Asked Satan, who happened to be a member

"Yes! WE LOVE THE ABSYMAL EDITING AND BAD VOICE ACTING!!" Kahn laughed

"Bring on the edits!!" Hitler ordered

"And all the terrible voice acting! Bring it all!" Dan Green cried for joy

"Excellent!" Mr Burns cackled

"The Dark Side is strong in this company!" Darth Vader roared

"HEIL 4KIDS!!" All members present shouted, with the Nazi Swastika and 4kids logo floating in the air

_**End gag…..**_

Nukid scratched his head "Did we side track a little?"

Anonymous crowd: "YES! A LOT!!"

"Thought so" Nukid nodded "Naruto has what I call, a more "Newbie friendly" appearance. It's slick, artsy and colourful, but it also makes it believable that there are serious scenes in this series, while in One Piece that may be hard to believe"

"I've always found it ironic that One Piece, the series with the more kid like art style has the much darker storyline, while Naruto –with the less darker story- has the more realistic style. Still, Naruto pretty much has a more appealing design, but be warned new fans of the series. Appearances can be deceiving. Point goes to Naruto"

**Winner: Naruto **(Naruto logo slams One Piece logo away)

"Now design is good and all, but what about the action it draws? Let's find out in round 5!"

**Round 5: Fight Scenes **(Picture of Four Tailed Naruto and Gear Second Luffy appear onscreen)

"I'm gonna make this one short because this one needs little explaining. One Piece has far superior fights than Naruto. They're fast paced, exciting and some of the later fight scenes are simply masterpieces" Nukid said

"Now, many Naruto fans will complain and say that Naruto fights scenes are "smarter" and are slower because they need more explaining" Nukid pointed out "I disagree. One Piece fights are really just as clever and intellectual as any Naruto fight, with some very clever powers"

"For example, Luffy beat Crocodile because his body way covered in blood and sweat, making him able to hurt him. Also, Luffy gear second is the ability to increase the speed of his cells, while Gear third is the ability to blow up his body since his hand to giant size thanks to his rubber skin. The truth is One Piece is just as clever as Naruto" Nukid stated

"I suppose now you're asking "then why does Kishimoto takes so much time on the fight scenes?" The answer……" Nukid shrugged "….I've got nothing. For some reason Kishimoto likes to draw out his fight scenes to long lengths, filling it with unneeded exposition and flashbacks we really didn't need half the time. They're not bad, and some are really good, but they're too damn slow!" Naruto snarled, but he suddenly let out a small giggle

"You know, you can actually compare this to the Marvel/DC sketch by ItsJustSomeRandomGuy" Nukid laughed

_**Cutaway gag…..**_

We see Naruto and Luffy in the same room together

"Not all my fight is action you know. Some of it was plotting, some of it was planning, and after the explaining of the plan which I plotted after I thought of it" Naruto stated

"Uh huh, you see this Naruto?" Luffy asked, showing his fists "I earned my powers before the fighting started, I developed them off screen, I beat my enemy with it, and then my show became better than yours"

_**End gag…..**_

"Ouch. Point goes to One Piece!"

**Winner: One Piece **(Gear Second Luffy smashes Four Tailed Naruto away)

"Our final round is the most important part of any series, the plot. Who will win? Let's find out!"

**Round 6: Story **(Picture of Gol D. Roger and the Kyuubi appear onscreen)

"First off, I need to point out that the stories are more different than you may first think. Naruto is set in a village that is government funded and allowed to be Ninjas. Basically, our main characters are technically on the side of the law"

"One Piece-as anyone can clearly guess- isn't. Luffy and his crew inadvertently declared themselves the enemy of the World Government in One Piece by raising the Jolly Roger. Obviously, they are against the law" Nukid explained

"They do have one thing in common. They are both epic and fantastic stories that are hard to miss out on. Both Kishimoto and Oda have created huge worlds in which so much happens, and what is awesome about both is that you can see the effect the characters are having on this world," Nukid said

"When Sasuke and Madara attacked the Five Kage Summit, you KNEW this would change everything. When The Straw Hat Crew invaded Enies Lobby and openly declared war on the World Government, you KNEW this would change the kind of adventures Luffy and his crew would go through"

Nukid sighed "I gotta be honest, I don't hold either story over the other. There are equal amounts of mystery, plot twist, revelations and general awesomeness that I have to say the stories are a tie"

"So, how am I gonna decide the winner? Well, I'm gonna look and compare something many might ignore. I'm gonna compare the theme in both series. By that, I mean the big question that is asked while watching it, and what gives both series a philosophical meaning to it" Nukid revealed

"Most shows have it. For example, in Full Metal Alchemist, it's "Is it okay to play with human life and try to play god?" In Trigun, it's "Is it okay to take another's life?" In Gundam Seed Destiny, it's "Should we live a controlled but happy life or a life of freedom, but with inevitable battles?" Nukid explained

"First, we have One Piece. Now, I believe the big theme in One Piece is this:" Nukid said, before looking up

(Text appears onscreen: "**Is there justice in Absolute Justice?"**)

Nukid nodded "Hmm, that's a good theme**.** Is it right that the World Government force their laws and ideals onto people mercilessly? Do the ends justify the means? Has the World Government become worse than the Pirates themselves?! I like!"

"One Piece has a solid theme which fits really well with the story. Now, what about Naruto" Nukid asked

(Text appears onscreen: **"Will the Ninja world ever unify and create peace?"**)

Nukid nodded "Okay, will the Ninja world ever achieve peace? That sounds………………………………………………………wait what?"

(**"Will the Ninja world ever unify and create peace?"**)

"Wha…..ah….ah…..What?…What?! WHAT?!!" Nukid screamed, jumping out of his chair

"Are you suggesting that the Ninja world, an economy that's income comes directly from all the fighting and war that appears in the land, WANTS PEACE?!! NO!! NOOO!! DOES NOT COMPUTE!! DOES NOT COMPUTE!!!" Nukid screamed, shaking madly and swinging like a lunatic

X Prodigy and Agent Liberi run into the and grabbed hold of Nukid, trying to restrain the mad assassin/critic

_**1 hour later…**_

Nukid is back on his chair, seemingly a lot calmer

"I'm….sorry for the outburst….it was very childish of me and I apologise. I just don't like it when a show I genuinely respected is given a theme such as…..a Ninja world wanting peace?! AAAHHHH!!! I'LL KILL YOU!! I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!!" Nukid screamed, pointing threateningly at the screen, before X and Liberi quickly rush back into to restrain him

_**2 hours later…..**_

Nukid is back on his chair, once again a lot calmer

Nukid breathed in, and then "RAPE THIS GOOD SHOW?!! DAMN IT YOU'RE A DEAD MAN KISHIMOTO!!!"

X and Liberi-for a third time, rush in to stop the rampaging Nukid. Both showing looks of annoyance and frustration towards the Assassin

_**5 hours later…..**_

Nukid scratched his head embarrassingly "I….think I've made my point haven't I? Had this show been anything BUT Ninjas, that theme may have meant more sense. But, in a world about Ninjas, it's just contradictory"

"The One Piece theme is better. It involves the idea of freedom in the world, something a pirate strives for, and really makes you wonder which side is the real bad guys in this story. Point goes to One Piece!"

**Winner: One Piece** (Gol D. Roger smashes the Kyuubi out of the screen)

"And now, it's time for the "EPIC RECAP!!" Nukid roared

**Round 1: Main Characters**

"In Round 1, both characters proved to both be fun, unique characters that will always fight to win. However not only is Luffy much more interesting…he seems to understand the concept of "winning" better than Naruto. Point goes to One Piece" Nukid said

**Round Two: Supporting Characters**

"In Round 2, both shows give us interesting and colourful characters to enjoy, but unlike Naruto, One Piece actually lets you enjoy these characters regularly. Point goes to One Piece"

**Round Three: Villains**

"In Round 3, Naruto villains prove that sometimes being weaker and easier to kill makes for more balanced enemies. Point goes to Naruto"

**Round Four: Design**

"In Round 4, One Piece has a style of its own, and that proves to be its possible downfall. Point goes to Naruto"

**Round Five: Fight Scenes **

"In Round 5, One Piece fights are fast, fun, intelligent and a pleasure to the eye, Naruto fights prove to be the best cure for anyone unable to sleep. Point goes to One Piece"

**Round Six: Story**

"In Round 6, both series have amazing and diverse stories which are fun to see, but One Piece wins with a central theme that is isn't retarded. Point goes to One Piece"

**Naruto: 2**

**One Piece: 4**

"Well, there you have it. Now, I want to make this clear. Both series are excellent reads/watches. They are both fun, exciting, moving, detailed and both are some of the best examples of how to make a good manga/anime" Nukid stated

"But for me in general, what Naruto does, One Piece just does better. Better hero, better characters, better action, and better story. This has been my opinion, and I respect any opposing opinion…..that being said"

Nukid suddenly got off his chair and hid underneath the table "I bet those Naruto fanatics will be here…just about….now!"

BANG

Nukid could hear the sound of people smashing the door to the room, trying to get in. He was being hunted down

"He just stated One Piece is better than Naruto!" one fanatic snarled

"Kill the infidel!"

"Christ…" Nukid groaned, before looking up and saluting towards the camera "I'm the Nostalgia Kid, I remember it because you're all idiots!"

**Well, there's my first review. Must say this was a lot of fun. Stay tuned for my next review!**


	2. Top 11 Evil Organisations

Hey everyone. Since Naruto Vs One Piece had a great start, let's keep this ball rolling! Now, I know I should be doing a proper review of something, but since I'm going on holiday soon and therefore short on time, I decided to do something that was more planned out and surprisingly popular! Enjoy

**Warning: ****The language in this review may not be suitable for minors. If you're under the age of 18 and have not heard the word "shit" before, then go watch anything made by Uwe Boll to understand the definition**

--

We see Nukid sitting at his desk, once again dressed up like The Nostalgia Critic. This time however, he had not drawn on a fake beard like before. As he sat, he held a wide, happy grin

"Hello I'm The Nostalgia Kid! I remember it because you're all idiots!" Nukid greeted "Sorry for the delay with this chapter. After stating One Piece was a better series than Naruto, I've been ducking and hiding from Naruto fanatics ever since! Though, I think I can finally relax"

Nukid spoke a little too late. From his left, Nukid heard the sound of window smashing, before a brick flew at him and hit him right in the skull, knocking him to the ground

"THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR DISSING NARUTO BITCH!!" a random, female voice screamed

Nukid groggily got up and onto his seat, rubbing his head "Ow….ok, NOW I can relax…..I hope"

When Nukid seemed to have recovered, he smiled "I love villains. Honestly, who doesn't? Deep down in all of us, there's a part of us that just wants to do bad things and be absolutely evil! But, what's better than one villain? How about a GROUP of villains!" Nukid exclaimed

"Today ladies and non ladies, we're going to look at the best of the best evil organisations to ever grace our eyes. Who are the most evil? The most cunning? The most badass? Let us find out, for this is "The Top 11 Evil Organisations". Why 11?….because I'm a bloody rip off" Nukid deadpanned

"Now…before we begin, let us stroll down memory lane, and think about those organisations which…..really sucked, just because I'm that sadistic!" Nukid proclaimed

_**H.I.V.E from "Teen Titans"**_

"Losers! Hell, the only member I liked left you for Kid Flash! So you guys suck….and Kid Flash and Jinx Rock!!" Nukid growled, before waving a flag saying "Big Jinx/Kid Flash fan"

**_Ginyu Force from "Dragon Ball Z"_**

"I swear they were all gay…..nothing wrong with being gay, but doing a dance mid battle just fucked me up as kid"

**_Sound Ninjas from "Naruto"_**

"Bland Ahoooooyyyyyy!" Nukid yelled

_**Kadaj, Loz and Yazoo from "Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children"**_

"Disappointing villains for a disappointing movie"

_**The L.X.E from "Buso Renkin"**_

Nukid slammed his head onto the table, covering his head with his arms "don't ask….please don't ask"

Nukid looked back up, and smiled "now, with that potential wrist cutting moment over, let's begin the countdown!"

**Top 11 Evil Organisations **(The song "When you're Evil" plays in the background while pictures of notorious villains pop up onscreen)

_**Number 11…**_

_**The Brotherhood of Evil from "Teen Titans"**_

"Growing up, I was a big fan Teen Titans Animated Series. I loved everything about it, especially the villains! We were shown a roster of villains ranging from badass to downright loony, such as Mad Mod, Mumbo and Red X" Nukid explained "But, with every series, there was the main villain. The Villain that had several episodes dedicated to their own plot, which in all cases, was connected to a certain Titan"

"In Season 1 & 2, the main villain was the masked, enigmatic criminal mastermind Slade. While Slade was technically a censored version of his comic counterpart Deathstroke, he was a great villain that gave the show much of its seriousness and complexity" Nukid stated, pointing forward to emphasis his point

"Season 3 however, Slade to the backseat to a new main villain, Brother Blood. Brother Blood was certainly a good villain. He was charismatic, loved the spotlight, and pretty much adored himself….The problem with Blood was that his plans in general were….pretty shallow. His plans seemed to go little further than brainwashing students, beating Cyborg and perverting Cyborgs technology for his own purposes. There just wasn't enough depth"

"As for Trigon….well lets say the execution of his character was not worth the incredible hype leading up to him" Nukid deadpanned. It was then that Nukids face lit up eagerly

"In season Five however, we were greeted with not just one new villain, but FOUR new villains. The Brotherhood Of Evil!" Nukid explained

(Scenes from the episode "Homecoming part 2" appear onscreen. Specifically, scenes with the Brotherhood Of Evil)

"The Brotherhood of Evil were first introduced at the start of season five, along with Beast Boy's old team, the Doom Patrol. During the two parts, we were introduced to its four key members. First we had General Immortus, a soldier who had served in every known war, giving the organisation the most experienced soldier in history"

"Next was Madame Rouge, the trump card and most powerful member. During the course of the series, she is able to take down several Titans with her ability to mold her body in any form, making her near indestructable. Add a cruel and somewhat sadistic demeaner to her, she wasn't someone you wanted to mess with" Nukid shuddered

"The next member was Monsieur Mallah, the Gorrila with a 178 I.Q. Mallah, despite his own great intelligence, played merely as the servant and right hand man…or Ape of the groups leader, a literal brain in a jar, The Brain" Nukid said

(Picture of the Brain appears onscreen)

"The Brain is described as "Intellect personified and evil incarnate", which suits the highly intelligent and deadly evil Brain preserved in a Dalak shaped jar. The Brain was not like any other villain. He showed no emotion, no feelings and treated his battle against the Titans like a chess match. He may not have been able to fight, but he made up for that with his intellect and leadership skills" Nukid explained

"Furthermore, Glenn Shadix voice for the Brain is….well…it's the greatest villain voice I've ever heard. When I think pure evil, it's this voice that comes to mind first!" Nukid stated

--

We cut to a scene from Homecoming part 1, when Beast Boy is being crushed by Mallah, while the Brain faces the Doom Patrol

"Tell your pet monkey to let the kid go, Brain" Robotman demanded

"You are hardly in a position to demand anything, Robotman. In just a few moments, my quantum generator will be fully operational, and the Doom Patrol will be its first vitcims" The Brain preached, his voice synthonised, but you could feel the menace and evil he preached

--

Nukid shivered "I know he may be helpless, but god does his voice give you hives!……By the way….Fuck Batman: Brave and the Bold for fucking up his character and making him look like a french pussy" Nukid added

"The Brotherhood of Evil could be best described as "villain veterans". You could certainly tell that they had been around for a long time because of the influence they had over the criminals in the series. This is shown clearly at the start of the series, when they gather almost all of the Teen Titans villains together and unit them under their control, with no complaints at all. The Brotherhood had something no other big Titans villain had, and that was complete control of the criminal underground" Nukid explained

"After the Titans assist the Doom Patrol, the Brotherhood Of Evil focused their attention not only on the Titans, but the next generation of superheroes. The Brotherhood decided to destroy the new generation, so that there was no one to carry on the duties when heroes like Superman and Batman left" Nukid explained, before shaking his head

"While this was a genius plan…it is in the end, their ultimate downfall. The Brotherhood underestimated the new generations skills and courage to stand together and fight. The Brain knew they were a threat, but he still seriously underestimated them. In the end, these old veterans were taken down by the new generation" Nukid said

"Still, while this fatal mistake lowered them to the bottom, the Brotherhood are number 11 because of their influence over the criminal underworld, and because they were pretty much veterans" Nukid finished, before adding

"Word of advise though, stick to the TV series. You do NOT want to know what they do to them in the comics" Nukid warned

_**Cutaway gag….**_

We see Nukid sitting at his desk, reading a copy of "Doom Patrol"

Nukid nodded "Ok, so the Brain steals Robotmans body for himself to use, I suppose a plotline like that was bound to ha….what is he doing?………what did The Brain just say to Mallah?….What is….why does he look like he's about to ki……..ah….ah!..AH! AAAAAAAHHHHHH!! OH DEAR GOD NO!! THAT'S FUCKED UP MAN!!! "

Nukid dropped the comic and ran out the room screaming. He came back in holding a machine gun, and proceeded to blow the comic to bits with the mchine gun. He did not stop until the book was blasted to pieces

Nukid lowered the gun, gasping heavily "You…cannot hurt….anyone else…anymore!"

_**End gag…..**_

**(Thing To Note: The Simularites between Doom Patrol and X-Men are staggering. Both are humans feared by society, both are led by a man in a wheelchair, and bot have a "Brotherhood of Evil" as their enemy)**

_**Number 10…**_

"_**The Millefiore Family" from Katekyo Hitman Reborn!**_

"What's weirder than fighting an evil superpowered Mafia organisation?" Nukid asked "How about fighting evil superpowered Mafia organisation…Ten years in the future!"

"Tsuna and friends encounter the Millefiore Family after accidently being sent ten years into the future. To everyones shock, the once proud and strong Vongola Mafia family has been reduced to near extinction with The Millefoire hunting down all Vongola members and their families to boot" Nukid grimaced

(Picture of Byakuran appears onscreen)

"The Millefoire are lead by the mysterious Byakuran, who hides his ruthlessness with a cheerful attitude. Byakuran is using his Mafia family to obtain the "Ultimate power", also known as the 7³. To do this, the Vongola Rings, Mare Rings, and Arcobaleno pacifiers together in one place. What does Byakuran intend to do if he gets all these? Well, we'll just have to wait and see" Nukid explained

"The Millefiore Family is made up of two groups: the Black Spell and White Spell, which was formerly composed of two Families, the Giglio Nero, and Gesso families Black Spell came from the Giglio Nero, and White Spell came from the Gesso. An interesting part of this is that since Byakuran used to run the Gesso family, the White Spell are seen as the "superior" side" Nukid explained. Something came to his mind as he began to look uncomfortable

"…..I…hope a Black person doesn't watch that and get offended" Nukid said nervously, before continuing

"The Millefoire are on this list not only because they've nearly annilated because they are one of the longest running villains in anime. Certainly, they are the longest running in Hitman Reborn, first appearing in episode 75 of the anime….well it is currently on episode 164, and the Millefoire are still going strong, showing no signs of true failure of defeat" Nukid revealed

"So, Millefoire earn number 10 mostly because of their tenacity and the powers that they use, which if you've already seen in Reborn, you'll know are pretty damn awesome" Nukid explained, before smiling deviously

"And if you're reading Legacy, you'll learn MUCH about as well………………I'm an advertising whore, shut up"

**(Thing To Note: The battle with Millefoire introduced the series to the "Box Weapons", which has become a huge part of the story)**

_**Number 9…**_

_**Organisation XIII from "Kingdom Hearts"**_

"Ah Organisation XIII, one of the most popular evil organisations ever made, and I suppose its no surprise. Organisation XIII is an interesting group to say the least. All thirteen members of the organisation are "Nobodies", creatures who have lost their hearts. Those who once had strong hearts keep a human appearance, and Organisation XIII consists of thirteen of these Nobodies" Nukid explained

"What makes these guys so popular and enjoyable is the amount of depth given to each and every member of the organisation. Everyone is three-dimensional, with their own unique personalities and traits. What is slightly mind fuckish about that though is that technically…they don't have emotions. How they act and what they do is based on the memories they once had of their emotions" Nukid pointed out

"This somewhat makes you understand why they're trying to do with Kingdom Hearts. You can understand their yearn for a heart, and it does make you wonder if they're truly bad people after all" Nukid said "done wrong, sympathising with the bad guys could ruin a groups reputation…but, Organisation XIII pulls it off well. The two standout stars being Roxas and Axel, who despite having no hearts, manage to become great friends and act as if they actually had a heart"

Nukid sighed "Despite well written characters and a level of sympathising, I honestly have to say Organisation XIII are overrated"

BANG

Nukid narrowly missed a bullet shoot directly at him, instead piercing through the chair. Nukid hesitantly got back up and sat back down

"Hey! It's not like I'm calling them the worst villains ever! I already said there's a lot I like about them!" Nukid snarled "But when you break them down and watch their fights and defeats…compared to other groups…they're pretty weak"

BANG BANG

"Screw you random shooter!" Nukid screamed, getting back up after dodging two new shots "Furthermore, if you did not play Kingdom Hearts: Chains Of Memories before you played Kingdom Hearts 2…then you're gonna have a hard time understanding why they're called "Organisation XIII" because believe me, Kingdom Hearts 2 does LITTLE to explain what happened in that game!"

Nukid shrugged "I honestly do like the group. I honestly think they deserve number 9 spot. But I can't honestly give them a higher spot"

Nukid reached into his pocket and took out a paper and pen, seemingly ticking something off

"Okay, I've angered Naruto and Kingdom Hearts fanatics. I just need to anger Harry Potter, Twilight and Evangelion fanatics…. and I've pissed off 90% of the Earths population" Nukid said to himself

**(Thing To Note: In Birth By Sleep, you'll be seeing some Organisation XIII members when they were still human)**

_**Number 8…**_

_**The Espada from "Bleach"**_

"After Aizens betrayal, Aizen used the knowledge he had gained in order to create an army of Human/Hollow hybrids. These Hybrids would later be known as the "Arrancar", Hollows which had torn off their masks and gained human like appearances. Not to mention Shinigami like powers" Nukid explained

"The Espada are the top ten strongest Arrancars in Aizens Hollow army, and like Organisation XIII, they were all incredibly well developed and three dimensional. The standout stars being Grimmjow and Ulquiorra, who both play a big role in Ichigo Kurosaki story"

"What is interesting to note about the Espada is that they are hardly like the primitive type of Hollow. They're all not so much sadistic and downright evil. Many of its members are calm, respectful and even show mercy…. except for Noitra since he considered mercy a weakness" Nukid adding. Nukid lowered his head down, shaking it with disapproval

"Had I done this several months ago though…the Espada would've made top five certainly. But…recent chapters have caused them to fall down on the list. Allow me to explain" Nukid asked politely

(Screen shows Captain Shunsui Kyoraku killing Esapde no.1, Starrk Coyote)

"Not too long ago, the 1st Espada Starrk was killed by Shunsui. Now, being that Shunsui is one of the stronger captains, I'm not surprised" Nukid explained

"What I AM bothered about is that Shunsui didn't need to use his Bankai AKA final form!" Nukid retorted "That's right! The second strongest Espada, beaten by someone who's not even trying his hardest! That's not epic OR satisfactory! Its just crap!"

(Screen changes to Espada no.0 Yammy Riyalgo getting beat by Kenpachi Zaraki And Byakuya Kuchiki)

"And as for Yammy" Nukid said "He's supposed to be the toughest Arrancar, it was such a surprise when he was revealed as the "0" Espada…. but look at recent chapters! He's getting his ass kicked by two Captains!"

Nukid sighed, calming down "Maybe I'm being harsh. But, I just feel like Kubo just gave up on them towards the end. Hell, it's like going to a job interview, impressing someone for 99% of the meeting….and then fucking it up!"

_**Cutaway gag…**_

We see two men in an office. One sitting on the right was an office manager, the other was a potential new worker. The Manager nodded with satisfaction as he read the candidates C.V.

"Hmm, this is very impressive! Straight As in School and Sixth Form, along with a University Degree in I.T. I believe you could be a great asset to our business. Have you got anything else to add?" the manager asked

"I take drugs and cheat on by bosses wife!"

"……………..Get the fuck out of my office"

_**End gag…..**_

"So, that's the ill fated story of The Espada. They're a great, well developed team who produced some of the most epic fight scenes in Bleach, but due to recent events, they are no longer the Juggernauts I once thought they were, and I generally wonder if they were a real threat to the Soul Society at all"

**(Thing To Note: Each member of the Espada represents an aspect of death. E.g. Grimmjow represents "Destruction" while ****Ulquiorra represents "Nihilism")**

_**Number 7…**_

_**The Gung-Ho Guns from "Trigun"**_

"The Gung-Ho Guns are gunmen like no other" Nukid said "Every member is a human who has sacrificed their humanity in some way to gain superhuman powers, often leaving the mutilated in some way"

"The absurdities and oddness of these villains fits the ludicrous series that is Trigun. But if No More Heroes is anything to go by, absurdity breaths originality and awesomeness" Nukid stated. Sign saying "No More Heroes = Best Wii Game" appears above Nukids head

"The powers that these guys have are just genius. Just to say a few, you've got a hot chick who can momentarily stun and cut off a persons senses JUST by lifting her eyepatch. A sniper who use a gun several meters long! A guy who shoots blasts with a Saxaphone, A samurai with a sword that also happens to be a gun"

(Picture of a Gunblade appears onscreen)

"…No, I meant a blade which had a gun fitted on it. NOT a normal sword with a stupid revolver grip!……Honestly though, The Gunblade sucks" Nukid grumbled

(Picture of Legato Bluesummers appears onscreen)

"The standout star is Legato Bluesummers, who on his own, is arguebly the greatest anime villain of all time" Nukid claimed "Some Trigun fans now might be saying "Why not Knives, Vash The Stampedes brother? Isn't he the mastermind of it all?"

"While it's true that Knives is the mastermind and Legato obediantly follows him, it was Legato who formed The Gungho-Guns and it is Legato who carried out the organisations sole mission" Nukid explained

"Not only that, but Legato can easily be considered the definition of Nihilism" Nukid explained "while Knives hates humanity because he is not one himself, Legato hates them because of the wrongs they caused him. Legato is a sick individual with unlimited telekinesis, being able to kill a whole towns population just by cutting off their brain functions"

"But…what is Legato and the Gung-Ho Guns mission? Is it world domination? Become super rich? No…." Nukid shook his head, before leaning forward

"…there sole mission is this….Make Vash The Stampedes live a living hell….That's right. They're here to simply put one person through so much stress and agony, that he would eventually commit suicide. HOW absoloutely awesome is that?!" Nukid exclaimed, before sitting back down

"The Gung-Ho Guns do have a set back. Most members get one appearance in the anime, and they're either killed or commit suicide right after. Granted, they're going against Vash and Wolfwood, so it's not like they had much chance anyway" Nukid said

"While much of their awesomeness comes from Legato alone, The Gung-Ho Guns are an awesome team thanks to their badass powers and their badass plot" Nukid finished

**(Thing To Note: The Anime and Manga have certain different members, and the outcome of some members also changes)**

_**Number 6…**_

_**The Principality of Zeon from "Mobile Suit Gundam"**_

"Hmm…how do I best describe Zeon?…" Nukid pondered "How about the Nazis in space! The simularities between Zeon and the Nazi is staggering to say the least!"

"The origins of Zeon isn't an evil one at all. Originally "The Republic of Zeon", Zeon was initially founded by Zeon Zum Deikun, who declared the Space colony named Side 3 would become independent from the Earth Federation. For the next several years, Zeon Zum Deikun and his followers dealt with diplomatic issues surrounding their independence in their efforts to keep Side 3 away from Federation hands" Nukid explained

"Unfortuanately, Zeon was secretly assassined by follower/assistant Degwin Sodo Zabi, who would then trick his way into become leader of Zeon. Changing it to the Principality, The Principality of Zeon would quikly gather a highly advanced army of Mobile Suits, and declare war on the Earth Federation!" Nukid summarised

"I know what you're thinking. "How can a Space Colony take on the entire Earth?". Simple….Mass genocide. In the first week of the One Year War, Zeon managed to kill 3 billion people thanks to a combination of nuclear attacks and the dropping of destroyed Colonies back onto the Earth" Nukid explained, before laughing

"I wonder what it would've been like to someone who was right below where the Colony was gonna drop?" Nukid asked

_**Cutaway gag….**_

As the Space Colony fell to the ground, about to engluf everything it hit in flames and explosions, one man directly below the colony looked up at it silenlty

"……..You know in the long run…..building gigantic space colonies directly above the Earth wasn't such a smart idea" the man sighed, before getting crushed by the space colony

_**End gag…..**_

"There are two standout characters in the Zeon forces. The first would be Char Aznable, the ace Mobile Suit pilot with the nickname "The Red Comet" Nukid said "Now if you've never heard of Char…..well you have no right to call yourself a Gundam fan

"Chars legacy on Gundam is so great and so important that nearly every new series has what is called a "Char clone", AKA a guy who also wears a mask. However, no clone will ever compete with the tactical and charismic Char who at one point leads the "Neo Zeon" army in an attempt to force all of humankind into space" Nukid explained

"The second is Gihren Zabi, eldest son of Degwin Zabi. Gihren controls much of the army since Degwin had became old and fragile. Problem is, Gihren Zabi is a man who strongly believes that only the strong survive, and had wild ambitions for the future of mankind" Nukid stated

"While some of you may already notice who he could be compared to….I'm gonna show you this scene from Mobile Suit Gundam episode 40….just to show you how fucked up this man is"

--

We see Degwin Zabi sitting on his throne, looking down at his son, Gihren Zabi

"We've reduced the Human Population. We will then maintain these numbers with the superior races. It's the only way mankind can obtain everlasting peace, and it can only be done by controlling people through the Zabi family dictatorship" Gihren preached to his father

"Aah Gihren, are you familiar with "Adolf Hitler"?" Degwin asked his son

"Err Hitler? You mean from the Middle Ages?" Gihren answered **(Middle Ages by Universal Century time, not ours….just making sure no one's a prick and says I don't know my history)**

"Yes, a dictator. Completely out of touch with the rest of the world. You seem…..to be following in his footsteps" Degwin stated

"Is that so?" Gihren replied passively

"I established the Principality as a means to quickly unite the Zeons and to make the Zeon ideal a reality…But now…" Degwin said slowly

Gihren smiled "….Hitlers follower has managed to lead the nation to a dictatorship"

"Together with Kycillia" Degwin added, mentioning Gihrens sister

"Yes….just as with the Federation, a democracy will only promote weakness. People will only end up destroying each other, as they have done so in this war" Gihren said, turning from his father

"I'll be victorious. See for yourself how a Hitler follower fights this war"

--

"……..His own father……called him a Hitler follower…….and he's PROUD of it!…..Jesus christ" Nukid panted, heavily shocked

"If I haven't made it clear why Zeon is so high, it's this. Zeon is in many ways, what the Nazis were…only on a much bigger scale. And just like Hitler and the Nazis, Zeon fell because he overestimated just how powerful his forces were"

**(Thing To Note: In Japan, Char Aznable is a character on par with Darth Vader in terms of popularity)**

_**Number 5…**_

_**The Red Ribbon Army from "Dragonball"**_

"Ah The Red Ribbon Army. Despite the seemingly nice sounding name, these guys were FAR from nice guys" Nukid stated

"The Red Ribbon Army is a military force who are trying to obtain all of the Dragonballs so they can supposedly wish for world domination. High ranking officials in the Army are given colours as titles, led by the big dog Commander Red" Nukid explained

"…Hmm, I wonder if it was like Reservior Dogs when Red handed out the colour titles?"

_**Cutaway gag…..**_

We see Commander Red surrounded by several military officials in the Red Ribbon Army

"All right, from now on we will all go by a title based around a color. From now on, I'm Commander Red" Red stated, before pointing to on soldier in particular

"You shall be Adjutant Black, you shall be Commander White, you shall be Captain Yellow, and you will be Commander Pink"

"Why must I be Commander Pink?!"

"Because you're a faggot! That's why!"

_**End gag….**_

"Priceless" Nukid laughed "Now honestly, I was orginally gonna have The Red Ribbon Army at about spot 10, since it's kinda lame that kid Goku destroyed the ENTIRE army. Until however, I realised something"

"The Red Ribbon Army are the only villains that have a big impact in Dragonball, Dragonball Z AND Dragonball GT!! Think about it. In Dragonball, they're fighting Goku directly for the Dragonballs until their destruction" Nukid started

"In Z and GT however, former scientist of The Red Ribbon Army Dr Gero creates super powerful Androids to destroy Goku once and for all…..And don't forget about Cell…I still have fucking nightmares about Cell"

"So, for playing a big part in The Red Ribbon Saga and The Cell Saga, and for giving Goku and friends trouble for half a century, the Rid Ribbon Army have earnt their spot on this list" Nukid complimented

**(Thing To Note: Despite working for them, Dr. Gero, creater of the Androids and Cell, doesn't actually make an appearance in Dragonball)**

_**Number 4…**_

_**The Homunculi from "Full Metal Alchemist"(Manga version)**_

"Like Organisation XIII, the Homunculi are human like individuals who seek to fulfill their leader's goals of creating a Philosopher's Stone. They can be identified by their bearing of the mark of the Ouroboros somewhere on their body, usually in places symbolic with their identities" Nukid explained

"In both the anime and the manga, each homunculus is named after one of the seven deadly sins. Lust, Gluttony, Envy, Wrath, Sloth, Greed and Pride" Nukid said "However, this list is talking drectly about the Manga version of the Homunculi. Why? Because the Manga version kicks the animes ass!"

"You see, the manga and the anime have very different interpretations of the Homunculi. In the anime, homunculi are created when someone performs a human transmutation to revive a dead person. They will fail to revive the intended person, and will instead create a homunculus that looks almost exactly like the deceased target" Nukid explained

"This sorta makes them like Nobodies because they're pretty much humans without a soul. The follow Dante because she promises to make them complete humans, so you can sorta sympothise with what they're doing"

"In the Manga however, a Homunculi is created when a Philosipher stone is embedded into a persons body, and trust me, they DO NOT want to be human. They consider themselves superhuman, and believe humans to be inferior creatures" Nukid revealed

"So, the Manga Homunuli are number 4 because they commit several horrible acts across the country, ranging from murdering fan favourite Maes Hughes, to causing the Genocide of the whole Ishbal race! All so that their leader, Father, can slowly create a gigantic Transmutation circle, and create chaos across the country" Nukid explained

"Don't the Homunculi care about the millions of lives they'll be killing?" Nukid shurgged "Why should they? They see themselves as the superior race. To them, it's no different than crushing ants"

**(Thing To Note: The Manga and Anime have several different members, or in Bradleys case, his name changes from "Pride" to "Wrath"**

_**Number 3…**_

_**The Akatsuki from "Naruto"**_

"Gotta admit, if you learn enough Jutsus, you can become one tough asshole. And if someone tough enough betrays their village, it can be a whole lot of shit for the Ninja world" Nukid stated

"The Akatsuki is an organisation consisting of but 9 members. These 9 are missing nins, who go across the various countries and are hired for missions, like mercenaries"

"However, if only it were that simple. Akatsuki are truly gaining as much funding as possible so that more and more less stable countries will rely on them more and more. Add to the fact that they're trying to captre and seal all those with Tailed Beasts inside them for their ultimate weapon…..well, you've got a group close to their goal, world domination" Nukid stated

M. Bison: "OF COURSE!"

"FUCK OFF BISON!!" Nukid screamed back, before calming down and returning to the discussion

"In a very similar sense to Organisation XIII, The Akatsuki have an isanely huge fanbase. But unlike Org. XIII, I feel it is a worthy recognition"

BANG BANG BANG

After he was certain the shooting was over, Nukid slowly sat back onto his chair "I sometimes wonder if I have a deathwish when I insult stuff with huge fanbases……Nah, I'll be fine"

"The reason I say this is because not only are they well developed in personality, but they're even more well developed in ability! Every members powers are not only unique, but incredibly powerful, meaning Jonin like Maito Gai or even Kakashi can't compare to some"

"Akatsuki also breaks a somewhat cliché in having a "good bad guy" in the group until Itachi's past is revealed. While some are obviously more sadistic than others, none of them are in the group for a good reason, albeit Peins perverted idea of good and bad" Nukid added

Hell, even though Itachi was proven to be good, he NEVER acted like a good guy beforehand. He acted just as merciless as every other member……I wonder how he coped!"

_**Cutaway gag….**_

We see Itachi watching from the sidelines as Kisame, Deidara and Hidan kill and mutilate several defenceless ninjas

"Haha! This is fun!" Kisame laughed as he slicked flesh with his blade

"Hail Jashin motherfuckers!" Hidan laughed maniacally

"I'll show you that my art is a bang!" Deidara laughed, blowing up several Ninjas

As he watched, Itachi lifted a shaking hand, holding a Kunai to his own neck, before forcefully pulling it back down with his other hand

_**End gag….**_

"So, Akatsuki earn number 3 simply because they are 9 absoloute badasses, and honestly, Kishimotos shining achievement"

**(Thing To Note: Tobi, a once thought childish and funny member, is actually Madara Uchiha and real leader of the group)**

_**Number 2…**_

_**The World Government from "One Piece"**_

"…..You know, we complain a lot about our governments. You Americans whine so much about Barack Obama, while we British complain about Gordon Brown" Nukid said solemnly

"But guys, despite their negatives…..they are nowhere near as bad as The World Government! THESE are the most corrupted, sickest, most fucked up people you'll ever see" Nukid stated

"The World Government is affiliated with roughly 170 countries from around the world, and while they mostly allow countries to run their country how they wish, the World Government has every country on a leash to them, and believe me…..if they had to rid a whole countries population with a Buster call…..they'd do it" Nukid stated, very serious

"You see, in order to justify the horrible acts they did, The World Government created the term "Absoloute Justice". What is Absoloute Justice? Well, here's a list of things which define Absoloute Justice:"

**1. Anyone connected to criminals, no matter who they are, can be arrested even if they have not done anything. Even if the criminal is family, they must be captured or killed. Particularly with dangerous criminals, women carrying their children or the children of the criminal, can be arrested or killed to prevent the possibilities of the child continuing their parents' actions**

**2. All individuals noted to have done illegal activities or criminal acts will be reported to Marine HQ and issued bounties, based the known information on their threat level. Regardless of the circumstances**

**3. Raising the Jolly Roger, mentioning, or being associated with pirates can be taken as a criminal offense**

**4. Any country caught harboring pirates can have further actions taken against them**

**5. Destroying an island to eliminate a problem is an option**

**6. Innocent lives can be taken to prevent the possibility of a criminal escaping**

**7. Any Marine who hesitates to take action against a criminal as ordered can face punishment**

**8. Criminals are used by the World Government to serve their purposes and to restrain their further criminal activities, such as the Shichibukai**

**9. Slavery is ignored as it is seen as an effective means to handle criminals**

"…..Wow…..I think that explains everything. The World Government are merciless tyrants who will become worse than the Pirates themselves in order to keep control over the world" Nukid shuddered

"Out of all the organisations on this list, The World Government is by far the most powerful" Nukid said "They have the Shichibukai, the CP9, the Rear Admirals, the Pacifista and the three invinscible Marine Admirals. All these put together means that the World Government have little problem overcoming resistance"

"And you know what makes it all worse?……They generally believe they're doing the right thing. To them, it is all a necessary sacrifice for peace and justice" Nukid sighed

"If you get far enough into One Piece, you'll see that the Straw Hat Crews biggest foe isn't rival pirates, but the unstoppable World Government. People wonder why I think One Piece is the best Shonen Manga, well one of 100 reasons I have is because it truly questions what is right and wrong, and what true justice is"

After a few seconds, Nukid lit up and smiled "And now, we come to our final organisation. Honestly though, you have only one second to guess the obvious…..1!"

**(Thing To Note: In terms of power, The World Government is by far the strongest Evil Organisation of all time)**

_**Number 1…**_

_**Millennium from "Hellsing"**_

"WHO else could it be?!!" Nukid exclaimed "what other organisation in the ENTIRE world can be as awesome as Millennium?!! NONE!"

"I..I…I can't even put it into words. Listen, if you're new to Hellsing, I assure you that I'm not even touching the surface on how fucking brilliant Millennium is. However, I'm gonna try my best" Nukid stated, breathing in calmly

"Millenniums story starts over 60 years ago during World War 2. Hitler orders that an SS officer known only as "The Major" work on creating Vampires loyal to the Third Reich, and a to create a reich that would last a 1000 years, hence the name Millennium" Nukid said

"With him was a verious range of vampires and monster. Just to name a few, there was his right hand man, The Doctor. Millenniums trump card, the silent Werewolf The Captain. Magic bullet shooter Rip Van Winkle, an of course, the cat eared boy who is "everywhere and nowhere" Schrodinger"

"Their original plans were foiled by a young Walter and a very femine Alucard, but it was revealed that Millennium had escaped and gone into hiding, waiting several decades as they created an army of 1000 vampires" Nukid explained

"So, are they gonna restart their original plan and create a new Third Reich. Are they gonna continue Hitlers orders? What is their purpose?!" Nukid demanded

--

Screen changes to the scene from "Helsing OVA IV", when the Major is talking to Integra Hellsing

"To put it in the simplest terms Fraulein, our purpose, is a complete lack of purpose!" The Major declared

--

"That pretty much somes it up nicely. What seperates Millennium from any other evil organisation is that they have no real goal. There's no "conquer the world" or "save the world". Hell, it's not even "destroy the world". Millennium are starting a war for the simple fact they want a war" Nukid revealed

"This means that there is no bargaining or chance of mercy from them. Why would they not go to war when that's all they want?! In basic terms, they just want fun, and they gonna have a lot of fun by invading and killing everyone in London" Nukid stated

"Consider all this. I'm British. I love London. I hate the idea of war and I certainly don't like people who love it…………but this is what happened to me when I first saw "The Majors Speech" Nukid said slowly

_**Cutaway gag…**_

Nukid sat at his desk watching "Hellsing OVA IV"

"Aw man, a madman talking about how much he likes war? This'll be hard to watch" Nukid groaned

--

"My Friends, it has often been said that i like var. My friends, I like var. No, friends, I LOVE VAR!! I love holocaust. I love blitzkrieg. I love defensive lines. I love seiges. charges. I love mop-up operations and retreats. Var across the praires, in streets, in trenches, in grasslands, in frozen tundras, through the desert, in the sea, in the air, i love every act of war that can occur upon this earth" The Major preached in front of all 1000 Millennium members

--

"W…wow….that was kina easy to listen to" Nukid admitted

--

"I love blasting the enemy to smitherine with artillery salvos that thunder across the line of battle. My heart leaps with joy venever a soldier is tossed into the air and cut down by vell placed sniper rounds. I love it ven a Tiger tank smashes un enemy tank vith its 88mm the feeling that comes when a soldier vould run screaming from the blazing tank only to be mowed down by machine gun fire, its such an esquisite feeling. I love it ven the infantry ranks owerrun the enemy line, bayonets first. It moves me ven I remember the sight of a new recruit in a state of panic, stabbing un already dead enemy soldier over und over"

--

"Holy……why am I enjoying this?!"

--

"Gentlemen, my battalion of comrades who follow me... Pray tell, vat do you vish for? Do you vish for var as a matter of course? Do you vish for a merciless, shitlike var? Do you vish for a stormlike conflict vich runs the gamut of blowing steel und striking flame, killing ewery crow in the entire vorld?" The Major asked

"Krieg! Krieg! Krieg! Krieg, Krieg, Krieg!" chanted the vampire Nazis

--

"Krieg! Kreig! Kreig!" Nukid chanted along too

--

"Friends……let's bring them hell…" The Major finished

--

"YES!! LET'S KILL THE BRITISH BASTARDS!! KKKRRREEEEIIIIGGGGGG!!!!!" Nukid roared, running out of his room….supposedly to London

_**End gag….**_

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I think I've just summed it up perfectly. Millennium is the ultimate evil organisation because despite all the horrible things that they do…..and no matter how good of a person you are…..part of you WILL root for these. I garuntee it" Nukid stated

"At the start of this chapter, I said that there is a part in all of us that wants to be evil. Well, I believe Millennium is the embodiment of that part in us. I decree that Millennium is….The Greates Evil Organisation of all time!"

(Screen shows The Major with a crown on his head saying "Number 1")

**(Thing To Note: While Alucard is Hellsings trump card and Anderson is Iscariots, The Werewolf Captain can be considered Millenniums trump card)**

"Well, this has certainly been fun to write. Now, I know some of you will disagree with my list, and I respect any opposing opinion……but please….resist the urge to stab me with something sharp" Nukid pleaded

"I'm the Nostalgia Kid, I remember it becase you're all idiots!" Nukid said, before getting off his chair and walking away

**Well, there's my first Top 11. Hope you enjoyed, and see you all in a weeks time. Off to Eygpt!**


	3. Hellsing: The TV Series

Hey everyone. Sorry for the wait. I always have Writers block after a holiday. Enjoy

**Warning: ****The language in this review may not be suitable for minors. If you're under the age of 18 and have not heard the word "bastard" before, watch South Park. Seriously, you can't go five minutes without hearing it**

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We see Nukid sitting at his desk, once again dressed up like The Nostalgia Critic. This time however, he had not drawn on a fake beard like before. As he sat, he held a wide, happy grin

"Hello I'm The Nostalgia Kid! I remember it because you're all idiots!" Nukid greeted "and welcome to my first ACTUAL review. But by no means is it a negative review. Oh no, today we're going to have lots of fun, talking about one of the greatest Animes of all time, Hellsing Ultimate!"

(Clips of Hellsing Ultimate appear onscreen)

"Hellsing Ultimate is an ongoing series of OVAs which adapt the awesome manga series by Kouta Hirano. It is the story of the ultimate vampire Alucard, who serves Sir Integra Hellsing and her army of Vampire hunters, the Hellsing Organisation. After the fateful encounter and eventual transcend into vampire of Seras Victoria, we see Alucard go up against mad Catholics, war hungry Nazis, and other creatures of the night" Nukid explained

"The Hellsing OVAs are masterpieces. They are captivating, beautiful to watch, and packed full of pure awesomeness! You will want to go back and watch parts of these OVAs just so you can relieve its beauty!" Nukid stated, before scratching his head embarrassingly

"I've…..watched The Majors Speech 357 times….and it has yet to get old" Nukid laughed nervously "point is, these OVAs rock! And I'm gonna enjoy talking about them!"

RING RING

Nukid looked down and reached into his pocket. He took out a mobile phone, and answered the ringing phone

"Hello?……what?….what do you mean I'm not reviewing the OVAs?! What the fuck am I reviewing then?!!…………………..Oh no…..no..nononono!! Don't make me review that! Please!…No wait! Don't hang up!…" Nukid stopped when the line went dead. He lowered the phone remorsefully, before turning back to the screen

"Change of plan guys. Instead of me reviewing the awesome and must watch Hellsing Ultimate…..I am instead reviewing the shitty, badly made and downright boring Hellsing TV series by Gonzo…….fuck" Nukid growled

**Hellsing (TV series) Review**

"Starting on October 2001 and ending it's run an January of 2002, Hellsing the TV series was a poorly directed, lazily done anime that honestly, felt like a huge insult to Kouta Hirano!" Nukid exclaimed "….but why save you guys the experience of enjoying this crap? Let's dig into Hellsing TV series"

--

First scene of the anime appears, with a British, grey haired man in glasses bringing a silent, black haired prostitute to his house. Unbeknownst to him however, she is a vampire

--

"Meh, I'd still do her" Nukid shrugged

--

"You're beauty makes me want to drop down to my knees, caress your legs and prove how much I admire beauty such as yours" said the old English man in a very perverted way

--

"……Well, nothing makes a persons stomach churn more than a perverted old man talking dirty. There goes my lunch" Nukid sighed "on a serious note however….didn't that scene remind you of another anime?"

_**Cutaway gag….**_

We cut to a scene during the Frieza arc in DragonBall Z. Frieza and Captain Ginyu are standing beside their spaceship, looking down on the seven DragonBalls, which had been successfully retrieved by Captain Ginyu

"You are certainly on the ball today Captain Ginyu. If you were a dog I'd scratch your belly. If you were a cat warm milk until you started to purrrr" Frieza said to Captain Ginyu

_**End gag….**_

Nukid shuddered "why do anime producers have to make the creepy guys say stuff like that? WHY?!!"

"Anywho, if you've survived that sexual turn off of a scene, you would next see Alucard appear in the house and shoot the Vampire prostitute in the head, since she's a vampire…..or at least you assume it's because she's a vampire. Imagine if it was actually something else?" Nukid laughed

_**Cutaway gag…..**_

We see Alucard smiling deviously as he held his gun over the corpse of the now dead vampire

"HA! That'll show you bitch! Every whore in this neighbourhood works for Alucard the Pimp!" Alucard laughed

_**End gag…..**_

"Alucard being a pimp….I wouldn't be surprised" Nukid nodded "and now, onto proper story development"

(Screen changes to Sir Integra talking to the Police commissioner in a small, dark room)

"AAAAH!! BAD ANIMATION!! IT BURNS!! IT BURNS SO MUCH!!" Nukid screamed, covering his eyes tightly with his hands. After a silent moment, he released his hands

"Hellsing fans, you may not agree but the animation in this series is HORRIBLE! I mean look at it! Characters who are neither vampire nor ghoul STILL look like the undead! The whole animation is just dark and dull" Nukid pointed out

"I daresay some of you are thinking "but that just makes it fit the style of Hellsing!"….no, Batman: The Animated Series was dark because it fit the style. Darker Than Black was dark because it fit the style (hence the name). Hellsing is genuinely like this because of low budget" Nukid stated

(Picture of Gonzo production insignia appears onscreen)

"You see, Gonzo is famous for prioritising its projects from high budgets to low points. Guess which one Hellsing got!" Nukid said rhetorically

_**Cutaway gag….**_

We cut to the scene of Sir Integra talking to the Police Commissioner in Cheddar

"They are no longer human" Integra said, referring to the Ghouls "these people have had their blood drained to feed the Vampire. They've become cannibalistic Ghouls. I'm surprised you couldn't tell by their pale and greyish skin"

"….But….Sir Integra……everyone in the world looks like that" the commissioner replied

_**End gag….**_

"Anyway, back to the plot. It is revealed to us that Sir Integra is leader of the Hellsing Organisation, a group dedicated to the eradication of Vampires. Alucard-despite being a Vampire himself- works for the organisation, and has gone into the abandoned village of Cheddar in order to eradicate all the Ghouls and the one Vampire controlling it" Nukid explained

Nukd scratched his head "you send your super awesome, near invincible, kickass trump card instead of your possibly well trained and well equipped foot soldiers to take out ONE Vampire and his slow, mindless Ghouls which are easy to kill?!!…….Okay, fair enough. Not my place to question your way of running your organisation"

"As Alucard makes his way towards Cheddar, he comes across a young, big breasted Police Officer called Seras Victoria…..I say big breasted because that's the only part of her I tend to look at" Nukid said

"Turns out that Seras was a part of the team originally sent in to deal with the case, but now she is the only survivor and is now on the run. Upon meeting Alucard however, she gets scared by him too ands runs away again…..wait what?!" Nukid said with scepticism

"You run away from Alucard….when there are Ghouls in that direction? Christ woman, he might sometimes act like the fucking Devil, but Alucard hardly looks like a monster normally! And it wasn't like he was gonna kill ya anyway!"

_**Cutaway gag….**_

We cut to the forest where Alucard and Seras first meet

"Hello there! Don't be afraid miss! I've only came to eliminate the problem in this village so that there are no more casualties. But first, please come with me so I can escort you to safety" Alucard said with a friendly smile

"EEK! MONSTER!!" Seras screams, before running away in the opposite direction

"No! Wait, stop!……She's gone….well talk about rude! A Vampire tries to be polite and help someone and THIS happens! You know what, next time I see her, I'm gonna blow a hole through her" Alucard grumbled

_**End gag….**_

"Anyway, after that fateful encounter, Seras makes a run for it into a dark, abandoned church, where she would unfortunately fall right into the hands of the Vampire causing this whole mess, who is posing a priest…good going there Seras. Alucard arrives on the scene and kills all the Ghouls present, but not without showing his awesome vampire powers"

"Out of fear, the vampire hides behind Seras and uses her as a shield/hostage. Now, since he IS the Main Character, I'm sure Alucard finds some way of resolving the situation without hurting Seras…"

--

BANG

Alucard fires a single round straight through Seras right breast, hitting her and the vampire behind her

--

"……….Damn…..well at least we've established Alucard isn't your average main character" Nukid said bluntly. Of all things though, Nukid starts silently laughing

"Hehe…..it was Christmas not long ago……and it would be pretty funny…..Screw it! Play the Virginia Kegel of that song!" Nukid ordered

_**Cutaway gag…..**_

"_**I want a boob job for Christmas!!" **_Seras sang

BANG…..Alucard shoots her in the right breast

_**End gag….**_

"HAHA……aahhh I'm immature" Nukid sighed happily

"After shooting her in the chest and rendering her near death, Alucard gives Seras a chances at a second life, as a Vampire! My, she'll have every Twilight fangirl envious of her after that" Nukid sniggered

"From there, we watch as Seras Victoria integrates and joins the Hellsing organisation, hunting and killing vampires while she struggles to cope with her new life as a Vampire" Nukid explained

"This COULD have been interesting, but in the end it's pretty much boring. All it is Seras talking about how she doesn't wanna drink blood and how she doesn't want to kill the same species that ruined her life. Thankfully, we only spend one episode on that, so we can count our blessings in that case" Nukid shrugged

_**Cutaway gag….**_

We see Seras -holding her Harkonnen- and Alucard standing on the rooftop of a house at night time. On the road below them, a Vampire woman is running away after slaughtering a whole family of humans

"I..I can't do this master! I still wish to be human! I don't want to kill! I don't want to dink blood!" Seras cried out

Alucard scowled "will you hurry up Police girl?! This anime only has 13 episodes!"

"Oh, okay" Seras shrugged, aiming and shooting at the running vampire

_**End gag….**_

"Further episodes bring us two new plot points, the first being the Iscariot organisation. Now Iscariot is basically the Catholic version of Hellsing, albeit much more fanatical. The group is led by Father Enrico Maxwell, who is hardly the kind of guy you want in charge of Iscariot"

--

We cut to the scene of Integra meeting Maxwell in the museum alone

"We will not hesitate to wipe out you, your organisation and your vampire problem off the face of the earth" Maxwell threatened Integra

--

"Christianity folks. All about its genocide, prejudice and power loving leaders" Nukid said with a smile and thumbs up

"The other important member of Iscariot is the only character possibly cooler than Alucard, Father Alexander Anderson! A priest with regenerative abilities and the power to throw several holy bayonets at his opponents" Nukid said

"Like Alucard, trying to explain this guys awesomeness in this review is nigh impossible. It is thanks to these two characters-and Walter I guess- that this anime doesn't go down as sheer bullshit…..just semi bullshit"

--

We cut to the scene where Seras is about to lick the blood of the vampire she just killed, but is suddenly attacked from behind by Anderson, who has stabbed several bayonets into her flesh

--

Nukid laughed "That's a LOT of Bayonets!…….Get it? I used that joke from Nostalgia Critics Godzilla review, but changed it from fish to bayo……..Shut the fuck up"

"That's not so say however, Anderson gets through this unscathed. Unfortunately, the rivalry between Alucard and Anderson has been completely ruined in this anime! Alucard and Anderson have not only a great respect for each other in the manga, but both have more or less admitted they'd be proud to die at the others arms. Honestly, it's their desire to fight each other which makes about 50% of Hellsings pure awesomeness!…..The other 50% being Millennium!"

"The anime however, ruins this completely. Not only do they think little of each other, Alucard pretty much kicks Andersons ass with much ease! Gonzo, FUCK YOU for ruining this absolutely awesome rivalry!……Wait a minute" Nukid added, pondering

Nukid grabbed a pen and paper and slowly wrote something down on it

"Top….11…..Rivalries….Genius Nostalgia Kid!" Nukid exclaimed with open happiness and satisfaction "Haha, where do I come up with this stuff?"

"The SECOND important plot point is the appearance of the Freak chips implanted into humans, which basically turns them into Vampires. Hellsing spends much of its time trying to find the people responsible for this problem" Nukid explained

"This won't be an easy job however, what with those pesky vampires and ghouls always getting in the way. Two Vampires, Luke and Jan Valentine, decide to invade Hellsing manor with an army of Ghouls during a meeting between members of The Round Table, the group that secretly control the United Kingdom"

Nukid rubbed his chin "I knew Gordon Brown was too stupid to run this country on his own…..on the subject of Britain, I have this MAJOR complaint about this anime. Now, the Dub of this anime does the fatal decision to heavily rely on English Accents"

"Walter and Integra come with well done accents that work, while Seras narrowly dodges abysmal with an okay job **(And Alucard doesn't have an English Accent at all, and that's a blessing)**……the rest of the voices, TERRIBLE. Their impersonation of British people is bad, NOT only in their voice, but in what they say too! With such quotes such as:

--

"God save the Queen!"

"Fight for Queen and Country!"

--

"Core Blimey! God Save the queen! Fish and Chips! Bloody hell! Hello Governer! **FUCKING HELL WE BRITISH DON'T TALK LIKE THAAAATTTT!!**" Nukid screamed

Nukid panted heavily, reaching for the draw beside him. He took a small capsule of tablets, and took out two small tablets before swallowing then down

"Okay Nukid…..deep breaths….keep calm…..we don't want a Naruto scene again" Nukid told himself, slowly calming down again

"Where was I?….Oh yes, about the Freak chips. Now, suffice to say this brings a big conspiracy towards the whole show. Who created them? What's their big plan? I can't wait to find it all out!" Nukid said with excitement

(Words **"Never revealed" **appear onscreen)

"……….FFFFUUCCCCKKKKK YYYOOOOUUUUU!!!!!" Nukid growled loudly. He took out the tablets and swallowed some more, eventually calming down again

Nukid sighed "Yea, they never actually find out who or what is creating the Freak chips. We can speculate, but it's never properly stated, meaning that all that time spent on these bloody things was a big waste of time……thank you Gonzo!"

(Picture of Incognito appears onscreen)

"This comes to the final part of this review, the main villain…..well, he's sort of the main villain. He doesn't really get mentioned until episode nine, and even then his appearance is rather random. Still, all that doesn't matter if he has a kickass plot, and that plot is…"

M. Bison: "Please be World Domination… Please be World Domination… Please be World Domination!"

"….Never really explained"

M. Bison: "Dammit!!"

"Once again folks, we're not really given much insight as to what he wants. It's all vague and uninteresting. It seems like he invaded England for no reason at all, but not in the same way as Millennium which is like "Oh wow, you don't NEED a reason!"…..It's more like "…..You don't have a reason, what's the point of it all"

"The only thing that sorta saves Incognito is his powers-which are pretty neat- and look" Nukid stated "It's interesting to note that while Alucard is based off- or rather he IS- Count Dracula, Incognito is based of Count Orlok, from the 1922 silent movie Nosferatu"

"Still, that doesn't save this villain from pretty much sucking. Comparing this guy to Millennium would be like comparing a kids tricycle to Batmans Motorcycle" Nukid stated

"Well readers, I've just spent nearly eight pages recapping this anime, and what is it that really makes this anime bad?" Nukid asked rhetorically

"Well, it's one thing for an anime to episodic, to not have a continuing plot. Several animes have done that and worked. Cowboy Bebop being a prime example" Nukid said

"It's ANOTHER thing to be episodic but PRETEND you have an ongoing plot. The truth about this anime is that it tries to keep a plot going, but plot points are either:

**1. Randomly brought up**

**2. Forgotten**

**3. Not used enough or properly (AKA Father Anderson)**

**4. Completely sucking (AKA everything Seras Victoris related)**

"It's not fair to completely pick on this anime. To be fair, when this was made the manga was still going strong but not fast enough to make a proper anime adaptation. This is fine, and done right it can be awesome. Full Metal Alchemist did it, Trigun did it, and several others" Nukid said

"But Hellsing ladies and gents, is NOT how to do it. It's badly written with hardly any real plot and it's just….a real shame really. To think before the OVAs came out, THIS was all Hellsing fans had" Nukid shuddered at the thought

"Despite all this, this series did have quite a big fanbase, and I will admit this. It is a COOL anime!" Nukid sad with a nod

(screen changes to the various fight scenes in the show)

"Despite being bad, Hellsing the TV series does have some pretty cool moments. Fights are quite good, there's no censoring of gore" Nukid explained

"And thank Christ, Alucard was portrayed perfectly. Trust me, if Alucard had been done wrong as well, that would've been the final nail on the coffin….no pun intended. I mean could you imagine what would've happened if they got HIM wrong?" Nukid asked

--

We see Alucard, with one of his demonic dogs, about to swoop down and eat his prey. A wicked smile on Alucards face

--

Nukid shuddered "we'd get THAT if he was merciful"

"Overall, if you have ANY interest in this TV series, at least watch it before you see the OVAs. If you've seen the OVAs but not this anime, don't bother. Trust me, it'll only make you angry how bad it was done" Nukid summarised

"I'm the Nostalgia Kid! I remember it because you're all idiots!" Nukid finished, before jumping out his chair and walking away

_The Actual Review:_

_Pros: Cool moments, Alucard and Walter portrayed correctly, humorous script_

_Cons: Bad animation, no real plot, overall bad dub, many characters portrayed incorrectly_

_Overall: Watch only if you're a diehard Hellsing fan, or have yet to see the OVAs_

_Rating: 1 and a Half Star (Out of 4)_


	4. Top 11 Best Things Of 2009

Hey everyone. Here's the next chapter. I know, another Top 11, but since it is the end of the year, I felt like looking back on what made this year great. Enjoy

**Warning: The language in this review may not be suitable for minors. If you're under the age of 18 and have not heard the word "ass" before, then go find a picture of Nick Griffin to see what one looks like**

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We see The Nostalgia Kid sitting at his usual table, ready to begin a new review

"Hello I'm the Nostalgia Kid! I remember it because you're all idiots!" Nukid greeted "well boys and girls, the end of 2009 is upon us. The war in Iraq is still going on, Obama is making more heads shake in dissatisfaction, and Twilight fans have taken over 90% of the World"

"But, that's not to say 2009 was all bad! No, 2009 has been a great year when it comes to new Animes, Movies, TV shows and Video Games. Tonight ladies, gents and anything in-between, I would like to look back and reminisce. This is the Top 11 Best Things Of 2009!" Nukid proclaimed

"Why Top 11?" Nukid asked rhetorically, before coughing loudly into his sleeve "RIP OFF!!"

**Top 11 Best Things of 2009**

_**Number 11….**_

_**Fairy Tail Anime**_

"When I first heard Fairy Tail was getting its own Anime series, I jumped up and down with joy!……And got my head stuck in the ceiling the process" Nukid added embarrassingly "point is though, I was excited! Because this manga kicks ass!"

"Fairy Tail was created by Hiro Mashima in 2006. The same Mangaka who gave us Rave Master. The world of Fairy Tail is one dominated by hundreds of diverse and unique mages, who use their powers for services of various kinds. When several Mages get together, they form a guild, and our story involves the story of one guild called Fairy Tail" Nukid explained

"The main character of Fairy Tail is…" Nukid stopped mid sentence when TLSoulDude entered the room

"What Nukid is about to say is that there isn't really a main character in Fairy Tail" TL stated

Nukid looked up at TL, and then back down facing forward, before slamming TLSoulDude offscreen. The sound of plates smashing, cats screaming, trashcans falling and X Prodigy getting hit by a human sized hedgehog echoed the room

"As I was saying, the main character in Fairy Tail is Natsu Dragneel, a young Fire Mage who has the ability to eat flames so he can you use them himself! He searches with his blue, talking cat with wings Happy as Natsu works for Fairy Tail, while also searching for Igneel, a dragon who once adopted and trained Natsu" Nukid explained

"Natsu is a typical Shonen hero, and in a good way too. He has a likeable and encouraging personality, and certainly puts a twist on the whole Fire magic thing. Although…..when I first saw him, I thought he was a Luffy rip off" Nukid admitted

"To be fair though, the whole series is inspired by One Piece, with its epic storytelling, diverse characters and colourful art style" Nukid pointed out "well, One Piece is the greatest Shonen Manga of all time, so it's understandable"

"Anyway, Fairy Tail deserved an Anime series, and starting in this years end, we got it. Now, I bet you're asking "why is it no. 11?" Nukid said "well I've gotta be honest guys, the Anime- while GOOD- could be better"

"I have two major complaints about this anime. One, there are far too many comedy moments. That may sound good, but the thing about comedy is that it only really works with proper timing. Fairy Tail I'm afraid is too over the top about it"

"The second issue I have is how they handle fight scenes. They haven't really gotten to the big fight scenes yet, but that doesn't excuse the one's they've already animated" Nukid explained "for starters, some are somewhat badly timed, with fight scenes having to be rushed at the end to finish before episode end"

"My biggest problem however is the cutscenes they use whenever a character is about to attack. It's like when Sailor Moon transformed, but that actually WORKED because they did it before fights started. Fairy Tail does it mid fight far too often" Nukid groaned

"For instance, whenever Natsu is about to use his big attack, a brown dragon appears behind Natsu, to symbolise his power and such. It was…okay at first, but continuous use of it is kinda annoying…" Nukid shrugged "….I'm just waiting for Natsu to use that move, and realise there's a giant dragon behind him"

_**Cutaway gag….**_

Natsu charges at Gazeele, before jumping in the air and swinging his fist down towards Gazeele. His fist was covered in fire, and a dragon flew in the background

"Dragon Pu…HOLY SHIT WHERE'D THAT DRAGON COME FROM?!!" Natsu screamed

_**End gag…**_

"Still…despite my complaining, it is what I wanted. A Fairy Tail anime. I think the series will improve much in 2010 as they deal with the bigger and more epic stories. Fairy Tail is worth of its number 11 spot" Nukid said with a nod

_**Number 10…**_

_**Hellsing OVA 6 & 7**_

"How lucky we were Ladies and Gents to actually get TWO of the OVAs in the space of six months!" Nukid spoke with joy "at one point, it near took a YEAR to get one of these bad boys out!"

"This'll be the third chapter in a row that has been Hellsing related, so I don't need to talk about this one too much. As I've said over and over and over and over again, the Hellsing OVAs are masterpieces! Without a doubt the finest Vampire related story ever made" Nukid stated

"This'll feel like Déjà vu for some of you, but the story of Hellsing is about Alucard, the near invincible vampire as he serves his master, Sir Integra Hellsing. When Alucard turns Police woman Seras Victoria into a vampire, a story with fanatical Catholics, crazy Nazis, and oceans of blood and gore open up to us all" Nukid explained

"The two OVAs we're talking about today deal with a specific part of the story. Namely, the second invasion of Hellsing manor……gotta feel sorry for Sir Integra. Her mansion is constantly getting invaded!"

"The said invasion is carried out by Lesbia…I mean Illusionist Zorin Blitz and her band of merry Vampires" Nukid joked "upon reaching the mansion however, they find not only the Wild Geese, but Seras Victoria, and let me tell you she is packing BIG GUNS!!"

Anonymous Crowd: "We already know that!"

"No, literally Big Guns! She has enough firepower to destroy a whole Zeppelin" Nukid Proclaimed

Anonymous Crowd: "Oh"

"However, Seras big guns were not enough to stop Zoran and her Nazi Vampires to entering the manor, and killing nearly all of the Wild Geese, including its leader, Pip Berdanotte. It's up to Seras alone to destroy the Vampires and kill Zorin Bltiz"

"These OVAs very much improve on the TV Series when it comes to Seras Victoria's development as a character. I said in my last chapter that nearly everything Seras related in that show was bad….and it was, but the OVAs really do improve on that. Seras is much more likeable and far less annoying in these" Nukid said

"Odd thing is, the less they talked about Seras past and her trials as a vampire turned out to be better. The TV Series was done from Seras point of view, so a lot of it was done around her. Honestly though, a lot of that was boring and filler, but the OVA does an awesome job with showing her past"

"And best of all, She fully awakens! And let me tell you, she is one powerful vampire when she awakens! Able to take Zorin out with ease, Seras has truly gained impressive" Nukid claimed "…of course, not too impressive. It's not like she could beat someone of The Captains level of strength, right?………Right?"

_**Number 9….**_

_**Family Guy's Something Something Something Darkside**_

"This…." Nukid began to say, before the door to the room suddenly blew open. Three figures ran in and jumped on Nukid aggressively

"FAMILY GUY SUCKS!! IT'S A SIMPSONS RIP OFF!! IT'LL NEVER BE AS GOOD!!" The three assailants shouted as they punched and choked Nukid on the floor

"Boots to the FUCKING HEAD!!" Nukid roared, kicking all three assailants in the head, knocking all three out of camera view. Nukid got back up and dusted himself off

"As I was saying, this is the sequel to the Family Guy Star Wars Episode 4 parody, Blue Harvest. This time, parodying Episode 5, SSSD (My shortened name for it) was another hour of Family Guy's humorous look at not only the movie, but society in general" Nukid explained

"Like Blue Harvest, Peter Griffin played Han Solo, Lois played Leia, Chris played Luke, Stewie played Vader, Brian played Chewbacca and Meg……Meg was there" Nukid nodded assuringly "and as always, everyone brought their own unique humour, with Stewie acting a camp as ever in his Vader costume, Chris acting not so heroic as Luke, and Peter just being the mad and witty guy that he is"

"In all seriousness though, it was fucking hilarious, no matter what you haters say" Nukid stated "when it comes to animated series this year, Family Guy has by far been the finest, with not only SSSD, but some pretty awesome episode too"

"South Park closely earns second spot, and Simpsons………when is Matt Groening gonna grow the balls to actually finish that show?"

_**Number 8….**_

_**Kamen Rider Decade**_

"If I was born in Japan, had been watching Kamen Rider since 2000, and was addicted to the franchise….I might've had a heart attack when I heard of this" Nukid stated "I'm nearly the latter right now though"

"Kamen Rider Decade is the ultimate crossover of the Kamen Rider series, with every Kamen Rider series from the Heisei period, and even from one Showa period. The series involves Tsukasa Kadoya, who has to go to the various Kamen Rider worlds in order to prevent the worlds from merging into one and destroying each other" Nukid explained

"The crossover could've been a complete mess and only understandable to fans of all series, but from what I've heard and seen, the series is handled well as the Tsukasa jumps from world to world individually, making it easy for either a novice"

"Lasting only 31 episodes, it was much shorter than most Kamen Rider series. But, with several movies to tie in, the series has became a success and a true dedication to the Heisei periods tenth Anniversary" Nukid proclaimed

"As wonderful as it is…..the hard fact is that over here in the west, Kamen Rider isn't all that popular. Many narrow minded people consider it a Power Rangers rip off, and I guess for that many people are put off by its style. Still, this is an enjoyable franchise and kickass series all around" Nukid said with a nod

_**Number 7…**_

_**Final Fantasy: Dissidia**_

"Similar to Decade, this is one of the things that will bring any long time fan of the series into a heart attack. It's like a Fanfic Crossover turned into a big video game! I daresay Final Fantasy fans have been wanting something like this for many years" Nukid stated

"Final Fantasy: Dissidia is the story of the ten heroes from each Final Fantasy coming together to battle the ten villains of said games in an epic war, with both sides having a god to support them, Cosmos and Chaos…..Of course, like most videogame gods, Cosmo doesn't really do anything" Nukid deadpanned

"The gameplay brings a unique twist to it somewhat akin to Kingdom Hearts, but by no means ripping off it. Fights in this can get action packed and there are a great range of enemies" Nukid explained

"Like I said earlier, this is here because it really is a Final Fantasy fans dream come true. Similar to Decade, only this is higher since it is an established series. Add the fact they have music from every Final Fantasy, and this is a kickass game and story any Final Fantasy fan can enjoy"

"Or, you could just do what a lot of Final Fantasy fans do, and use it to kill your least favourite Final Fantasy hero, over and over and over" Nukid said "I daresay That happens to Tidus…frequently"

_**Number 6….**_

_**Up by Pixar**_

"Now, I'm not a giant Pixar fan. The only films I've ever gotten into were the Toy Story films and The Incredibles. But Ladies and Gents, everyone knows that Up is an experience like no other out there" Nukid said

"The story of Up is about Carl Fredricksen, an old reclusive man, who in rememberance of his dead wife Ellie, decides to go on a trip and explore the world…..and escape moving into a retirement home" Nukid explained

"How does he do this?" Nukid asked rhetorrically "He does it turning his house into a makeshift airship, using tens of thousands of helium balloons to lift it off its foundations…..M. Bison, if you'd be so kind"

M. Bison: "OF COURSE!!"

"Thank you"

M. Bison: "So, I can't do this when people are planning world domination….but I can when an old fart turns his house into an airship?"

"Pretty much"

M. Bison: "Damn…"

"Anyway, what I do like about this film is how realistic it is…..saying something like that after saying "turnining a housing into an airship" is redundant, I know" Nukid sighed

"what I mean is that it is realistic when it came to Carl and Ellies marriage life. It was happy certainly, but it was also sad at times and depressing. It didn't sugar coat it, it didn't pretend marriage life was all sunshine" Nukid said

"Ladies and gents, it told the truth, and it honest to god made me cry a little" Nukid admitted "Add awesome humor and a good plot, this is easily one of Pixars finest films!….Though, for me nothing beats Toy Story"

_**Number 5….**_

_**Avatar by James Cameron**_

"James Cameron, a man who has made some of the greatest movies of all time, such as Titanic and Terminator 2, returned in full glory this year with his big hit Avatar" Nukid said

"The story begins with Jake Sully, a paraplegic former marine, is recruited to lush, Earth-like moon Pandora in order to take part in their mission to to exploit Pandora's reserves of a valuable mineral called Unobtanium, which is worth an estimated $20M per kilogram back on Earth"

"That's a LOT of cash………….lot of cash?…You know, like Godzillas fi…..Goddammit" Nukid grumbled

"Anyway, getting Unobtanium is easier said than done, because not only is Pandora's air deadly to humans a blue, feline like species known Na'vi don't partically like humans, and they fight the humans off with their sticks and arrows……a real threat to the guys with guns"

"Those pesky humans however don't give in, as they create human/Na'vi hybrids in order to infiltrate the Na'vi tribs and destroy them from within, Jake being one of these" Nukid explained, before pondering slightly

"A plan that doesn't involve going in guns blazing and blowing the shit out of whatever gets in their way?……Well, at least people in the future had the sense not to put Americans in charge" Nukid laughed, though secrety thinking he would pay for that later

"As everyone and their grandma knows, the visuals in this film are just top of the grade, and the plot, while hardly original, is still a great one of love and understanding, and honestly one of the movies you must go and watch" Nukid said

"It might not be the movie we've been wanting for 10 years, but it sure as hell is a fine piece of work and a must see movie"

_**Number 4…**_

_**Assassins Creed 2**_

"I bet you're wondering what makes this game so great that it earnt Number 4 on this list" Nukid said "Is it the epic storytelling?"

"**NO!"**

"Is it the improvements made in combat?"

"**NO!"**

"Is it the fact you can buy weapons and medicine?"

"**NO!"**

"Is it the fact the gameplay is no longer repetitive?"

"**NO!"**

"Is it because you can explore the beautiful renaissance cities?"

"**NO!"**

"Is it because Enzio is a far more likeable character than his ancestor Altair?"

"**NO!"**

"Is….Is it because you can hire Whores?!"

"**YES!!"**

"Of course! That's why this game is so high! It's because you can hire Whores!"

Anonymous Crowd: "…….."

M. Bison: "…….."

Everyone: "……."

Nukid scratched his head "Okay, it's everything I just said. Assassins Creed 2 is a gigantic leap from its original in terms of gameplay and story. Everything has been improved on, and everything is just such a joy to play"

"What Assassins Creed 2 does that the original didn't is really make you feel like an Assassin. Hiding in crowds, attacking from hiding spots, and some high tech-for the time-gadgets by THE Leonardo Da Vinci, you have a true Assassins game here" Nukid explained

"Add buckets of historical information and characters, and a simply wonderful script, you have the 2nd best game of the year!……I say 2nd, because of my number 3 spot" Nukid said with a smile

_**Number 3…**_

_**Batman: Arkham Asylum**_

"To me, this isn't just ONE game, it's SEVERAL games! Some moments, you'll be fighting off thugs, others you'll be hiding in the shadows, others you'll be solving puzzles. Guys, this…..may very well be my favourite game of all time" Nukid admitted

"True, I may be a little biased saying that. I've adored Batman since I was young. I remember watching the old animated series with my old brother as a kid, but that is why I love this game!……Besides the awesome gameplay that is. It all feels like a giant dedication to the original Batman series"

"The plot starts simple enough, with Batman bringing The Joker to Arkham Asylum to lock him up. However when The Joker escapes, he turns Arkham upside down as he turns it into his fortress, and releases all the loony bins locked up. The Batman must stop The Joker before he initiates his big plan. What that big plan is, you'll have to play and see" Nukid explained

"Honestly, this whole game felt like it was made for ME! Stunning Graphics, check. Outstanding voice acting and script, check. Gameplay so diverse I never get bored. Mark Hamell as The Joker, DOUBLE CHECK!!" Nukid exclaimed

"My only complaint with the game is the final boss, which was I'm afraid, far too easy. Still, this game is easily Game Of The Year, and one of the greatest Video Games of all time" Nukid proclaimed

"And yes, I am fucking psyched for the sequel!" Nukid added

_**Number 2…..**_

_**Battlestar Galactica: The Final Episodes**_

"This may sound odd, but I should be thanking the Writers Strike of 2008 today, because if they hadn't striked….I wouldn't been able to put this in the list" Nukid stated

"As the bold lettering says, these are the final ten episodes -that were pushed back because of the writers strike- of what I'm not afraid to say is "The. Greatest. Sci-Fi. Series. **OF. ALL. TIME!!** Battlestar Galactica!"

"Starting in 2003 as a mini series, the series would spawn a 2004 remake of the original Sci-Fi series" Nukid explained "but it's more than a remake. It is a full on, character driven story of Humanities final days, being brought to near extinction by the Cylons"

"I..I..I can't even begin to explain what makes this series better than any other! The Characters in this series are perhaps the greatest characters ever produced in terms of complexity and character development! These said characters would not be possible had it not been for the 5 Star acting from EVERY actor, major to minor" Nukid exclaimed

"I think what makes it truly the best is it themes. BSG has been a learning experience as much of an action packed one, and through it, I have learnt many things:

**1. Destiny is not always on your side. Sometimes, Destiny can be real bitch and screw with you**

**2. People will never truly accept each other. There will always be differences, there will always be hatred, there will always be bloodshed**

**3. People are capable of good and bad things. Things are not black and white, but grey. No one can be truly good or bad, because we are capable of both, and we all do both**

"Readers who wish to write their own story someday….watch BSG. It is the most character driven show you'll ever watch. You'll learn to love every character for their good AND bad qualities, for every character is truly human in this" Nukid said, before looking very serious

"By the way, anyone that calls it a "Star Wars Rip Off" should dunk their heads in a river and drown themselves, for they are wasting the very air that we breath……What do you think killed my older brother?…..Mwahahahahaha" Nukid sniggered beneath his breath

--

"And now ladies and gents, we come to the final choice. What is my Number 1 choice for Best Thing of 2009?…...Well, if you know me well, this will come as no surprise" Nukid said happily

_**Number 1….**_

_**Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood**_

"Let me tell you all a story. One day, I was eating my lunch while searching on my Laptop. When I went on the website I go on for Anime, I saw this:

"**Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood Episode 1"**

"As you may already guess, my reaction was….rather mad" Nukid said uncomfortably

_**Cutaway gag…..**_

"….New….Full Metal…..Alchemist…..NO WAY?!! WAHOOOOO!!!!!!" Nukid screamed happily, jumping out of his chair and running out his room, screaming happily like a madman

--

The Streets of Long Eaton were loud and busy, but all went quiet when they saw a screaming Nukid running through the streets

"FMA IS BACK!! FMA IS BACK!!" Nukid shouted as he ran through the streets of Long Eaton, earning several stares from people

--

Hiromu Arakawa, the creater of Full Metal Alchemist, sat in her office in Japan, drawing the next chapter, when the doors suddenly bursted open, revealing a panting Nukid

"Who are yo.." Hiromu was cut off when Nukid grabbed her and hugged her tight

"Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!" Nukid thanked over and over, before running out of her office

--

Panting heavily, Nukid returned to his desk seat, breathing in and out noisily. Slowly, he regained his breath, and face the laptop

"Okay, let's check this episode out" Nukid said casually, clicking to play the episode

_**End gag….**_

Nukid shrugged embarrassingly "….Yea, I put this number 1 on my list, above Avatar, above Batman, above BSG….because I am an FMA fanboy and I am PROUD of it!"

"When I first saw this, this felt like definite proof there was a god! This made me feel that every problem in the world meant nothing because WE had a new FMA series! This was all I could think about after, and to this day it is still astonishing me with its pure awesomeness"

"If you don't know the story, then FUCK YOU!! How dare you not the story of this series! Anyway, to help fans of the original series to understand, this is NOT a sequel, but an adaptation of the Manga series" Nukid explained

"And let me tell you FMA fans, if you thought the original series was great…..just wait till you see Brotherhood, because it is TEN times better" Nukid insisted "don't get me wrong, that anime is also awesome, but Brotherhood….good god is the best"

"The only anime that beats it is One Piece, but One Piece is One Piece, so that's to be expected. Honestly, I could go forever like this, so I'll just finish it all simply:

"Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood, Best. Thing. Of. 2009"

--

"Well ladies and gents, this has been my Top 11 look back at a fine year. Much has been left for us to enjoy over and over, and we can look ahead with excitement as to what 2010 holds for us" Nukid preached

"Since it is the 1st of January, I shall share with you my New Year Resolution" Nukid said eagerly

"Starting today….I will never make fun of Naruto again. That's right, no matter how much it cocks up, no matter how much it makes no sense, I shall NOT insult it and enjoy the series for what it is. That, my friends, is a promise!" Nukid stated firmly

From the right, X Prodigy crept in slowly, not catching Nukids attention. He smiled deviously under his mask as he leaned near Nukids ears and whispered

"…Ninjas wanting peace…"

"NINJAS WANTING PEACE?!! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ALL ABOUT?!! KISHIMOTO YOU DAMN RETARD!!" Nukid screamed, jumping out his seat and screaming like a madman as he left the room

"He's the Nostalgia Kid…" X Prodigy said "…he remembers it because we're all idiots"

**Happy New Year! Stay tuned for my next review!**


	5. D GrayMan

Hey everyone. Another review, coming right up

**Warning: The language in this review may not be suitable for minors. If you're under the age of 18 and have not heard the word "bitch" before…….Azula, think Azula**

NKNKNKNKNKNKNKNKNKNKNKNKNKNK

We see The Nostalgia Kid sitting at his usual table, ready to start today's review

"Hello I'm the Nostalgia Kid! I remember it because you're all idiots!" Nukid greeted "guys, before I begin today's review, let me tell you a story"

"There once was a young boy who loved his parent very, very much. When that parent died, the boy decided he would bring his parent back to life through unspeakable means. Ultimately, the decision would cost him as he was instead given a grotesque monster instead" Nukid explained solemnly

"The horrible decision opens up a giant world to the boy as he is given a strange new power, capable of great feats. Determined to save the world from those who wish destruction over it, the boy journeys onward, fighting evil while he tries to solve the mysteries of this world" Nukid preached

"Ladies and gentlemen! This is my review of Full Metal Alchemist!!" Nukid proclaimed loudly. After a moment of silence, MistressofDawn steps into the room, and whispers something in Nukids ear

"…Oh….oh right…..sorry, my bad" Nukid apologised. Dawn nodded and left the room

"My apologies ladies and gentlemen. This is actually my review of D GrayMan!"

**D GrayMan Review**

(Screen changes to various scenes from the show)

"It may seem odd of me to have confused those two animes…but….no…it isn't" Nukid shook his head "D GrayMan, while a very popular series, has earned a reputation of being pretty unoriginal at first when it comes to characters, plot, you name it"

"D GrayMan started on May 31 2004 in Weekly Shonen Jump, and has been ongoing since. Katsura Hoshino created the series, but unfortunately the series has been thrice put on hiatus because of misfortune striking Hoshino" Nukid explained "once due to Hoshino falling seriously ill with Norovirus, the second because of an injury to her neck, and the third time due to an injured wrist"

"Fortunately, the series has recently returned this past few months, now being published in Jump Square, a monthly magazine. Chapters are only updated once a month now, but the chapters are bigger than a weekly update, and it is sold with fellow Mangas such as Claymore, New Prince Of Tennis, Ultimo and Rosario + Vampire II" Nukid summarised

"Hmm… the only manga I've seen out of them is Claymore, and that's a great series. New Prince Of Tennis…not heard much good about that series. Ultimo is made by Stan Lee, so I bet that kicks ass, and Rosario + Vampire has much fanserivce…………..Mental Note: Read Rosario + Vampire when review is done" Nukid said to himself "Anywho, on with the review!"

--

The first scene shows a Black flag with a strange white emblem hover in the wind on a stormy night

"_Excorist….those chosen by god himself_" said a crooked, ambiguous voice

--

"A life of eternal conflict and suffering in a losing war….I'm sure they're honoured God" Nukid deadpanned

--

"_They exist to destroy the evil that lurks in the darkness……an evil that brings pain and suffering to the world_"

--

"I hate Hemorrhoids too" Nukid nodded in agreement

--

The scene changes to Victorian London, where it is night time and a mist has covered the streets of London.

In the air, a golden ball with two wings larger than its own body and an even larger tail flies through the sky"

--

"…. What is a Snitch from Harry Potter doing here? I mean…I know it's Britain, but it's hardly the right place OR time for a Snitch to appear!" Nukid pointed out

--

"Timcanpy! Timcanpy!" a young boy called out for the snitch as he rode on a Horse carriage.

Timcanpy flew down and landed on the boys head, revealing the boy to be a 15 year old with white hair and a scar down across his left eye

--

"Is that Sephiroth Junior?" Nukid laughed

"No ladies and gentlemen, we welcome our main protagonist, the English Excorist Allen Walker!….Gotta love the creativity in that name" Nukid laughed

--

"Are you on a trip?" asked one of the fellow travellers inside the carriage……who is dressed like a clown by the way

"No mam, I'm just on my way to an important place" Allen replied politely

--

"Wait wait wait…..Isn't Allen English? Where's his British accent? Why is Todd Haberkorn not even TRYING to make him sound British?!" Nukid demanded

"Don't get me wrong, Todd Haberkorn is a good enough voice actor, but his Allen Walker is……passable, to be frank…..Christ, I'm already getting a bad feeling about this dub" Nukid groaned

"To be fair though, it's not like they're trying to sound British and failing miserably…….Like some other Anime I recently reviewed"

Hellsing Soldier: Queen and Country!!

"FUCK YOU!!"

--

We cut to see two Police Officers enter a supposedly cursed Church. While one goes to check another room, the other is brutally killed by a strange but unseen monster

--

"…..Wow, really puts me off being a Policeman. Guess I'll just have to stay as the Playboy sex loving Gigolo that I already am" Nukid sighed

"So, as the story goes on, we learn that the monster was in fact, an Akuma. An Akuma is a dead spirit turned into a monstrous weapon. The Akuma can be graded from a level 1 Akuma- AKA easy to kill grunt- to level 4, AKA insanely powerful Akuma"

"They are created AND lead by the evil sorcerer, Millennium Earl, who plans to lead the world to its death" Nukid said

(Picture of the Millennium Earl appears onscreen)

"Have to say, the Millennium Earl is one badass villain. Cruel, Demented, and yet able to hide that side of him and show people a happy, fun loving person who can trick countless people who are mourning for their dead relatives and friends into resurrecting them, turning them into akuma that he can then control" Nukid admitted

"The whole design of the Earl is kickass. The Earl resembles a grotesque caricature of a Victorian gentleman, a rotund figure in cape and top hat, with a perpetual enormous grin and spectacles. He really fits the Gothic and dark style of D GrayMan and is a pure awesome villain"

"But, if you're far into the manga, you'll know that this isn't his real appearance, and that he is hiding his face. Oh man! I can't wait to see what he really looks like!" Nukid said excitedly

(Picture of The Earls real appearance appears onscreen)

"That's……dissapointing"

--

We now cut to see Allen Walker facing the Akuma from the church. His left, red arm suddenly grows into a giant, silver claw. Allen then proceeds to kill the Akuma with the claw

--

"Whoa……..wonder if he jerks off with that arm?"

--

We now see Allen Walker climbing up a huge cliff, reaching a gigantic castle at the top

"I'm finally here….The Black Order Headquarters" Allen said as he stared ahead at the castle

--

"Hey, if you gonna call your organisation with a generic name like "Black Order", you BETTER reside on top of a huge cliff……uncreative bastards" Nukid grumbled

--

As Allen Walker waits outside the front gate, a giant doorknob like creature known as the Gatekeeper examines him to determine if he is human or Akuma. However, because of the curse on his left eye, he did not come up as human

"He's one of the Millennium Earls men!" The Gatekeeper cried out

--

"Because all great villains send one little grunt head on alone into enemy ground!"

--

From the sky, a tall boy with long, blue hair in a ponytail flies down, wielding an odd Katana in hand. He was Yu Kanda, and he stared at Allen Walker like he was an Akuma

"You've got guts coming here all alone" Kanda growled, unsheathing his blade

--

Nukid stared at the screen shocked, his mouth gaping and his eyes bulging. Something Kanda had done had deeply shocked him

"…………………..Travis Willingham…….why are you voicing Yu Kanda? No seriously, WHY are YOU voicing Yu Kanda?!!" Nukid boomed, looking angry as he spoke

"I'm not going ANY further until I've addressed this! Travis, why are you voicing Kanda, a teenage punk when your voice is good for ADULT characters?! Seriously, your voice does not fit Kanda in the slightest!" Nukid snarled

"God, this dub is already going sour. Allen only gets a passable voice, and Kanda gets a shit voice! And you know what makes this all worse?! FUNIMATION dubbed this! Funimation, without a doubt the best dubbing company of all time, are making big mistakes early into this series!" Nukid protested, before slumping back in his seat with a big sigh

"Seriously….what happened to the company that made the awesome Full Metal Alchemist dub?…." Nukid grumbled

--

As Kanda was about to stab Allen, a teenage girl with dark green hair in two ponytails stops him by hitting Kanda over the head with a clipboard. This girl was Lenalee Lee

"That's enough! We told you to cease your attack Kanda!" Lenalee scolded Kanda

--

"Lady, you have the greatest pair of legs I've ever seen" Nukid complimented, in his own special way

"Anyway, after that mess up was cleared, Allen is shown around the Black Order headquarters. He eventually meets Section chief and Lenalees sister, Komui Lee"

--

Screen changes to Allen meeting Komui Lee, a man with green hair, a pair of glasses and a white cap and science robe. He drank from a Coffee mug and had a happy grin on his face

"Hi, how ya doing? I'm Komui Lee!" Komui greeted

--

"AAAAAHHH!!!!" Nukid screamed, jumping out his chair "MAES HUGHES FROM FULL METAL ALCHEMIST!!! YOU'RE ALIVE??!!!"

After his random scream, the reply was one of utter silence. Nukid slowly calmed down as he returned to his seat

"Sorry, it's just….well, this might be D GrayMan biggest rip off. Komui Lee is in nearly every way, a carbon copy of Maes Hughes from Full Metal Alchemist. Look, Personality, humor, protective over their family, you name it" Nukid explained

"It's not so much a bad thing, since both characters are hilarious and are very likeable characters. It just seemed odd how similar they are" Nukid said "for Komui sake though, I hope he doesn't end up like Hughes did"

_**Cutaway gag…**_

Out on a street at night time, we see Komui Lee facing the Noah Lulu Bell. Komui held a gun in his hand, ready to fire the Noah down

Since Lulu Bell could transform into any appearance she wished, she took the form of Komui sister, Lenalee

Lulu laughed "Hah! You wouldn't dare lay a finger on your own siste…"

BANG

Lulu Bell fell to the ground, clutching her heart as she bled heavily. She looked up at Komui, her face frozen from shock and pain

"W…why?…How could you….do such a thing?" Lulu asked between gasps as she slowly died

"Unfortunately for you missy" Komui said, blowing away the smoke from the gunds barrel "I've watched Full Metal Alchemist"

_**End gag……**_

"After meeting Komui, Allen is told what exactly the Black Order uses to fight the Earl. A very rare substance that has the power to free Akuma souls. Innocence"

"And let me tell you, Innocence was all the rage at the time, until Dark Matter came a little later and brought competition" Nukid joked **(His Dark Materials joke if you don't get it)**

"When explained something you'd think Allen would already know, he is sent on his first mission. To destroy a Level 2 Akuma in a ghost town a retrieve the Innocence hidden there, with the help of his good buddy Kanda!"

_**Cutaway gag…..**_

We see Allen and Kanda running through the ghost town, searching for the Akuma

"Let's get one thing straight. If I think you're hindering the mission, I'm not going to save you. Even if you're about to get killed by the enemy. Casualties of war are inevitable. Don't think of me as a friend" Kanda proclaimed to Allen

"Yea….what are the chances of you actually saving my life and going against your words by the end of this mission?" Allen asked

"Very high"

_**End gag….**_

"After that mission, Allen and Lenalee help a young boy whose best friend has become an Akuma. After a fateful encounter with the Millennium Earl, we learn the truth behind Allens past, and how he became to be and Excorist" Nukid stated

"You see, Allen was an orphan boy thrown out because of his disfigured left arm. When Circus Clown Mana Walker adopts him, the two become father and son, until Mana suddenly dies" Nukid said

"You know, if you're a parent and you want to live a long life…..treat your kids like crap. Remember, the more you love your kids, the shorter you live your life!" Nukid joked

"Anyway, while mourning for his adpoted fathers death, The Millennium Earl appears and tricks Allen into turning Mana's spirit into an Akuma. The new Akuma slashes Allens eye, cursing him, but before he could finish the job, Allens left arms Innocence awakens and he kills the Akuma" Nukid explained

--

"I KILL that Akuma!" Allen roars

--

"Sorry, I like that quote"

"After killing the Akuma of his dead father, Allen is greeted by top ranking Black Order Excorist General Marian Cross, who offers to teach Allen the way of the Excorist, so he can fight the Earl and save all the Akuma" Nukid finished

"Now, General Marian Cross is an awesome character. Incredibly rude, a flirt with all the ladies, and a true badass. Cross loud and rebellious nature makes him one of the cooler characters in the show"

**BUT!!**

Nukid sighed "Unfortunately, I think little of his dubbed voice. Cross is voiced by Christopher Sabat, so you think he'd do well. After all this guy voiced Vegeta and Piccolo from Dragonball Z, Kuwabara from Yu Yu Hakusho, and a VERY awesome job as Alex Armstrong from Full Metal Alchemist"

"But the guys voice for Cross isn't so good. He sounds half asleep when he talks, and doesn't have the same energy Hiroki Touchi has in the Japanese dub. Hell, he sounds like he'll fall asleep any minute!"

_**Cutaway gag….**_

Before Allen left for the Black Order, he spoke with his master, General Cross while in India. General Cross sat on a chair while sipping wine while Allen sat on the floor facing him

"It…..seems Allen….you've….proven….yourself…" Cross said slowly, giving a big yawn "….capable….of becoming…..an Excorist"

"That's great master! When shall I join the Black Order?!" Allen asked excitedly

"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz" Cross snored

_**End gag…..**_

"And so, the kid finds out his friend is an Akuma, he cries, I cry because I'm bored, and Allen and Lenalee save the day, and it's here we see Lenalee Excorist power" Nukid explained

(Various scenes of Lenalee fighting appear onscreen)

"Combining fighting and fanservice into one?" Nukid said, before saluting "Katsura Hoshino, I salute you!...Even though now i question your sexuality"

"We later see Allen and Lenalee in The Rewinding City Arc, a city where Time has halted, and the day repeats itself over and over," Nukid said, before raising an eyebrow

"Ripping off Groundhog Day now?……..Odd"

"It's also in this arc we're introduced to some more new characters. The Hammer wielding Excorist Lavi, the time Excorist Miranda, and the first of a new group of antagonists, the Noah family" Nukid explained

"Now the Noahs are tough cookies. An odd marking on their body, superhuman powers, superiority complex, and a relevance to a certain emotion………wait a minute"

Nukid took out his mobile phone and dialled in a number. He waited for the other end to pick up

"_Hello"_

"Hi Edward Elric! It's me Nukid"

"_Oh, hello Nukid! How can I help you?" _Edwarld Elric from Full Metal Alchemist asked

"Well, you remember the Homunculus right?"

"_Can hardly forget them. Why?"_

"Well, did every member have a strange marking on them?"

"_Yes, the __Ouroboros__"_

"And super powers?"

"_Yes"_

"And a superiority complex?"

"_Yes"_

"And a relevance to a certain emotion?"

"_Yes"_

"Oh….well, thanks for informing me of that Ed"

"_No problem Nukid" _Ed replied

"Hey Ed…." Nukid whispered slyly

"_What now?" _Ed asked, somewhat annoyed

"You're short"

"_WHAAA…"_

Nukid turned off his phone, and took a deep breath before facing the screen

"D GrayMan…..**STOP RIPPING OFF FULL METAL ALCHEMIST!!!!!!!**" Nukid screamed in a demented voice, as the pits off hell opened up behind Nukid

"Seriously, I wouldn't mind so much if you weren't doing this to the anime that got me back into anime! If this continues, I'll have a Boot To The Head prepared for every character…..besides Lenalee…..I love her legs too much to harm her"

--

The screen changes to Allen and Lavi heading into a dark castle, where reports of a Vamire have been sighted

"After the Rewinding City Arc finishes, Allen and Lavi head to a village where a supposed Vampire has been attacking villagers at night" Nukid explained

"However, through a series of pretty uninteresting events, we learn that the Vampire, Arystar Krory the Third, is in actual fact an Excorist, who has actually been subconsciously attacking Akuma disguised as humans. Krory joins the two Excorists and becomes a part of the Black Order too"

"Krory is an O.K. character, certainly having an interesting power" Nukid admitted "But, I was watching animes like Hellsing and Trinity Blood at the time, so he didn't really leave that much of an impression on me"

_**Cutaway gag….**_

We see Krory with a happy grin, talking to Alucard and Abel Nightroad

"I'm a Vampire!" Krory proclaimed

"No…you're dogshit" Alucard deadpanned

"Ohhh…." Krory groaned, lowering his face in shame

"There there Mr. Krory" Abel said softly, patting Krory on the shoulder "at least you're not as bad as him over there"

"MY PENIS SPARKLES IN THE LIGHT!!" Edward Cullen cheered

_**End gag….**_

"After that….well bad news, it's filler" Nukid groans "and not very good filler either. In fact the plot to each filler episode can be summed up in one cutaway gag"

_**Cutaway gag….**_

"There's an Akuma in this town!" Allen gasped

"We need to find out who it is!" Lenalee stated

"Is it that suspicious guy that sucks at trying to act normal?" Lavi asked

"Let's go find out!" Krory replied

_**End gag…..**_

"This cycle of doom ends when Allen, Lenalee, Lavi and Krory head to Edo, Japan in order to find General Cross, who has been reported missing" Nukid said "by this time, the anime has gone on for 50 episodes"

"Now, these 50 episodes aren't terrible, they had their moments, but it isn't very impressive. But guys, there is one thing I've got to say about D GrayMan" Nukid started "The second half of D GrayMan….**KICKS MAJOR ASS!!**"

(Various scenes of the second half appear onscreen)

"THIS is where the anime moves out of mediocrity, and begins to stand out on its own as a one of kind anime. Original plot, better fights, better character development, better everything!" Nukid proclaimed

"The story starts off as the Excorist head to Edo, where on their way, find out that an Excorist called Suman Dark has lost control of his Innocence, and has became a grotesque monster"

(Picture of monster Suman Dark appears onscreen)

"And……he looks like a flying torso….weird" Nukid deadpanned "Allen tries to save Suman, but fails in saving his comrade and gets injured in the process. It is here, Noah Tyki Mikk comes in"

"Tyki Mikk is an awesome character, sorta like the Rob Lucci or Grimmjow of D GrayMan, for it is his actions that inspire Allen to get stronger" Nukid explained "and how does he inspire him?……..He rips off Allen Excorist arm"

_**Cutaway gag…..**_

We watch as Tyki Mykk stands above Allen, slowly ripping off his arm

"No! I need that for alone time!" Allen screamed

_**End gag…..**_

"Believed to be dead, the other Excorists have no choice but continue on to Edo, now accompanied by Excorist Miranda" Nukid said "Allen however, survives and is sent to the Asian Black Order Branch Headquarters to heal. He later finds out that they also bring Allens broken Innocence back with them"

"Turning down a chance of a peaceful life and happiness, Allen decides to train to get his Innocence to except him, but like most animes, this takes several episodes to do" Nukid grumbled "However, the other Excorists have made it to Edo, but are overwhelmed by the Earl, the Noah and the Level 3 Akuma"

"…..Okay, I can understand them being tougher, but the gap in strength between a Level 2 and a Level 3 Akuma is absurd" Nukid pointed out "learning that Allen survived, Tyki sends one Level 3 Akuma to The Asian Branch to finish him off. It travels this big distance with "The Ark"

"I know some of you are asking, "The Ark? You mean THE Noahs Ark?!" Nukid said "Not exactly. The Ark is the Earls handmade world, and a gateway to any part of the world he wishes to be in…..explains why a fat bastard could move around so quick"

"And so, The Level 3 Akuma comes, destroys the Branch and brings Allen to near death. After a brief "I realise what I fight for scene", Allen regains his Innocence and upgrades in strength!"

(Picture of Allens new power, the Crown Clown appears onscreen)

"Hmm…new arm, cool white coat, silver mask…all awesome! Though, his spiky hair reminds me of something"

_**Cutaway gag….**_

We see Allen facing the Level 3 Akuma

"Time to go…SUPER SAIYAN!!" Allen roared as he invokes Crown Clown…and his hair goes spiky

_**End gag….**_

"Great, now they're ripping off Dragonball Z!" Nukid groaned

"After killing the Akuma, Allen uses the Ark to get to Edo and save his friends, along with the help of Excorists Yu Kanda, Nosie Marie, and General Tiedoll" Nukid explained

"However, that Earl is never up to no good, trapping Allen, Kanda, Lenalee, Lavi and some random guy no one really cared about inside the Ark" Nukid revealed "The Earl plans to erase the Ark with the Excorists in it, and download a brand new Arc for the Earl…….wait….Download?" Nukid repeated

"Download…….I'd like to point out this anime is based at the beginning of the 20th century, and they're using terms like download?! Come to think of it, things like robots appear in this anime as well!" Nukid snarled

"That is just stupid! They just grab a History textbook, and raped it! The ONLY thing stupider than that is an anime based on Ninjas that actually have computers!" Nukid spat

(Picture of Naruto appears onscreen)

"…………I want to hurt someone"

"Anyway, despite the hopelessness of the situation, the Excorist don't give up, and head deep inside the Ark to find an exit. Things are harder than hoped for however, for several Noah members are there to put a dent in their plan"

"They take on Excorists one on one. Yu Kanda fights Noah of Wrath, Skin Boric"

--

We see Yu Kanda face Skin Boric in battle

Skin chanted "Never forgive! Never forgive! Never forgive! Never forgive! Never forgive! Never forgive! Never forgive! Never forgive! Never forgive! Never forgive! Never forgive! Never forgive! Never forgive! Never forgive! Never forgive!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!" Kanda screamed

--

"We then see the Bonds of Noah, Jasdero and David take on Krory"

--

Jasdevi, the combined form of Jasdero and David, stand over the unconscious Krory

"I KILL that vampire!" Jasdevi laughed

--

"And finally we see Allen take on Noah of Pleasure Tyki Mykk, which is a really cool fight…….but by no means, is it "Luffy vs. Rob Lucci"

--

We now see Allen in Crown Clown form, take on Tyki Mykk

"Come Allen! Let us make a fight bigger than "Monkey D. Luffy Vs Rob Lucci!" Tyki Mykk proclaimed

"But….isn't that considered the greatest anime fight scene of all time?" Allen asked

"………Good point"

--

"Despite their efforts however, most of the Excorists are killed, and all seems lost…until General Cross appears!" Nukid revealed

_**Cutaway gag….**_

We see General Cross appear in the crumbling Ark

"Don't worry Baka Apprentice! I'll save the da…zzzzzzzzzzzzzz" Cross snored at the end

_**End gag…..**_

"Under Cross's guidance, Allen finds himself inside a strange piano room. It's in here Allen is told to play a tune on the piano that will restore the Arc and save his friends. Thanks to the help of an enigmic figure known as the "14th Noah", Allen plays the song and both the Arc and Allens friends are brought back to life" Nukid explained

"And yes, this happened before that god awful Naruto chapter"

"After saving his friends, Allen and co. head back to base to rest" Nukid explained "but they don't have much time to rest, for the Earl returns once more with his strongest warrior, a Level 4 Akuma" Nukid revealed

"As I said earlier, the Level 4 Akuma is the god awfully powerful Akuma. Even Allen, who after his powerup could kill a Level 3 Akuma with ease, can't handle this guy alone, and cannot stop the thing from destroying the Black Order base"

"With the combined effort of nearly all the Excorists, the Level 4 is killed, and The Black Order lick their wounds, preparing for their next battle" Nukid said, before getting somewhat excited

"Aw man, like I said earlier, things are kickass by this point! What's gonna happen next in the anime?! How far will it adapt the ongoing Manga?! Come on, give us more!" Nukid demaned

(Words **"Anime gets cancelled" **appear onscreen)

"…………..Ah……f…ff….fffffffffffff**…FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!...."**

_**An hour later….**_

Nukid sighed "all better now…but yea, the anime stops here, even though the Earl has yet to be defeated, and the fight is still going on. Many people speculate why the Anime finished so abruptly, my guess being because of Hoshino's constant breaks"

"Still, the manga has returned, and I'm hoping that soon, the anime will too" Nukid said encouragingly "because, even though I made fun of this anime a lot, it is still a GOOD anime"

"Yea, it has issues. A rocky start, boring filler and not always original, but you guys have to trust me when I say this anime is WORTH watching. It is in many ways, a anime that improves as it goes along"

"It's by no means the best Shonen anime. One Piece, Bleach and Katekyo Hitman Reborn are all far better in my opinion, but I still think you can find a place in your heart for this anime"

"I'm the Nostalgia Kid! I remember it because you're all idiots" Nukid saluted, before getting off his chair and leaving

_The Actual Review:_

_Pros: Good characters, good villains, interesting second half, Neutral-Christian show, manga is still ongoing_

_Cons: Rocky Start, takes too much from other anime, ends abruptly, hit or miss dub_

_Overall: Worth a watch, but don't go expecting a masterpiece_

_Rating: 2 and a Half Stars (Out of 4)_


	6. Digimon: The Movie

Hey everyone. Today, I take a dump on my childhood. Enjoy

**Warning: The language in this review may not be suitable for minors. If you're under the age of 18 and have not heard the word "retard" before……Ed, Caboose, Tobi, Tara Gilesbie**

* * *

We see The Nostalgia Kid sitting at his usual table, ready to start today's review, a smile on his face

"Hello I'm the Nostalgia Kid! I remember it because you're all idiots!" Nukid greeted "For every Anime fan, there are those very first animes that you remember watching as a child that you'll never forget. I had several, such as Pokemon, Beyblade, Dragonall Z, Yu-Gi-Oh to name most"

"And while no doubt, Dragonball is my all time favourite from this list, there was one anime that holds a special place in my heart. An anime, known as Digimon"

(Various scenes from the first two seasons of Digimon appear onscreen)

"Digimon tells the tale of several, average teenagers suddenly being transported into the "Digital World", where they meet talking creatures known as "Digimon", creatures made from digital data"

"After a series of events, the kids find out that they're destined to become the "Digi-Destined, partners of various Digimon to help save both the real world and the Digi World from various villains" Nukid explained

"To those who've never seen Digimon, I assure you the similarities to another 90s show with teenagers, alternate worlds and destined powers are just coincidental" Nukid assured

Red Ranger: "IT'S MORPHIN TIME!!"

"COINCIDENTAL!!" Nukid shouted, before calming down again

"For me, Digimon came into my life when my enjoyment of Pokemon swayed a little. I was a big Pokemon nut at one point, so when I first heard of Digimon, it felt like they were just trying to pick a fight with Pokemon"

**_Cutaway gag…_**

We see a Pikachu smiling bright eyed in a sunny, grassy field

"Hello! I'm Pikachu, and I'm a Pokemon!!" Pikachu greeted happily

From Pikachu's left, an Agumon appears and stands beside Pikachu

"Hi there. I'm Agumon, and I'm a Digimon!" Agumon greeted with a wave of his claw

When he heard the word "Digimon", Pikachu turned to the Digimon, an angry look on its face "Oh fuck you"

_**End gag….**_

"To my surprise, not only would I find a series enjoyable, but I found a series that actually ENDED!!" Nukid shouted the last word "seriously Pokemon, 630+ episodes is just going too far"

"Capitalising on the success of the show, 20th Century Fox decided to bring out a Digimon Movie!" Nukid explained, "Unlike Pokemon, there were no full length feature films, but the distributors came up with an idea"

"What they did was combine three short Digimon films together, consisting of the prequel movie "Digimon Adventure", the second set in the first series "Our War Game", and the third set in the second season, "Hurricane Touchdown"" Nukid explained

"Why am I reviewing this movie? Because like the series itself, much of it was edited and changed to westernise and fit it in to a two hour film. But, why spare you the discomfort? Let's dig in, to Digimon: The Movie!"

**Digimon: The Movie Review**

"Okay, we are first introduced to the movie with the western Digimon opening" Nukid explained "now the opening to Digimon is pretty lame, but it's a catchy kind of lame, and enjoyable in its own way, so I guess it's a comfortable way to start things up!"

--

**_"Di di di…Digimon….Digimon…"_**

--

"Ah the annoying stuttering with that weird computer voice, how nostalgic!" Nukid sighed happily"

--

_**"The digi-valution is up and runin'  
Did you see, did you hear, did ya know it was comin'?  
Our digi-destiny starts today, let me hear you say"**_

--

The smile on Nukid face went away instantly. His face began to pale and his mouth gaped in horror

"Wh…what was that?..…"

--

**"**_**When digi win, the digi-vice in hand, its a digi dynamic force in digi land  
When the digi past and digi present collide time to digi-phy"**_

--

"Oh no…..oh god no…"

--

**"**_**The digi world is digi safe, and now will meet its digi fate,  
Good digimon to protect what's right, we'll have to digi-phy"**_

--

"You…..sick bastards…"

--

_**"The digi dudes will digi rule with digi nobility digi school  
Save the world from a digital disaster.  
Then right from the net meet the digital master"**_

--

A single tear flowed down Nukids left eye

--

**"**_**Let's rap this up. let's rap this up.  
The digi-valution will not be stopped, digimon rule. digimon rock.  
Remember the digi things i say and digi save the day"**_

--

"…………………………………..You turned…..an borderline annoying song…….INTO A RAP?!!" Nukid screamed, slamming his head on the desk over and over

"What the fuck were you taking when you thought Digimon and rap would go together?! Are you out of your bloody mind?!! Oh god…." Nukid groaned, crying into his arms

"When does rap EVER go good in anime?!" Nukid asked loudly

(Picture of Samurai Champloo appears onscreen)

"Besides that anime"

(Picture of Afro Samurai appears onscreen)

"Besides THAT anime too?!" Nukid growled, rubbing his eyes with his mouth

"God I feel dirty just watching that opening. Honestly dubbing companies, 2nd rate rap songs make me cry at night" Nukid sighed "anyway, on with the movie"

--

"Who say's there's no such things as monsters?" Said Kairi

--

"After My Immortal, no one"

--

"My name is Kairi. I'm a part of a group called the digidestined. There were only a handful of us at first, but we've added a few more since then" Kairi greeted

--

"As you may have already guessed, this movie relies on you to know what the fuck a Digimon is" Nukid said

--

"Do you know there's actually two worlds? Our world, and the digital world! Now don't plan a vaction there, and I don't even know where it is!" Kairi laughed

--

"Who would want to go to a world filled with man killing Digimon and monstrous villains, with little idea of where to go or how to get out anyway?" Nukid asked sarcastically

"We quickly cut to a flashback to 8 years ago, when Kairi and her older brother Tai first laid eyes on a Digimon egg"

(screen shows the Digimon egg pull itself out of a computer screen as Kairi and Tai Watched)

"Damn, I heard you could get anything on the internet, but this takes the cake!" Nukid whistled

"Rather than do the profitable thing and show it to the world and become more famous than the lady who pretended to give birth to rabbits……..Tai and Kairi decide keep it and hide it from their mom!"

"However, things go from strange from stranger when the egg hatches"

(screen shows the scene where the egg hatches, revealing a round black thing with yellow eyes)

"OH MY GOD IT HATCHED A HEARTLESS!!" Nukid screamed "Somebody go get Phoenix! NOW!!"

"Despite it looking like it came right from Hell itself, the two still decide to keep it. As they feed it however, the Digimon completely changes from a black, round ball to a pink ball with ears……so not much of an improvement"

"However, it also gains one of the most horrifying things possible…." Nukid grimaced "….the ability to talk"

--

"So do you have a name?" Kairi asked the Digimon

"My name is Koromon!" Koromon revealed

"My name is Kairi….Kairi, and this is my brother, his name is Tai…Tai" Kairi tried to explained

"Hiya Kairi Kairi Tai Tai!"

--

"Hello Wanker Wanker Cunt Cunt"

"As if things couldn't get any weirder, Koromon starts to change appearance again at night, though this time his change is….well, more noticable as he turns into the yellow dinosaur Agumon" Nukid said

_**Cutaway gag…..**_

We see Koromon slowly grow huge in size as he turned into Agumon, destroying the bedroom he, Tai and Kairi were sleeping in

"Koromon digivolve to……GODZILLA RIP OFF!!!"

_**End gag…..**_

"Deciding to play "Grand Theft Digimon" Kairi decides to ride on Agumons back as the giant Digimon across the city" Nukid explained "and their adventures range from destroying cars, breaking vending machines, and further proving my belief Digimon are the spawn of the Devil"

"Tai is not far behing, running after his sister and the Agumon. However things go from bad to worse when in the sky, a Digimon suddenly appears called Parrotmon!" Nukid said, before sighing

"……..Parrotmon?…….Ugh….."

--

"That's a big bird" Kairi pointed out

--

"Kairi, if the Godzilla movie is anything to go by, stating the obvious just makes you look like a prick"

"When Tai finds Kairi and Agumon, the two are confronted by Parrotmon. To protect the two, Agumon digivolves into his Champion form, Greymon and the two Digimon fight in a huge monster battle" Nukid explained

"Though, this is Japan, so big monster battles is nothing new"

_**Cutaway gag….**_

A Japanese man in his 30s sat reading the paper at the kitchen table, when he suddenly felt a huge tremor

"Honey! What was that?!" the Japanese man called out to his wife

"Oh, just two giant monsters fighting to the death and destroying several buildings dear" his wife replied

"Oh" the man replied casually, going back to his newspaper "they're early this week"

_**End gag…..**_

"With the ecouragement of Tai, Greymon manages to defeat Parrotmon, but with it, Greymon dissapears……and both Tai and Kairi seem to completely forget this, until four years later"

"With the first part of the movie done, we move onto part two of this movie, "Our War Game", which is set just after the end of the first season" Nukid explained "and once again, you're fucked if you haven't watched the series already"

"One of the Digidestined Izzy, discovers that a Digi egg has harboured itself and hatched inside the Internet, and the Digimon slowly takes over the internet"

"There's also this subplot where Tai's trying to make amends with Sora…..but no one really gives a shit" Nukid grumbled

"Izzy heads over to Tai's house, where he explains that the Digimon is corrupting all technology around the world, literally fucking up all technology across the world"

--

We see a lady working in a shop scanning a box of chocolates for a customer

"Okay that's one box of chocloates, your total comes to one million one hundred HUH?!!" the shop lady gasped, looking at the compute

"Yea, that's what it say. That must be some really good chocolate. Pay up" the shop lady says as the customers stares in shock

--

"What people don't know is that this scene actually took place in Zimbabwe" Nukid laughed

"With all the worlds technology getting raped by the quickly digivolving Keramon, Tai and Izzy get a message from their Digimon pals in the Digital world! With Agumon and Tentamon the only ones capable, they head out through the internet to fight the evil Digimon" Nukid explained

"But, since this episode is not even half way, you can guess they get fucked over" Nukid deadpanned

_**Cutaway gag….**_

Agumon and Tentamon layed almost lifeless in the open internet world where they had fought, beaten by the now ultimate level Infermon

"This is….the only useful thing I'll do in this movie, isn't it?" Tentamon asked Agumon

Agumon shrugged "hey, you're not the franchises mascot like I am"

_**End gag…..**_

"Needing help from the rest of the digidestined, Tai frantically calls all his friends fo help, but is only able to get Matt and T.K. to assist" Nukid said "Joe is taking a test at school, Sora's having her period and Kairi is at a birthday party"

--

"I can't come home! You don't understand, the magician's coming over later and I already volunteered to get sawn in half" Kairi explained over the phone

"Whatever, just tell the half with feet to come home soon" Tai groaned on the other end

--

"Gotta admit, that was actually a pretty funny line" Nukid admitted

"And as for the final Digidestined, Mimi…..well…"

--

"Hawaii is paradise! I don't have a care in the world! And I'm wishing you were here!! Haha!" Mimi laughed as she sat sunbathing in Hawaii

--

"Bitch"

"With only Matt and T.K. to help, Gabumon and Patamon are the only ones able to go fight Infermon in the internet. Well, what a coincidence that both Agumon and Gabumon can go Mega Level, the ultimate level a Digimon can go!……..Until they do a Dragonball and make a level higher than Mega" Nukid grumbled

"The now Mega level WarGreymon and MetalGarurumon fight the now Mega level Diaboromon, but Diaboromon finds a way to copy itself hundreds of times, and beats the living crap out of the two"

"What's worse, is that Izzy learns that Diaboromon has launch a missile straight towards Tai and Izzy's hometown, killing them all unless they kill Diaboromon quick" Nukid explained. His face went uneasy at this

"Wow…that's…pretty dark for a kids movie"

"Things aren't looking good though, as both WarGreymon and Metal Garurumon have been brought to near death by the hundreds of Diaboromon. Tai and Matt, grieving over their Digimon partners, go inside the internet itself"

Roy Campbell: "I am not joking"

"WarGreymon and MetalGarurumon manage to live on and fight Diaboromon thanks to Tai and Matts love, and the encouragement of millions of people, all spurring them on through the internet as they watch"

"How not one of those people doesn't step back and realise hw ridiculous this all is, is beyong me" Nukid sighed

"With new found power, WarGreymon and MetalGarurumon manage to DNADigivolve into Omnimon!" Nukid exclaimed

_**Cutaway gag…**_

Tai and Matt watch as their Digimon partners digivolved into Omnimon

"This whole movie was made to advertise the second series wasn't it?" Matt asked Tai

"Probably"

_**End gag….**_

"With only a second to spare, Omnimon manages to kill the real Diaboromon, and stop the bomb from blowing up Tai's home. The world is saved, Tai and Sora's stupid sub plot is resolved, and I'm thankfully two thirds through this shitfest" Nukid sighed in relief

"The final part of the movie is the westernisation of the short movie, "Hurricane Touchdown" set in the second series. With most of the original Digi Destined now teenagers and now realising how stupid this all this….they've gotten new Digi destined!" Nukid proclaimed

"First, there's Davis and his partner Veemon"

"_I'm a blatent copy of Tai!"_

"Then there's Yolei and her partner Hawkmon"

"_I'm an annoying bitch!"_

"And finally there's Cody and his partner Armadillomon"

"_I sound like I smoke fifty a day!"_

"While these three are at the beach having fun, returning members T.K. and Kari are in New York visiting Mimi" Nukid explained

--

"I'm getting a feeling there's something really strange out there, but I'm not quite sure what it is yet. It needs our help though" Kari said in deep thought

--

"Kari, you're in America. With their shitty healthcare, everyone needs help"

"But no, it turns out Kari's seemingly unexplained supernatural senses are correct, as a young boy named Willis and his Digimon Terriermon are being hunted down by a giant Digimon called Kokomon"

(Screen shows picture of Kokomon)

"….Good god, in both name and appearance, he looks like the disfigured brother of the Coco Pops mascot" Nukid snarled

_**Cutaway gag…..**_

We see Kokomon, slowly advancing towards Willis and Terriermon in a dark alley

**"**_**I'd rather have a bowl of CocoMON!!"** _KoKomon sang and roared

_**End gag….**_

"Terriermon tried to fight off Kokomon, but ultimately gets his ass kicked. Kokomon does not kill the two, but merely tells Willis to "go back", and vanishes when T.K. and Kari arrive"

"Go back?………To Cocopops?"

_**Cutaway gag….**_

"Go back…..to Cocopops Willis" Kokomon said in a low voice

"NO!! I'll never leave my Frosties!! They're Gr-r-reat!" Willis screamed back

_**Cutaway gag….**_

"Before they can speak to Willis, he and Terriermon runs away. T.K. and Kari email Davis, Yolei and Cody to ask for their help, and the three set off to meet up with them in Colorado"

"How old are these kids? 10? 12? What GOOD parents would trust them to travel the world safely?!"

"While on their travels, the group meet Willis and Terriermon- this movies expects you to believe in the almost impossible- and the group forms a friendship with Willis"

"When Davis, Veemon, Willis and Teeriermon get accidently left behind, the group is suddenly attacked by Kokomon. Terriermon Digivolves into Gargomon, and Veemon Armour Digivolves into Flamedramon"

"Once again, if you've not seen the series, you're fucked"

"The group fight Kokomon, who leaves before being defeated. Davis and Willis head back to the group, where Willis reveals the shocking truth" Nukid said with a gasp

"You see, Willis actually had two Digimon for partners, the other being Kokomon. When wanting a third Digimon friend, Willis tried to create one, however that led to the creation of Diaboromon, and we all know how THAT turned out!" Nukid laughed. Suddenly though, his face went pale, and he turned to the camera in disbelief

"Wait a minute, Wait a minute, Wait a minute………now I can accept the fact Willis is a genius and pretty good at computers, but even so……you're telling me a kid younger than 10 was able to create a virus that was pretty much the equivilant of Y2K?!!…………………………………………………WHAT THE FU-"

_**1 hour of counselling later……**_

Nukid breathed a sigh, calming down "I'm okay now. For some reason, that did not piss me off as much as "Ninjas Wanting Peace" did"

"Anyway, turns out Diaboromon wasn't completely killed, and he managed to reach Kokomon and corrupt him. Since then, Kokomon has haunted Willis and Terriermon, but Davis and the others decide to make the final stand against Kokomon and take him out!"

"As you can guess, the initial conclusion to the fight is…."

(Scenes of Veemon, Hawkmon, Armadillomon and Terriermon being used as jugling balls)

"……not so good. Kokomon digivolves first into Antylamon, and then Cherubimon, effectively kicking the Digidestined asses" Nukid explained

"T.K. and Kari appear to save the day with Angemon and Angewomon. However, Cherubimon suddenly starts to make all the Digidestined 4 years younger, revealing that he wanted Willis to "go back" in time to when the virus first attacked him"

"………….At this point, nothing surprises me anymore"

"As a last resort, Angemon and Angewomon Digivolve to their Mega levels Magnadramon and Seraphimon in order to release the Golden Digi-Eggs for Willis and Davis, turning Veemon and Terriermon into Magnamon and Rapidmon" Nukid explained

"You might as well called them "Deus Ex Machinamon"

"After a hard struggle, Magnamon and Rapidmon manage to finally beat the corrupted Kokomon, destroying the virus for good and freeing Kokomon. After saying goodbye to his new friends, Willis and Terriermon walk back home, and notice the Digi-Egg that will hatch into Kokomon, showing that their friend will very soon return" Nukid finished

"Ah what a happy ending………But what a lackluster movie!" Nukid spat

"This movie isn't terrible, and it's certainly isn't boring, but it suffers from stupid plot points, westernised crap and a generally empty feeling at the end when the movie is done!"

"I said at the beginning how the Digimon series was better than Pokemon because it had an ending, but honestly, the Pokemon movies are WAY better than this dissapointment!"

"I'm the Nostalgia Kid! I remember it because you're all idiots" Nukid saluted, before getting off his chair and leaving

_The Actual Review:_

_Pros: Good action, decent enough animation, SOME moments of coolness, surprisingly good soundtrack_

_Cons: Hit or miss dub, very stupid plot points, a lot of westernisation, impossible to understand unless you've seen the series, generally empty feeling after watching it for Digimon fans_

_Overall: Only watchable for big Digimon fans, and even then it's lackluster_

_Rating: 1 and a Half Stars (Out of 4)_


	7. Eureka Seven: Pocket Full Of Rainbows

Hey everyone. Here's my next review! Enjoy

**Warning: The language in this review may not be suitable for minors. If you're under the age of 18 and have not heard the word "cunt" before, then you're most certainly a virgin**

* * *

We see The Nostalgia Kid sitting at his desk. He breathed a sigh of relief, like he was finally relaxed

"Hello I'm the Nostalgia Kid; I remember it because you're all idiots" Nukid greeted "well gang, time for our next review. You know when you're living at a place like Author Fighter HQ and dealing with Darksides half the time, its nice to have some alone time and review some cra-"

"Hello I'm the Digimon Critic; I review them just for you!" DarkMagicianmon suddenly came into the room and sat down besides Nukid

Nukid slowly turned towards Dark, saying nothing at first. After a moment of silence, Nukid said "Dark….what are you doing?"

"Don't you remember Nukid? You promised you'd let me co review with you when reviewing this movie" Dark explained to Nukid, to which replied by scratching his head in confusion

"Co reviewing with you? When the hell did I agree to that?!" Nukid demanded

"After I drugged you"

"What?"

"Nevermind" Dark quickly said "besides, you need someone to push you in making these reviews. You're too lazy you know that?"

"True true…." Nukid sighed, giving up "I suppose it makes sense you helping me on this one. After all, you're the only author besides me that's watched Eureka Seven"

"That's correct Nukid. You and I are the only authors in the whole AF to have watched all of Eureka Seven" Dark nodded "and I believe we both agree on one thing, don't we?"

"You got that right boss" Nukid nodded, showing newfound optimism "Eureka Seven is FRACKING AWESOME!!"

(Various scenes from the anime appear onscreen)

"Eureka Seven is a one of a kind anime, unlike any other anime made before or after. Produced by Studio Bones in April 2005, Eureka Seven tells the tale of Renton Thurston and his life with the anti military group, Gekkostate" Nukid explained

"Eureka Seven is primarily a Mecha anime, but there's far more to it than that" Dark stated "the show deals with several themes, such as racial integration, Religious tolerance, political climates and an odd depiction of the surfing culture"

"But above all else, it is a love story" Nukid said "a story of true love between Renton Thurston and the Coralian Eureka. At first it's more of a one sided/puppy dog love on Rentons part, but the two find themselves truly falling for each other and unable to live without the other"

"Since the love story between them spans the whole series, it's safe to say it's arguebly the best pairing in all of anime" Dark noted "and unlike most popular pairings, it actually has a satisfactory conclusion"

"Indeed boss, indeed" Nukid nodded in agreemant "overall, this series is fantastic, and both me and Dark highly recommened it to every anime fan out there"

"That we do" Dark said, before sighing "but….we're not here to talk about the series"

"Ah….if only" Nukid grumbled, shaking his head "no, we're here to talk about the movie that came after it, "Eureka Seven: Pocket Full Of Rainbows"

(Various scenes from the movie appear onscreen…..which BTW steals a lot of scenes from the anime)

"Eureka Seven: Pocket Full Of Rainbows is not a sequel to the series, but a retelling of this beloved anime" Dark said "that's fine. After all this is pretty common in anime"

"Yeah, RahXephon, Neon Genesis Evangelion and nearly every Gundam series retells their story through movie adaptations" Nukid said "but at LEAST they stick true to the story and what made them so great! This movie however drops nearly everything that made Eureka Seven such a great anime and rapes it!"

"Well Nukid, there's no time like the present. Shall we begin?" Dark asked his partner

"Sure" Nukid nodded reluctantly "there's a knife in the drawer if you feel the urge to cut yourself"

**Eureka Seven: Pocket Full Of Rainbows Review**

"The movie starts out on a snowy night, where a very young Renton Thurston and Eureka are being taken up to a mountain by their teacher, Dominic Soyle" DM began

--

"_That day, our teacher took us behind the apartments to walk up a mountain"_ Renton explained, seemingly talking about a past memory _"I don't know why our strict teacher suddenly took us outside, or why he suddenly wanted to take us up the mountains"_

--

"If this wasn't Dominic we were talking about, I'd be very worried about all this" Nukid shuddered

"Turns out in this movie, Dominic is the teacher of a very young Renton and Eureka, and he's taking the two up to the a giant hill, along with the Nirvash" DM explained

"The Nirvash? The giant, living robot on a skateboard used by Renton and Eurekain the series? I know it had a mind of its own, but wouldn't they need to drive it in order to move it?" Nukid asked skeptically

"Welll…."

--

(screen shows Nirvash, who was now a small pasty coloured pokemon like creature)

--

"….Why is there a Pokemon in this movie?" Nukid asked, dumbfounded

"That's the Nirvash Nukid. It's gone from its super awesome robot design to a glorified pokemon" Dark grumbled

"…………2 minutes in and I already feel raped by this movie" Nukid sighed

"Anyway, as Dominic takes the three up the mountain we learn from him that humanity is currently in a war against a race known as the Images" Dark explained

"Images? You mean a new race, separate from the series?!"

"No, they're just the Coralians with a different name" Dark replied

"Fuck"

--

(scene of Dominic showing Renton, Eureka and Nirvash a bright, exotic flower hidden in the snow appears onscreen)

"You see, this flower blooms to radiate rainbow light once every century, on a day when stardust falls" Dominic explained "if you make a wish inside that rainbow light, your wish will definitely be granted"

--

Nukid raised an eyebrow "I thought a wish came true when you wished on a falling star"

"And I thought you found gold at the end of a rainbow" Dark added

Nukid and Dark looked at each other, and shrugged "who knows?"

--

"Your teacher needs to go and perform an experiment, so in my place, I want you to watch over this….this hill of the Luna-crystal flower" Dominic asked the three kindly

"_Next morning, teacher left the town without saying goodbye"_ Renton explained

--

"Probably realised this movie was gonna suck and high tailed it outta there" Dark said

--

_"A week later, we found out he died"_

--

"Must've committed suicide as well"

"After his death, the laboratory that hid Renton and Eureka was attacked by the Liberation Army under allegations of treason. The army finds Renton and Eureka, and apprehends Eureka" Nukid explained

"As Renton and Eureka try to fight the soldiers off, one of the soldiers forces Eureka into the sun, where he skin burns and turns bright green" Dark explained. Nukid looked at him funnily

"You mean like Twilight?" Nukid asked

"They don't turn bright green in Twilight, Nukid"

"They sparkle! Does this make Eureka a vampire?"

"……..Yes Nukid, Eureka is a vampire"

"Really?"

"NO YOU IDIOT!!" Dark shouted

--

(screen changes to show the Gekkostate flying towards a city, currently being invaded by the Image)

--

"Well anyway, Eureka is taken, but Renton is determined to save her. 8 years later, Renton has enlisted into the Liberation Army-with a now robotic Nirvash- and joined the Gekkostate division in hopes to one day find Eureka" Dark explained

"Gekkostate division? You mean Gekkostate isn't an anti government group trying to save the planet like in the series?" Nukid asked surprisingly

"At this point in the movie, no they're just regular soldiers"

"Wow, that's……….reall uncool"

--

"April, 2009 AD. A mysterious giant life form known as the Image appeared in the South Pacific and began their invasion of Earth. Forty five years have gone by since the war between mankind and the Image started" explained an elderly woman

The screen shows the elderly woman, who had long pink hair tied up in a bow, reading a book and talking to a black version of the small Nirvash

--

"………………….Is that who I think that is?" Nukid asked, his face pale

"….Yea….I think that is Anemone" Dark nodded, equally pale

"….W..why is she…..so old?" Nukid asked, his voice getting more and more high piched

"I….don't know…"

--

(screen shows Renton in the Nirvash and Holland in his Devilfish, attacking the Image invading the city)

--

Nukid said "Well, the movie goes back to Renton and Gekkostate, where we see Renton and Holland attack the fish looking Image with their various weapons. Ranging from blades, guns and…."

--

"Compact Feedback System, Activate!" Holland commanded

Through Hollands mind, we see hundreds of red lights, showing the humans and the Images souls. Holland heads for the nearest Image, and literally forces out its soul

--

"No movie, this is Eureka Seven, not Soul Eater" Nukid deadpanned

"As the fighting continues, Renton gets shot down by one of the Images, and crashes into a large government building. While frightened at first, Renton quickly doesn't regret crashing there" Dark explained

--

"Eureka?!" Renton called out, jumping out the Nirvash cockpit and looking down towards Eureka

"It can't be….Renton? Are you really Renton?!" Eureka asked, shocked to see him after 8 years

--

"Hooray! Renton and Eureka shave found each other, and can live happily ever after! End of movie! Hope you all enjoyed! Let's go!" Nukid cheered, jumping out his chair and running out the room

"Oh no you don't! We're reviewing this whole movie! Levitate!" Dark roared, lifting his staff up

"AAAHHHH!!!" Nukid screamed as he suddenly flew back into the room, literally hovering in the air as he crashed into the wall. Nukid grudgingly got back up and sat back in his chair

"Fucking magic…." Nukid grumbled "after this seemingly improbable reunion, Renton helps Eureka escape from the Image by destroying the whole invasion fleet, and takes her onto the Gekkostate"

"Meanwhile, the three sages of the central government begin discussing Dewey, the main antagonist of the series" Dark said

"Oh ho ho! So the mainbad guy, the big cheese is making his appearance is he? Well now, I wonder what dasterly plot Dewey has up his sleeve now?!" Nukid said excitedly

Dark shifted in his seat uncomfortably "Yea…..about that……he's actually dead in this movie"

"D….dead? Well, surely he has some huge impact on the story. Perhaps before his death, he left something that could potentially destroy the world, or something that could kill of the humans or the Image"

"Erm….all it was said he did was experiment on orphins that would later become Gekkostate"

"……….You're telling me…that the main antagonist-and a GOOD one at that-of the series has been reduced to a minor role?" Nukid asked Dark

"Pretty much"

"……Fffffffffffffffffff fiddlesticks"

"…Right" Dark nodded in confusion "anywho, one of the sages of the Government, Koda, begins investigating into Dewey and the Orphans he left behind. That is, until she gets a message, learning that the Gekkostate division has gone missing from the armies radar"

"Back on Gekkostate, Eureka explains to Renton that she is not human and that she is subconsciously a spy for the Image, sent to investigate the human race. She also explains that eventually, her body will stop functioning and she will die….how cheery" Nukid grumbled

"Renton doesn't have long to dwell on this however when the Gekkostate is attacked by the army. Doumbfounded, Renton could only watch as his team destroy and kill the people he once fought were on his side" Dark explained

"Fortunately for Renton, the Gekkostate has an answer for their rebellion" Nukid stated

--

"Everyone who is a part of the Gekkostate division is only seventeen years old" Holland explains to a tied up Renton

--

"Holland explains that at an incident called "The agony of Doha", was a secret experiment on several war orphans, in which ultimately caused all of the children to rapidly age" Dark explains

"Oh, so that explains it all…." Nukid said quietly, in deep thought

"Pretty much…." Dark nodded, also in deep thought

"………."

"………."

"………."

"………."

Nukid and Dark looked at each other, and then **"WHAT?!!"**

"Th…th…that doesn't make an sense!! There are so many flaws with that!! For starters WHY have they all aged differently?! Seriously, how can some age up to 20 but others age up to 50?!! Surely they'd age the same way, right?!!" Dark complained

"And if they REALLY are seventeen, I somehow doubt they are capable of flying the Gekko ship or the Devilfish, or ANYTHING that needs several years of teaching!" Nukid added angrily

"THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!!" Nukid and Dark shouted in unison

"….Well, after that horrible plot point, Holland explains that during thexperiment, they saw visions of a world they called "Neverland", a world where they would never age and could live normal life spans. It is their desire to find Neverland, through Renton and Eureka's help" Dark explained

"Renton, like any sane person, refuses to help them and chastises them for killing people once on their side" Nukid explained "meanwhile, Koda meets with Rentons older sister Diane Thurston, who explains that the Image can move subatomic particles, and are trying to restructure the world shaped by a so called dream"

"Let's just hope whoevers dream they shape the world from wasn't thinking of war…..or nuclear bombs………..or Twilight" Dark shuddered

"Back on the Gekkostate, Eureka eavesdrop as Holland talks to Happ and discusses Renton, who insists on not helping them find Neverland. Happ brings up the possibility of brainwashing Renton into helping them, to which Eureka decides to help Renton escape the ship while she stayed behind" Nukid said

"Renton tries to persuade Eureka to come too, but she insists that she stay and die, for with her death, the Image will not be able to destroy the world" Dark said "but Renton won't have any of this, and both he and Eureka go into Nirvash and help fight off the invading forces that are attacking the Gekko ship"

"After, Renton agrees that he'll help Gekkostate find Neverland, so long as he stays beside Eureka and the Nirvash" Dark stated "With that the two go on a date, though the date itself isn't shown, so we can only guess what they did. Maybe they went to the circus, maybe the saw a movie, maybe they went to get pizza…"

"Or maybe they had sex!" Nukid suggested. Dark stared annoyingly at Nukid, before hitting the assassin over the head with his staff

"Unfortunately, not everyone on the Gekkostate is convinced about Renton and Eureka. Happs and Stoner-two rather podgy members who were nice guys in the series- begin to doubt whether the two are the real deal, and they set out to find out" Dark explained

"Meanwhile, Koda and the two other sages are near in completing the "Hammer of God", a gigantic satellite that is intended to blow up large amounts of Image at once……what are the chances of THAT working?"

"Zero"

"Thought so" Nukid grumbled "back on the Gekko, Eureka heads to the hager bay when the Nirvash begans to act crazy and destroy everything"

"Perhaps he realised just bad of a movie he was in" Dark mumbled "while she tries to calm him down, Happ and Stoner enter the hanger bay, and……"

--

We see Eureka confront Stoner and Happ, who is holding a revolver. Happ suddenly smashes Eureka in the face with his gun, knocking her down

--

Nukid and DarkMagicianmons jaws dropped

--

"You're not really the armys most highly classified subject, are you?" Happ asked menacingly as he held Eureka to the ground

--

Nukid and Dark stared at the screen with shocked expressions

--

Stoner grabs Eureka arms as Happ tears off the back of Eureka clothes

--

"…Stoner…."

--

Renton enters to room and starts punching Happ over and over. Happ slowly raises his gun at Rentons chest, and shoots Renton

--

"….Happ…."

--

As Happ and Stoner slowly stand back up, Nirvash throws its sheild at the two, sending them flying into the wall, crushing them both

--

Nukid and Dark were left speechless, neither speaking at all. The two just stared at the screen with theirjaws open. Eventually, the two turned to each other

"Do you wanna go first?" Nukid asked Dark

"I think we should do it together" Dark replied

"Allright then" Nukid nodded. The two authors breathed in deeply

"WHAT IN THE HOLY LOVING FUCK OF RETARDED KENYANS JUST HAPPENED?!!!" Nukid and Dark shouted in unison

"H..H..Happ and Stoner, two of the nicest, most cheerful members of the Gekkostate, just tried to kill Renton and Eureka?!!" Dark trembled

"This is it Dark! This movie has gone too far!" Nukid cried "this is WORSE than Hellsing the TV series! This is worse than the Digimon movie! This is worse than one of Sgt. Reynols DA journals!!"

"Careful Nukid, bear in mind what you're saying" Dark warned, now a lot calmer "but Nukid is right, this is really the breaking point. The point of no return for this movie"

"Do we REALLY have to watch the rest of this movie?!" Nukid whined "I can't take it anymore!"

"We must Nukid…..for our readers"

"Aye….for our readers" Nukid sighed "you guys fucking owe me for this"

(Screen shows the Three Sages talking)

"With the Hammer of God at the ready, it is decided that they will use it to defeat the Image once and for all, seeing it as humanities only shot at survival against the Image" Dark explained

"Meanwhile back on the Gekko-which seem to have not noticed they've lost two members- the Gekkostate head towards a place known as the Voderac temple" Nukid added

(Screen shows the Gekkostate-minus an unconscious Renton- meeting an old Anemone inside the Voderac structure)

"Inside the temple, Anemone explains her part in this story, and how she would "break the seal" and give aid to the white, holy being" Dark said

"They can never give you clear answers in anime, can they?"

"Nope" Dark sighed "however, outside the temple, the Image attacked and cause the ground to tremor. Eureka uses the confusion as a chance to steal a gun, and aim it at Anemone, threatening to kill her if they don't take Renton to a hospital"

"Speaking of Renton, the young lad wakes up from his coma, only to see his dead teacher Dominic greet him" Nukid revealed

_**Cutaway gag……**_

Renton gasps as the spirit of his teacher, Dominic, greets him

"Teacher! What are you doing here?!" Renton asked in shock

"Woooo, I'm the ghost of Christmas future! Renton, in the near future you will star in a horrible remake of the Eureka Seven series!! You must not allow this to happen!" Dominic warned

"…Yea, I'm in that movie right now……..and it's not Christmas"

"Oh………..shit"

_**End gag…..**_

"……….That's the only gag I've done this episode" Nukid pointed out

"Well, you've concentrated more on commenting on the dialogue than creating gags, Nukid" Dark stated

"I suppose…" Nukid grumbed, sighing "…I just get the feeling people will say this one wasn't a good review"

"Well anyway, through inspiration from his teacher, Renton manages to pilot the Nirvash again and take Eureka, away from the hands of the Gekkostate, who he feels are just using him and Eureka" Dark explained

"If that's the case, why did he bother joining Gekkostate in the first place if he was gonne leave them the next day?" Nukid asked

"Nukid, are you honestly asking for logic from this movie?" Dark asked skeptically

"No sir"

--

"What did you do to them?!" Holland demanded from a now teen Anemone

"What I did….all I did was cheer them on" Anemone replied calmly

"If we don't cause the legend to occur, then we're all gonna die! You knew this and…"

"You really are a spoiled child" Anemone interrupted "why don't you try making your own legend"

--

"I miss the mad, spoilt, rude, sarcastic Anemone boss" Nukid sighed in dissapointment

"Me too Nukid….me too"

--

(screen shows Holland and the Devilfish chasing after the Nirvash)

"Holland, not being one to give up, attacks the Nirvash and tried to force the two come back, all the while Renton is slowly dying from his wound" Nukid explained "Holland attacks almost mercilessly, determined to not lose his hopes for a normal life"

"That is, of course until he uses the Compact Feedback System to attack their souls. However, in the process he finds out that Talho, his lover, is pregnant with his child! Wanting to live for the child, Holland stops his near suicidal attack, and lets the two go" Dark explained

"Wow…….ain't that technically underaged sense?" Nukid asked

"Nukid, don't ruin one of the films few decent moments"

"Yes sir. Sorry sir"

--

(Screen shows the Hammer of God attack a large area covered with Image, while at the same time, the Nirvash attacks the area, and becoming engulfed by the satellites beam)

"Because it created an incident similar to the Agony of Doha, Renton, Eureka and Nirvash open the door to the world where time has frozen, Neverland. And what happens when they get there?" Dark asked rhetorrically

--

"Eureka?! What are you?!" Renton asked in shock as Eureka was now naked, with her hair much longer than before. What was the most strange was that now, she seemed unable to speak

--

"…….Eureka is naked, anmesiac and unable to speak…..that's it? That's ALL that happens now they've gotten to Neverland?! That's bullshit!" Dark growled

"Aye…..but Dark, look on the bright side" Nukid said, surprsingly cheerful "Eureka is a goddamn sexy!"

"Nukid, stop thinking with your penis and stop acting perverted" Dark ordered

"Sir…….bite me"

--

"You know, in the end, Nirvash said "both of you can fly even without wings"" Renton told Eureka "He said both of us can fly to our futures with our own two feet now"

Eureka smiled at Renton, and the two looked towards the bright sky as the Gekko slowly flew towards them, where they would all live happily ever after in Neverland

--

"Well ladies and non ladies, that is the end of the movie" Nukid said

"And what is the best way to sum it all up Nukid?" Dark asked rhetorrically

"Three words boss" Nukid and Dark then said in unison "IT'S FUCKING BULLSHIT!!"

"The characters are so OOC it's unbelievable, the plot is so complicated not even Eureka Seven fans will grasp it all, and the ending is so unsatisying you'll want to choke a chicken!" Nukid exclaimed

"Had it been an OVA, it may have worked, but the producers tried to cramp far too much into a two hour time slot, and all we got was a terrible mess that is this movie" Dark explained sadly

"Overall, it's worse than a bad fanfic" Nukid finished, before smiling slyly "though….it's not as stupid as Ninjas wanting peAAAHH!!"

Nukid screamed as he was suddenly lifted off the ground by DarkMgicianmons magic. Dark flicked his hands, and Nukid was sent fling around the room, screaming and crying as he smashed into the wall over and over

"I'm the Digimon Critic!" Dark said over Nukids screams "I remember it just for you!"

"AAAAHHH!! DARK CUT IT OUT!! STOP IT!! AAAAHHHH!!"

_The Actual Review:_

_Pros: Good action, great animation, Eureka at the end is pretty hot_

_Cons: Horrible plot, reuse of scenes from the series, nearly every character in it is OOC_

_Overall: I can't even recommend this to Eureka Seven fans. IT'S THAT BAD!!_

_Rating: 1 Star (Out of 4)_

--

_**To celebrate the release of a new series….**_

"This is a frnachise that dared to do what no other Mecha anime had done before it, and that's give Mecha Anime realism and good character development!"

_**March will be dedicated to one of Japans greatest franchises….**_

"Char Aznable may not mean much to us in the West, but in Japan, he is the equivilant of Darth Vader!"

_**Stay tuned, for next month will be….**_

"Honestly, the Universal century is as big and epic as Star Wars or Halo"

_**GUNDAM MARCH!!**_

**Hehe, just a little teaser for next months reviews. Anyway hope you enjoyed todays review, especially you boss ;). Stay tuned**


	8. A Noobs Introduction To Gundam

Hey everyone. Here's the first chapter in Gundam March! Enjoy

**Warning: The language in this review may not be suitable for minors. If you're under the age of 18 and have not heard the word "Wanker" before, it's what you do at night**

* * *

We see The Nostalgia Kid sitting at his usual table, ready to start today's review, a smile on his face. However, today he was also wearing a shirt with a Mobile Suit Gundam on it

"Hello I'm the Nostalgia Kid! I remember it because you're all idiots!" Nukid greeted "let us go back to a time when the Cold War was still going on, racism was still fun, and where most Americans where fat and obes…. oh wait that hasn't changed…. still, let us go back to 1979!"

(Screen shows different pictures of Animes from the 70s)

"In Japan, the anime industry had grown a fond interest in Mecha Anime. It seemed like giant robots was the big thing back then, and it still is today" Nukid explained, before sighing "but, when I say Mecha anime, I mean exclusively "Super robot" animes"

(Screen shows pictures of animes such as Mazinger Z, Getter Robo and Grozier)

"Now I'm not chastising this genre, in fact there are several super robot animes I enjoy, like Gurren Lagann, Heroic Age and Rahxephon" Nukid insisted "but honestly, except for the good ones, many super robot animes back then could be summed up like this"

_**Cutaway gag……**_

We see Optimus Prime standing alone in a green field, a smile on his mechanical face

"Hello there, I'm Optimus Prime!" Optimus greeted "I have the ability to talk, convert into a truck, and I star in a TV show made solely to advertise our toys!……..I also died for your sins"

_**End gag….**_

"To those who don't get what I'm implying, I'm saying that many Mecha animes were made solely so that they could advertise their toy line. All they had to do was make uninteresting characters, a half assed plot, and spend most of the animation showing off what'll be on sale"

"AKA, it's like the Pokemon anime"

"All that changed though in 1979 when Sunrise director, Yoshiyuki Tomino, began working on a new Mecha anime" Nukid said with a smile "but this series wasn't gonna be like anything before it. This was Mobile Suit Gundam!"

(Screen shows the original opening of Mobile Suit Gundam)

"Gundam CHANGED everything that was seen in Mecha anime. It added realism, it added drama and it added character development!" Nukid stated "but most noticeably, this series had it that people drove these robots, rather than the robots be alive"

"Gundam MADE the real robot genre, and its effect are still felt today. Not only has the franchise gone on for 30 YEARS!!, but many animes have adopted the real robot genre, such as Neon Genesis Evangelion…"

(picture of Neon Genesis Evangelion appears onscreen)

"…Code Geass…"

(picture of Code Geass appears onscreen)

"…And even animes like Full Metal Panic!"

(picture of Full Metal Panic appears onscreen)

"But we're not here to talk about them today. We're here about Gundam, and it just so happens that a brand new OVA, Mobile Suit Gundam Unicorn, started late february" Nukid explained

"That is why I've decided that March will be dedicated to looking at, praising, mocking, and maybe just reminiscing about this beloved franchise"

"Today though, I shall give you Gundam noobs the basics, and go into detail about the various series that has been produced these past 30 years. Ladies and Gents, this is the noobs introduction to Gundam!" Nukid proclaimed

**The Noobs Introduction To Gundam**

"Now, every person who first starts watching Gundam has this question:

**Gundam Noob:** "There are SO many Gundam shows! Do I have to watch EVERY Gundam to understand it all?!"

"Excellent question, you bloody noob. What turns off a lot of people from Gundam is the thought that you would have to watch every-or at least most- Gundam series to really get a grip of what's happening" Nukid explained

"The truth is that Gundam is not only far less complicated, it gives you the freedom of only getting partly into the franchise!"

"You see, not all Gundam animes take place in the same universe. That's right, there are different timelines in this franchise, each with their own, somewhat unique story"

"If you wanted to, you could check out one timeline, and leave the rest without getting confused at all" Nukid assured "though, which timeline you actually watch might effect your personal opinion on the franchise. That's why in this chapter, I'll go over the various timelines and give YOU my personal thoughts on them"

**After Colony Century (Timeline Of: Gundam Wing)**

"In the distant future, Mankind has colonized space and, down on the Earth, the nations have united as the United Earth Sphere Alliance" Nukid explained "However, the Alliance oppresses the colonies with its military power"

"To combat the oppression, five scientist on different space colonies create five separate Gundams, and in a mission dubbed "Operation: Meteor", they send the Gundams down to earth to fight the OZ corporation, who are the ones creating mobile suits for the alliance"

"And who do they get to pilot these Gundams? Well, surely five fully grown adults with decades of experience and knowledge under their belts and…"

(Screen shows picture of Heero Yuy)

"………………A teenager. Well, I can forgive one teenager as a Gundam pilot. After all the main character in nearly all Gundam shows is a teen. But surely the other four pilots are fully grown…"

(Screen shows pictures of Duo Maxwell, Trowa Barton, Quatre Raberba Winner, and Chang Wufei)

"GODAMMIT WING!!" Nukid screamed "You send five TEENAGERS on a mission that could very well save or destroy your colonies?! You DESERVE to be oppressed for such stupidity!"

"Allright, outside of the fact they're far too young to be piloting these Gundams, the five pilots are pretty damn interesting" Nukid admitted "albeit one dimensional"

"But the weird thing is, that works quite nicely because it helps us distinguish them for us. Heero and Trowa are the silent ones, Quatre is the nice guy, Chang is the honour driven warrior and Duo is the happy go lucky joker"

"….It's for this reason Duo is easily my favourite of the five" Nukid stated "also the fact he's voiced by Scott Awesomesauce Mcneil helps too"

"Now, the plot is decent and the action is good" Nukid said, before sighing "but I've got to say it; Gundam Wing is OVERRATED!!"

**Wing fanboys:** BOOOOOO!!!!

"SHUT UP!!" Nukid shouted "look, I'll never deny that without Wing, Gundam would've never been the sensation in the west that is now. Wing brought the franchise over to our side of the world, and for that I am grateful"

"But there is so much I don't like about this series that it's hard to say I actually like this series" Nukid grumbled "The Gundam pilots mindless attacks on military bases at the start of the series were near pointless, Relena Peacecraft pisses me off, and honestly, Wing CREATED the overpowered issues newer Gundam shows suffer from"

"Also, did they have to make the Gundam pilots look so Bishonen?!" Nukid snarled "seriously, it's like they had no confidence the show would succeed on story alone, and simply made the pilots look like that to attract yaoi fangirls!"

_**Cutaway gag….**_

We see Nukid holding a microphone, talking to a female Gundam Wing fan

"So, tell me Wing fangirl" Nukid said "why do you enjoy Wing? Do you like it for its plot, its themes on war and oppression, or maybe just the cool battles?"

"I like it because I dream of Heero and Duo make hot, hot sex! HEERO/DUO 4EVAR!!" the Wing fangirl screamed

"……………..Somebody call Ranger24 please. We have a fangirl infestation"

_**End gag…..**_

"Overall, if you're gonna give the After Colony a try, watch it before any other timeline" Nukid insisted "simply because most Gundam animes are better"

**After War Century (Timeline of:**** After War Gundam X)**

"How do I best described the After War timeline?" Nukid pondered "how about Gundam mixed with Fallout?!"

"This series presents a scenario similar to the Universal Century's One Year War" Nukid said "It shows what would have happened had the colonists dropped dozens of colonies and destroyed the Earth's surface, destroying most of the Earth's population and leaving the survivors in a ruined post-apocalyptic world"

"The star of this series is fifteen year-old Garrod Ran, a member of Vulture, a scavenger group that patrols the wasteland for profits, which is on a mission to find and save mistreated Newtypes in the world from those who wish to take advantage of them" Nukid explained

"I'm afraid I can't tell you too much about this timeline, because I have yet to watch After War" Nukid shamefully admitted "but from what some reviewers have said, it's quite underrated"

"I'm not sure why it's underrated. Then again, it came out straight after Wing, so perhaps the fangirls were harsh towards it"

**Wing fangirl:** "Say Trowa/Quatre is the hottest pairing Nukid!"

"Why don't you go FUCK YOURSELF!" Nukid shouted, taking out a shotgun from under his table and shooting several shots to is left. After a moment of silence, Nukid sighed and put the shotgun down

"Overall, I daresay this timeline is probably worth a try" Nukid shrugged "like I said, I've yet to see it myself"

**Correct Century (Timeline Of: Turn A Gundam)**

"If the Correct Century is anything, it's the end of an era" Nukid said remorsefully "THIS was the final Gundam anime directed by Gundams father Yoshiyuki Tomino"

"Turn A tells the story of a war between space colonists calling themselves the Moonrace who wish to colonize Earth, and the Earth Militia forces, which use the ancient Turn A Gundam to retaliate" Nukid explained

"Turn A Gundam is a dramatic departure from the franchise in many ways. Instead of being set in an era of high technology, it is set in a future that has regressed to the early 20th century………how you can have a Gundam in it, is unkown to me. Once again, I have yet to watch this anime"

"If anything, Turn A is just like one big party, since it was marking the frnchises 20th anniversary. I think Tomino and everyone who made it were just trying to have fun with this series, since to my knowledge, less dark in tone compared to other timelines"

"Now, should an experienced Gundam fan watch this anime? Hell Yea!" Nukid nodded "should a Gundam noob watch it? Fuck no"

"You see, contary to what I earlier said, this anime actually tries to bring the theory across that all Gundam shows made before Turn A exists in the same universe, merely in different periods of time" Nukid explained **(This means Seed and 00 don't count)**

"However, don't let this turn you off the series. If anything, these connections are merely references and only mildly important to the plot. It's not like the main character from every Gundam anime makes an appearance" Nukid said, before rubbing his chin in deep thought

"Man….I wonder what it would be like if the main character of every Gundam appeared together?"

_**Cutaway gag….**_

We cut to a mountain that overlooked the vast sea. The wind blew hard on the mountain top, where several figures stood

Amuro Ray, Heero Yuy, Kira Yamato and Setsuna F. Siei kneeled down at the edge of the mountain top, tears in their eyes as they screamed and cried

"LALAH!! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DIE?!!" Amuro cried

"WAAAHHH!! I HATE WAR!!!" Setsuna cried

"DAMMIT!! WHY WON'T RELENA LEAVE ME ALONE?!!" Heero cried

"WAAAHHH!!! I'M A PUSSY AND YET FOR SOME REASON CAPABLE OF AND WILLING TO FIGHT HUNDREDS OF MOBILE SUITS AT ONCE!!" Kira cried

From afar, Domon Kasshu looked at the four crying teens, and rubbed his head in confusion "am I the only protagonist in this franchise who's not an emo?"

_**End gag…..**_

**Future Century (Timeline Of: G Gundam)**

"Ah G Gundam……where to begin with G Gundam?" Nukid asked rhetorically "well for starters, IT'S FRACKING CRAZY!!"

(Screen shows scenes of G Gundam)

"Imagine if you would, combining Gundam with Dragonball Z, add in world stereotype, and a drop of sixties Batman…..you would just about have G Gundam"

"The show takes place in "Future Century", a fighting tournament is held every four years between the space colonies" Nukid explained "Each country sends a representative Gundam Fighter to fight on Earth until one is left, and the winning nation earns the right to govern over the colonies for the next four years"

"Gundam follows Neo-Japan's representative Domon Kasshu in year 60 of that century, during the 13th Gundam Fight. He is in the fight both to win and to track down his brother, who had stolen a mysterious Gundam—the Devil Gundam" Nukid said

"If you're gonna watch G Gundam, watch it with a lighthearted tone. This is NOT an anime you're supposed to take seriously" Nukid insisted "you watch it for its absurdity, for its action, and for its cheesiness!"

"Many people see G Gundam as the black sheep of the franchise, sometimes just because it doesn't deal with war" Nukid grumbled "but I honestly do recommend it! In the end, it's just good fun"

**Cosmic Era (Timeline of: Gundam SEED, Gundam SEED Destiny)**

"Allright, I'm gonna set it straight for you all" Nukid quickly said "SEED is my Wing. It is the series that got me into the franchise, and for that I hold a special place in my heart for it"

"Mankind is divided over the issue of genetic engineering administered to human test subjects. Normal humans are now known as "Naturals" and the genetically altered humans are known as "Coordinators"" Nukid explained "this is unlike most advanced humans in other Gundams, because the evolution is forced"

"The series begins with the Bloody Valentine War between the Naturals, who reside on Earth, and the Coordinators who reside in the space colonies. The Naturals' army is called the Earth Alliance, while the military force of the Coordinators is called ZAFT" Nukid explained

"The story follows Kira Yamato, a pacifistic coordinator who joins the Earth alliance to protect his friends by piloting the Strike Gundam. However, he faces many internal conflicts, not only because of his pacifism, but because his best friend, Athrun Zala, fights for ZAFT and the two must fight each other"

"The Cosmic Era is absolutely detested by older Gundam fans" Nukid stated bluntly "at first, my reaction to this was……."

_**Cutaway gag…..**_

"Pfft, you old timers don't know shit! So WHAT if it focuses a lot on drama than action?! That just helps character development and romance!"

_**End gag….**_

"…..But…I've come to realise that wasn't the only thing they hated about it, and they had several beefs about the century. After noticing them myself, I was…..well…"

_**Cutaway gag…**_

"Please forgive me! Please forgive me! Please forgive me!" Nukid begged on the ground "I never realised how flawed Seed is!"

_**End gag….**_

"….Yea. I won't go into too much detail because I'm planning to do a review on Seed, but let's just say….my opinion of the Cosmic era has gone down significantly" Nukid sighed

"Does that mean I hate Seed? Oh god no, I still like it a fair bit….I just know now there are better Gundam animes out there" Nukid insisted

"Overall….it's better than Wing, so it's worth a watch by newcomers to the franchise"

**Anno Domini (Timeline of: Gundam 00)**

"Gundam 00 is the latest in the Gundam franchise" Nukid stated "and right now, the one everyone raves about the most"

"The series is set in 2307 AD. As a result of the depletion of fossil fuels, humanity had to search for a new source of power" Nukid explained "The power was found in the form of massive arrays of solar power collectors orbiting the Earth, and supported by three orbital elevators, each one serving one of the three "power blocs" on the planet"

"These three "power blocs" are namely Union, controlling the region surrounding North America, Human Reform League consisting of China, Russia and India, and AEU, which controls mainland Europe"

"With this nearly inexhaustible source of energy benefiting only the major powers and their allies, constant warfare erupts around the globe among minor countries for fuels and energy" Nukid said

"And this, ladies and gents, is where Celestial Being comes in. Celestial Beings is an anti war organisation, dedicated to the complete halting of all war" Nukid explained "and with the power of four incredibly powerful Gundams, little can stop them at first"

"Gundam 00-or rather the Anni Domini timeline- is my 2nd favourite Gundam timeline. The series has a very……post 9/11 feel to it and really relates to the worlds current state of affairs" Nukid

"I can't criticise 00 too much, but I will say this…" Nukid said "….Celestial Being are the most Hypercritical bastards I've ever met!"

**00 fanboys: **BOOOOOO!!!

"SHUT UP!! I'M ONE OF YOU!!" Nukid screamed "don't get me wrong, I love the characters, I love the design, and I personally feel they get it right on character development"

"But think about it for a second. They're basically saying "we will stop all fighting with our big guns!"……Do I even need to explain what's wrong with that?!"

**Universal Century (Timeline of: Mobile Suit Gundam, Zeta Gundam, ZZ Gundam, Chars Counterattack)**

"I know what some of you Gundam fans are asking now" Nukid stated

**Gundam fan: **"Nukid, why are you explaining the original timeline last?"

"Excellent question, fellow Gundam fan. Why am I, you ask?" Nukid asked with a smile "BECAUSE THE UNIVERSAL CENTURY IS THE **BEST. TIMELINE. OF. ALL. TIME!!**"

(Screen shows scenes from Universal Century Animes)

"In the year 0079, the Principality of Zeon declared independence from the Earth Federation, and subsequently launched a war of independence on it and neighbouring colonies" Nukid explained "the story follows Amuro Ray, a normal citizen who pilots the protoype Gundam, and helps protect the White Base battleship from Zeon ace Char Aznable"

"I've only hit the tip of this timelines story though. Trust me, THIS is a story that spans several decades, and has some of the most epic moments in Gundam-nay-anime history!"

"I FANBOY over this century, because as odd as it may sound, THIS timeline fixes any issues you might have with other Gundam timelines!" Nukid proclaimed

"Want to see Gundams which aren't overpowered?"

"**THE UNIVERSAL CENTURY HAS IT!!"**

"Want to see character development that doesn't suck?"

"**THE UNIVERSAL CENTURY HAS IT!!"**

"Want to see an accurate and well written story about war?"

"**THE UNIVERSAL CENTURY HAS IT!!"**

"If you want to call yourself a Gundam fan, you are obligated to try out the Universal Century!" Nukid stated, before sighing "yea, the original is 30 years old, and the animation is outdated"

"But as one reviewer once said, "_**The greatest stories are timeless**_", and I couldn't put it better for the Universal Century"

"Well everyone, hope you enjoyed this look into the Gundam universe, and I hope I'm off to a good start with Gundam March!" Nukid said happily

"I'm the Nostalgia Kid! I remember it because I love Gundam!" Nukid saluted, before getting up and leaving.

A few seconds later however, Nukid runs back into the room and whispers "…Especially the Universal Century"

**Well, there's the first chapter in Gundam March! I know it wasn't a review, and I was worried I wouldn't get much in it, but overall I'm happy with the length. Think of it similar to a Top 11 list**

**Stay tuned!……And seriously, check out the Universal Century! It's as epic as Halo or Star Wars!**


	9. Gundam SEED Review

Hey everyone. Sorry for the wait, but here's the next chapter! Enjoy

**Warning: The language in this review may not be suitable for minors. If you're under the age of 18 and have not heard the word "Arsehole" before, then you certainly don't take it up trap 2 (obscure joke, I know)**

* * *

We see The Nostalgia Kid sitting at his usual table, wearing his Gundam shirt once again

"Hello I'm the Nostalgia Kid, I remember it because I love Gundam!" Nukid greeted "and today ladies and gents, I wish to sit down and review what started it all for me and Gundam"

"Now believe it or not, I've only been a Gundam fan for about a year" Nukid stated "though like me and most of my obsessions, I don't eat, wash and sleep until I've seen it all and know the story inside and out"

"I look like Chester A. Bum by the end!" Nukid laughed "anyway, every Gundam fan has a starting series, though for many people its Gundam Wing"

Wing Fangirl: "I WANNA SEE A GUNDAM WING PILOT ORGY!!"

"FUCK OFF!!" Nukid shouted back, before calming back down "but for me, it was quite different. When Wing was on I never really paid attention to it"

"No, what got me into Gundam, was the 2002 series, Gundam SEED!"

(Various scenes from the anime appear onscreen)

"Set in the Cosmic Era, Gundam SEED tells the tale of a world divided between Naturals and Coordinators" Nukid explained "while Naturals are normal humans, Coordinators are genetically enhanced humans at birth, who are faster, stronger, smarter than normal humans"

"Because of fear and hatred towards them, the Coordinators are forced to live in space colonies. However, even after this, war eventually breaks out between the Naturals Earth Federation and the Coordinators army, ZAFT" Nukid explained

"When I first saw SEED…..I thought it was easily the best Gundam series out there" Nukid admitted "however, after watching several other Gundam series, including 00, Wing and some from the Universal Century…"

"**THE UNIVERSAL CENTURY FTW!!"**

"…my opinion has somewhat changed. How? Well let's dig into Gundam SEED!"

**Gundam SEED Review**

"The story starts on the Neutral space colony Heliopolis, a colony seemingly safe from both sides of the war" Nukid began

(Screen shows a young boy with brown hair sitting outside in a park, on his laptop)

"It's here we meet the main protagonist, 16 year old Kira Yamato. Kira is a Coordinator, but a pacifist" Nukid said "he's a computer wiz, a kind guy and OH MY GOD THIS GUYS GOT NO BALLS!!"

"Sorry, sorry for that outburst" Nukid apologised, quickly calming down "it's just that…well I don't so much hate Kira….it's just that……..he is such a crybaby. He cries so much all the time, and yet we're supposed to believe he's some badass"

"I think the writers were trying hard to put across the hardships Kira faced, but it honestly got out of hand" Nukid said "he cried when his allies died-which I can understand- but he also cried when HE killed enemies, and in between these he has several hissy fits and acts like he's still five!"

_**Cutaway gag…..**_

Kira Yamato is sitting in the park eating ice cream, when suddenly he accidentally drops his scoop of ice cream on the floor

"Ah…..ah…ah…..ahhh…..AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Kira screamed and cried, tears flowing down his eyes

_**End gag…**_

"Okay okay, he's not THAT bad" Nukid sniggered "but he is a bit of a crybaby"

(Screen shows the flashback scene between Kira, and a blue haired child)

"While in the park, Kira daydreams about the day his long time best friend, Athrun Zala, left to take part in the Bloody Valentine War, but promised to return when the fighting stopped"

"As you may have already guessed, there are indeed several yaoi fics of the two"

SEED fangirl: "OMG Kira/Athrun FTW!!!!"

"WHO KEEPS LETTING THESE FANGIRLS INTO THE BASE?!!"

"Another interesting thing to note about Kira is that he's voiced by Matt Hill, the voice of Ed on 'Ed, Edd n' Eddy'……which for some reason, I can't help but laugh over"

_**Cutaway gag…..**_

Kira is sitting in the pilot seat of the Gundam, waiting to launch into battle from the space ship Archangel

"This is Kira Yamoto, ready to lau-BUTTERTOAST!!"

_**End gag……**_

"What makes it even MORE hilarious is that Athrun was voiced by Samual Vincent, the voice of Double D on Ed, Edd n' Eddy" Nukid added

"Man, they might as well have made a third main character, and have him voiced by Tony Sampson!"

(Screen shows Kira talking to his various friends)

"Kira, despite being a coordinator, lives happily with friends Mirialla, Tolle and Sai, and holds a secret crush for Sai fiancée, Flay Allster, AKA seductive bitch" Nukid explained

"All that changes however when ZAFT forces attack the space colony, led by the shows main villain, Rau Le Creuset. He is the Gundam SEEDS "Char Aznable clone"" Nukid explained, before sighing

"Not many of you have any fucking idea what I just said, do you? Don't worry, I'll be explaining the awesomeness and legacy of Char in a later chapter"

"Anyway, Cruesets forces invade the colonies bases-where Kira and friends happen to be at the time-in order to find the new Mobile Suits secretly being made for the Earth Alliance, and steal them for themselves. Cresuets forces manage to steal four of these suits"

"While running away from the armed forces, Kira comes across a ZAFT soldier, only to realise…"

--

"Athrun!" Kira gasped

"K..Kira?!" Athrun gasped

--

"Yep, Kira's old buddy Athrun Zala turns out to be one of the soldiers attacking the colony…" Nukid stared at the screen blankly "…that is one very uncomfortable reunion. What do you say in a reunion like that?"

_**Cutaway gag……**_

Kira and Athrun stared at each other uncomfortably, while all around them things exploded and people died in a bloody battle

"So………did you see the Avatar movie?" Kira asked casually

"Yea yea, it was……it was all right. Bit overrated, but all right" Athrun nodded

"Cool, cool…..so er…..what brings you to these neck of the woods?"

"Oh, just on another assignment. You know, the usual shoot at the enemy, fly giant Mobile Suits and beat the Earth Federation"

"Nice, really nice" Kira nodded, before turning around "well, see you around Athrun"

"You too Kira" Athrun waved, before turning around and shooting towards several enemies

_**End gag…..**_

"While running from invading ZAFT soldiers, Kira comes across a young blonde haired girl, who Kira saves her and helps her escape the Colony at the expense of his own safety"

"Wish you hadn't Kira…….she'll become the most winy and annoying character in the show later on" Nukid deadpanned

"Later on, Kira comes across a wounded woman by the name Murrue Ramius. The two run from several soldiers, eventually finding themselves inside a giant hanger"

"Murrue forces Kira into the cockpit of a strange machine with herself. Murrue starts up the machines, and slowly the newest and most advanced Mobile Suit, the Strike Gundam, stands up!"

"The way they reveal the Gundam is really dramatic. It's almost like watching Jesus Christ being reborn"

_**Cutaway gag…..**_

A Colony soldier watched from afar as the Gundam stands up and reveals itself

"Truly it, died for our sins"

_**End gag……**_

"Anyway, since Murrue is injured from a gun wound, Kira is forced to pilot the Strike Gundam himself. Despite his total lack of experience and pacifistic nature, Kira manages to pilot the Gundam and take out a few ZAFT Mobile Suits"

"I would comment on how Gary Stu that is, but the truth is the same thing happened the in the awesome original Mobile Suit Gundam anime, so I'll let that criticism slide" Nukid stated, before pointing at the screen "just this once though"

(Screen shows the White Battleship, The Archangel, lift off from the Colony)

"Kira manages to save his friends and Murrue and get them to the Battleship Archangel, along with bitchy Natarle Badgiruel and Mu La Flaga, the veteran pilot of the Archangel"

(Screen shows clips of Mu La Flaga)

"Mu, unlike most of the cast at certain points, is upbeat, tough and somewhat of a romantic" Nukid stated, before sighing

"He's pretty much the best character in the whole show"

(Screen shows the Strike Gundam battle ZAFT mobile suits in space)

"Wanting to protect his friends on the Archangel, Kira agrees to continue fighting in the Strike Gundam, despite having to go against his old friend Athrun. With the help of Mu and the crew of the Archangel, Kira manages to protect the Archangel on several occasions" Nukid explained

"At this point in the series, Kira is fine. He's still whiny, but you can sympathise with him, and admire his desire to protect his friends" Nukid said "and honestly, the whole 'best friends now enemies' conflict between Kira and Athrun is what makes SEED stand out as a good series"

"It's just later on I start to not like Kira……oy vey….oy vey"

"The crew eventually make it to the Earth Military base Artemis, expecting food and rest after several battles" Nukid sighed "but unfortunately for them, the whole crew gets arrested because they'd seen the new Strike Gundam and Archangel battleship"

"……..That is such a dick move"

_**Cutaway gag….**_

We see Murrue Ramius talking to the Commander of the Artemas space station

"Hi there. Thanks for saving the new prototype weapons and saving countless civilians from horrific deaths…" the commander said "….NOW YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!!"

_**End gag….**_

"Thanks to the invasion of Artemis by La Creusets, Kira and the Archangel are able to escape and continue down to Earth, hoping to get to main Earth Federation base Alaska"

"On their way, they find themselves in an area full of debris. They eventually realise that they're in the ruins of Junius Seven" Nukid explained

"You see, the Junius Seven incident-nicknamed "The Bloody Valentine Incident"-is what started the Bloody Valentine War" Nukid said "members of the anti Coordinator extremists, Blue Cosmos, fired a Nuclear missile at the Colony, killing all 243,721 civilians"

"Hate to be a jackass, but this further adds to my arugment that building space colonies is retarded"

(Screen shows Kira carrying a floating Lifepod in space, while in the Strike Gundam)

"After a battle in the ruins-good job respecting the dead there guys-Kira finds a floating lifepod in space. With the possibility of people inside the lifepod, Kira carries it onboard to the Archangel"

"What they find inside is hardly any normal person….."

--

"Thanks for rescuing me!" a pink haired girl in a white dress politely thanked as she exited the lifepod

--

"In comes Lacus Clyne!! Gundam SEEDs eye candy and sex appeal!" Nukid cheered "Lacus is one hot babe to say the least. I don't normally lean towards pink haired girls, but Lacus from SEED………Euphie from Code Geass and Feldt from Gundam 00 are exceptions"

"She's not only good looking either. She's kind, pacifistic, smart, couragous and a great singer!" Nukid explained

The MistressofDawn walked into the room, and said "she sounds like a Mary Sue Nukid"

"What?!" Nukid gasped "No, nononononono! She……….she has flaws"

"Name them"

"Well er…………erm…….she…..can't err…………ahh………………………okay she's a Mary Sue"

(Screen shows Kira escorting Lacus Clyne into space with the Strike Gundam)

"Anyway, it turns out that Lacus is the daughter of one of ZAFTs councilmen. Afraid she would be used as a hostage by the Earth Federation, Kira contacts Athrun and helps Lacus escape the Archangel"

"Now, this is a pretty big crime for a soldier, disobeying orders, potentially endangering the crew, and taking away a potential advantage over the enemy. No doubt Kira would be severly punished, perhaps even death sente…"

--

"Just don't do it again" Murrue said with a smile

--

"……………………………………………………oh my god……you let someone who has commited a serious offence with a 'don't do it again…………….you know, if I was in the Army, I'd be very pissed about this. You do NOT get away with something like that if you're a soldier!"

"I blamed that on the writers inability to come up with some sensible solution to that, or just too lazy to show Kira get punished" Nukid sighed "sad thing is, the writing is still better than 90% of Destiny"

(Screen shows the Archangel descend down onto Earth)

"After several episodes, the Archangel finally makes it to Earth, landing in the Sahara desert. After an intense battle in the sand, the Archangel are saved by a group of rebel soldiers, trying to fight off invading ZAFT forces"

"Here, Kira meets the young girl he met on the Heliopolis. She reveals her name is Cagalli Yula Atha, and after landing on earth, she decided to help the rebels fend off the ZAFT forces" Nukid explained

"The next few episodes is badsically the Archangel assisting the rebels fighting off the ZAFT forces" Nukid said "it's quite boring of an arc, but there are two things that make up for it"

"Number 1, the arc introduces Andrew Waltfield, who like Mu, is actually very likeable" Nukid nodded "he's an experienced ZAFT soldier, loves coffee, and a pretty nice and upbeat"

"At one point in the series, Kira and Cagalli go undercover into a ZAFT controlled city, and unbeknowingly meet Andrew. After a small incident involving Blue Cosmos, Andrew invites him back to his house"

"Here, Kira does something that really pisses me off….."

--

Kira sees Cagalli, now in a beautiful dress supplied by Andrews wife

"Y…you're a girl?!" Kira gasped

--

"YOU HADN'T FIGURED THAT OUT?!!" Nukid shouted "THAT HAS BEEN BLOODY OBVIOUS SINCE THE FIRST FUCKING EPISODE!! WHAT THE HELL KIRA?!! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A COORDINATOR, BUT THAT JUST PURE STUPID!! YOU IDIOT! YOU IDIOT!! YOU IDIIIIIOOOOTTTTTT!!!"

Nukid panted heavily out of breathe from his long, loud rant. He grabbed a bottle of water, and drank most the contents in one go

"I'm….really sorry about that! For some reason, that really did piss me off" Nukid apologised "I mean sure, Cagalli is a bit of a tomboy, but she was never ambiguous"

"Well anyway, later on Andrew faces Kira in the Strike Gundam, and despite becoming friends, Kira is forced to destroy Andrews mobile suit, seemingly killing Andrew and his wife" Nukid explained

"The second thing that made this arc interesting……….Kira had sex!"

Crowd: "(Gasp)"

"Yep. Kira, because of his constant angsting over war and killing, is comforted by Flay Allster, who despite being engaged, becomes Kiras lover" Nukid explained "however, Flay is actually doing this so that Kira continues fighting ZAFT, partly because they killed her father, partly due to her own prejudice toward Coordinators"

"Still, Flay is one good looking babe, and you gotta give credit to Kira for getting some action with her" Nukid nodded, impressed

(Screen shows Kira putting trousers on, after stepping out of bed with a naked Flay Allstar)

We now see Nukid, wearing a black tuxedo and holding an envelope in his hands

"And this years winner of "Luckiest Nerd" goes to…." Nukid opened the envelope "….Kira Yamato!!"

Crowd: *Clapping*

"You know what would've been funny?" Nukid sniggered "it would've been hilarious if Kira had mistaken Flay's gender too!"

_**Cutaway gag……**_

Kira and Flay lie under the bedsheets, doing the dirty business

"Oh Flay….oh Fla-OH MY GOD YOU'RE A WOMAN!!"

_**End gag…..**_

"Well anyway, the Archangel eventually helps the rebels fight off ZAFT forces and sets off once again for Alaska. However, Cagalli decides to go along with the crew on their journy, her reasons unknown"

"However, after a battle over the red seas with La Creusets returning forces, both Cagalli and Athrun Zala are shot down and crash land on an island" Nukid explained "after a violent meeting, the two draw a stalemate and put aside their fighting until they're rescued"

"The two talk about their reasons for fighting, their desire for peace and bla bla bla it's obvious they'll be a pairing by the end of this" Nukid rolled his eyes

(Screen shows the Archangel flying into a small country)

"After Cagalli is rescued, the Archangel sneaks into Orb, seeking restocking and rest. However, it turns out that Cagalli is in fact the adopted daughter of Orbs leader Uzumi Nara Atha"

"Uzumi agrees to secretly help the Archangel, and give them a place to rest. While resting, lead engineer Erica Simmons points out that Kira may be able to awaken the ability of heightened senses and piloting skills, dubbed "SEED mode" Nukid explained, before pulling a face

"SEED……mode?" Nukid repeated "dude…..that is so shonen. That's basically no different from making them go super saiyan! THIS is Gundam, a franchise built on realistic possibilites"

"I'll admit, the Universal Century had the whole "Newtype" thing" Nukid admitted "but that was more evolution than anything. This is just too shonen for my liking"

"Well anyway, after gaining a few new mobile weapons, Kira and the crew say their fond farewells to Cagalli and Orb, and head out for Alaska again"

"On their way, they are attacked by La Creusets forces once again-you could argue that's becoming a running gag- however this time, one of Athrans friends, Nicol, is killed by Kira, albiet accidently somewhat" Nukid explained

--

We see Kira Yamato, crying as Nicols mobile suit blows up

--

Nukid smacked his face "oh godammit Kira, don't cry at killing an enemy"

"Enraged, the Creuset forces launch another attack on the Archangel, and this time Athrun manages to kill Tolle, who was also fighting in a fighter plane" Nukid said

"Enraged, both Kira and Athrun unlock SEED mode- I cry inside everytime I say that- and fight each other violently, blowing off several parts of each others mobile suits"

"Athrun however manages to trap Kira inside his cockpit, and set his own mobile suit to self destruct, thereby killing Kira" Nukid explained "ironically, it's around this time I started preferring Athrun to Kira"

"Believing Kira to be dead, the Archangel presses forward, and eventually reaches Alaska, where Earth Federation main base is held" Nukid explained "turns out though, Kira survived, and wakes up to find himself on a ZAFT colony, being tended by Lacus Clyne!"

"I wish I could say I have no idea how he got there" Nukid sighed "but I do know. It's explained in an OVA. Still…..if you didn't know that, you might mistake Kira for Jesus Christ or something"

(Screen shows the Alaskan base being attacked by ZAFT forces)

"ZAFT decide to launch a huge assault on the federation base, intending to take down the whole army in one go" Nukid explained "while this happens, Rau Le Cresuets kidnaps Flay as a hostage and…….she pretty much becomes his assistant/pet until the final episode"

"Turns out though, this was all a trick made by the Earth Federation" Nukid reveals "underneath the base, a giant bomb explodes, killing both ZAFT and Earth federation forces left behind"

"This, is something SEED is good at" Nukid stated "one thing I'll always compliment it on is how well it showed that neither side is really good. It showed that both did horrible things and were not above killing hundreds"

"How they stop both sides however, I will criticise"

(Screen shows Lacus Clyne showing Kira a new Gundam)

"Seeing his desire to help his friends once again, Lacus gives Kira a new Gundam, the Strike Freedom, and with a kiss on his cheek, leaves Kira to head back to earth and save his friends"

"On many occasion, Lacus somehow craps out a new Gundam for Kira" Nukid deadpanned "you'd think she was Bill Gates"

(Screen shows Kira in the Strike Freedom, saving the Archangel from enemies)

"Kira meets up with the Archangel, and after the events in Alaska, head back to Orb for rest" Nukid tone then darkened "however, because of losing their Mass Driver in ZAFT retaliations, the Earth Federation decide to take Orbs Mass Driver by force"

"Refusing the join the Federation and break their neutrality in the war, Orb is forced to defend themselves against Earth forces" Nukid explained "Kira and crew decide to defect and protect Orb as well, and so a massive battle on a once peaceful country commences"

(Screen shows Athrun Zala, talking to Lacus Clyne)

"Meanwhile, Athrun has been growing more and more doubts about what he is doing, and with his father, Patrick Zala, becoming the new chairmen of ZAFT, peaceful solutions to this war seem less and less possible"

"After a fateful meeting with Lacus Clyne, Athrun decides to use the Strike Freedoms equal; The Justice and help Kira protect Orb"

"Wow…..that would've been even MORE of an uncomfortable meeting" Nukid said "what do you say to the guy who tried to kill you?"

_**Cutaway gag….**_

Kira and Athrun stare at each other, some time after the battle in Orb

"So………see you got a new Gundam" Kira pointed out

"Yea yea……….hey, I hope you're okay about the whole "me trying to kill you' thing" Athrun said

"Hey, it's cool man……..it's cool"

_**End gag……**_

"Despite both fighters working together, the battle at Orb is a lost cause, and Uzumi convinces Kira, Athrun and the Archangel crew to take Cagalli and leave Orb with the Orb ship Kusanagi, while he stays and dies while destroying the Mass driver"

"Not before however, revealing to Cagalli she is the twin sister of Kira Yamato…………yea it's as out of blue as it sounds, and as much of a Star Wars rip off too"

"Meanwhile, Lacus and the presumed dead Andrew Waltfeld steal the ZAFT ship Eternal, and meet up with the Archangel and Kusanagi, forming the 'Three Ship Alliance'" Nukid explained

"This, is where I sorta have a problem with SEED" Nukid said bluntly "it ops out of telling a futuristic BUT realistic war story, and gives us this half assed solution to the war! Are we SUPPOSED to believe three ships-albeit strong ones- can take out TWO ARMIES?!!"

Joker: "And I though my jokes were bad"

Nukid sighs "however, this is pretty much the last 8 episodes of SEED; a huge battle in space between ZAFT, the Earth Federation and the Three Ship Alliance and….I can't say it's a very well drawn out fight"

"For starters, it tries to make the battle look huge, but half the time it just looks like lights flashing the background" Nukid explained "and one of my biggest problems with it is its constant recycling of footage. It happens, a lot"

_**Cutaway gag…..**_

Nukid and DW64 are sitting on the sofa, watching an episode of Gundam SEED

"Hey Nukid, I dare you to take a shot of whisky every time you see that same Zaku blow up" DW betted

"You sir, are on!" Nukid agreed enthusiastically, taking out a bottle of whisky and glass…..from out of nowhere

_**5 episodes later….**_

Nukid groggily drank another shot of whisky, a drunk smile on his face as he watched SEED, while DW64 watched with a bemused face

"H..ha…ha..has anyone….has anyone…don't interrupt me Darren!…..Has anyone ever t..told Lacus..that she has great breasts?! I..If not…I..I…I'll tell her!" Nukid slurred, before groggily standing up and waving at the TV

"Hey Miss Lacus! Y…you're boobs are grrreeeaattt…." Nukid slurred the last word as he collapsed to the floor, falling asleep

_**End gag….**_

"So, they fight for about 8 episodes, and it's kinda boring most of the time" Nukid sighed "but, there are some interesting things. Like Creusets revealing that he is the cloned brother of Mu…."

Crowd: "WHOA!"

"…Rau La Creusets revealing his plan to kill all of humanity because of hi disgust for it…"

Crowd: "AWESOME!!"

"…Athrun having to confront and stop his now gone mad with power father…"

Crowd: "GO ATHRUN GO!!"

"…Mu La Flaga seemingly dying…"

Crowd: "NOOO!!!"

"…Flay Allster dying…"

Crowd: "HOORAYY!!"

"…And Kira finally beating and killing Creusets"

Crowd: "GO PUSSY GO!!"

"And with that, SEED ends. The Bloody Valentine war ends, and the two sides enter a state of peace and plans for co-existence"

"Now, overall what do I think of SEED?" Nukid asked rhetorically "It's actually really good. I know I didn't portray it in the highest of regard in this review, but SEED is really good"

"It does a good portrayal of war…for the most part, the theme of friendship with Kira and Athrun is done well, the art style is very colourful, and the music…….the music in SEED the best I've ever heard in any Gundam anime. Famous singers like T.M Revolution and Nami Takagi produce great musis for this series"

"So, despite not liking it as much as 00 or anything for the Universal Century, SEED has left a good taste in my mouth" Nukid nodded happily "no WAY they could ruin that…….right?

(Screen shows the words **"Gundam SEED Destiny"**)

"Oh yes……they can ruin it"

_The Actual Review:_

_Pros: great animation, decent characters, probably the best music in any Gundam series_

_Cons: lots of scene resage, can be preachy_

_Overall: Despite its flaws, SEED is one of the better Gundam animes out there_

_Rating: 3 Stars (Out of 4)_

_Stay tuned for part 2 of my review of The Cosmic Era, as next chapter, I review 'Gundam SEED Destiny"…………Please kill me_


	10. Gundam SEED Destiny Review

Hey everyone. Here is the next chapter. Enjoy!

**Warning: The language in this review may not be suitable for minors. If you're under the age of 18 and have not heard the word "dildo", then you've certainly never heard of Bondage either**

* * *

We see Nukid sitting at his desk, wearing his Gundam attire

"Hello I'm the Nostalgia Kid, I remember it because I love Gundam!" Nukid greeted "last chapter, I looked back and reviewed my very first experience with Gundam; Gundam SEED"

"My overall opinion was that it was good. Wasn't the best, but it was probably near the top" Nukid explained "so when I finished SEED, I was excited to see its sequel; Gundam SEED Destiny!"

(Various scenes from Destiny appear onscreen)

"Gundam SEED Destiny sets the story two years after the original series, and follows the story of the Second Bloody Valentine War between the Naturals Earth Federation and the genetically advanced Coordinators of ZAFT"

"I went in with Destiny expecting a lot" Nukid stated "you see, since SEED is often seen as a remake of the original Mobile Suit Gundam, Destiny could be seen as a remake of Zeta Gundam, seen by many as not only the greatest Gundam series of all time, but one of the greatest animes of all time"

"……..If that's the case, Yoshiyuki Tomino should be pissed, because Destiny is arguebly the WORST Gundam series ever made!"

SEED Fans: "……….He's right"

"See? Many people who enjoyed SEED hated Destiny. It wasn't terrible, Gundam never really makes bad animes, but compared to Wing, 00, Turn A, Victory or especially anything from the Universal Century…"

"**THE UNIVERSAL CENTURY FTW!!"**

"….it's bad. But…..why save you all from the disdain of experiencing this series? Let's dig in to Gundam SEED Destiny!"

**Gundam SEED Destiny Review**

"All right, as much as this series blows……..it does probably have one of the greatest starts of any Gundam series" Nukid admitted

(Screen shows the first few minutes of Gundam)

"The start of Destiny takes place during the Earth Federations invasion of Orb. While Kira Yamato and Athrun are fighting mobile suits, the citizens of Orb are evacuating the country" Nukid explained

"Among these evacuees is the main character and his family; Shinn Asuka……And I use the term 'main character', very loosely in this series"

"While running, Shinn sister accidentally drops her phone down a hill. Shinn runs down the hill to retrieve it"

"While he is gone, a stray mobile suit gunshot hits and kills Shinns' whole family" Nukid revealed "a now orphan Shinn is left alone, crying his heart out for his lost family"

"As you can guess, it's a very powerful opening, and it sets out what Shinn was supposed to be like. A guy who is angry and tormented at the loss of his family" Nukid said, before sighing "but I put major emphasis on the 'supposed to be'"

"We then cut to two years later, where the Bloody Valentine War has ended. Cagalli Yula Atha, the leader of Orb, has gone to ZAFT with Athrun-disguised as her bodyguard 'Alex Dino'- to meet the new ZAFT Chairman Gilbert Durandal"

"If there is anything that saves Destiny, it's Durandal. Gilbert Durandal eventually becomes the shows major antagonists, and he is fucking great one at that" Nukid stated firmly "he's that kind of evil who lures you in with clever speeches and persuasive demeanour, but will get rid of you the second you lose value"

"Hell, the guy was even voiced in Japanese by Shuichi Ikeda, who also did the voice for Shanks from One Piece, and the Darth Vader equivalent Char Aznable from the original Mobile Suit Gundam" Nukid proclaimed "he must be something awesome!"

"However, at this point in time he is acting as a good guy. No, right now the villains of the show is the Anti-Coordinator extremists Blue Cosmos, and their sub group Phantom Pain" Nukid explained

"While Cagalli is talking to Durandal, three members of Phantom Pain; Stella Loussier, Sting Oakley, and Auel Neider, sneak in and steal three new Mobile Suits" Nukid explained

"Now, if you've seen SEED or read my previois review, you know that the series started with an invasion and stealing of suits as well. However…."

--

Stella, Sting and Auel run into the armory, kill the few guards, and jump into the three new mobile suits

--

"……………………………Let me get this straight. In SEED, it takes a full on invasion of a nuetral colony in order to get new mobile suits………but in Destiny, all it takes is three teenagers to run into the main ZAFT base, probably one of the most guarded places around, kill a few guards and hop into the new Mobile Suits?"

"………..Thank you for insulting my intelligence Destiny" Nukid deadpanned

(Screen shows Phantom Pain attacking the base)

"Well anyway, Phantom Pain decides to run amok with their new suits, putting Cagalli and Athrun in danger" Nukid explained "Athrun tries to fight them off in an average Zaku, but the newer mobile suits are too much for Athruns veteran skills"

"New Mobile Suits over actual skill……..this be a common trend in the newer Gundams"

(Screen shows Shinn Asuka flying towards the battle in the Gundam Impulse)

"When everything looks bleak for the two, our protagonist Shinn Asuka appears in the new Gundam Impulse" Nukid explained "turns out after the war ended, Shinn enrolled in ZAFT military and became a five star pilot"

"If you watch this series, you'll notice nearly every decent pilot in this show is under the age of 20……" Nukid sighed "…And here's me thinking Gundam was supposed to be a 'realistic' Mecha anime"

"Shinn fights off Phantom Pain, but is unable to stop them from escaping with the new Mobile Suits, as they quickly escape to their ship, and meet up with their leader, who is actually Mu La Flaga!"

"I know what some of you are saying; Nukid you sexy sexy beast, Mu was shot point blank and blown to bits, how could he still be alive?" Nukid imitated "and that is a very good question good sir or madam!"

"………………………….I have no fucking clue"

"Well anyway, it seems as though Mu has gotten the common plot point illness, Amnesia, and is now a loyal member of Blue Cosmos" Nukid explained "now donning a black mask, he goes under the name Neo Roanoke!"

"He's pretty much the Char clone of Destiny, like Rau Le Creseuts was the Char clone of SEED" Nukid said "unlike SEED though, he sucks at this duty"

(Screen shows the Battleship Minerva take off)

"In hot pursuit, ZAFT send the new spaceship Minerva into space to tail and capture Phantom Pain. Along with Shinn, Athrun and Cagalli, it's here we meet several new faces!"

"For starters, there's pilot Lunamaria Hawke…"

"_I'm am totally bland and useless compared to the male pilots!"_

"…her sister Meyrin Hawke…"

"_I'm the Minervas' communication officer and even MORE useless!"_

"…the boy with a mysterious connection to Lau Creseuts, Ray Za Burrel…"

_"I'm a jerk who manipulates his friends into being Durandals pet"_

"…executive officer Arthur Trine…."

_"I have a terrible and really out of place British accent!"_

"…and finally, the commander Talia Gladys"

_"I'm Durandals bitch!"_

(Screen shows the Minerva and Phantom Pain battling in space)

"The Minerva eventually catches up with Phantom Pain, and a battle initiates between both sides" Nukid explained, before smiling "and now ladies and gentlemen, we're going to play a game!"

Nukid reached under the table and took out a bottle of whisky and small glass, setting it on the table

"The game is simple; take a shot everytime you see a usage of footage recycling. I swear you'll be drunk by the end of it" Nukid stated

"In this battle….take three shots"

(screen shows rogue Mobile Suits working inside the Junius Seven debris)

"While they are fighting, terrorists loyal to the late Patrick Zala plant explosives in the debris of the destroyed Junius Seven, planning to blow the debris into Earths orbit, and crashing down onto the Earth"

"Becoming a three way battle, the ZAFT forces do whatever they can to stop Junius Seven from falling, managing to blow up a large portion of the debris" Nukid explained "however, several smaller part of the debris fall down to the earth, and millions of lives are killed all over the world"

"Hate to bring this up again but……space Colonies…..retarded"

"Suffice to say, the world is shaken badly by this incident, and ZAFT does what it can to help those affected" Nukid said "meanwhile, the Minerva head to Orb to repair and drop Cagalli and Athrun off"

"On this trip, Shinn Asuke more than once shows his disdain for Cagalli and Orb, blaming them for his families death" Nukid figeted "it was cool at first, but after a while he got really annoying"

_**Cutaway gag….**_

We see Shinn Asuke arguing with Cagalli in the Minerva

"I hate you! It's your fathers fault my family died! If you weren't such pacifists Orb would've never fallen! And I want my bottle! Somebody give me my bottle!" Shinn cried, before proceeding to suck his thumb

_**End gag….**_

"Now, while the world and ZAFT are shocked by the Junius Seven incident, some see it as a great oppurtunity" Nukid said in a dark tone "including the new Blue Cosmos leader, Lord Djibril"

(Screen shows scenes of Lord Djibril)

"Lord Djibril is cunning, heartless and oh my god he's wearing lipstick" Nukid exclaimed, before shaking his head

"Androgynous look aside, Djibril is a decent villain, practically controlling the Earth Federation. He uses the Junius Seven incident as a means to reignite hatred towards Coordinators, and start the Second Bloody Valentine War!"

M. Bison: "OF COURSE!"

"I didn't say world domination Bison"

M. Bison: "Fuck you, I hardly ever get any time in this parody"

"…..Right. Upon arrival back to Orb, the Orb government is considering an alliance with the Earth Alliance much to Cagalli's dismay" Nukid explained "meanwhile, Athrun goes to meet Kira and Lacus, who are living together in an orphanage with several young children, Murrue Ramius and Andrew Waltfeld"

"Kira and Lacus! You know, the original main characters? It took a few episodes for them to appear, but they're finally here! Upon arrival, Kira and Athrun talk about the world today and threat of war"

"It's weird, they talk like they're really old war veterans, but…….they're both only 18! Seriously, they act like they're in their fucking 80s!"

_**Cutaway gag….**_

We see Kira Yamato, sitting on a rocking chair as he told stories to several young orphans

"Aah back in my day, Gundams were only just appearing, and battles were not so ridiculously flashy! Ah good times, good times" Kira said in a really gruff and old voice

"When was this Uncle Kira?" one child asked

"Um….two years ago"

_**End gag….**_

"Meanwhile, the Earth Alliance blames the ZAFTs for the fall of Junius Seven and orders the PLANTs to disarm while they secretly prepare for an attack" Nukid explained "In response, ZAFT prepares their defences. A battle starts between the two forces which almost ends in the destruction of the ZAFT when the Earth Alliance uses nuclear weapons, but thanks to a new weapon, ZAFT is saved"

"Seeing the inevitable war, Athrun-with help from the persuasive Durandal- re-enlist in ZAFT, being appointed a member of FAITH, one of Durandals top soldiers" Nukid explained "Athrun then deports and enlist onto the Minerva, which is stationed at Carpentaria"

"However, before this happens……….THIS happens"

--

"Hi Athrun!" Lacus Clyne, only with much bigger boobs and more revealing clothes, runs over to Athrun and hugs him, to Athruns shock

--

"Turns out, Durandal is using a 'Lacus Clyne impersonator' to help support Durandal motives" Nukid explained

"Supposedly, Lacus has greater political influence over the people than Durandal……………that's like Lady GaGa having greater political influence over Obama"

"Well anyway, the fake Lacus reveals herself to Athrun as Meer Campbell; a woman with a very similar voice to Lacus, who was ask by Durandal to impersonate Lacus Clyne for him"

"A quick Deus Ex Surgery Operation later, we have our Lacus impersonator!" Nukid proclaimed "now, is she important to the plot?"

**"NO"**

"Is she interesting in personality?"

"**NO"**

"Are her songs good?"

"**NO"**

"…Is she at least tolerable as a character?"

"**NO"**

"………..Is she there just so we can see Lacus with bigger boobs?"

**"YES!!"**

"Great…." Nukid sighed, before looking forward optimistically "..seriously that is great! Great breasts make Nukid a happy man!"

"Well anyway, while Meer is flaunting her cleavage, the real Lacus and Kira are suddenly attacked by Coordinator assassins, who attack the orphanage at night with Mobile Suits"

"While reluctant at first, Kira decides to reactivate the Strike Freedom, and is able to successfully disables the mobiles suits" Nukid explained "note that I said 'disables'. He never actually tries to kill someone…….even in the middle of a fucking war zone"

"While THIS is happening, things are not looking up Cagalli, as Orb joins the Earth Alliance, and to secure Orbs future, is being forced to marry son of Orb prime prime minister Unato Ema Seiran" Nukid revealed

"I would feel sorry for her, but as I said in my SEED review, she really annoys me"

"Kira decides to use the Freedom to abduct Cagalli from the ceremony, returning to the Archangel"

--

We see the Strike Freedom interrupting the wedding, grabbing Cagalli with its hand, and flying away

--

"I'll admit it. Best. Wedding crash. Ever"

"With much of the crew from the original series back together, they set off Orb shores, deciding to take action against this current war" Nukid explained

As the Minerva leaves Carpentaria, Phantom Pain attacks it. During the battle, Shinn discovers the construction of a hidden Earth Alliance base who are oppressing the local citizens" Nukid explained "He destroys the base to free the citizens, killing the fleeing soldiers"

"Take four shots by the way"

"Back on the Minerva however, Athrun slaps Shinn and tells him to use his power more properly" Nukid explained "if you've seen the original Mobile Suit Gundam, you know what this is emulating in some ways

_**Cutaway gag…..**_

Athrun slaps Shinn across the face, causing the latter to stagger

"Hard, wasn't it?" Athrun growled "I took slapping lessons at the school of Bright Noah!"

_**End gag….**_

"If anything, this in some ways sets up a student-teacher relationship between Shinn and Athrun…..despite there being only two years in age difference" Nukid pointed out

"Nevertheless, I'd say Shinn and Athruns interaction with each other is one of Destinys better points. Though, sometimes Shinn can REALLY annoying-no surprise there-, like when they try to liberate Gibraltar from the oppressive Earth Federation"

_**Cutaway gag…**_

Athrun is giving the Minerva crew a mission briefing about the liberation of Gibraltar, with Shinn, Lunamaria and Ray at the front. Next to Athrun is a young girl, working for the Gibraltar resistance

"Shinn, you must destroy a fixed positron cannon emplacement to break through to Gibraltar. You're mission is the most important part of this battle, but I believe in you"

"Are you sure?" the young girl asked "he looks like he can't handle it. You should do it Athrun"

"What?!" Shinn snarled "I can handle it! Believe in me!"

"He's right, he can handle this mission" Athrun then reached into his pocket and took out a computer disk "here are your instructions. Take it"

"…….Why don't YOU do the mission? You'd supposedly do it better than me" Shinn growled sarcastically

"SHINN!! STOP BEING A FUCKING NUISANCE AND DO AS I SAY!!" Athrun shouted "DON'T MAKE BRING OUT THE BRIGHT SLAP AGAIN!!"

_**End gag…..**_

"After freeing Gibraltar, Athrun, Shinn, Lunamaria, Talia and Ray Za Burrel are invited to meet Durandal" Nukid explained "there, Durandal reveals the true enemy of ZAFT, Logos"

"Turns out, Blue Cosmos is actually an organisation known as Logos, who are weapon manufacturers. They used the Junius Seven incident as a means to restart the war, so that they can produce more and more weapons, and get more and more money" Nukid revealed

"Can I criticise this?……Nah, because in all fairness, it's a pretty interesting plot twist"

"But I CAN criticise what happens next. While on break from duty, Shinn comes across Phantom Pain member Stella Loussier, who accidentally falls into the sea. Shinn dives into save her, but the unstable woman goes berserk at the though of dying"

--

We see Shinn and Stella in the water, with Stella going mad in fear of dying. However, Shinn slowly manages to calm her down

"I'll protect you! I promise you! I'll protect you!" Shinn proclaims to Stella

--

"Aw enemies falling in love, how…….unoriginal" Nukid deadpanned "in fact, this whole scene rips off Athruns meeting with Cagalli"

"Well anyway, Athrun saves the two and the two leave each other" Nukid explained "when the Minerva departed, Phantom Pain and Orb forces lead a two on one attack on the Minerva"

"Things look bad for the Minerva, but from the skies, the Strike Freedom and the Archangel appear!" Nukid revealed "Cagalli tries to persuade the Orb forces to stand down, but the soldiers don't believe it is her, and continue to fight"

"Take ten shots, by the way"

"Eventually though, the various forces retreat for repairs" Nukid said "while this happens, Athrun secretly contacts the Archangel, and meets up with Kira and Cagalli"

--

We see Athrun, meeting up with Kira and Cagalli

"This war is pointless! We need to stop it from escalating!" Kira insisted

"And we must stop Orb from getting involved in this pointless war!" Cagalli added

"No! All you're doing is getting in the way!" Athrun retorted "and Cagalli, you wanna save Orb? Then go back to Orb and stop them!"

--

"……………You know, I know we're supposed to agree with Kira and Cagalli….but I agree with Athrun. What they're doing isn't helping, it's just making things worse. And it's hypocritical of them!"

"This is why the original Mobile Suit Gundam trumps the Cosmic Era. Even though both sides were sometimes quite bad, the main characters stuck to one side. They didn't make a third side, they didn't moan about how bad war is, and in the end they gave a realistic look at war itself"

"Well anyway, while Athrun is meeting Kira and Cagalli, Shinn and Ray are sent to investigate an abandoned Logos warehouse" Nukid said "upon arrival, they find several bodies of dead children, and the truth about Stella and Phantom Pain is revealed"

"Turns out, Stella, Sting and Auel are 'Extended'. Children who have been genetically altered through medication, unlike Coordinators who were altered pre birth" Nukid revealed "this makes them unstable, explaining why Stella went berserk"

"Ironically, Stella has a fit of madness while on her ship, and takes off in her Mobile Suit" Nukid said "the Minerva captures her, but injures her in the process, having to give her medical treatment"

"Shinn is shocked to see the pilot is Stella, and stays by her side at all times" Nukid said "meanwhile Lacus and Andrew return into space and reunite with the crew of the Eternal"

"After another battle with Phantom Pain and Orb, Sting of Phantom Pain is killed-and Stella condition worsens" Nukid revealed

"Overhearing Talia talking with the ships doctor, Shinn is horrified to learn they will take the dying Stella to a ZAFT base, where she would live out the rest of life as an experiment"

"Shinn-with the help of Ray- sneaks Stella of the ship, contacts Neo, and safely escorts her back to Phantom Pain hands"

"Upon arrival, Shinn is arrested on sight" Nukid said "well, the guy helped a valuable test subject escape. No doubt Shinn will be severely punished…."

--

"Durandal has dropped the charges against you" Talia informs Shinn

--

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!" Nukid screamed "A SOLDIERS LIFE IS NOT SO PEACHY!! YOU DISOBEY AN ORDER, YOU GET FUCKING PUNISHED!!"

Nukid exhaled and inhaled over and over "M..moving on"

"After recovering, Stella is given an incredibly powerful mobile armor called the Destroy, which levels three entire cities in on go, including Berlin"

"Hoho, and here's me thinking Gundam was supposed to be a realistic Mecha" Nukid laughed sarcastically "how silly of me!"

"Well anyway, both the Minerva and Archangel try to stop the Destroy, but Shinn hesitates when Neo tells him that Stella is the pilot. Kira manages to blow up the Destroy, fatally wounding Stella and eventually killing her" Nukid explained

"Neo Ronanoke is captured by the Archangel, where it is revealed he is indeed Mu…though that was obvious from the start, while Shinn buries Stella in the sea"

_**Cutaway gag….**_

Shinn lowers the dead Stella into the sea, where her bodies falls down, deeper and deeper into the ocean

"Oh Stella…." Shinn cried "…I know I'm ripping off Final Fantasy VII with this scene, but I don't care! I loved you!"

_**End gag….**_

"Meanwhile, Chairman Durandal makes a speech, which is televised worldwide. Lord Djibril is greatly angered by the speech, which blames the Earth Alliance, Blue Cosmos and Logos for the attacks by the Destroy and starting another war"

"With the support of the ZAFT council, Durandal orders the invasion of the Archangel" Nukid explains "Shinn uses this as a great chance to get revenge on Kira, and he studies the Strike Freedom in order to beat it"

"They should've done a training song for it. Just for the Lulz"

_**Cutaway gag…**_

We see Shinn and Ray standing in a room, with Ray standing next to a picture of Kira

Ray: _**"Let's get done to business, to defeat….this wimp!"**_

Shinn: _**"But, I don't feel ready"**_

Ray: _**"Shut up…you prick! You're the saddest runt I've ever met, but I bet, before we're through. Yes sir I'll….make a man….out of you!"**_

_**End gag…..**_

"………..That was as random as I've ever gotten"

"Shinn actually manages to destroy the Strike Freedom, crashing it into the ocean, while the Archangel is also seemingly blown up too!" Nukid said "however, everyone survives, and heads back to Orb for repairs"

"Athrun, believing his friends to be dead, begins to doubt Durandal" Nukid explained "Durandal tries to convinces, but ultimately frames Athrun as a Logos spy, and orders his arrest or kill"

"Athrun escapes, thanks to the help of Meyrin Hawke, who has a crush on him" Nukid said, before sighing "are you honestly giving such a minor character THIS big of a role…….whatever"

"Athrun and Meyrin escape in a Zaku, but Shinn-believing Dudandals lie-catches up with the Zaku and destroys it with his new Destiny Gundam" Nukid revealed "Athrun and Meyrin are seemingly killed, but they are in fact rescued by Kira"

(Screen shows ZAFT forces attacking Heavens base)

"With the whole world against them, ZAFT is able to launch a full attack on Logos. However, Djibril manages to escape and flees to Orb, causing ZAFT to invade Orb and………………………..wait a goddamn minute"

"Let's think back: Mobile Suits are stolen, giant battleship is revealed, protagonist meets Blonde girl, Kira is believed to be dead, and Orb is attacked…."

Nukid slumped back on his chair, a shocked expression on his face "Oh my god…………..they're retelling SEEDs plot……..there are differences but,…….my god….this is…..terrible! This is so lazy and badly written I…..I feel raped"

"Thank you Destiny, you have just raped me!" Nukid growled "this is as big of rape as the Star Wars prequels!"

"Well……anyway, ZAFT invades Orb to find Djirbril, and Shinn is not bothered he's gonna attack his former home"

--

"This time, I will destroy Orb" Shinn proclaims

--

"Our main protagonist folks; wants to ruin thousands of peaceful lives"

"However, Kira goes into space and reunites with Lacus. Lacus gives him a newer Strike Freedom-told you she pratically craps Gundams out- and helps to fight off ZAFT forces, including Shinn and Ray"

"Takes 7 shots by the way"

"With the ZAFT flagship destroyed, Captain Gladys takes command and orders a temporary retreat. After the battle, Cagalli broadcasts a global announcement about the war with Logos but she is interrupted by Meer, who is in turn interrupted by the real Lacus"

"Watching Meer get pwned like that made me very happy" Nukid nodded with a smile

"Djibril arrives at the Daedalus Lunar Base, where he fires the Orbital All-Aspect Tactical Cannon, Requiem, at the PLANT capital, Aprilius. The attack on Aprilius fails, but Januarius One through Four is hit, and they collide into December Seven and Eight causing them to collapse also"

"To put it bluntly, shit happens"

"ZAFT launches a full on assault Requiem and the Minerva is sent to the front lines. Lunamaria is given the task of destroying Requiem's controls while the Destiny, the Legend, and Minerva divert the enemy's attention away from her" Nukid explained "The Destiny and the Impulse manage to destroy Requiem's controls. Djibril attempts an escape on the Girty Lue, but Rey discovers him and destroys the Girty Lue"

"Meanwhile, Kira, Athrun, Lacus and Meyrin gather intelligence under the guise of a shopping trip on the Space Colony, Copernicus City" Nukid said "however, the only thing we see them do is shop…so yea"

"Lacus suddenly gets a letter from Meer who is on Copernicus, pleading for their help as her life is in danger" Nukid explained "the group go to Meer, only to find it is trap"

"Meer however, seeing the kindness of Lacus Clyne, has a change of heart and protects Lacus from a bullet shot, killing her"

"…….Oh dear…..how sad…..never mind"

--

We see Gilbert Durandal, making a speech to the entire world

"I have created the true path for mankind, the 'Destiny Plan'. Upon birth, everyone's role in life will be decided based on their genes, making war obsolete and the world a better place!" Durandal proclaimed

--

"…………………….Oh my god………..that is a brilliant villainous plan. Seriously, that is really awesome! It's morally questionable, but at the same time potentially good. Having everyone's life decided at birth, taking away freedom but stopping war…..that is a really cool plan"

"One question Destiny…….**WHY ARE YOU ONLY BRINGING THAT UP NOW?!!!" **Nukid roared "This anime only has THREE episodes left, but you decide to bring it up NOW?! THIS ANIME IS STUPID! STUPID!! STUPIIIIIIIID!!!"

Nukid sighed "what a fucking waste of a cool villain plot. Don't worry Durandal, I respect your awesomeness as a villain!"

"Well, it's that time again; the final battle, and like SEED, you're probably drunk by now from the sheer amount of footage recycling"

"To sum it up short enough, Athrun kicks Shinn and Lunamarias ass with his new Infinite Justice" Nukid explained

"Shinn Asuka, our main protagonist folks! Getting his ass kicked in the final battle and….." Nukid sighed ".....you know what? Destiny didn't have a PROPER main character! It could never decide between Kira, Athrun or Shinn, and the plot was ruined because of it"

"Meanwhile, Neo regains his memories as Mu, and helps the Archangel…….why you couldn't bring back the best character in the show sooner, is anyones guess"

"Finally, Kira in the Strike Freedom is confronted by Rey in the Legend, who is revealed to be a clone like La Creseuts. Kira defeats him, and Durandal and Kira confront each other in the collapsing Messiah base"

"As cool as Durandal is……I think this whole scene rips off Star Wars WAY too much"

_**Cutaway gag…**_

Durandal sat on his throne in the Messiah-which bears similarity to the Death Star- and looks down at Kira

"Join me Kira!" Durandal boomed "Join the Dark Side!"

"……What?"

"Oh, sorry. Setting and all….reminded me of Star Wars"

_**End gag…**_

"However, after a speech made by Kira, Ray kills Durandal, and he and Talia die together in the crumbling Messiah" Nukid stated "the war ends, and the world enters a state of peace once again"

"Now…..how do I best describe Destiny?" Nukid asked rhetorically "well, say I poured myself a glass of Coke. I drink it, and I enjoy the sweet and sugary taste!"

"I then however, pour myself a glass of Cherry Coke. I drink it, but spit it out, disgusted an already great drink is ruined!"

"I borderline loved SEED" Nukid stated firmly "it had its issues, but it was still really good. Characters were good, themes were solid and it was well made"

"Destiny……Destiny has a piss poor story that practically rips off its prequel, crappy new characters, old characters have become Stus and Sues, and Shinn Asuka is a PATHETIC excuse of a main character!!"

"It's not all terrible. I can relate with Athrun, Durandals awesome, the animation is colourful, and the music is still the best in any Gundam anime"

"Still…..I stand by what I said at the start; it's the worst Gundam anime ever made" Nukid stated "but admittedly, that doesn't mean it's complete crap, just semi crap"

"I'm the Nostalgia Kid!" Nukid saluted "I'm remember it because I love Gundam!"

_The Actual Review:_

_Pros: Durandal is awesome, great animation, probably the best music in any Gundam series_

_Cons: Badly thought out plot, lots of scene resage, mostly bad new characters,old characters are Stus, Shinn Asuka _

_Overall: If you watched SEED, you'll watch this. Just be warned; it's not nearly as good_

_Rating: 2 Stars (Out of 4)_


	11. Top 11 Gundam Babes

.....I know what some of you are saying; "What, already?!".....Yes, already. Enjoy!

**Warning: The language in this review may not be suitable for minors. If you're under the age of 18 and have not heard the word "pissed" before, it's my brothers' condition half the time at university**

* * *

We see The Nostalgia Kid sitting at his usual table, wearing his Gundam shirt once again. This time however, he also sported a Gundam cap instead of his black one

"Hello I'm the Nostalgia Kid, I remember it because I love Gundam!" Nukid greeted "you know, there's a lot of things to like about Gundam. The action, the plots, the war themes and of course, the hot female characters!"

(Screen shows several scenes of various Gundam girls from various Gundam animes)

"Let it be known far and wide that the Gundam Franchise has some of the hottest and most intriguin babes in anime, and we're here today to honour them for it!"

"Men-and lesbians I guess-let your hormones run wild as we count The Top 11 Gundam Babes!

**The Top 11 Gundam Babes!**

_**Number 11…..**_

_**Aina Saharin (Mobile Suit Gundam: The 8th MS Team)**_

"Aina Saharin is one of the main characters in the anime OVA Mobile Suit Gundam: The 08th MS Team, and the love interest of said shows main protagonist, Shiro Amada" Nukid said

"Aina is the daughter of the Zeonic noble family Saharin, and the brother of the OVAs antagonist,Ginias Saharin" Nukid explained "who is….not the kind of brother you want around…..unless you're into getting shot at by said brother"

"Aina gets on this list since she is a strong and competant character, and an ace Mobile Suit pilot" Nukid nodded "it also helps that she has two dynamic relationships which are cool to watch. One with Shiro, the other with her mad brother"

"Also, she gets a happy ending with her love Shiro, and I definitely prefer happy endings" Nukid sniggered "trust me, you don't want to see me when I finished the Berserk anime"

_**Cutaway gag….**_

Nukid laid on the floor, rolled up in a ball as he sucked his thumb

"They're all dead…..they're all dead….WHAT IS UP WITH THAT ENDING?!!" Nukid cried

_**End gag….**_

"That was before I find out the manga was still ongoing"

"However, Aina only stays on no.11 because she only appears in this OVA, which is only 12 episodes long" Nukid stated "but, she is a good, strong female character and worthy to be on this Top 11"

_**Number 10…..**_

_**Matilda Ajan (Mobile Suit Gundam)**_

"Lieutenant Matilda Ajan is a character from the original Mobile Suit Gundam, and the one of the first people to meet the White Base crew when they arrive onto earth" Nukid explained

"Matilda Ajan was the commanding officer of the Earth Federation's supply corps" Nukid stated "At times though, Matilda also served as a personal envoy for General Revil, carrying messages and orders from him to other ships"

"Matilda, despite only being in a few episodes, had a profound effect on the show in two significant ways" Nukid said "for starters, since she had this habit of coming to White Base rescue when they were in a bind, she became somewhat of a guardian angel for the crew"

_**Cutaway gag….**_

The White Base flies through the air, but is being attacked vicously by Zeon Zaku from all angles

"Oh no! Our main thrusters are damaged, our weapon defences are down, and Amuro's having a hissy fit! We're doomed!" Bright Noah cried

"Sir! Lieutenant Matilda Ajan is here!" Mirai exclaimed

"Really? Well thank fuck for that! We're saved!"

_**End gag….**_

"The second reason she's important because she becomes Amuro Rays first crush" Nukid said, before smiling "aw, little nerd Amuro has a crush. I hope those two live happily ever af…"

(Screen shows Matilda die as her ship, the Medea, blows up)

"…………..fuck" Nukid deadpanned "well anyway, her role in the series is short, but that said role had a lasting effect on all the shows characters, especially Amuro"

_**Number 9….**_

_**Christina MacKenzie (Mobile Suit Gundam 0080: War in the Pocket)**_

"Christina MacKenzie is one of the main characters in the OVA War in the Pocket, an OVA which looks at the One Year War from the eyes of a child"

"Christina is the neighbor and friend of main character Alfred Izuruha, being the closest thing to a big sister for Al. At the beginning of _War in the Pocket_, Chris just returns from Earth, and is assigned to collect field data for the new NT-1 unit" Nukid explained

"Unbeknownst to Christina, Al has befriended a Zeon pilot who crashed down in the Colony, known as Bernard Wiseman. While rocky at first, the two develop a deep, romantic relationship, even though they are on opposite sides (though she doesn't know this)"

"Now, you may be asking why she's no.9…." Nukid nodded "….BECAUSE WHAT HAPPENS TO HER IS SO SAAAAAD!!!"

Nukid broke down into tears, sobbing in his arms as he covered his arms over his face. He laid there crying for several seconds, before dabbing a tissue on his wet eyes

Nukid sniffed "I…won't go into details….but what happens between her and Bernie is one of the most powerful scenes in the Universal Century, and it get across the tradegy of war almost perfectly"

"War in the Pocket is a must watch for any Universal Century fan…" Nukid sniffed "just….have a tissue on hand"

_**Number 8……**_

_**Sumeragi Lee Noriega (From Gundam 00)**_

"Sumeragi Lee Noriega is the tactical forecaster/coordinator and commander of Celestial Being" Nukid explained "She's smart, cunning, loves her alcohol and OH MY GOD THOSE BREAST ARE DEFINITELY IMPLANTS!!"

Nukid looked to his left, and then to his right, uncomfortable from the eery silence. He scratched his head and smiled

"Sorry, it's just that…..those things are huge" Nukid exclaimed "I actually don't remember much of her face! I was too busy looking at those stonkers!"

"Aside from her……huge cleavege, she is a very compotent character, often coming up with plans that sound insane, but ultimately save everyone's ass"

"She's also one of 00 most interesting characters, having to deal with depression and self doubt, it's a triumph to see her prevail and regain her once lost will" Nukid said

"Ultimately though, you gotta admire her for those gigantic balloons! Shame pretty much none of the main characters in Celestial Beings does! Then again, with Setsuna…"

"_Forever scarred by war"_

"….Allehujah…"

"_Got an evil twin personality"_

"…Lockon…"

"_Dead"_

"…and Tiera…"

"_I swear to god this guy's a girl!"_

"….it's not surprising her prides and joys aren't appreciated"

_**Number 7…..**_

_**Haman Karn (Zeta Gundam, ZZ Gundam)**_

"No doubt about it, Karn is THE most competent female Gundam character" Nukid proclaimed "being the only female in Gundam to be a MAIN antagonist"

"Harman Karn is a former girlfriend of THE Char Aznable" Nukid stated "after Zeon is defeated at the end of Mobile Suit Gundam, Harman uses the last surviving member of the Zeon royal family- Mineva Lao Zabi- as a means of controlling the new Zeon movement, Axis Zeon"

"Harman does this at age sixteen…SIXTEEN!" Nukid emphasised "if that doesn't make her something out of the ordinary, then what does?"

"While not the best looking girl, she makes up for it with tons of interesting personality" Nukid said "corrupt and cold, but at the same time passionate about her beliefs, and enough charisma in order to become the true leader of Axis Zeon"

_**Number 6…..**_

_**Marina Ismail (From Gundam 00)**_

"Marina Ismail is a princess I would drop through pipes, jump on walking mushrooms, and kill turtle dragons for ANYDAY" Nukid proclaimed "it's illegal to be that goddamn sexy"

"Marina is the princess of the unstable country Azadistan" Nukid explained "because of her youth and inexperience, she is idealistic and naïve, but without a doubt a kind and caring person"

"Marina's relationship with the shows main protagonist Setsuna is one of much intrigue" Nukid explained, "they two share a deep bond of understanding, as both are trying to create peace in there own way"

"Still…" Nukid crossed his fingers, closed his eyes and muttered "please make it romantic in the movie…. please make it romantic in the movie….. please make it romantic in the movie!"

_**Number 5…..**_

_**Sayla Mass (Mobile Suit Gundam)**_

"Sayla Mass is the original Gundam babe" Nukid stated "sure we technically meet Frau Bow first, but it's Sayla who steals our attention first"

"Sayla will come off a generic and unimportant at first…" Nukid said "…but trust me, she is very important to the plot of Mobile Suit Gundam in many ways"

"For starters, she is the younger sister of the shows coolest character, Char Aznable" Nukid revealed "both Char and Sayla are the children of the original founder of Zeon, Zeon Zum Deikun. After Degwin took control, both Char and Sayla are whisked away and go into hiding to avoid a purge"

"While Char decided to get revenge on the Zabi family, Sayla bore little hatred, being very young when her father died. Instead, she trained to become a medic on Side 7, before it got invaded by Zeon"

"Sayla would join the White Base crew, and become one of its key members, eventually piloting a G-Fighter, and teaming up Amuro in several battles" Nukid explained "because of this, Amuro and Sayla develop a deep connection and arguably romantic, becoming torn between the growing rivalry and hatred between Amuro and Char"

"I really wish I could find the Novelisation of Mobile Suit Gundam" Nukid pointed out "because in the novels, not only is their relationship romantic, it's…..sexual!!"

Tucker: "BOW CHICKA BOW WOW!!"

"All I can say is Amuro; you are one lucky Otaku!"

_**Number 4….**_

_**Lacus Clyne (Gundam SEED, Gundam SEED Destiny)**_

"Lacus is a bit of a Mary Sue…" Nukid sighed "…but you gotta admit, she's one hot character"

"Lacus Clyne is the daughter of PLANT Supreme Council Chairman Siegel Clyne. She is a Coordinator whose career as an idol singer has brought her enormous popularity in the PLANTs"

"Lacus first appears when her vessel is attacked by the Earth Alliance who believe that the vessel is actually a military ship" Nukid explained "A fight breaks out, but a lifepod with Lacus on board makes it out. Her lifepod is subsequently rescued by the Strike Gundam and brought to the Archangel"

"Lacus is is kind-hearted, air headed, and somewhat naive; but as a leader, Lacus is charismatic, strong willed and idealistic. Like her father she strongly believe Coordinators and Naturals could co-exist, and fights for a world where there is no more war"

"I envy Kira Yamato" Nukid growled "for some reason, he gets this pink haired princess as a girlfriend, and you can't help but want to kick him in the nuts for his good luck!"

"Though I….find it odd that they never actually kiss in the series" Nukid pointed out "seriously, all we get quick pecks on the cheek"

"Still….Lacus is a strong Gundam babe with a powerful influence over others" Nukid nodded "and also, she brought back the Haro's! Gundams own mascot, and…..they are REALLY annoying!"

**_Number 3……_**

_**Lucrezia Noin (Gundam Wing)**_

"Ah Noin…" Nukid sighed dreamily "…she is the kind of teacher I would DIE to have tutor me!"

"Noin is a former instructor OZ military instructor, teaching at the Victoria Lake Academy. Following the return of her estranged friend, Zechs Merquise, Noin finds herself at his side, assisting him in his personal quest"

"Noin is strong, determined, strict but very kind towards her friends and students, While she has a tom-boyish attitude, she is not without emotions, often seen smiling or reacting to situations with anger or a fitting emotion"

"Point is, she's every boy with hormones wet dream of a teacher…" Nukid smiled cheekily "…and she could give me an R&R lesson anyday!!"

"And let's face it, when you look at some of the OTHER female characters in Wiing, she's a fucking godsend!"

(Screen shows pictures of Relena Peacecraft and Lady Une appear onscreen)

"AAAHHH!!" Nukid screamed. He reached for under his table, took out a machine gun, and fired several rounds "BITCH!! WHORE!! PSYCHO!! LESBIAN!!"

_**Number 2…**_

_**Rain Mikamaru (G Gundam)**_

"Rain is THE Gundam pin-up girl" Nukid proclaimed "As Domon's love interest in G Gundam, she has the job of being the token female, but also fights as a Gundam fighter during the series"

"And believe me men….and some ladies, when you see Rain in that spandex, you'll….you'll….you'll go mad from your raging hormones!"

"Better yet, the girl knows her way around a Gundam" Nukid explained "being Domons technician, she naturally always has it ready for Domons next battle, and not to mention she is a fairly competent fighter!"

"While she does sometimes become a damsel in distress…" Nukid said "….there's not doubt Domon would've been lost without Rain by his side for support, both with his Gundam, and himself"

"And let me tell YOU Rain!" Nukid smiled deviously "if I met you with that tight spandex on, I would…"

**The following sentence is too mature for our younger viewers, and has been has been replaced with this generic bold writing**

"…with a Vaccum Cleaner"

_**Number 1…**_

_**Lalah Sune (Mobile Suit Gundam)**_

"Okay, just to clarify…" Nukid hastily said, "…this choice is in no way because she's hot. No, Lalah's here because of several other things"

"Lalah Sune is one of the first Newtypes shown in the series, people who thanks to their living in space, have developed a 'sixth sense'. Lalah, along with Amuro and Char, are Newtypes"

"Lalah is a kind and gentle woman, but at the same time one of great mystery. Char finds her in an Indian brothel, saving her from a life of prostitution. Because of this, she is very loyal to Char, and likewise Char cares deeply for her"

"While on Side 6, Amuro meets Lalah, and the boy becomes somewhat fascinated by her and her Newtype abilities" Nukid explained

"While battling in space, Lalah and Amuro constantly senses each other with their Newtype abilities, and eventually find themselves able to communicate with each other through their minds" Nukid revealed "the two talk about war and the reasons behind it"

"Unlike SEED or 00 though, it's not preachy and in your face"

"Unfortunately, during the battle Amuro has a clear shot at Char, but Lalah quickly flies in and blocks the shot, killing her" Nukid said in a sad tone "suffice to say, this horrifies Amuro, who after the war, is unable to go into space for a long time due to his guilt"

"You know how people rave about the Aerith death scene in Final Fantasy VII?" Nukid said "well here's the thing; you could argue they ripped it off from Mobile Suit Gundam"

"Seriously! The similarities between Lalah and Aerith are staggering, and the relationship and effect they had on the main characters is similar to"

"Lalahs death is also what turns Amuro and Char from heated rivals to full on hatred for each other, as they both somewhat blame the other for her death" Nukid revealed "even after several years, Lalahs spirit reappears to them both several times"

"While Lalah may not have been the best looking girl, the impact she had on the Universal Century, Amuro Ray and Char are profound and unforgettable" Nukid stated "that is why she is No.1 on my list"

"Well ladies and especially gents, there is my Top 11 Gundam Babes!" Nukid nodded "I hope you don't think I'm too perverted. I'm just you're average teenager, stocked full of hormones!"

"I'm the Nostalgia Kid!" Nukid saluted, and before walking away says "I remember it because I love Gundam!"

**Hope you enjoyed! Stay tuned!**


	12. Char Aznable: A Man, A Legend, An Icon

........Three chapters done three days in a row......I am on a role ladies and gentlemen. Enjoy!

**Warning: The language in this review may not be suitable for minors. If you're under the age of 18 and have not heard the word 'pussy' before…..then I'd like to know how you've gone through life without seeing a cat once!**

* * *

**"Hey Garma, do you read?...Blame this on the misfortune of your birth.....You were indeed a very good friend to me. Don't take it personally. You can thank your father for this"**

**Char Aznable- Mobile Suit Gundam**

We see Nukid sitting at his desk, wearing his Gundam attire

"Hello I'm the Nostalgia Kid, I remember it because I love Gundam!" Nukid greeted "you know, there was a lot of things that I loved about the Universal Century…"

"**THE UNIVERSAL CENTURY FTW!!"**

"…such as the original Mobile Suits, the interesting characters, dark themed story and its excellent portrayal of war!"

"But if there's one thing that truly elevated Gundam to awesome status, it was one man. That man was Char Aznable!"

(Screen shows various scenes of Char Aznable)

"Char Aznable, born Casval Rem Deikun is one of the main characters from the Universal Century timeline of the Gundam franchise" Nukid explained "He is the elder brother of Artesia Som Deikun AKA Sayla Mass, and the son of late Zeon Zum Deikun, the former leader of the space colonies of Side 3, later the Republic of Zeon"

"After his father is assassinated by Degwin Zabi, Casval and Artesia are taken away from Side 3 by Jimba Ral, a family friend. Char would grow to hate the Zabi family for what they did to his family, and took up the road of revenge against the Zabi's"

"Donning silver helmet and mask, Casaval became Char Aznable, known by fellow soldiers as "The Red Comet" for his quick and superb mobile suit skills. Char becomes a major rival to the shows main protagonist Amuro Ray, fighting him on several occasions, but works from within Zeon to kill all of the Zabi family, one by one"

"To many westerners and even many anime fans, Char may not seem like much…." Nukid smiled "…but in Japan, he is A CULTURAL ICON!!"

(Screen shows various Char related media, such as cosplayers, Char themed laptops & game consoles, and fan art of Char)

"Japanese pop culture holds Char Aznable in very much the same way western pop culture views science fiction icons Darth Vader and Mr. Spock. Even many people who do not watch anime at least know the name" Nukid explained

"In Japan, Char mania is everywhere, even after 30 years" Nukid said gleefully "Char-custom laptop, Char-custom Nintendo Gamecube, Char-custom GameBoy Advance SP, Char-custom motorbike helmet, hell even a Char-Custom credit card!"

"Point is ladies and gentlemen, Char is an icon in his own right" Nukid proclaimed "and symbollically, he's the only Gundam character to appear in every alternate timeline"

"You see, in every Gundam timeline, there is what is called a 'Char Clone'; a character who bears similar attributes and personality similar to the Red Comet" Nukid explained "in this chapter, I shall personally look at all that the icon Char has inspired, and show to you just how important this guy really is"

**Char Aznable: A Man, A Legend, An Icon**

_**Full Frontal from 'Mobile Suit Gundam: Unicorn'**_

"If you're watching the new Gundam OVA, you know about Full Frontal" Nukid stated "The mysterious leader of the Neo Zeon remnant forces who is described as the "2nd coming of Char"

"Like Char, he is a blonde man whose face is hidden behind a mask, and he wears a red uniform and pilots a red custom mobile suit" Nukid explained "Similar to Char, he holds the Neo Zeon remnants together with his high charisma"

"He is later revealed to be a Cyber Newtype who was genetically altered to resemble the missing-in-action Char Aznable" Nukid stated "even right down to his voice actor, Shuichi Ikeda!"

"Overall, Full Frontal is a really cool tribute to the Red Comet…" Nukid scratched his head "…since in a sense, he is Char"

"Still…. whenever I hear his name, I can't help but picture him nude"

_**Cutaway gag….**_

Full Frontal stood up on stage, making a speech to Neo Zeon soldiers…naked

"Remember everyone, the old generation cannot create a new age!" Full Frontal declared

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!!" one soldier screamed

_**End gag….**_

_**Zabine Chareux**__**, and Iron Mask from **__**Gundam F91**_

"The movie Gundam F91-set in the Universal Century-has two Char inspired characters" Nukid said "the first character Zabine Chareux is the commander of the Crossbone Vanguard's elite Black Vanguard squadron, an advance guard, or vanguard, for the nation of Cosmo Babylonia created by the Ronah Family"

"Zabine is a superb pilot and a clever tactician" Nukid explained "Though loyal to the Crossbone Vanguard, Zabine harbors secret ambitions of his own, and when he is assigned to train and protect Cecily he sees this as a perfect opportunity to work his way closer to the Ronah family"

"The other character, Iron Mask is a brilliant scientist who married into the Ronah family but was then abandoned by his wife Nadia" Nukid stated "Hiding his shame and humiliation behind a metal mask, Carozzo turned himself into an artificially enhanced cyber-Newtype in order to help realize the ambitions of his father-in-law Meitzer Ronah"

"Wow…….that's taken rejection to a new extreme"

"As Iron Mask, he possesses superhuman strength and mental powers, and a ruthless dedication to the Crossbone Vanguard's ideals" Nukid nodded "all in all, don't mess with this guy"

_**Schwarz Bruder and Master Asia from G Gundam**_

"G Gundam was the first alternate timeline, so there aren't any direct Char Clones" Nukid said "but there are certainly characters inspired by Char"

"First, we have Schwarz Bruder, the german and mysterious fighter in the tournenmant. While it may be hard to notice at first, much of Schwarz design is reminiscant of Char, especially around the face"

"And like Char was to Zeta Gundam protagonist Kamille, Scwarz becomes a surragate mentor to G Gundam protagonist Domon" Nukid explained

"Now, some of you are probably wondering how Master Asia is connected to Char" Nukid stated

"Master Asia and Char could arguebly come under the title of 'Anti-Hero'. Both were doing pretty evil things, but their motives were never evil. They both did what they did because they believed they were doing it for the greater good"

"And let's not forget both are very experienced fighters and have a very strong relationship with the main character" Nukid added "though, that relationship is quite different. Amuro and Char are heated rivals, while Domon and Asia have a student-teacher relationship"

**_Zechs Merquise from Gundam Wing_**

"Zechs Merquise, is a legendary Mobile Suit pilot, belonging to the OZ Faction. Renowned for his amazing skills in combat, his exploits earned him the title of the Lightning Count" Nukid explained "a personal friend of OZ leader Treize Khushrenada, Zechs is often the commander of important missions, and receives his orders directly from Treize"

"Out of all the Char Clones, Zechs is the most obvious" Nukid stated "in fact, his whole story is supposed to be a retelling of Chars story!"

Like Char, Both joined the organizations that killed their families for revenge under an alias, and both quickly moved up in rank within them" Nukid said "Also like Char, Zechs is actually the son of a peace loving leader, and like Char has a younger sister"

"……The only difference there is that Sayla is a hot and likable gal……Relena…..oh god don't get me started"

"All in all, Zechs is a cool char clone. Probably the most well know out of all the char clones" Nukid nodded "and being voiced by Brian Drummond, voice of Vegeta, helps too"

**"Lalah Sune was a young woman who may very well have become a mother to me, you took away her life, so don't you dare judge me!"**

**Char Aznable- Mobile Suit Gundam**

_**Lancerow Dawell from **__**After War Gundam X **_

"Lancerow is from the supposedly underrated After War Gundam X" Nukid spoke "since I told you all I had yet to see this series, I can't tell you much about this guy"

"What I do know about him is that his life seems to mirror both Chars and Amuros life. He starts out as a Newtype pilot for the Space Revolutionary Army during the 7th Space War, holding a position similar to Char Aznable"

"Following the 7th Space War, Lancerow remains in military service but because of his fear Newtype abilities by higher ranking officers, he is re-assigned to training duty similar to Amuro Ray in the Zeta Gundam series"

"I wish I could tell you more, but I have to watch this one first" Nukid sighed "I'm only flesh and blood after all"

_**Harry Ord from Turn A Gundam**_

"Harry Ord is a skilled pilot and tactician in the Moonrace, which is an obvious mirror to Char" Nukid nodded "like Char, he is ambitious and determined to achieve higher ranks, but unlike Char he doesn't seem to have ulterior motives"

"Harries character design is mirrors not so much Char, but his Zeta Gundam alter ego, Quattro Bajeena. In Zeta Gundam Char does not wear his mask, but instead hides his eyes with a pair of red, which makes him look like one slick badass"

"Harry Ord wears red sunglasses too, but…."

(Screen shows picture of Harry Ord)

"………Ha….haha….HAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Nukid suddenly burst into a loud fit of laughter

"What the hell are up with those sunglasses?!" Nukid sniggered loudly "those are the most ridiculous sunglasses I've ever seen! And I come from the same country as Elton John!!"

"All in all, can't say much about this guy either, since I ain't watched Turn A" Nukid said, trying to hold in a laugh "but still…..those sunglasses….haha"

_**Rau Le Creuset from Gundam SEED**_

"Rau Le Creusets is the main antagonist in Gundam SEED" Nukid stated "and in my personal opinion, he's the best"

"Unlike most of Char Clones, his plans are truly the most sinister. He isn't trying to save humanity; HE WANTS IT ALL DEAD!!" Nukid exclaimed

"Because he is a clone of Mu La Flaga, he sees himself as a the person best suited to carry out the judgment and execution of humanity and what he sees as a 'world of endless desires'"

"All in all, Rau is in my opinion the best Char clone" Nukid said "I know many probably prefer Zechs, but in the end Zechs is just a weaker retelling of Char story. Rau on the other hand, is something far different"

_**Athrun Zala, Neo Roanoke and Gilbert Durandal from Gundam SEED Destiny**_

"I know what some of you are saying right now; "Nukid you sexy sexy man who I am very jealous of, how could Athrun Zala, a protagonist and good friend to main hero Kira be a Char Clone?"

"Well, he's not a direct clone, but in Destiny especially, there is inspiration" Nukid stated "for starters, during the shows first episodes, Athrun acts as Cagallis' bodyguard under the alias 'Alex Dino'. This is a clear nod to Chars alias in Zeta, Quattro Bajeena"

"Also, if you've seen SEED & Destiny, you'll know Athrun pilots red Mobile Suits" Nukid pointed out "do I need to remind you who also prefers red? Heck, it's even pointed out in Dynasty Warriors: Gundam 2!"

--

In the video game Dynasty Warriors: Gundam 2, there is a level where Char and Athrun battle

"You must be an Ace. I want you to fight with honor." Char said to Athrun as they fought

"Why would you think that I'm an Ace?" Athrun asked

Char smiled "Only an Ace would pilot a Mobile Suit of that color."

--

"Still, Athrun isn't the direct Char clone in Destiny. No, that honor goes to Neo Roanoke" Nukid grunted

"One problem though; Like Destiny in general, HE SUCKS DONKEYBALLS!!" Nukid snarled "he's uninspiring, lacks any of Char or Mu's cool fact, and I think the only reason he's there is because they needed a way to bring back Mu"

"Also, I have to say that the animes big antagonist, Gilbert Durandal, is a nod to Char as well" Nukid said "while not officially a Char Clone, Gibert Durandal shared a similar version of Char's philosophy concerning the issue of genetics with his destiny plan, while Char attempted to drop Axis to force humanity to space to evolve to Newtypes. It is no surprise as they both share the same voice actor"

"Gilbert Durandal was one of the few things that made Destiny bearable" Nukid stated "but still, since he isn't a direct clone, I have to say Rau Le Cresuets is the best Char Clone"

_**Graham Akar AKA Mr. Bushido from Gundam 00**_

"Graham Akar is an ace pilot for Union, and a man who loves to battle in his mobile suit" Nukid said "in the first series, he's pretty happy go lucky, as he develops a rivalry with Setsuna F. Seiei, though that said rivalry is pretty uninteresting"

"At the end of 00 first season, Graham is badly scarred by Setsuna. Five years later, Graham has joined the A-Laws, dons a Samurai mask, and goes under the name 'Mr. Bushido'"

"Graham never completely recovered mentally and physically from his encounters with Celestial Being, especially with Setsuna. He treated his previous battles as a defeat and can only find a personal sense of closure by defeating Celestial Being"

"Mr Bushido is a mixed bag" Nukid shrugged "on the one hand, I like how unlike most Char Clones, his only motive is to fight. However as a whole he's pretty weak as a Char Clone. Hell, pretty much EVERYONE knows his real identity, which….somewhat misses the point"

"All in all…he's better than Neo, but below Zechs" Nukid nodded "and now with that, I have finished looking at all the Char clones in the Gundam, and given you my personal thoughts of them"

"But ladies and gents, we're not done. What if was to tell you all that there are Char inspired characters….OUTSIDE of the Gundam franchise?!"

_**Ken Masters from Street Fighter**_

"That's right, Ken Masters, rival and best friend of Ryu, could count as a Char Clone!" Nukid rvealed "surprised? You shouldn't be"

"When you look at Char and Ken, the simularities are quite noticable. For starters they're both blondes with shaggy hair, and both have an eye for red clothing!"

"What is most noticable of course is there relationship with the series main protagonist, Amuro and Ryu respectively" Nukid explained "in both, they are strong rivals of the heroes who have had several epic battles with them"

"There is however, the fact that Ken and Ryu are good friends, which is of course different" Nukid sighed "however, do remember that Amuro and Char did work together in Zeta Gundam, and no doubt as warriors, they respect each other"

**"The old generation can't build the new era!"**

**Quattro Bajeena- Mobile Suit Zeta Gundam**

_**Zero from Megaman**_

"I'm not a Megaman fan" Nukid said "not like I'm not interested. Just never had the chance to play a game, but I do know that Zero is inspired by Char"

"Both Zero and Ken are crimson clad blondes who play the role of the "second main character" or "rival" to the protagonist" Nukid said "however unlike Ken, I do believe at one point he is Megamans enemy"

"Zero may not seem much like Char outside of appearance, but even there, there is some noteworthy inspiration" Nukid explained

"Zero's depiction in the series was intended to be morally ambiguous and depend on the perspective, appearing as a hero from one point of view and a terrorist from another" Nukid said "just like how you could argue that Char was trying to save humanity, or cause mass destruction, in Chars Counterattack!"

_**Seifer Almassy from Final Fantasy VIII**_

"……………….I can see some of your surprised faces" Nukid laughed "but yes, the Gunblade weilding villain from FFVIII is a Char Clone"

"Although not clad in red, Seifer bears a resemblance to Char as he appears in Char's Counterattack and has a scar across his forehead to symbolize his eternal rivalry to the games' protagonist Squall Leonhart" Nukid said

"As some of you may know, Char himself has a scar right between his eyes" Nukid "the same place which Seifer happens to have his. Hardly a coincidence I say"

"I'm not much of a Seifer fan…" Nukid said "…but I think he is somewhat awesome. I actually think in some ways, he was a step up from Sephiroth, who in the end…….is pretty overrated"

"Still, ignore the Kingdom Hearts version of Seifer…" Nukid added "…they fucked him up in that"

_**Charmander from Pokemon**_

"DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK!!" Nukid shouted at the screen, knowing the kind of look people were now giving him

"Think about it! He's reddish-orange with yellow added in some places, and all he can say is "Char! Char!" What a tribute to the Red Comet guys! Naming a Pokemon after him!"

Nukid waited for some kind of reply, but all he got was an eery silence

"…….Anybody?…..No?……fuck"

"Well ladies and gentlemen, I have finished" Nukid nodded "but in the end, I've only skimmed just how how awesome Char Aznable is"

"Char Aznable is one of the first true Anti-Heroes in anime. Proud, honorable, incredibly talented pilot, and a man who sacrifice loads to obtain his goals. There has been no greater antagonist in Gundam than Char" Nukid stated

"Char Aznable has become a cultural and known by all icon in Japan" Nukid ranted "one of equal status of Darth Vader and Mr. Spock. He is pretty much Japans equivilant!"

"All in all, if you take anything from this chapter, it's this; Char is THE BEST!!!" Nukid proclaimed "and you do NOT mess with the best, lest you wish to be blown by a Zaku, three times faster than a normal Zaku"

"I'm the Nostalgia Kid! I remember it because I love Gundam!" Nukid saluted, before walking off

**"One Does Not Care To Acknowledge The Mistakes Of Ones Youth"**

**Char Aznable**

**Hope you enjoyed! Stay tuned for the final Gundam chapter; Gundam Wing Vs. Gundam 00**


	13. Gundam Wing Vs Gundam 00

Hey everyone. The final chapter of Gundam March is here! Enjoy!

**Warning: The language in this review may not be suitable for minors. If you're under the age of 18 and have not heard the word 'Blowjob' before….I highly doubt you've ever heard that James Bond joke**

* * *

We see Nukid sitting at his desk, wearing his Gundam attire

"Hello I'm the Nostalgia Kid, I remember it because I love Gundam!" Nukid greeted "well everyone, this is the final chapter of Gundam March. It's been a good month, though at one point it seemed like I wouldn't get a single chapter up, but thankfully, I was able to get four chapters done in the space of a week!"

"How I managed this, is not a tale I'd like to remember….."

_**Cutaway gag….**_

Nukid sat at his laptop desk, typing on his laptop madly. His eyes were red and wide open, and scattered around Nukid were several cans of Coke

"The caffeine stops me from falling asleep…..and it helps me forget the pain in my fingers!" Nukid trembled, smiling madly as he raised his fingers, which were almost bloody from the endless hours of typing

_**End gag….**_

"Hahaaaaaa I'll never be able to play the Violin again"

"Well anyway, since this is final chapter of Gundam March, I had a hard deciding what I would do for the grand finale" Nukid explained "I'd done a intro chapter, two reviews, one Top11, and a retrospective chapter"

"So then, I decided to finish on the one thing I have yet to do; a comparison!" Nukid proclaimed "originally, I thought of doing a 'Mobile Suit Gundam Vs Gundam SEED' comparison"

"But, as I've already made it abundantly clear, I'm a very old school fan of Gundam" Nukid nodded "basically, the original would rape SEED"

"With that out the question, I decided to do Gundams which are very similar in two ways" Nukid raised his first two fingers on his left hand "one, both follow the "Gundam Vs. The World type of story"

"And two, during their initial releases, they were both insanely popular and seen as the best" Nukid added "ladies and gentlemen, these are Gundam Wing Vs. Gundam 00!"

"First, there is Gundam Wing, released in Japan in 1995" Nukid started "In the distant future, Mankind has colonized space and, down on the Earth, the nations have united as the United Earth Sphere Alliance. However, the Alliance oppresses the colonies with its military power"

"The story of Gundam Wing begins in the year After Colony 195, with the start of "Operation: Meteor,". The operation involves five teenaged boys who have each been chosen and trained by one of the five rogue scientists, then sent to Earth independently in extremely advanced mobile suits, one designed by each of the scientists, known as "Gundams."

"Their mission is to attack the Organisation of the Zodiacs-or OZ for shot-directly, in order to rid the Alliance of its weapons and free the colonies from its oppressive rule. The Gundam pilots each start out on separate missions, only to join up later on while on Earth"

"Without Wing, there may be no Gundam in the West" Nukid stated "while on a modest success in Japan, it can said with no doubt Wing single-handedly popularised the Gundam franchise among Western audiences"

"That being said, the current favourite among Gundam noobs is the competitor of Wing" Nukid smiled "a series many people call the "new Wing". This is Gundam 00"

"The series is set in 2307 AD. As a result of the depletion of fossil fuels, humanity had to search for a new source of power. The power was found in the form of massive arrays of solar power collectors orbiting the Earth, and supported by three orbital elevators, each one serving one of the three "power blocs" on the planet, namely Union, the AEU and the Human Reform League"

"With this nearly inexhaustible source of energy benefiting only the major powers and their allies, constant warfare erupts around the globe among minor countries for fuels and energy. Countries that once economically relied on the sale of fossil fuels have plunged into poverty, and war constantly breaks out within or against other countires"

"This chaos led to the formation of a private military organization, called Celestial Being" Nukid stated "Celestial Being are dedicated to eradicating war and uniting humanity through the use of four humanoid machines called Gundams. Mobile Suit Gundam 00 follows four mobile suit pilots termed Gundam Meisters"

"00 was the series I watched after SEED" Nukid explained "and to be frank, 00 in many ways trumps SEED. Better characters, less shonen and no footage recycling at all!"

"So, as you can tell by the stories, we are dealing with similar animes" Nukid stated "both feature a handful of Gundams taking on practically entire armies to rid the world of a certain evil. So much are they simular that many often feel 00 is a remake of Wing"

"But, in the end which wins? Is it the series that brought Gundam to the west, or the new series that has several fans drooling? Let's find out; this is Gundam Wing Vs. Gundam 00!"

**Gundam Wing Vs. Gundam 00**

**Round 1: Main Characters **(picture of Heero Yuy and Setsuna F. Seiei appear onscreen)

"First, we have Wings main character, Heero Yuy" Nukid began

"Out of all the Gundam pilots, Heero is the strongest and most capable of them, piloting Wing Gundam, and later the Wing Zero" Nukid explained "he is also the most dedicated, working non stop to free the colonies from the tyrannical oppression of the Earth Sphere Alliance and OZ"

"Setsuna F. Seiei plays a similar role in Celestial Being, piloting the Gundam Exia and later the Gundam 00. Despite being the youngest Meister, Setsuna proves to be an invaluable member thanks to his impressive skills and unwavering desire to bring peace and a world without war"

"All in all, if you look at their goals and fighting abilities, Heero and Setsuna aren't that different" Nukid stated "so we're going to have to look at two other aspects, their personalities and their pasts

"When you first meet Heero, he'll come off as cold and uncaring, but deep down hides a kind and gentle heart, who merely hides his emotion during battle" Nukid explained "however, for those first few episodes, you'll ask the question; why is he is such a jerk to everyone?!"

_**Cutaway gag….**_

We see Heero Yuy walking down a street, followed by Duo Maxwell

"Hey, since I helped you escape and carry on your operation, I think I'm owed a thank you" Duo laughed "but hey, let's just be friends!"

"Go away, or else I'll kill you" Heero grunted, before walking off, not even thanking Duo for his help

"Oh come on! Jesus Christ what an ass hole!" Duo spat

_**End gag….**_

"Or….as fangirls will interpret that scene…."

_**Cutaway gag…..**_

"Go away, or else I'll kill you" Heero grunted, before walking off

"Oh come on! Jesus Christ what an ass hole!" Duo spat, before looking intensely at Heero "and yet…..I can't help but madly fall in love with him!"

_**End gag….**_

"Fucking 1x2" Nukid growled "point is, it takes a while to actually like Heero"

"Setsuna on the other hand, I didn't have this problem. Setsuna is always withdrawn and quiet, and can be very blunt, but he's by no means nasty to anyone. He shows quickly to be a generally kind and good hearted….just emotionally scarred"

"That brings me onto the final point, their pasts" Nukid "Heero was adopted by Odin Lowe, an OZ assassin, and help Odin as his apprentice and assistand on various mission. Odin taught Heero how to defend himself and use a gun"

"While separated on a mission, Heero found Odin near dead. Passing on his advise to live by your emotions, Odin dies and Heero is left alone" Nukid revealed "Heero is eventually found by a Doctor J. Admiring the child's bearing, J offered him the chance to pilot a Gundam and free the colonies. His mentor's words ringing in his ears, the boy accepted"

"All in all, it's okay…." Nukid shrugged "but honestly, Setsunas' COMPLETELY trumps it!"

"Setsuna was born in the Kingdom of Krugis, a third world country torn by war and poverty. Setsuna would meet a man known as Ali Al-Saachez, who tricked Setsuna and several others into a false religion, and convincing them to become soldiers"

"Setsuna killed his own parents to prove he was determined to 'fight for god' and Setsuna soon became a child soldier. However, after several battles, Setsuna soon regretted this, and came to the conclusion that there was no god" Nukid explained

"After being saved by a Gundam, Setsuna eventually found his way to Celestial Being, and trained to become a Gundam Meister, hoping to rid the world of war" Nukid finished

"Let's face it; Setsuna has a far stronger backstory, and as a whole, stronger character" Nukid stated "sure Heero is decent, but when you see Setsuna fight, you KNOW why he wants to fight, and you'll root him on through thick and thin"

"For this point, the winner" Nukid nodded "point goes to Setsuna and 00!"

**Winner: Gundam 00 **(Setsuna picture knocks Heero picture away)

"So 00 takes the lead…" Nukid said "…but what about the supporting characters? Well let's find out in round 2!"

**Round 2: Supporting Characters **(Picture of the Wing pilots and 00 Gundam Meisters appear onscreen)

"As I said earlier, the Wing pilots are pretty one dimensional" Nukid shrugged "but I think that really works for them. We can instantly tell them apart, and we can all pick a favourite amongst them"

"My favourite is easily Duo Maxwell!" Nukid said happily "besides his awesome voice by Scott Mcneil, for some reason he always reminds me of Linkara's 90s kid"

--

Suddenly, the screen changed from Nukid sitting at his desk, to a screen of the 90s kid, sporting his traditional cap and sunglasses while rock music played in the background

"Duuuuuude! Me and my bro Duo used to hang all the time! He used to always tell me about the time he used to pilot giant robots and swing a huge and scythe, and I was like 'narley man!'" 90s kid rambled in a surfer accent

--

"…..Right" Nukid nodded slowly "well anyway, the Gundam Meister have…….odd names"

"I mean Setsuna and Lockon are fine, but Allehujah and Tieria Erde?! I think the writers intentionally made their names hard to speak"

"That aside, they're not one dimensional…." Nukid fidgeted in his seat "…but this gives the meisters mixed results"

"As I've already said, Setsuna is a great main character, and I do like Lockon. Lockon is like an older version of Duo, as he's the nice guy and in some ways the spiritual leader, being the oldest as well. He also has a good backstory as well, as his whole family was murdered in a terrorist bombing"

"My only complaint with Lockon…..is that he's Irish….and yet he sounds like an American" Nukid raised an eyebrow "what the hell? Shouldn't you have even tried to give him a little bit of accent? Mind you if they made him too Irish he may not seem like a good Meister"

_**Cutaway gag….**_

We see Setsuna and Lockon in a desert, fighting off several mobile suits together

"Lockon, cover me!" Setsuna ordered as he charged forward with Exia

Suddenly, a beam shot from behind Setsuna fired at him, and Setsuna only narrowly dodged it. Setsuna turned and saw the one who had shot it was Lockon "what are you doing Lockon?!"

"_**Err….**__**Gather 'round, ye lads and lasses, set ye for a while. And hearken to me mournful tale about the Emerald Isle. Let's all raise our glasses high to friends and family gone. And lift our voices in another Irish drinking song!"**_ Lockon sang

"Dammit Lockon…." Setsuna growled "…WE TOLD YOU NOT TO GET DRUNK BEFORE A SORTIE!!"

_**End gag….**_

"Sortie……for whatever reason whenever I hear that word I feel like choking a puppy. I hate the word that much" Nukid grumbled

"Well anyway, next we have Allehujah, who is 'supposed' to be the nice guy…..but he also has an evil twin personality that regularly tries to take over, Hallehujah……yeah"

"It's…..kinda downplayed, but it does have its interesting moments" Nukid nodded "like when Allehujah killed child super experiments like him, or the several times he fought Soma Peries of the Human Reform League"

"Also, Allehujah is the only meister to actually have a confirmed relationship" Nukid pointed out "as a sucker for romance, that earns you points in my book"

"Then there's Tieria Erde………..I HATE THIS GUY!!" Nukid shouted, banging his fists on the table

"He's a jackass, uncaring and unlikeable…" Nukid growled "…but worst of all, HE LOOKS LIKE A WOMAN!! When I first saw him….I thought honest to god he was a woman!"

"I know he improves as he goes along…but the first half of season 1 has left a definite imprint of him being nothing but yaoi fanbait in me" Nukid shuddered

"All in all, while the Wing pilots are easy to distinguish, I gotta give 00 credit for making the Meisters more three dimensional" Nukid said "even if the results vary"

"Of course, there are other character outside the pilots, but I can't say Wing left big impression of many" Nukid then sighed "except for perhaps Relena Peacecraft

(Woman screams)

"I hate her more than I hate Tieria" Nukid grumbled "she's annoyance at its purest. Practically having an obsession of Heero, she's not very nice to look at and she says things that really piss me off!"

--

We see Relena facing the ocean, where she had last seen Heero Yuy

"Heeeeero! Where are you Heero?! Didn't you say you were going to kill me?!" Relena shouted towards the ocean

--

We see Nukid hlding his hands in a prayer, looking to the sky

"Oh please lord….please let Heero be watching her several miles away, aiming a sniper rifle at her"

"Except for…..that woman, the rest of Wing isn't particularly interesting" Nukid sighed "00 improves on this. We have the crew of Celestial Being, such as Sumeragi Lee and others who do at least have some depth"

"Add to that several characters across the country, such as princess of Azadistan Marina Ismail and the young Saji Crossroad, we actually see the state of the world from various views and the effects of Celestial Being on their lives. This really makes the Anno Domini world feel…bigger I would say. Wing didn't really do it for me"

"All in all, on the whole 00 had the better character. Point goes to 00!"

**Winner: 00 **(Gundam Meisters knock Wing pilots off the screen)

"But what about the villains? How do the threats against peace and prosperity fair? Let's dig in and find out!"

**Round 3: Villains **(pictures of Zechs and Mr. Bushido appear onscreen)

"From the get go, Wing has three good, varying villains" Nukid stated "those are Treize Khushrenada, Lady Une and Zechs Merquise"

"Treize Khushrenada is the leader of OZ, who created most of the mobile suits. Born into nobility, Treize is a charismatic leader, with a strong sense of ideals and an understanding of human nature that give him a devoted following among the men who serve him"

"Early on into the series, Trieze kills the entire Earths Sphere Alliance council, and uses OZ to singlehandidly take over the Alliance" Nukid explained "he is easily the biggest thorn in the Gundam pilots goal"

"Next is Lady Une, Trieze right hand man….or woman" Nukid said "I don't like her as a character, but I'll admit she does some very villanous things. At one point in the series, she practically holds all the colonies hostage in order to stop the Gundam pilots to make them surrender

"But of course, the villain who steals the show is Zechs Merquise" Nukid proclaimed "Zechs is the second best Char clone of all time, and the most similar to him. Like Char, Zechs is a fallen prince who works within his enemies in order to seek revenge"

"Like Char, Zechs is a man of honour, and an incredibly talented pilot. He quickly becomes rival to main protagonist Heero Yuy, mirrowing that of the legendary Char/Amuro rivalry"

"While not on Chars level, Zech is awesome, and defintely Wings best villain" Nukid declared "even if he isn't the villain all the way through"

"00 villains are….less memorable" Nukid stated "none of them are really much compared Wings villanous cast"

"First we have Graham Aker, who does an…okay job as the 00 Char Clone; . He's not bad, but nowhere near best" Nukid explained

"There are technically several villains, but most of them aren't really evil, just against Celestial Being" Nukid stated "besides Graham, the only other noticable villains are Alejandro Corner, Ribbons Allmark and Ali-Al Saachez"

"Alejandro Corner…..sucks" Nukid said bluntly "uninteresting, uninspiring and ultimately a tool of Ribbons, Corner didn't leave much of an impact to fans"

"Ribbons was an improvement to Corner, having a superiority complex and believing himself god like, Ribbons and his Innovators try to take over the world" Nukid explained "add to the fact he in Japan he was voiced by Toru Furuya, the voice of Amuro from the original Mobile Suit Gundam, he's actually quite good"

"Still, what lets him and his 'Innovators' down is that they do what most evil organisations do now" Nukid sighed "they try to be like Organisation XIII"

_**Cutaway gag….**_

We see Ribbons facing his new Innovators team. In his hands, is a Kingdom Hearts 2 manual

"Let's see….androgynous characters, matching clothes and weird hairstyles…….we're set" Ribbons nodded in acceptance

_**End gag….**_

"If there's any 00 villain that steals the show, it's Ali-Al Saachez" Nukid stated

"Ali, under TVTropes, comes under the title 'Blood Knight'. He holds no realy alligience to anyone, and fights solely for the pleasure of fighting" Nukid smiled "he's pretty much a Gundam version of Kenpachi Zaraki!"

"Unfortunately, Ali alone cannot save 00 from losing this round. I personally feel Wing has stronger, better villains" Nukid stated "hell, the fact 00 couldn't give us a proper Char clone is losing tons of points in my book!"

"Despite the awesomeness of Ali, Wing takes this round!" Nukid declared

**Winner: Wing **(Zechs knocks Mr. Bushido's picture offscreen)

"Now we've finished with the characters, how does the animation hold up? Let's take a look in Round 4!"

**Round 4: Animation **(Pictures of the Wing Gundam and Gundam Exia appear onscreen)

"Okay look……Wing was made in 1995….00 was made in 2007………………..is there anymore that needs to be said?"

"To be fair, the animation for Wing is good, and was probably great for its time" Nukid admitted "but you see, both Wing and SEED are major committers of an anime sin; footage recycling"

"What I mean by this is that more or less, the same footage of a Zaku blowing up will be used over and over to save the producers time and money" Nukid explained

"I can put this to the times when it comes to Wing" Nukid stated "it was the 90s after all, and it wasn't the only anime at the time to do this. They didn't have the capabilities we've had in this decade"

"As for why SEED recycled footage……they were either on a low budget, or they were just lazy fuckers"

"As for Gundam 00 animation…" Nukid wiped a tear from his eyes "…it's absolotely gorgeous"

(Screen shows several scenes of Gundam 00)

"I could watch 00 ONLY for its animation!" Nukid stated "00 animation is some of the best I've ever seen in anime in general. The level they went into every mobile suit, every scene is just…..WOW!!"

"Heck, even the character design is far ahead of anything else" Nukid added "sure the guy who designed it originally worked on Yaoi stuff, but it's still well designed and enjoyable"

"It was certainly big improvement to SEEDs character design, which basically put the same face on every character, but just changed the eye clour and hairstyle" Nukid stated

"And best of all, there is NO footage recylcing in 00! Every scene is drawn with as much hard work and attention as possible!" Nukid stated "see Sunrise?! This is what you get when you put all you effort into it!"

"Without a doubt, 00 rapes Wing in this category!" Nukid nodded "point goes to 00!"

**Winner: 00 **(Gundam Exia knocks out Wing Gundam picture)

"And now, we come to our final round" Nukid stated "I know I originally had six points in my 'Naruto Vs. One Piece', but this comparison will have five rounds instead. Besides, I more or less explained action in the animation point anyway"

"And what is this round you may ask?" Nukid "why it is story of course!"

**Round 5: Story **(Gundam Wing and 00 logos appear onscreen)

"Let it be known, I like both 00 and Wings stories" Nukid quickly stated "they are both generally fun to watch and good in their ways. But in the end, one has to topple the other"

"00 has a very……post 9/11 feel to it" Nukid said "things that were never really brought up in Gundam before, such as the inner conflicts of countries and the fights over fossil fuel give 00 a very realistic touch to it"

"This of course however, brings me to 00 biggest flaw; Celestial Being themselves" Nukid stated "not even huge 00 fans can deny that they really do contradict themselves. Look, I can explain it all in this one gag"

_**Cutaway gag….**_

We see the Celestial Being pilots fire at and destroy several Mobile Suits

"We all bring peace and order by blowing the fuck out of everything!" Setsuna roared

_**End gag….**_

"Basically, 00 brings across realistic threats and issues….but gives us a flawed way of resolving it" Nukid explained "don't forget guys, Celestial Being are technically terrorists!"

"I know you could argue this is the only real solution, and that other methods would fail, but to me this is something that can't be overlooked. Celestial Being are hypocrites in many ways"

"Wing doesn't have this problem. The Gundam pilots are fighting to protect their colonies, and to do this they need to fight the forces on Earth" Nukid explained "what they're doing isn't contradictory and it's not hypocritical. Fight the earth to save the colonies from oppression"

"So then, you'd think with that, Wing has won right?"

Lex Luthor: "WRONG!!"

"Oh no, Wing has problems with its story" Nukid explained "basically, scenes and plot points which really, really let this down"

"First we have Operation Meteor itself. Besides the fact they're sending TEENAGERS down to fight the entire Earth army, it's pretty decent"

"But here's the thing, the pilots DON'T KNOW that there are four other Gundam pilots with them!" Nukid facepalmed "why would the scientist not tell them this?! Did they not know, because it seems VERY coincidental they would go down to Earth at the same time"

"Maybe that's why Heero and Trowe were so emo-ish at the beginning! They fought they were on their own!" Nukid exclaimed "several things like this lower Wing too"

"Another example is when Chang has a clear shot at killing Trieze, but ops out for a duel instead of completeing the mission for good, or where Heero blows up his Gundam for no real reason, or when Heero and Zechs swap Gundams….EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE STILL ENEMIES!!" Nukid spat

"00 may be hypocritical, but it at least has an engaging story" Nukid said "thanks to the several points of view in this story, we see the world change from Celestial Beings actions, from Saji losig his girlfriend, to Marina slowly becoming a good leader for her people"

Nukid sighed "I wanted to say Wing had the better story, because in the end they're mission is genuine and not hypercrtical, but there are just so many stupid moments in this series, and I can't help but feel 00 has stronger writing and better storytelling"

"It was a hard choice, but I must give this point to 00"

**Winner: 00 **(00 logo knocks out Wing logo)

"And now it is time for the EPIC RECAP!!" Nukid proclaimed

**Round 1: Main Characters**

"In Round 1, both Heero and Setsuna play the silent heroes well, but Setsuna actally gives us a reason for it. Point goes to 00"

**Round Two: Supporting Characters**

"In Round 2, both have interesting Gundam pilots, but 00 goes one step further and gives us interesting side characters too. Point goes to 00"

**Round Three: Villains**

"In Round 3, the awesomeness of Ali-Al Saachez cannot compare to the combined effort of Trieze and Zechs. Point goes to Wing"

**Round Four: Animation**

"In Round 4, it is proven that anything can improve with age. Point goes to 00"

**Round Five: Story**

"In Round 5, despite being hypocritical as hell, 00 gives us a better paced and better written plot. Point goes to 00"

**Gundam Wing: 1**

**Gundam 00: 4**

"Well, there you have it. To me, 00 is the superior series" Nukid said "that's not to say Wing isn't enjoyable, it's just…..outdated"

"You see, if I were to compare One Piece to DragonBall Z, One Piece would beat it in every category, save action perhaps" Nukid explained "why? Because One Piece took all the awesomeness of DBZ, but it improved where it was flawed. That's how new series should do it"

"What I think, is that 00 looked at Wing, took its pros, but noted its flaws, and in general improved where it was flawed. In that sense, 00 is the spiritual remake of Wing"

Nukid sighed "if only SEED had done this with the original. Then again the original was from the Universal Century…"

"**THE UNIVERSAL CENTURY FTW!!"**

Nukid laughed, "that never gets old. But now ladies, Gundam March is over. It's been a good month, though at one point it looked like it was gonna flop. Thanks to my sheer love for this franchise though, I persevered and got six chapters up!"

"I thank everyone for their praise of this special, and I'm proud to say I made the first successful Critic month special!"

"And now, all I have to is Tobe Yo Gundam! I'm the Nostalgia Kid, I remember it because I love Gundam!" With that, Nukid stood up and walked away

**Seriously, thank you everyone for these past few chapters. Gundam March has been a huge success, and I'm really proud how it turned out. If I got one person interested into Gundam now, I think I've done a good job**

**Stay tuned for my regular reviews!**


	14. Top 12 Mangas Insane Critic Missed

Hey everyone. Here's the next chapter. Enjoy

**Warning: The language in this review may not be suitable for minors. If you're under the age of 18 and have not heard the word 'penis' before…….I hope to god you're a woman**

**Note: This chapter is in no way attempting to offend the Fictor Brothers. This is merely me, recommending mangas they didn't talk about**

* * *

We see Nukid sitting at his table, now back in his normal critic attire, and out of his Gundam attire

"Hello I'm the Nostalgia Kid, I remember it because you're all idiots" Nukid introduced "well everyone, Gundam March is over. It was a hell of a month, and I'm proud to say it was a success!"

"But, as some of you may know, Insane Critic was also doing a months special; a 'Manga Month' special. It was only four chapters, but it was overall okay. Chapter 1 did recommend a lot of great mangas"

"Chapter 2…….I'd rather not get into, or else I'll go into a huge rant"

"Chapter 3 was decent enough too, though I raised an eyebrow at his quote about the Major" Nukid pointed out "seriously, how does causing World War 3 not count as DOING something?!"

"And chapter 4 was okay overall" Nukid finished "overall, it was okay, but it could've been better. I say that because I feel there were several Mangas they missed out"

"That's why today, I will be dedicating this chapter to those Mangas Insane Critic missed. Those mangas that shouldn't go unnoticed or unappreciated. This is the Top 12 Mangas Insane Critic Missed!" Nukid declared

**Top 12 Mangas Insane Critic Missed**

_**Number 12….**_

_**Rave Master**_

"I know many of you know all about Hiro Mashima newer series Fairy Tail…." Nukid said "….but let's not forget his original series, Rave. Insane Critic mentioned it, but they didn't talk about it"

"In 0015, fifty years before the story's start, the world was being corrupted by Dark Bring, evil stones that bestowed incredible powers to their owners. The Dark Bring were used by the Raregroove Kingdom, and the Symphonia Kingdom fought against them with their Holy Bring"

"Shiba, the first RAVE Master, attempted to destroy Sinclaire, the "mother" of the Dark Bring, with his Decaforce Sword. The aftermath caused the massive explosion known as "Overdrive" that destroyed one-tenth of the known world"

Fifty years later Haru Glory, a teenager living on the peaceful Garage Island, becomes embroiled in the conflict with the Dark Being, and becomes the second RAVE Master. Now Haru must fight with Plue against the Dark Being, along with love interest Elie" Nukid explained

"Rave doesn't have the best of starts. It's not partically interesting at first and not very original…" Nukid stated "….but that series improves during the first major arc and comes into its own as a good series"

"Like Fiary Tail, it is ultimately a story where justice prevails, as Mashima wrote it" Nukid nodded "and trust me, Elie is hot……very hot. Hiro Mahima, I will always love you for the way you draw your women"

_**Number 11….**_

_**Buso Renkin**_

"What needs to be said about Nobuhiro Watsuki that hasn't already been said?! The guy was an absoloute genius with Rurouni Kenshin, but when that finished, the guy was free to tell a new story"

"Watsuki would eventually create a series, known as Buso Renkin" Nukid explained "the series starts with series main character, Kazuki Muto, being killed while saving a girl from a monster behind his school, only to find that the girl didn't need his help at all"

"Tokiko is an alchemical warrior tough enough to make nails look wussy, and she ends up saving poor Kazuki's dead bacon by planting an alchemical weapon in the hole where his heart used to be"

"To his surprise, he awakes to find he has gained something. Unfortunately it isn't a pompadour, but rather the ability to summon a powerful lance capable of destroying homunculi like the one that killed him"

"Buso Renkin is……very unoriginal" Nukid said bluntly "the characters are mostly flat, the fight scenes mostly suck, the main character is very uninspiring, and the show takes a lot from other Shonen mangas"

"When I first saw it, I was shocked" Nukid sighed "I thought someone had given Nobuhiro brain damage"

_**Cutaway gag….**_

We see Nobuhiro Watsuki sitting at his desk, ready to start Buso Renkin

"I shall create an epic story! With three dimensional characters! Huge battles! And a complex main character!" Nobuhiro proclaimed

Suddenly, a man wearing a black mask ran into the room, holding a baseball bat. He ran up to Nobuhiro, and whacked him around the head. Nobuhiro dazedly got back up

"Derrrrrr I'll make flat characters, poor fight scenes and tons of penis jokes!"

_**End gag….**_

"But then, I realised something; Buso Renkin isn't supposed to be taken that seriously. It is in many ways a parody of the Shounen genre in general"

"Nobody who reads it can deny it is pretty funny, and what makes it even better is Tohkiko; the only three dimensional character in the show" Nukid explained "Tohkiko is one of my favourite female characters. She's hot, tough and looks great in a miniskirt. Though I could never get into her catchphrase…."

--

"I'll splatter your guts!"

--

"R-E-Tarded"

"All in all, Buso Renkin is good" Nukid nodded "just don't go expecting Rurouni Kenshin level of awesomeness"

_**Number 10….**_

_**Gantz**_

"Ah Gantz. If you read Gantz, I consider you the manliest of men" Nukid proclaimed

"The series starts with a pair of high school students, Kei Kurono and Masaru Kato, are run over by a subway train in an attempt to save the life of a homeless drunk who had fallen onto the tracks"

"Following their deaths, Kurono and Kato find themselves transported to the interior of an unfurnished Tokyo apartment. The pair soon realize others are present and find that they are not able to leave the apartment. At one end of the room there is a featureless black sphere known as "Gantz" Nukid explained

"The two-along with several other recently killed people- suddenly find themselves fighting hidden aliens across the city, and are forced over and over by Gantz to kill these aliens until they earn a 100 points"

"Gantz is sick, fucked up and borderline hentai sometimes" Nukid said "I love it"

"This is a series that won't appeal to everyone" Nukid scratched his head "okay most people probably won't like it, but if you're into gory stuff, psychological mindfuckary and generally mature manga, it is perfect for you"

_**Number 9….**_

_**Akira**_

"I have little doubt you guys have heard of or seen the movie" Nukid said "but don't forget the Manga series it was based off of!"

"Akira is set in a Neo-Tokyo setting, after the destruction of Tokyo in 1992. The story involves biker gang member Shotaro Kaneda and his best friend and fellow gang member Tetsuo Shima"

"After Tetsuo is involved in an accident at the very beginning of the story, it causes him to display immense psychic powers. He is soon recruited by the Colonel and given the designation #41. However, the ways in which he uses his powers, as well as his mental instability, causes his friendship with Kaneda to shatter, and he tries to stop Tetsuo from ressurecting Akira, a god like child with psychic powers"

"When Anime is discussed in Universities, there are three that are always discussed" Nukid stated "Astro Boy, Ghost In A Shell and Akira"

"The movie Akira was one of the first animes to head over to the west, and hell, it even inspired the Matrix. But the movie is only an abridged version of this glorious manga"

"If you want the full experience, read the manga" Nukid nodded "though like Gantz, it isn't for the faint of heart…..or those with weak hearts"

_**Number 8…..**_

_**Nausicaa and the Valley of the Wind**_

"Nausicaa and the Valley of the Wind is another manga that is known for its movie adaptation" Nukid said "but like Akira, that movie is only part of the whole story"

"The story is set in the future 1000 years after the "Seven Days of Fire", a cataclysm brought on by the excessive industrialisation that mankind has undergone. It utterly destroyed industrial civilisation approximately a millennium after it began to flourish"

"Although humanity survived, the land surface of the Earth has become heavily polluted and the seas are poisonous. Most of the world is covered by the "Sea of Corruption", a toxic forest of fungal plants which is steadily encroaching on the remaining open land" Nukid explained "It is protected by large insects, including the huge Ohmu. Humanity clings on to survival in the polluted lands beyond the forest, periodically engaging in bouts of internecine fighting for the scarce resources that remain"

"Nausicaä is the princess of the Valley of the Wind. The story follow Nausicaa on her journey as she tries to bring order to this destroyed world, and create a world that could live with the environment, rather than fear it" Nukid said

"I can't honeslty say I've seen a series that brings environment themes better than this. This manga-like much of Miyazaki's work-looks at a world struggling between a world of industrilisation, and a world of nature"

"Also, Nausicaa is easily one of the best female characters of all time" Nukid said "she's effectively the Jesus of anime. She saves the world from being destroyed and unites the world with the toxic jungles thanks to her unique ability to communicate with it"

"All in all, like all of Miyazaki's work; it's a masterpiece"

_**Number 7…..**_

_**InuYasha**_

"I was surprised Insane Critic didn't talk about this one" Nukid said "though, judging by their look at most other 90s manga, it's lucky for them they didn't"

"The story starts when schoolgirl Kagome Higurashi is pulled into a well by a demon. She is sent back to the Sengoku period, where she meets half-demon InuYasha. Together, along with several friends and old allies they set out to find the shards of the Jewel of Four Souls, before evil main antagonist Naruku does"

"InuYasha is a nostalgic classic to many. It was probably the first anime many people saw as a child, and liked DragonBall Z, it's unforgettable"

"Overall, I daresay it's overrated" Nukid shrugged "but I think it's also one of those series you should definitely consider checking out"

_**Number 6….**_

_**Dragonball**_

"Insane Critic may have talked about Dragonball Z, but they DIDN'T talk about the original Dragonball"

"Dragonball is basically the story of Goku as a child, as he meets several of his most well known friends, such as Bulma, Krillan and his future wife Chi Chi. We read as they search for the Dragonballs, battling several enemies along the way who wish to use it for evil"

"Let me just say it; Dragonball Z is very overrated"

Crowd: "WHAAAAAT?!!"

"Sorry but….it is. Sure the fighting is awesome and it's got some cool characters, but the thing is, the story itself just repeats itself. Think about it"

_**Cutaway gag….**_

**Saiyan Arc**

"We need to fight evil Saiyans!" Piccolo declared

"Let's train like mad until they arrive until Goku arrives!" Krillen said

**Freiza Arc**

"We need to stop Frieza!" Piccolo stated

"Let's train until Goku arrives!" Krillan said

**Cell Arc**

"Cell is hosting a tournemant! We need to stop him!" Piccolo said

"Let's train until Goku-I mean Gohan-is strong enough to beat him!" Krillan said

**Buu Arc**

"Buu is destroying the planet. We have to stop him!" Piccolo said

"Let's train until…." Krillan sighed "…fuck it. Let's just wait till Goku arrives and beats him"

_**End gag….**_

"So yea, even though I grew up on the series and I still like it, it is a very flawed series" Nukid said "in fact, I would go as far to say the original Dragonball is better"

"Sure the action may not be as epic, but the plots are far better written and structured and the characters introduced were more interesting" Nukid explained

"And let's face it. Dragonball Z is just WAY overpowered" Nukid added "seriously, one click of Goku's fingers and he can blow up the planet. THAT'S how powerful he is by the end of it"

_**Number 5….**_

_**JoJo's Bizarre Adventure….**_

"I'm sure some of you have heard me mention this title many times already. Well, I'll use this to explain to you all just why I love this epic series" Nukid

"For starters, there is no one permanent main character. There are seven parts in this story, and six out of seven involves family members of the Joestar family, and their-as the name states- bizarre adventures dealing with stone mask induced vampires and other supernatural villains"

"Jojo's Bizarre Adventure has over 800 chapters and around a 100 volumes" Nukid stated "point is, this is a fucking long series, but an epic one at that"

"I love this series for many reasons. For starters, since the main character always changes, we see the world at various periods. Part one is late Victorian, part two is 1930s New York, part three is 1980s and part seven even goes right back to the Wild west!"

"Then there's the said main characters" Nukid explained "each main character is distinct in their personality, though all are tough, determined characters. My personal favourite is part three Jotaro Kujo!"

"Another thing is that nearly everything in the series is a reference to music. From names, to attacks" Nukid smiled "believe it or not, there's on character called 'Vanilla Ice'"

"Finally, there's my biggest reason for loving this series" Nukid stated "that is DIO BRANDO!!"

(Screen shows various scenes of Dio Brando)

"Dio Brando is one of the most hardcore, unmerciful, downright sadistic villains I have ever seen" Nukid proclaimed

"He is up there with villains like the Major, Legato and Aizen. He's THAT awesome!"

"All in all, I highly recommend it" Nukid said "just…be prepared to spend a long time on it"

_**Number 4…..**_

_**Bakuman**_

"What is Bakuman, some of you are no doubt asking now" Nukid said "well my friend, it is a manga…..about two boys creating a manga!"

"The story follows Moritaka Mashiro, a talented drawer, and his partner Akito Takagi, a promising illustrater, work to create the number 1 manga in Shonen Jump" Nukid explained "AKA, the next One Piece"

"I daresay some of you are thinking 'this manga sounds boring!'" Nukid sighed "well, after you've drowned yourself in acid, let me explain why this manga is so damn awesome"

"For starters, it was written by the two people who created Death Note" Nukid shrugged "need I say more?"

"Not only is this manga informative and a good look at the manga industry, it's compelling and gripping, with excellent character development and a true story of love. For you see, Mashiro promised the girl he loves, Miho Azuki, that he would marry her when he made the number 1 Manga"

"….And when you see Azuki, you'll question how he can keep his promise" Nukid then whispered "she's insanely hot"

"In many ways, I prefer it to Death Note" Nukid stated "Death Note is probably the better series, but this series is more upbeat and I just enjoy the characters more. Though, no character compares to L"

"Anyway, if you want to see the geniuses who made Death Note create gold again, give this manga a try"

_**Number 3….**_

_**Berserk**_

"Ah Berserk" Nukid sighed happily "an epic of story of love, war, betrayal and…."

(Screen shows various bloody scenes from Berserk)

"**GOOOOOOORE! GOOOOOOORE! BLOOD! TITS! GOOOOORE!! GIANT ASS SWORD!!** Hey see that demon? **NOT ANYMORE BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING DEAD!! AAAAH BLOOD GOOOOREEEE!!!"**

"……..I…made my point, haven't I?" Nukid laughed nervously "even people who have never read Berserk know this is one gory series. Bodies are always getting mutilated in severe ways, people get raped, and some of the things that happen are just…..mindfucking"

"But if you look past the gore and violence, you will find a story so amazing, so gripping, I could honestly call this Japans equivilant of Lord Of The Rings"

"The story follows the Black Swordsman Guts, who with his mighty sword hunts down the demonic apostle Griffith. Griffith was once Guts friend and ally, but when he sacrificed Guts, Guts lover Casca and the rest of his friends for power, Guts became a man on a mission, not stopping until he holds Griffiths head in his hands"

"Guts is……pure testosterone fueled badassery" Nukid said "he makes Cloud Strife look like wimp and he could possibly beat someone like Alucard, just by will force alone!"

"Something I've noticed about Berserk is that Final Fantasy VII actually rips off it a fair bit….only far more toned down" Nukid pointed out "Cloud is a wimpy version of Guts. Sephiroth is a VERY toned down version of Griffith, and the plot shares some noticable simularities"

"However, some pricks don't know their facts and think Berserk ripped off FFVII" Nukid snarled "to those retards, FUCK YOU!! Besides, Berserk is ten times better than FFVII"

"All in all, if you can handle the gore, READ IT, NOW!!"

_**Number 2…..**_

_**Lupin III**_

"In the west, this series is somewhat obscure" Nukid shrugged "In Japan however, it's a cultural icon"

"Arsène Lupin III, the grandson of the fictional gentleman thief, Arsène Lupin, is considered the world's greatest thief, known for announcing his intentions to steal valuable objects by sending a calling card to the owners of his desired items"

"Together with his partners, the flawless marksman Jigen, the honour bound samurai Goemon, and the femme fatale and Lupin's love interest, Fujiko, Lupin travels the world, stealing things worth billions of dollars, all while being chased by the dedicated cop Zenigata"

"Lupin the Third is James Bond meets Charlie's Angels with Scooby-Doo sensibilities" Nukid explained "while it does deal with serious issues sometimes, the series is ultimately very light hearted and very funny!"

"As I said in the start, Lupin is a cultural icon in Japan, probably greater than Dragonball or Gundam. The series has spawned several anime adaptations, OVAS, movies and video games"

"If you wanna read the manga…" Nukid sighed "…that might be hard. It's not an easy series to find, and I've only seen bits. However, what I have seen is just pure genius and a must read to anyone who loves Manga, or even fans of series like James Bond and Get Smart"

_**Number 1….**_

_**Fist Of The North Star (AKA Hokuto No Ken)**_

"I must give major thanks to The Shadow Syndicate for recommending this series" Nukid stated "thank you TSS. Thanks to you, I call this series one of my top favourites"

"Set in a post-apocalyptic version of Earth sometime near the end of the 20th century, a nuclear war has left the world in ruins, causing the oceans to evaporate and destroying most of the world's vegetation. Most of earth's survivors include villagers who try to thrive on what little resources they have and the numerous vicious gangs and tribes who prey on them"

"A martial artist named Kenshiro, a man with seven scars on his chest and the chosen successor of the legendary assassin's art Hokuto Shinken has sworn to protect the weak and innocent from the malicious gangsters that threaten their survival"

"Accompanied by two young children named Bat and Lin, Ken confronts numerous violent gangs through his journey" Nukid explained "along the way, he confronts with ghosts from his past. Including his former friend Shin, older brother Raoh, and the chance to save the love of his life, Yuria"

"Okay, there are so many reasons why I love this series" Nukid stated "for starters, the setting. I really enjoy post apocoloyptic settings, being quite a Fallout 3 fan, and this series can be very brutal. Even though it was published in Shonen Jump, it could sometimes be as brutal as Berserk or Gantz"

"Second, are the characters. Characters are tragic, compelling and stocked full of awesomeness. My ultimate favourites are Kenshiro, our tragic hero, Rei, a determined user of Nanto Seiken who wishes to protect his sister, and Raoh, Kenshiro's older brother who wishes to unite the lawless world with sheer, merciless power"

"Third and finally, Hokuto Shin Ken itself" Nukid said "in its most basic form, Hokuto Shin Ken allows the user to hit pressure points in the body, blowing them up from the inside"

"……I say that again; 'BLOW THEM UP from inside their own bodies!"………That….that is the coolest martial art I have EVER heard of! It's even cooler than the Rokushikis!"

"Seriously, what I would give to know Hokuto Shin Ken!"

_**Cutaway gag…**_

Nukid is confronting a Darkside, who lunges at him. Nukid pokes the darkside in the forehead, and watches in shock as the Darksides head explodes from the inside

Nukid looks at the headless Darkside in shock, and then looks at his fingers in amazement "holy shit…."

--

Roscoso sat in his room, sitting at his desk. Nukid suddenly bursted into the room, breathing heavily

"Ross! I made a Darksides head explode from the inside!" Nukid frantically told the Pokemorph

"What?! How?!" Ross asked skeptically

"Well, I might be jumping to conclusions…." Nukid said "…but I think I might be Jesus"

_**End gag….**_

"Overall, I REALLY recommened this manga series. It's epic, exciting and packed full of awesomeness" Nukid said

"Well everyone, there's my Top 12. There were a few others series, like Heroman, Embalming and Elemental Gelade, but I'm not familiar with them, or in the case of Heroman, has only a few chapters so far"

"I'm the Nostalgia Kid! I remember it because you're all idiots!" Nukid saluted, before walking off

**Hope you enjoyed, and I hope I peaked an interest in a few of you with the mangas. Trust me, they are all worthwhile series! Stay tuned**


	15. Afro Samurai

Hey everyone. New chapter, here we go!

**Warning: The language in this review may not be suitable for minors. If you're under the age of 18 and have not heard the word "pedophile" before, you won't know much about what the Pope recently did**

* * *

We see Nukid, sitting at his normal desk, sporting his regular reviewing attire

"Hello I'm the Nostalgia Kid, I remember it because you're all idiots" Nukid introduced "I love stories. I love well thought out, well developed, engaging stories. If the story is good, I can forgive many of its worse qualities"

"I love One Piece because out of all the mangas I've read, the story is the most epic and engaging manga out there. I love Watchmen because the story is riveting and thought provoking. I love Metal Gear Solid because the story FUCKING BLOWS MY MIND!!" Nukid shouted, jumping out his chair

Nukid coughed, and sat back down "point is, when I buy, play or read something, I'm doing it mostly for the story…..but, there are exceptions to this"

"God Of War has a very simple plot to it, without little surprise to its story. However, I love it because the gameplay is on par-if not better- than Devil May Cry!"

"Hell, I consider Cowboy Bebop to be the greatest anime of all time" Nukid stated "but even that anime is ¾ episodic, plot unrelated stories. However, I still consider that anime a masterpiece because of several things which…..would quite frankly take a whole chapter to write about"

"Today I will be talking about an anime that fits that category. An anime that doesn't have much of a plot, but it makes up for it by having some of the most awesome fight scenes in anime!"

"This ladies and gents, is my review of Afro Samurai!"

**Afro Samurai Review**

"The tale of Afro Samurai is a tale of revenge. It is about a man named Afro, who after witnessing his fathers death by the hands of a gunslinger called Justice, seeks revenge on the man, no matter what it takes"

"Lasting only 5 episodes, this isn't a masterpiece of a plot" Nukid shrugged "but BY GOD, THE ACTION IS KICKASS!!"

"The story starts as Afro as a young child, watching his father Rokutaro as he is about to take on the grey skinned, chain smoking gunslinger Justice. Rokutaro is in possession of the 'Number 1' headband while Justice is in possession of the 'Number 2' head band"

--

"Wait here son…" Rokutaro said to young Afro "…it'll soon be over"

--

"Yea he's gonna die"

"Rokutaro and Justice fight a short but epic fight. At one point Rokutaro looks like he'll win, but in but a quick second, Justice eyes glow a blood red, and he somehow decapitates Rokutaro!" Nukid explained

--

"Finally….I've got the number 1 headband in my hands" Justice said with his slithery voice

--

"Quick fact here, as everyone knows, Afro is voiced by Samuel L. Jackson, but Justice here is voiced by Ron Perlman" Nukid pointed out

"So combine the strength of Hellboy, the evil of Slade, and times THAT by 10….and you've almost got Justice"

"Claiming the Number 1 headband for himself, Justice hands the crying Afro the Number 2 headband, and tells him to challenge him when he's ready" Nukid explained

--

We see a now adult Afro, surrounded by several bandits. On Afros head, was the Number 2 headband

"This is the end of the road….Afro Samurai!" the head bandit stated

--

"Now a grown adult, Afro is confronted by several bandits, wanting the Number 2 headband for themselves" Nukid explained

"What happens next………..oh my god this is so fucking awesome"

--

All the bandits attack Afro at once from all angles, while one bandit fires a single bullet from his rifle. Afro blocks the bullet with his sword, and as the bullet connected, it crumbled into several, red-hot shards

Those hot shards flew past Afro, and went straight into the bandits behind him, killing them all at once

--

Nukid stared at the screen, a shocked and amazed expression on his face

"….Whether you think this anime is good or not….you gotta admit; BEST BLOCK EVER!!"

"Being the badass he is, Afro slaughters all the bandits, while making it look easy" Nukid said "and as I've said already, this is where the anime shines. The fight scenes are beautiful and plain gory"

"After what you can tell to be a mild warm up for Afro, Afro sets off again. However we now meet…"

--

"Yo yo yo yo yo Afro!" shouted a black skinned man with a white afro, black sunglasses and garbed in Ninja clothes

--

"…Ninja Ninja, the quirky, loud mouthed followed of Afro who is 99% of Samuel L. Jacksons dialogue"

"Ninja Ninja is the most debated character in the show" Nukid stated "I daresay you're wondering why. Isn't he just a stalker of Afro?"

"No…..he is Afro Imaginary friend"

--

Roy Campbell: **_"I am not joking"_**

**_--_**

"That's right. In his loneliness, Afro created an imaginary friend to keep him company" Nukid revealed "however despite this, Ninja Ninja shows on several occasions capable of interacting with the real world!"

Nukid shrugged "well whatever. Ninja Ninja is pretty funny. By the way, I also have an imaginary friend. I call him "My Ego"

Just then, a person appeared beside Nukid. He looked exactly like Nukid, only he was wearing a shirt that said **'Nukid Is Awesome'**

"Everyone, meet my Ego" Nukid introduced "hello, my ego"

"Why hello Nukid!" Nukids ego greeted "I must say, you are the most awesome person that ever lived, and you're why Britain is the greatest country ever"

"Thank you ego"

(Screen shows a dark, dreary bar where several dangerous looking men sat in, drinking)

"We cut to a dark bar where a frantic customer tells everyone Afro has arrived in the area. The bartender explains to a silent customer about the power of the headbands and what they signify" Nukid explained

--

"Two ancient headbands; Number 1 and Number 2" the bartender explained "if you have the Number 1, you're like….god. Nobody can touch you, except he who wear Number 2"

--

"Whoa whoa whoa whoa…..whoa" Nukid interrupted "are you telling me all you have to do to become god is to wear a headband with the number '1' on it?! I never knew it was so easy! I'll go try it out now!"

_**Cutaway gag….**_

We see PhoenixoftheDarkness, casually reading a magazine on a sofa, when suddenly Nukid walks up to her. On his head, was a headband with the number 1 written on it

"KNEEL BEFORE YOUR GOD!!" Nukid commanded

Without looking away from her magazine, Phoenix summoned her keyblade, and swung it upwards, straight into Nukid crotch. Nukid stood motionless for a moment, before collapsing to the floor, twitching on the ground

"That…..didn't work…." Nukid whispered painfully

_**End gag….**_

"After this quick exposition, Afro enters the bar. And in typical badass fashion, he orders…."

--

"Lemonade. Ice clold"

--

"…because all badassses orders soft drinks nowadays" Nukid laughed "don't know why though"

"One particular thug tries to beat Afro. What does Afro do?"

--

The giant thug swings his fist at Afro, but Afro casually slams his fist backwards, hitting the thug in the face, and sending him flying out the bar

--

"……..This guy makes Chuck Norris look like a pussy"

"Later on, Afro is walking through some mountains, when he is confronted by the silent man in the bar. He reveals himself to be Soshun, and he decides to challenge Afro for his headband"

"Weilding a crossbow with a grenade launcher, Soshun proves to be trouble for Afro, but Afro quickly dispenses of him….but not without getting grazed by a poison tipped arrow"

"Wounded and injured, Afro is defenceless when he is confronted by a second warrior, known as Brother 6 attacks Afro with a missile launcher backpack. Afro manages to escape, but not without getting seriously hurt"

"This is where some of the main antagonists appear; The Empty Seven Clan. Seven warriors who believe by becoming the wielders of the Number 1 headband, they will become immortal, and s they send various agents to hunt and kill Afro for his number 2 headband"

"The Empty Seven Clan are…..a weird bunch to say the least" Nukid said "for starts, Brothers 1 to 5 look exactly the same"

"Oh, and there's the fact they're called the 'Empty Seven Clan'…..BUT THERE'S ONLY SIX OF THEM!!" Nukid shouted "seriously, these guys are worse than the Hive 5!"

"Still, I like Brother 1" Nukid added "he's pretty much a mixture of an Evangelical preacher and a street pimp! He always got a hot babe beside him!"

_**Cutaway gag….**_

We see Brother 1, sitting besides a hot, near naked babe

"And I say PRAISE THE LORD, as I do this bitch doggy style!" Brother 1 preached

_**End gag…..**_

"After his near death experience, Afro finds himself being cared for by the beautiful but solemn Otsuru. While he recovers, Afro thinks back to his past"

"You see, After witnessing his fathers death, Afro clung onto the Number 2 headband, but eventually lost it to a group of bandits, and was left for dead" Nukid explained

"Afro would've died, but the young Afro was found by a very young Otsuru, a boy named Jinno and their guardian, a great swordsman known only as Sword Master" Nukid said "Sword Master adopts Afro with his dozens of other orphans, and trains Afro in the art of swordsmanship"

"As Afro grows up and becomes a talented swordsman, he begins to question whether he truly wants revenge for his father, or to live a happy live with Jinno and the rest" Nukid explained "it's around this time however, he learns that his master is currently in possession of the Number 2 headband, and is trying to hide it to stop the conflict over the headbands"

"Sword Master shows the headband to Afro, and asks whether he will fight him for it. At the same time however, bandits swarm in and try to kill Sword Master and the orphans for the headband. Afro must decide which live he will choose"

"Well, revenge may be a powerful desire, but surely our hero would see that it's better he lived a peaceful li…"

--

We see Afro kill his master, while all around his friends are being slaughtered

--

"………………………Well fuck me"

"Afro obtains the Number 2 Headband and kills all the bandits. Before he leaves, a dying Jinno swears to get revenge on Afro, while an unconscious Otsuru is…..unconscious"

"As you may guess, Afro doesn't realise it's Otsuru looking after him, and she is planning to kill him as a spy of the Empty Seven Clan. However she instead sleeps with him!…….I guess she has a change of heart….or she couldn't resist fucking a black guy"

"Well whatever. Good thing is, unlike Gundam SEED, we SEE this sex scene!" Nukid proclaimed "ah fanservice. Otaku's greatest ally"

"Abandoning her mission, Otsuru becomes a target of the Empty Seven Clan as well. Afro tries to leave with her, but Otsuru is killed before he they could leave"

"Too late to try and play hero Afro. I've just seen you abandon a happy family for your own revenge. You're a jackass" Nukid deadpanned "a badass one mind you"

"Afro continues on towards the mountain where Justice lives. On his way though, he finds he has to pass through the base of the Empty Seven Clan. While crossing a long bridge, he meets the first enemy the clan sends at him"

"Hmm, is it several deadly armed bandits?"

"**NO"**

"A master swordsman?"

"**NO"**

"A ferocious monster?"

"**NO"**

"Shit. I running out of ideas" Nukid cursed "come on, give me a clue!"

--

Suddenly, the screen changed to a scene of Arnold Schwarzenegger, playing the Terminator in "Terminator 2"

--

"Hmm…." Nukid pondered "Terminator….Austrian…..Cyborg! Is it a Cyborg?"

"**GETTING WARMER!"**

"Er…erm…a…Cyborg….Swordmans?"

"**WARMER!"**

"Errrr…………A Cyborg version of Afro?"

"**BINGO!!"**

"…………..Wow" Nukid replied in awe "I'll give the writers credit. That is some creative shit there"

"Afro and the Cyborg Afro battle it out on the bridge, where Cyborg Afro seems to anticipate and counter all of Afro's attacks, while Ninja Ninja continues to act like an annoying -albeit hilarious- dick"

"After some deus ex machina bullshit Afro remembers from Sword Master, Afro slices Cyborg Afro down the face, seemingly beating him" Nukid explained "Afro proceeds to kill several guards offscreen, and individually confronts the Empty Seven Clan members"

"First he meets Brother 3, who………makes him tea and says 'Hachimaki o kudasai'……..one moment please" Nukid said as he got up and left his chair

_**5 minutes later……**_

Nukid returned to his seat "all right, according to wikipedia, he said 'headband please'…….how he expects that to work against a guy who turned down a family for it, I don't know"

"Well anyway, Afro continues on and is confronted again by Brother 6. Unlike last time Afro is at full strength, and beats the guy in one slash" Nukid said "however, Brothers 4 & 5 leap a surprise attack and…"

--

We see Afro stab both brothers in the head at the same time

--

"Fuck it" Nukid waved his hands "the Empty Seven Clan fucking suck. They make the Labour party look fucking competent. Short story shorter, all members- beside Number 3- are killed"

"However, Afro is once again confronted by Cyborg Afro. The two fight, and at one point, Cyborg Afro sends both it and Afro several miles into the air"

_**Cutaway gag…..**_

Ninja Ninja watches as Afro and Cyborg Afro fight while miles in the air

"Hey Afro! What the fuck ya doing?!" Ninja Ninja shouted "you're not in the motherfucking Power Ranger ya know?"

_**End gag…..**_

"Afro survives the fall by using Cyborg Afro as a cushion. With Cyborg Afro done, it looks like Afro can fnally get a rest from fighti…"

--

We see Afro confronted by a samurai, whose faces was hidden by a giant teddy bear head

--

"JESUS CHRIST, GIVE HIM A BLOODY BREAK!!" Nukid swore, before looking oddly at the screen "wait a minute…..that teddy face looks familiar, but from where…"

Teddy Ruxbin: _**"Hello Nostalgia Kid….."**_

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! AAAAAAAAAAHH!! AAAAAAAAAAAHH!!" Nukid screamed the loudest he's ever screamed before in his life

"IT'S TEDDY RUXBIN!! HE'S DONE HAUNTING THE NOSTALGIA CRITIC, AND NOW HE'S AFTER ME!! RUN FOR THE HILLS!!" Nukid screamed, running out of the room frantically

_**Several hours later…..**_

Nukid slowly walked back into the room, still showing signs of fear. He slowly sat back down on his seat "I must apologise for that. I've…..been assured this guy is not……..that certain teddy bear"

"No, it's actually Jinno, whose body has been severely scarred to the point he himself is a cyborg, and covers his face with Otsurus old teddy bear head………as stupid as it sounds, it does look awesome"

"Afro and Jinno fight each other, but Jinnos desire for revenge proves to be too much for Afro, and Jinno is about to get sliced in two. Until…."

--

We see Jinnos attack not hit Afro, but hit Ninja Ninja, who stepped in and took the attack

--

"Oh…wow…Ninja Ninja sacrificed his life to save Afro! That's honoura-**WAIT WHAT?!"**

"Ninja Ninja…..an imaginary friend Afro created……BLOCK THE ATTACK?!!" Nukid shouted in shock "WHAT THE HOLY LOVING FUCK?!"

"How can an imaginary friend AFFECT reality?! I..I..I..It's not possible! How am I supposed to swallow that show?! HOW THE FUCK AM I?!!"

Nukid rubbed his forehead "I swear to god this series is trying to mess with me. Let's just bloody move on"

"After Ninja Ninja practically broke the laws of physic, Afro uses this chance to disable Jinno, but does not kill him. Afro then leaves to fight his final opponent, Justice"

--

We see Afro walking into Justice lair. Surrounding the two are dozens of headbands

"Destiny designed me to possess all the headbands" Justice slithered "now you get it? You ain't just gotta have the one, you gotta have them all. Then and only then, will you obtain ultimate power"

--

"I…..thought there were only two headbands" Nukid pointed out confusingly "consistency anime…..CONSISTENCY PLEASE!!"

"Well anyway, Justice explains that when he became Number 1, he learnt that in order to create peace in this world, he needs the Number 2 headband in order to stop the conflict"

"But will Afro sacrifice his live and quest for revenge?" Nukid sniggered "as if"

"Afro and Justice duel in what can be described as the goriest fight in this anime. Afro is shot, Justice is sliced and blood goes everywhere"

"Afro manages to cut both Justice arms off, and goes in for the kill, but then…."

--

Afro swings his sword towards Justice head, but suddenly, a third arm sprouts from Justice back, wielding a sword. This explained how he killed Rokutaro all those years ago

--

"Whoa! He has a third arm!" Nukid gasped in awe. A cheeky grin appeared on Nukid face, as he cautiously looked left and right

"I wonder if he…" Nukid was interrupted by Phoenix, who stormed into the room

"No Nukid! Don't you DARE say it!" Phoenix ordered

"Oh come on! Please!"

"No! It's too obvious and gross!"

"Pretty please!"

"Don't make me hit you in the crotch again!"

"Pretty please with a cherry on top!"

Phoenix sighed "fine"

"Yayz!" Nukid clapped "I wonder if he jerks off with that arm?!"

--

We see Afro blocked the third arms sword, and slit Justice neck, causing his head to dangle off

--

"Wahoo! Justice is dead! And now Afro is…"

--

Justice smiles, and flips his head back into place, surviving despite being almost completely sliced off

Justice then touched the ground, and somehow caused the rock to move on its own. A huge rock spear flew out from the ground, and impaled Afro in the head

--

"……Oh wait, Afro dies. Well, I guess that's a pretty big twi…"

--

Afro suddenly awakens, flips around the rock, and slices Justice into several pieces

--

"……………………..I REALLY hope the anime is implying he narrowly missed Afros skull…..because if they're implying he survived impalement to the head…..I'm calling shenanigans on this series!"

"I mean come on! I can forgive Justice surviving decapitations, since he's practically a monster, but Afro?! I know he makes Chuck Norris look like a pussy, but come on!"

"As I already said though, Afro sliced Justice to bits, and claims the Number 1 headband for himself, fulfilling his quest" Nukid proclaimed "the series ends with Jinno confronting Afro once again, and ends with the two about to fight"

"Well, there you have Afro Samurai" Nukid said "the plot is stupid, confusing and flawed"

"But you know what? Despite this, I consider it a good anime. Why? BECAUSE THE ACTION IS FREAKING AWESOME!!"

(Screen shows various action scenes from Afro Samurai)

"Truth is ladies and gents, the story is just there to get the viewers from fight A to fight B. THIS is a series you watch solely for its bloody, fast paced action"

"Take my advice, go into this series as an idiot. Forget about understanding the plot, and let your stupid mind be awestruck by its fight scenes" Nukid recommended "if you have problems going in stupid, I have this idea"

"Take a hammer" Nukid said, holding a hammer "and…."

BANG

BANG

BANG

"Deeerrr…" Nukid slurred, smiling dumbly as he tongue stuck out his mouth "I'm the N…Nostalgia K..Kid……I remember it because…..because…..what did I remember again?…Oh fuck it…"

Nukid then groggily got up, and tried to move forward, but in one step Nukid fell to the floor, and lied there motionlessly

_The Actual Review_

_Pros: Excellent dub, great animation, fanservice, some of the best action scenes I've seen in anime_

_Cons: Confusing story, more questions asked than answered, very short series_

_Overall: I recommend this series to those who enjoy great, gory action. However, don't go in expecting a good, deep plot_

_Rating: 2 and a Half Stars (Out of 4)_


	16. Nukids & X Prodigys Top 22 Fics Part 1

Hey everyone. Here's the first in this two parter. Enjoy

**Warning: The language in this review may not be suitable for minors. If you're under the age of 18 and have not heard the word "homosexual" before, you'll have a hard time understanding Bruno**

* * *

Unlike usual, we did not see Nukid sitting at his desk. We did however, hear a snoring noise coming from under the table. Slowly, Nukid got back up from the floor, rubbing his eyes drowsily

"Wh…what time is it?" Nukid mumbled. He reached for the clock on his desk "8:00PM….Saturday?! I…I've been asleep for four days?! Why the fuck didn't anyone wake me up?!"

"Bloody hell…." Nukid groaned, rubbing his forehead "…might as well do another review while I'm here"

"Well, I was gonna do my first "Top 22" list. My "Top 22 Favourite Fics Of All Time"

Crowd: "Coooooool!"

"But I can't"

Crowd: "Oooooooh!"

"Sorry" Nukid sighed "you see, outside of AF fics and a few passing interests……I don't read a lot of fanfiction. I'm usually too busy, or I can't interested enough. So I don't really have 22 favourite fics. So yea, guess I can't do this lis.."

"Holy shit what a cool room!" X Prodigy boomed, suddenly walking in as he scanned the room, nodding impressively

"…..Why X!….What do you want?"

"My Hollow senses were tingling. Heard you may need some help doing a Top 22 favourite fic. So, here I am!" X explained

"And how the bloody hell can you help me?" Nukid asked sceptically

"Well, how about you talk about YOUR Top 11 favourite fics, and then I talk about MY top 11 favourite fics?!" X suggested "don't forget, I've been reading fanfics longer than you. I'll be able to give more well known fics for readers to….read!"

"Oh sure, sure……just one problem though" Nukid said "this is MY review series, meaning its all MY opinion. Sorry, my ego won't allow anyone else voice their opinion on this show"

"I knew you'd say that, so I brought these" X said with a small laugh. He reached for his pocket, and took out a small picture

The second Nukid laid eyes on the picture, his skin became pale from fright, and his mouth gaped wide open. Nukid looked like he was about to scream in fright, but the young reviewer manage to look at X and whisper "how….did you…."

"You do crazy stuff when you're drunk Nukid" X Prodigy laughed "now, will your 'ego' still not let me co-review?"

Nukid lowered his head in defeat "no, he's okay about it"

"Excellent"

**Nukid & X Prodigy's Top 22 Fanfics Part 1**

Nukid and X Prodigy sat beside each other at the desk

"In part 1 of this two part special, I will list my Top 11 favourite fics, while X here will talk about his top 11 favourite" Nukid explained "sound okay X?"

"Sounds fine Nukes" X nodded in agreement "but, doesn't that mean I'm entirely unnecessary this chapter?"

"Yes……yes it does" Nukid smiled and nodded, before pushing X Prodigy offscreen. Nukid winced a little when he heard the sound of glass breaking, cat squealing, and something exploding

"Now remember this folks; many of my choices probably aren't that well known. So don't expect all of them to be the most reviewed fics out there. These are simply ones which I came across and enjoyed them enough to read further" Nukid explained

"And please, if you're my friend but one of your fics doesn't get on my list, don't get offended. Bare in mind these are just the really stand out fics I loved" Nukid assured "without further ado, let's get started!"

_**Number 11…..**_

_**Cartoon House by Yellowfur**_

"This is the best parody I've ever read" Nukid stated "Evil Riggs LOTR parody is close second, but since this one is completed, I have to put it above"

"As you may have already guessed, this is a parody of Animal House. A story of two boys life in college, living amongst the rowdiest, most trouble making students on the campus"

"I love this parody because it hits all the marks on what it means to make a good parody" Nukid explained "it has a lot of originality to it, unlike 99% of parodies out there"

_**Cutaway gag…..**_

A young boy sat at his computer, typing into google **"Lion King Script"**

The boy clicked on the first website that popped up, and quickly copy and pasted the entire script of Lion King off the site and onto Words Document.

After some alterations, such as changing it from script format and separating chapters, his parody was finished

"Done!" the young boy said triumphantly "I am a fucking genius"

_**End gag…..**_

"This parody also as a fantastically drawn up cast, fitting of the characters the portray" Nukid added "in fact, it manages to fit the roles they've been casted, but STILL give them their distinct personalities!"

"Peter still acts like Peter. Pedro is still Pedro, and Double D is still Double D" Nukid further explained "also, I really like the idea of superheroes playing the Jocks in this parody. Very clever indeed"

"But above all else ladies and gents, it's hilarious. Once I started reading, I couldn't help but chuckle at something on every chapter. Yellowfur knows her comedy, it must be said"

"Overall, it's Number 11 because my interest in parodies has almost completely gone" Nukid stated "but if someone were to ask me how to write a good parody, I would tell them to read Cartoon House"

_**Number10….**_

_**Sharingan Eyes by Sholey**_

"Sharingan Eyes is a Naruto/Beyblade crossover, which focuses and Sasuke and Kai while Team 7 are ordered to protect the Bladebreakers during a tournament" Nukid explained

"Oh I think I know everyones reaction to this…."

"_Ugh! It's Yaoi!"_

"_You're reading about two emos making out!"_

"_Its these kinds of fics that are ruining fanfiction!"_

"…..But here's the thing; It' NOT yaoi in the slightest!"

"Instead, it is an in-depth look at two very similar characters, meeting and befriending each other" Nukid explained "but this doesn't happen overnight. No, we're treated to several scenes where the two analyse the other in a NON-ROMANTIC way and compare them to themselves"

"As you may have guessed, this fic is beautifully written. Very well detailed and with some great comedic moments. This is a fic Sholey has put much effort into, and it a blast to read!"

"Since I'm not into Beyblades anymore, this fic goes down a few places" Nukid admitted "but if you're a current fan of both series, READ THIS FIC!!"

_**Number 9….**_

_**Final Fantasy 7: The Advent Children by ChaosM**_

"Set 23 years after the end of Advent Children and Dirge of Cerberus, the tale follows the children of all our favourite main characters, as they deal with a new evil in the form of Rufus Shinra" Nukid explained

"This fic is great. It's well written, got great dialogue which could be both funny and moving, and the fight scenes were a blast to read!"

"What made it really stand out was the dilemmas of both Alex Strife- Cloud and Tifa's son- and John Valentine- Vincent and Yuffies child-. Alex has to deal with inferiority issues as he feels he can't live up to his fathers name, while Joh is worried he's becoming a monster like his dad"

"This fic has plenty of well done, believable romance as well as some epic moments" Nukid added "and to be frank, Rufus being the main bad guy was a GENIUS move"

"Overall, it's the best Final Fantasy 7 fic I've personally read" Nukid stated "and I'm sure a fic this great has got hundreds of reviews!"

(The number **27 **appeared onscreen)

"TWENTY SEVEN?!!" Nukid shouted "this AWESOME fic only has 27 reviews?!….Jesus Christ what is wrong with this world…"

_**Number 8….**_

_**Brotherhood of Joker by Bhill62**_

"You know, this fic made me realise something" Nukid said "The Joker is CRAZY!!…..I don't mean goofy crazy, I mean OH MY GOD HOW COULD YOU DO SUCH HORRIBLE THINGS CRAZY!!"

"…..Yea this was made before Dark Knight btw"

"The story starts out simple. The Joker-on a whim- decides to visit Robin and the Teen Titans, and starts by capturing and torturing Beast Boy, who at the time is in argument with Robin"

"What leads from there involves Batman, Doom Patrol, the Brotherhood of Evil and later on even Slade! Beast Boy grows up as the Joker continues to torment, while the lad deals with his feelings for Raven"

"And as I said earlier on, this really made me realise the Joker is FUCKED UP!" Nukid stated "I mean, he electrocutes Joker, defiles Terras graves, kills Beast Boys old friend, and…..and…."

--

_There were corpses lying on the ground everywhere with Joker's signature grin. That alone would make anyone want to vomit, however what nearly sealed the deal was when Beast Boy looked closer and saw what made everyone truly sad._

_They were nothing but children._

_--_

Nukid stared at the screen, shaken and scared beyond his wildest imaginations

"…The Joker……must die…"

_**Number 7…..**_

_**Author Fighters: Demons from heaven by Ranger24**_

"You know, people always talk about Zodiacs as it was the fic that changed how the AF worked" Nukid pointed out "I say however, Ranger24 did it before me"

"Before Demons From Heaven, AF fics were like…"

_**Cutaway gag…..**_

"Hi! I'm an Author Fighter and this fic will be based solely around me! I'll be in every fight, and every other Author is just there to point out how AWESOME I am!"

_**End gag…..**_

"After Demons From Heaven, AF fics were like…"

_**Cutaway gag…..**_

"Hi! I'm an Author Fighter and this fic will be based solely around me, and every other Author is just there to point out how AWESOME I am!………….But I WILL give other Authors moments to shine!"

_**End gag…..**_

"Demons from Heaven takes place after Rangers previous fic, 'Darkness Unleashed', which unfortunately got cancelled. It continues the tale of Ranger and Shades rivalry, and trust me folks, its as epic as you'd expect it to be!"

"Shade Blood is the FIRST AWESOME villain in the AF" Nukid proclaimed "hell, when the guy betrayed Drake, it was the coolest thing to ever happen in the series. To this day, Shade is a legitimate badass!"

"And trust me folks, I'm still trying to find an excuse to write a 'Shade Blood Vs. Oldkid' battle!" Nukid nodded "that would be as epic as Alucard Vs. Anderson!"

"It was also one of my first appearances in the AF" Nukid added, before nodding "and it was very DYNAMIC!……….I will now punish myself for that horrible joke"

Nukid took out his hammer again, and…..

BANG

BANG

BANG

"Blaaaaahhhhhhh…." Nukid gargled, his tongue out "…I remember what I was supposed to remember last chapter! It was Afro Ninja!

Crowd: "AFRO SAMURAI YOU PRICK!!"

_**Number 6…..**_

_**Family Piece by Emma Iveli**_

"Okay, this is a crossover…..of One Piece….and Family Guy…" Nukid said slowly "my favourite anime….crossing with my favourite comedy…..OF COURSE I LOVE THIS FIC!!"

"The plot is simple. The One Piece crew suddenly find themselves transported into the Griffins own home. What happens next is a series of stories involving Americas funniest family, and the greatest group of pirates since Jack Sparrow met Balthier!"

"There are several cool stories, such as Luffy going to school, Luffy and Peter fighting the giant chicken, and one where they go up against 4Kids!"

Hitler: "HEIL 4KIDS!!"

"Overall, this fic is hilarious" Nukid nodded "unfortunately, it's not the best written fic out there. And Robin, Franky and Brooke aren't in it, so it's not perfect"

"Still, if you wanna see Simpsons 2.0 and the HIGHEST SELLING MANGA EVER cross over…..read this fic!"

_**Number 5……**_

_**AF: Howling by MistressofDawn**_

"This is the best AF fic ever made" Nukid quickly said "hands down. Fuck Legacy!"

"Howling is the tale of MistressofDawn, who heads to New York to meet her parents, only to find out they were killed by the sadistic werewolf Silencer. Dawn is thrust into her own personal hell as the Werewolf continues to haunt and torment her"

"This does what pretty much every AF fic fails at" Nukid said "and that's making brilliant and well written character development. Who DOESN'T feel sorry for Dawn as she worries for her friends safety, while having to confront her fears and doubts?!"

"Like all of her work, it's almost flawlessly written and engaging to read" Nukid added "it may not be a big epic story that spans several planets and has tons of battles, but that's not the point of it. It's supposed to be a deep story, looking into the struggles of one girl, not wanting to lose those she cares about"

"Though….I will question her taste in my men!" Nukid scowled "It WASN'T a lie when I said I castrate anyone who touches her!"

_**Number 4……**_

_**Who Wants To Stay Sane? By Yellowfur**_

"Fun fact folks, this is the first fic I ever read, before I even got an account" Nukid revealed "and it was this fic that cemented Yellowfur as an awesome author in my eyes"

"The story is simple. Roroana Zoro (One Piece), Zim (Invader Zim), Naruto (Naruto), Bender (Futurama), Starfire (Teen Titans), Yumi (Hi Hi Puffy Ami Yumi), Grim (Billy & Mandy), Jack Spicer (Xiaolin Showdown) and Pedro (X-Men Evolution)"

"…………….Do I even need to say why I like this fic?"

"What makes this fic work so beautifully is how well every character interacts with each other" Nukid explained "Yellowfur didn't just pick these characters random from a hat. The way these characters interact are just hilarious and you'll be laughing start to finish"

"You don't just see these guys though. In one chapters, everyones friends come round to visit…..except Spicer since he hasn't gotten any" Nukid added "and in another, their ENEMIES come to visit!"

"It would be a dream come true for me to write a sequel to it. Or something related" Nukid claimed "I wouldn't ask, since I know it would never compare to this"

"But trust me folks, THIS fic is why I got into . Yellowfur, you rock!"

_**Number 3…….**_

_**The Millennium Files by Blacksand1**_

"This was something I wanted badly" Nukid said "A FUNNY MILLENNIUM FIC!!"

"This fic is downright hilarious. Once I read one chapter, I had to read the next. Every chapter is a blast! There's one chapter where they Schrodinger and Rip try to give the Captain a bath, another where they have a party with Hellsing and Iscaritot, and another why they go shopping!"

"There's also one where they're all turned into the opposite sex by Alucard…..yea that was awesome"

"It also did the impossible" Nukid added "it made me a very……very…..very……very…….VERY mild fan of Integra/Major. I know that sounds disgusting but……read this fic, it makes it look believable"

"Anyway, if you want a funny Millennium fic, you've got to read this!" Nukid stated "and like the Major in his invasion of London, you will have a Vunderful time!"

_**Number 2……**_

_**Team 8 by S'TarKan**_

"This is probably the greatest fic ever made" Nukid stated "it is. One chapter is like five of a normal chapter, and it's one of the cleverest fics ever written"

"The plot is simple. What would happen if Naruto joined Shino and Hinata in Team 8 instead? What happens from there is Kurenai's training of Team 8, which diffes greatly from the laidback Kakashi"

"This fic kicks so much ass in so many ways. For starters, it's incredibly well developed. I read a few big Naruto, but they all feel the same"

_**Cutaway gag…..**_

We see Naruto and Sasuke

"I'm Naruto, and I'm a huge Gary Stu who has suddenly become incredibly powerful!"

"I'm Sasuke and I've lost all my cool factor and I'm just a jerk now!"

"THIS FIC HAD THOUSANDS OF REVIEWS!!" Naruto and Sasuke shouted

_**End gag….**_

"Yea so don't read many Naruto fics" Nukid sighed "but this one, while Sasuke is a jerk at first, he doesn't stay one forever, and the way Naruto, Hinata, Shino and even Kurenai develop is just awesome"

"If you're a big Naruto/Hinata fan-which is one of the few decent Naruto pairings anyway-you owe it to yourself to read it. It's done almost perfectly in this fic, as they pretty much change each other for the better"

"Still don't believe this fic is good?" Nukid raised an eyebrow "then how about the fact it has nearly 10,000 reviews?!"

"So yea, it's the best fic I've ever read…….but not my personal favourite. No, that goes to…"

_**Number 1……**_

_**Ancient Warriors by X Prodigy**_

"Let me tell you all something" Nukid said "When I write fight scenes…I am TRYING to be like Ancient Warriors. And I put major emphasis on 'trying'"

"They plot involves characters from Naruto, Teen Titans, Ed, Edd n' Eddy, BoBoBo-Bo Bo-BoBo and Lilo & Stitch are sucked into one world, where they come across giant Digimon monster out for their heads"

"As they fight, ten of them soon realise they possess Digimon powers, and are the warriors that will destroy the evil Digimon once and for all" Nukid explained

"Let me reveal something to you all. When I was a noob of an Author with no talent…"

**"I was reading Ancient Warriors"**

"…before I joined the Author Fighters…."

**"I was reading Ancient Warriors"**

"…before I wrote and overrated fic called Zodiacs which everyone seemed to love…"

**"I was reading Ancient Warriors!!"**

"Point is, I've known X Prodigy is a bloody talented writer, and I was chuffed to hear he was British like me" Nukid shrugged "what can I say? We British are simply born awesome!"

"And now, they guy's my best friend! And he sees me as this great author!" Nukid added "trust me X, you're much better writer than I'll ever be"

"It's not perfect, but it is my personal favourite fic. One I've followed since it started, and one I'll read till it's end" Nukid nodded "trust me folks. X Prodigy is AWESOME!!"

"What did you say?" X Prodigy asked, suddenly walking into the room

"I said you SUCK!" Nukid quickly snarled

"Ah, thought so. For a minute I thought you called me awesome, but no way the Nukid I know would be that nice!" X said casually

"Good" Nukid sighed in relief "well I'm done. Next chapter is your Top11"

"Awesome. You can help me redecorate this room" X said, suddenly picking up a box filled with stuff

"Err…redecorate?"

"Yep. Since this'll be my chapter, everything will be themed for me!" X explained "the walls will be covered in blood, pictures of Tobi/Hinata spread across the wall as well, and a little picture of Harribel on the table"

Nukid scowled "and what makes you bloody think I'll let you rede…"

"Picture…."

"FINE!!" Nukid sighed angrily "I'm the Nostalgia Kid, and I DON'T remember the night he got that picture of me!"

**Stay tuned for X Prodigy's own Top 11 chapter! Since I couldn't come up with a Top 22, X offered to help, so we split the 22 in half. So yea, stay tuned!**


	17. Nukids & X Prodigys Top 22 Fics Part 2

Hey everyone. This is X Prodigy's chapter and it's…..it's…..better than anything I've done so far. Enjoy, as I certainly did reading this!

I was gonna post this with Legacy, but that'll be updated later on in the week

**Warning: The language in this review may not be suitable for minors. If you're under the age of 18 and have not heard the word "Troll" before, then you won't understand why i think Bleach is flawed and why Tite Kubo has problems in storytelling**

* * *

As the scene opens up, a familiar figure can be seen sitting in the middle of a room with a white background, however, this time it wasn't Nukid, it was however none other than the infamous Author, X Prodigy, only he looked slightly different; he was wearing a black cap which hid his red hair, as well as a red tie and black jacket.

"Hello I'm the Hollow Critic! I remember it because I'm just that awesome!" X introduced.

"Lame catchphrase!" AdventChild yelled out form the audience.

X reached behind him and bulled out a SMG, sending a storm of bullets into the audience, where a certain Jashinist's screams filled the air. X chuckled to himself before facing the audience again.

"Hello again, and welcome back to the second part of Nukid and X Prodigy's Top 22 Fanfics Of All Time!"

HALLELUJAH!!! HALLELUJAH!!!

A picture of X and Nukid could be seen looking up as the Top 22 list comes down from heaven…with Advent and Loony in the background fighting over which God was superior.

"I can't tell you how excited I am to be here! Not only to I get to share my wisdom with the wonderful and sometimes disturbing authors of fanfiction, but I also get to star in my own Nostalgia Critic Parody!" X cheered.

OBJECTION!!!

"Huh?" X looked around to see Nukid enter the room in his Nostaliga Kid…along with twenty large men in solicitor outfits.

"What the hell are you doing here Nukid! You had your turn, let me have a chance in the spotlight!" X complained.

"Sorry X, but considering this is still technically a Nostaliga Kid review, I thought it best to cover all the legal work" Nukid grinned.

"Legal work?" X asked.

The men suddenly opens a brief case, where about a thousand pages worth of paper explode across the room, nearly burying X inside.

"These contracts are to make sure you don't accidentally spoil my good name, and to make you pay up front for being allowed to host your review show here, but don't worry, considering your pal I gave I made sure you got off easy!" Nukid grinned.

"90% OF REVIEWS AND INCOME ARE TO GO TO YOU!!" X exploded in anger after reading the first page of the contract.

"For the first three months"

"But I'm only doing this once!" X snapped back.

"I know, but this is to cover your appearances in Zodiacs, Legacy, Price Of Justice, Author Humour etc"

"Your charging me for appearing in your fanfics?! That's bullshit!" X yelled out.

"Sorry buddy, considering that state of the world's economy at the moment - I've got to make sure I'm financially secure, and that means covering all the basics, food, water, insurance-"

"Wait a minute…it says here you…YOU'RE BUYING A HOT TUB?!"

"Where else am I going to put my harem?" Nukid responded.

"Harem?"

"Yep! I just bought out about every female star on TV that ever existed!" Nukid grinned mischievously.

"I'm not paying cash so you can skinny-dip with whores!" X yelled.

"Hey! Just because Orihime, C.C and Seras are on loan, doesn't make them whores!" Nukid objected, crossing his arms.

"…What?"

"Yeah! I bought out Yoruichi, Orihime, Katara, Rangiku, C.C, Kallen, Casca, Tayuya, Tsuande, Kurenai, Eureka, Anko, Rukia, Hinata, Lenalee, Robin, Hancock, Nami, Tifa, Aerith, and Harribel! It just took over 3/4s of your salary from now until 2020, but if you here me out-"

"OH THAT TEARS IT! BOOT TO THE HEAD!!" X called out, sending his boot which had been tipped with spikes) and the blonde Brit, sending him flying.

"I'm copywriting that as well!" his voice echoed, but was silenced with another three boots to the head.

"As I was saying, fanfiction has been the better part of my life through my teens! First time I found it was when I came across a Robin/Starfire one-shot while at school, and five years on I have a soon-to-be-award winning fanfic plus a legion of undying flamers and fangirls"

_**Cutaway Gag…**_

Outside the room where this review is taking place…

"WE LOVE YOU X!!" Phoenix and Dawn screamed while wearing "We Heartz The Hollow" t-shirts

"WE HATE YOU X!!" Sasuke and Robin fan boys roared while wearing "Die X Die!" t-shirts

_**End Cutaway…**_

"Ah, the good life, but throughout my five long years on this sight, I like to believe I have gathered some kind of wisdom after reading countless fics, so I know when a fanfic is either great…or really, really, crap"

(My Immortal and Until The End Of Time texts are seen being burnt…by flamethrowers)

"So while Nukid has his popularity and unwitting charm and instinct to navigate him through which stories are genius or literature genocide, I have five years of wisdom and a collection of what I believe are the best of the best! So here you are, these are my TOP 11 FANFICS Of ALL TIME!!"

(We Are The Kings by Black Stone Cherry starts to rapidly play in the background)

_**Number 11...**_

_**"No Shame" by Gaarzlilmiss**_

"Now those who know me well, know that I have a sort of thing for crack pairings, and for the majority of you who don't know what a crack pairing is - let me sum it like this" X said, taking a deep breath.

"ALL SHALL BOW TO THE PURE AND AWESOME PARINGS THAT ARE ICHIGO/YOURICHI, ZUKO/KATARA, REDX/RAVEN , CABOOSE/TEX AND SCHRODINGER/SERAS!!! OR FACE AN ETENITY IN THE NINE CIRCLES OF HELL!!!!!!!!" X roared, hellfire exploding in the background.

"…Ahem, so yeah, its basically following the idea that two characters should get together, but its not exactly canon - or as I have been told many times by my peers…"

"ARE YOU COMPLETELY INSANE?!! IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SERIES?! HELL, HAVE THEY EVEN MET BEFORE?!"

"Which I ignore completely" X grinned, flicking them the bird.

"However there's one pairing that I love above all others, and that, loyal viewers - is Naruto's very own Tobi/Hinata!" X cheered.

(Pictures of the couple appear on screen)

"This is a rare and misunderstood pairing that everyone either finds hilarious or just stupid, now I'm not that much of a fanatic, so I know that these two will never meet and form a romance in the manga, but for fanfiction's sake, it is a goldmine of laughs and tears!"

(Picture of Neji chasing Tobi with a chainsaw appears on screen)

"And this fic summarises their relationship perfectly! What's great about it is that it has a dark story and deep emotional driven characters-IT HAS OVER 100 HUNDRED REVIEWS!"

"That's right people, the pairing everyone seems to hate actually has a fanfic with about 180 reviews on it with only ten chapters or less, and that's great standing for any story on this site! Anyway, enough of my rambling - lets dig into this masterpiece!"

Shameless…it was all shameless. She didn't feel any shame about what she was doing. Caressing his back affectionately, or letting him send butterfly kisses down her exposed creamy coloured neck. Not even that she was miles and miles away from her home, away from the man who wanted to call her his wife, the man she'd always wanted in her younger years. She wasn't ashamed that somewhere, a mission wasn't completed properly. She didn't feel shame that she was lying on her back on this other man's bed, moaning and mewling in his pleasure. She wasn't even ashamed that she wanted him in her now. She wasn't ashamed that she didn't care.

"…Now how's that for an opening!"

"Unfortunately, we can only speculate at this, as its more likely to be the story's ending, as the rest of the plot is told through a flashback"

"But…we all hope what the outcome SHOULD be!"

TOBI/HINATA FTW!

"So after that very erotic opening, we see Hinata travelling to a small village in order to give medical care to the villages by order of Tsuande, however…"

(Hinata can be seen beaten on the ground as

"It doesn't go according to plan, and she ends being captured by Akatsuki, as apparently the infamous Pain wants her for unknown reasons"

"Now although most of the story is told from Hianta's perspective and occasionally Tobi's, we also get cut scenes to Naruto!…Wait, what?"

"Yep, in this story, Naruto and Hinata are engaged, soon to be married after Hinata came back from her mission…someone might want to call the wedding reception"

_**Cutaway Gag…**_

Naruto can be seen standing at the alter, as well as everyone else in Konoha, however Hinata isn't there. Suddenly, Sai handed Naruto a mobile phone.

"Um…hello"

"Hi Naruto (grunt) I'm sorry but (grunt) but I'm not going (grunt) to make it to the wedding (pant)" Hinata's voice came through the phone in rapid bursts.

"WHAT?!"

"Don't worry (grunt) its just I'm very ill and - OH GOD TOBI PLEASE DON'T STOP!!!!"

"…"

"Uh…I'll see you at the honeymoon"

The phone immediately went dead.

_**End Cutaway…**_

"So while on the way to Akatsuki's secret base, there are several fluffy moments, which also show that Tobi isn't exactly the idiot you'd thought he'd be"

"W-what happened t-to your voice?" she asked.

Tobi sighed. "Gimmick. Did you actually think I spoke that way all the time?" he asked. His voice was much more masculine, unlike the shrill kid like voice he used when she first meant him. Hinata actually quite…liked it.

Without warning, he scooped Hinata up off her knees and was holding her bridal style. He started hopping off towards the river that he was close to before.

Hinata was looking up at him. From the black material around his face, Hinata could make out that he had a nicely chiselled face. She wondered what it looked like with his mask off.

Tobi glanced down and then did a double take. "Something on my face?" he asked, slightly amused to find her staring so intently.

Hinata grinned and turned away as she blushed. "N-no…I was just…curious…" she said. "Why do you wear a mask?" she asked. After she asked, she found herself actually sounding quite rude.

Tobi let out a deep chuckle. "Can you guess?" he asked.

Hinata looked at him. "No…" she said.

"Well, I guess you'll have a lot of time to find out." said Tobi.

"Smooth Mr Tobi, very smooth indeed!" X nodded and chuckled.

"Finally they arrive at the base, where they give Hinata a dark an inescapable room, constantly taunting her that she will be there for a LONG time, luckily Tobi is there to cheer her up and promises to bring food and water to her, generally trying to cheer her up.

"We also see that Tobi is aware of what is going on, and he's feeling regret for Hinata, and that the Byakugan is the cause of her imprisonment"

"God, Hinata was supposed to be away for two weeks. I wonder how Naruto is taking it? He must be pretty down, not seeing the love of his life for two weeks"

"N-Naruto, you will stay by me, right?" she asked.

Naruto smiled. "Well, of course!" he said.

"Do you know what I mean, Naruto?" she asked.

Naruto was silent.

Sakura looked around her for a minute before moving closer to Naruto and placing a hand on his shoulder. "I know you and Hinata are trying things out and all, and you even proposed, but…you haven't actually made things official yet." she said wiping some drying tears from her face with her other hand.

Naruto looked stunned as he raised a confused eyebrow.

"Technically, you and Hinata are still only dating with pending marriage. I bet you I could do much better than she ever could." Sakura said with a devious smirk.

Naruto couldn't believe his ears. Was Sakura actually saying this?

"Be with me Naruto. Look, how about we do this? Hinata will be gone for two weeks, right?" Sakura asked.

Naruto nodded hesitantly.

"So, for those two weeks, why don't you give me a try? If you don't like me, we drop it, if we do, you can call Hinata off." Sakura said. "What do you say?" she asked.

"…WHAT?! He's going to be marired in less than a month and you want to shag him while his wife is away for only two weeks! Sakura you whore! How could you even think that Naruto would-

"…Alright…but two weeks. And then I'll decide. If I don't decide to stay with you…you CANNOT tell Hinata." he said.

Sakura smiled slowly.

X repeated bangs his head on the desk until his Hollow Mask cracks.

"YOU IDIOT! YOU FUCKING IDIOT!! I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE I PUT YOU AS A MAIN CHARACTER IN AW!!" he shouted, before slowly claming down.

"Anyway, while Naruto is busy shagging his pink haired bunny, Hinata is going through Hell"

"She's forced to go through training of the worst kind eg. Having Deidara throwing clay bombs off at her! And that isn't even the bad part! Itachi in this fic is some kind of stalker and gets kicks from cornering Hinata against walls and groping her!"

"For any woman, hell even a guy, this is serious mentally and emotionally upsetting, luckily Tobi is the only constant thing to get her spirits up, however, its gotten to the point where he can't just sit by and do nothing, and so one night he tells Hinata the truth of why she's here"

"Oh boy, I wonder what it is? Maybe its taking her eyes out? Maybe its turning her into a puppet? Maybe its-"

"…The leader…" Tobi felt the words stuck in his throat, "He wants you only to breed you with all the other members to increase this organization's power." he said.

"…Well…I was half right with the puppet thing…"

"Yep, she's going to become a slave to these dogs in order to spawn a need generation of super-ninja! Which is bad enough by itself, but when written in this dark and graphic form of writing…you can't help but feel scared yourself…"

"Luckily, Tobi can't bare to see that happen and so they escape, just before the borders of Konoha, however, Itachi has followed them…"

"Itachi then lies and torments Hinata by saying that Tobi was also going to mate with her and he was just like the rest of them, this causes Hinata to flee, now hating Tobi, and heads for Konoha. Now alone, Tobi takes off his mask"

Itachi chuckled at this new revelation. "So, you've finally decided to show who you really are…Madara Uchiha…" he said.

"I'm going to maim you." he said with quiet intensity. He was focused completely on Itachi.

"Don't tell me the notorious Madara has developed feelings for this Hyuuga." he said. "I recall that you were only going to use her. What happened to Pein taking complete charge of this self-assumed mission?" he asked.

Tobi, or Madara, was silent.

"You do have feelings? Well, isn't that sweet…" Itachi said.

Madara rushed at Itachi with abnormal speed, ending up in front of the other Uchiha. A kunai was soon jammed into his stomach, but instead of a bleeding mess and sputtered scream, black crows emerged and flew off into the distance.

"Coward. I was certain he wouldn't send his true self." Madara said. He weighed his options. Go and find Itachi, kill him, and possibly never see Hinata again, or go find Hinata with only a slim chance at her believing him, and Itachi would find her again. The first option, much more logical, although, even though he'd never admit it, he was hurting beyond compare at this decision.

"I'll miss you Hinata." he said quietly as he raced after where he felt Itachi's chakra the strongest.

X blows into a tissue and wipes his eyes…

"I'm sorry…but even for those who hate this pairing…you can't help but feel the drama and emotion going through this scene"

"Now the story ends here, still on hiatus, however Hinata has made it home, where she can finally see Naruto, well thank god for that! And least we can take some comfort in knowing Hinata will finally be happy-"  
---

That's when he finally realized, he had just done the most despicable, evil, wrong thing he could ever do! He had just done something he was going to regret greatly. He had just done something that even if she didn't find out, it would still be in the back of his mind forever. He'd just CHEATED on Hinata Hyuuga. Somehow thinking that before, it didn't sound so bad. But when he thought about it this time, after he'd realized how much wrong Sakura had done and how much right Hinata had done, how much Hinata had loved and cared for him and was willing to promise herself to him forever, it made a big deal, and he immediately sat up , only to see something that made him want to die in shame.

His loved one, the girl he loved, the girl he claimed he loved, was standing in the doorway of the room he usually shared with her, staring at him with wide deer like eyes as she took in the unbelievable sight before her.

"GODDAMN YOU NARUTO!! YOU FUCKING PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A NINJA!!" X roared, going wild and shooting Devil Arms up in all directions.

"Though its number eleven, this is really just a self-indulgent and brilliantly written story for the pairing I love! I highly recommend it to anyone who likes the Akatuski or Hinata or just a chilling and depressing story about love and how easily it can be broken"

"No Shame by Gaarzlilmiss, because there's no shame in loving Tobi/Hinata"

**(Trivia: When Hinata finds Naruto cheating on her, it was a day after she had escaped…he kept having an affair the day after she came back! Fucking moron…)**

_**Number 10...**_

_**Holiday In The Living World by Kristine93**_

"Now everyone knows I'm more of a Ichigo/Yoruichi kind of guy, but this contains one of my other favourite pairings - Toshriro Hitsugaya and Rangiku Matsumoto!"

"This is a hilarious fic! That author really knows about the characters she's writing about and really grasps their contrasting personalities to turn it into a fic that's fall off your chair worthy laughter!"

"It starts with Rangiku begging her Captain to spend a holiday with her in the living world, but being his cold and usual self, Toshiro declines."

"But his lieutenant is persistent! You have to admire that kind of commitment, I ownder why she desperately wants to see her Captain so much? Maybe its because she misses him? Maybe she enjoys his company? Maybe -"

'But, Taicho… It's... so HOT here…' Matsumoto whined.

Hitsugaya's eyes widened with realization, then he snarled, clenched his fist and punched his desk angrily. He felt like shooting her. Or freezing her. Or shaving her head.

'Taicho, please don't break the desk!' Rangiku pleaded, obviously understanding what was going on in the office by the sound of it.

'DO I LOOK LIKE A FREAKIN' AIR CONDITIONER TO YOU??!' he yelled, his hands shaking from rage.

Because of Hitsugaya, during the summer, the temperature in his office and everywhere in radius of few meters of him was always pleasantly cool. That was the main reason why in hot days people just kept on searching for a way to arrange a meeting with him. The lucky Matsumoto, as his fukutaicho, was very favored, since they worked together. It was the answer of the mystery why she was never late during the summer, nor did she leave before him…

Now back to the conversation…

Matsumoto didn't say anything for a while, then murmured with a hint of embarrassment in her voice:

'…No.'

"Or…because Hitsugaya is a walking fridge…?"

"Regardless, she finally convinces him to come in exchange for doing a months paperwork! And needless to say, chaos ensures afterwards"

"You see, without their living air conditioner - most of the Soul Society chases after him, as they can't the heat themselves, including Momo Hinamori…"

(Picture of her appears on screen)

"God…I'm not sure about you but I CAN'T STAND this character! I know she's supposed to be Toshrio's childhood friend but she's just so damn annoying! And this particular fanfic exemplifies this!"

"I'll make this a short one, but in the short few weeks he spends in the living world - he ends up having his hair dyed pink, Hinamori shrieking at him on a constant basis, Hyonimaru being hilarious and encouraging him to think teenage thoughts, getting caught up in a hostage situation, and making out with Rangiku in the back of a stolen van…"

"Toshiro you lucky bastard…"

"Holiday In The Living World by Kristine93, because a holiday with Rangiku is well worth the trip!"

**(Trivia: Turns out Hyourinmaru is a regular player! Plus he hates Hinamori and asks on a number of occasions to knock her out, and example to zanpackuto everywhere!)**

_**Number 9...**_

_**A Story Of X by CloudsHalo**_

"Oh hell yes! RED X FTW!!" X yelled out, holing a Red X banner and foam glove, while spinning around in his chair.

"I've been a fan of Red X from way back, ask me who my favourite character was four years ago and you would have come up with him! But what's not to like! He's badass, got all the one-liners and a suit with nearly unlimited gadgets!"

"Now there are a few key Red X fics that are gems, most of them involving a romance with Raven -"

(MistressofDawn burst onto the screen, wearing a similar getup to X's, holding her own flag with X and Raven on it)

"RED/RAE 4EVER!" she yelled before running of screen.

" - and I would have to agree with her! As before I got into anime they were my all time favourite couple! Stories such as Vermillion and Too Much Red exemplify that! But this, oh, this is the origin story X deserves!"

"CloudsHalo doesn't write anymore and is more of an artist! But he wrote some fics that seriously kicked ass! One of them being A Story of X! The story of a teenager who is a social outcast, not a nerd, not a jock, no - just a normal soul who is bullied just because he's the victim of a society that admires power in all its form"

"I am of course talking about the teenager known as Kale Riley! His father's always at a bar getting hammered and a mother who's always passed out from overdoses! And to make it worse, his the object of personal entertainment for these guys"

(Cyborg, Robin, Beast Boy and Starfire appear on screen in teenager clothes)

"Oh yeah, in this fic - the Titans with the exception of Raven are the enemy in a sense, just preppy guys who enjoy making Kale's life a living hell, as we see throughout the story)

(Clips of Kale getting thrown around and having lemons squirted in his eyes are shown)

"You're really made to feel sorry for Kale, but his luck changes when he steals a prototype suit from a corrupt businessman known as Slade"

"Wow, he's found a suit that gives him the power to do incredible things! Do you think he'll follow in the footsteps of a boy who had a similar experience? Learn that with great power there must come great responsibility?"

Within a matter of minutes, Kale was standing in front of his full size mirror on the back of his door wearing the battle suit. 'Wow, this looks freaking awesome, though this tight fitting material doesn't leave much to the imagination' he thought as he turned in front of the mirror, examining himself at every angle. 'But still, freaking sweet. Now, a little customization to make it my own. I'm thinking maybe a cape, no wait, a tattered cape. Oh ya, that would look sweet. And maybe even a red x over the right eye and one right here on the chest' he thought as he brought his hand up to where he believed would be the best place for the x. 'Hmm. Red X. I like the sound of it.' With one final look at the mirror, Kale Riley, no, Red X smiled. "Time for some payback."

"Hell no! He's going to get back at the jackasses who bullied him his entire life! And I have to say this is the greatest payback in the history of paybacks!"  
---

"You know, I always thought that all jocks were all brawn and no brain, and I guess I was right. Took you forever to figure out what 'Skinny' over there was talking about. My God, you're slower than a tortoise when it comes to these things." He rested his elbow on top of Victor's bald head while having his own chin snug against his hand. From his indifferent body language one could say he was either utterly relaxed, or totally bored. "Man, and here I thought I was going to be able to really test this suit out, but this isn't even a challenge" he said in a mock depressed voice. Obviously, he was bored.

"I'd love to, but I think a foot would have a much better effect" Garfield said as he stepped forward towards the two combatants. A devious smile played across his face as he came closer.  
A similar smile came onto Victor's lips as he realized what his friend had in mind. "Hehe, foot. Say, why not got straight for the 'family jewels?'"

"Dude, you read my mind."

"Hehe, come on guys. Cant we work something out? Make a deal or something?" Red X asked in what seemed like a seriously pleading voice.

Victor and Garfield stared at each other for about a second then returned there gazed towards Red X.

"Naaaaaah" they said in unison.

'Oh well. I tried.'

Garfield reeled back for a second, then let his foot fly, going straight for the mother of all under-the-belt attacks ever created by man… literally. His foot went forward, right on a direct course, but at the last second, Red X disappeared right of Victor's grasp. With too much force and momentum put into it, Garfield could not stop his kick-in-progress. It landed exactly where it was supposed to land, but not on the intended target. For a spilt second, Victor's eyes went cross-eyed, then went back in his head a little. He clutched at his groin (like that actually helps) and keeled over. He fell on the ground in the fetal position in a twitching heap.

"Ow, that's gotta hurt" Red X said from the railing of the bridge where he had escaped to. "There goes a couple generations right out the window" he said with a light chuckle.

"You know cutie, the only thing wrong here is that you and I haven't gone out on a date" an all too familiar distorted voice whispered into Kori's ear. She turned slightly to face the skull mask of Red X. "Oh come on, you've probably dated every guy in this entire school by now. What's the difference if ya go out with some dark stranger you never met before. Knowing your kind, I wouldn't be surprised."

Kori's face flustered with embarrassment and anger of what she had just heard from this person. He had pretty much just caller her 'easy.' She turned quickly and swung her arm around to back-hand her insulter, but Red X was no longer there.

"But then again," Red X said as he reappeared right behind Kori, backs facing each other. "You really aren't my type. You're too preppy, high spirited… and loose" he smirked. "I actually prefer someone who is a little dark, like me." As he said this, Red X turned around and there was the dark new girl. So to prove his point to the snobbish redhead, he blew a kiss and then winked towards the violet haired girl. Her reaction was one of complete shock, and maybe something more.

'Huh, so that's what she looks like when her face isn't buried in a book. She really doesn't look to bad. Oh well, back to the matter at hand.' He then turned his attention back to a fuming Kori. "In other words cutie, someone who is the polar opposite of you. Bet ya thought someone like you, especially you, would never get rejected. But guess what…"

Kori yelled out and took a swipe at Red X's face, but she only slashed at air. "You just did" a small whisper echoed in her ear.

"Goddamn I wished I could do that! I speak behalf on every guy who always wanted to show the popular jackasses whose boss!"

"After this, X finds his place as a master thief! Stealing Dick Grayson's sunglasses and money right from the Wayne household, he even gets a few tender moments with Raven; but this comes crumbling down when Slade intervenes and throws him down a building, leaving him unconscious with his mask off - only to be discovered by Raven"

"Red X fans, eat your hearts out! Because this a story that deserves a shot at a movie!"

"A Story of X by CloudsHalo, because a story with X in it is a story worth telling!"

**(Trivia: Red X's suit in this story is powered by contact between his fingers, his middle finer activates his X blades, ring finger activates a destructive red laser, pinkie activate projectile shuriken and the index activates a binding gel) **

_**Number 8...**_

_**Blondes Have More Fun by EroSlackerMicha**_

"Now there are three Naruto fanfics on my list that are my all time favourite! Now this doesn't so much focus on Naruto as it does the entire concept of Naruto itself"

"That's right, I'm talking about a time-travel story! The only difference with other fics that retell the Naruto story? This one actually works!"

(Various scenes of Ino and Naruto appear on screen)

"I guess you could say to an extent one of the main characters is Ino, as in the distant future both she and Naruto are married and have a child called Saru-

Random Kingdom Hearts fans invade the building, quickly swarming over X holding banners of "Sora/Kairi 4ever", X quickly grabs a gravity hammer and starts beating them back until they leave the set.

"Saru not Sora! And to be fair his only ever mentioned and never seen, this is because…"

(Sasuke and Kabuto are seen standing over the bodies of all the Uzumaki clan)

"SASUKE!" X roared.

"Yep, the object of every fangirl's desire makes a clean sweep of our main characters, even killing there son; however things change when Ino suddenly wakes up back in her 13 year old body at the start of the series"

"Turns out the Kyuubi used all her - yes it's a female - chakra to send Ino back in time in order to change history! Which leaves a determined blonde to go and save her family, by first, of course, getting back with her husband"

"It takes some time for Naruto to be convince, but luckily Ino has way to show and restore the memories of the life they had as adults…man that's confusing!" X clutched his head as if in pain.

"The process works, Ino and Naruto having minds of adults just in teenage bodies - you do get to see a sketch of how the memories are restored…and Nukid will be happy to know that they are mostly…"

"I can't believe I learned to like him." Kyuubi said as the memories continued to unlock in the fox's mind.

"Oh sick! Is that what you human's consider…Oh my, well…the boy is gifted."

Ino shook her head as the fox leered at the unconscious teen. Ino smiled however as some of the memories she carried of Naruto unlocked before passing to their original owner.

Kyuubi gave me all our memories, and now they are passing to their owners…oh my. Ino's thought paused as she remembered the night Naruto proposed to her.

She smiled fondly at the boy who was and is her whole world.

"I didn't know humans mated like that…You lucky vixen you." Kyuubi's giggles made Ino shake her head. "Ero-fox. And to think my loving husband had you in his head all those years."

Ino smiled at the deal she'd made with the Kyuubi from the future. And this one will honour it once she gets all her memories…if she can stop watching all those times Naruto and I made love…okay, that one wasn't love that was pure hard sweaty sex…and that one…ooooh, I remember that one as well…(giggles) well that was his birthday and the Hokage's desk was so inviting…I think Tsunade burned it the next morning…"

"…is about sex"

"However, after learning of Saru, the fox has a change of heart and becomes one of the protagonists, and now having there memories back they do the next sensible thing"

"…Use a Ninja version of the hyperbolic-time chamber?…Works for me!"

"So after some training in The Chamber, Naruto and Ino come out as teenagers, get married straight away and leave for a honeymoon atop the Kyuubi before preparing for the Land of Waves arc"

"The rest of the story is spent convincing Zabuza and Haku of their genuine friendship, saving them - yes, Zabuza and Haku BOTH live - and complete the mission successfully…but the story doesn't end there, as during the mission Sasuke attempts to rape Ino - which leads to a hearing to decide the Uchiha's punishment"

"…And the story ends on probably the most satisfying conclusion ever! But I'll let you read for yourselves!"

"So if you want to read a story where Ino's father threatens Naruto will a lifetime of pain and suffering…and castration, or to see Ino shove a Rasengan into Sasuke's crotch; then this is the story for you!"

"Blondes Have More Fun by EroSlackerMicha, because…well, its true!"

**(Trivia: The series ends on the Land of Waves, but the Blondesverse is continuing in Double the Pleasure, Double the Blonde where the Chunin examines arc is the main focus of the story)**

_**Number 7...**_

_**With The Heart And The Underwear Of Fire by Diamond-Avatar**_

"From Naruto being a moron to being portrayed as one of the coolest characters ever! In one of the funniest fics ever made!"

"With The Heart and Underwear Of Fire is one of the gems that you just can laugh at constantly! The jokes are timeless, and the fight scenes and creativity are just kickass!"

"I could spend an entire chapter just explaining why this is so awesome, but that would be ruining the experience for all of you, I will give a bleak overview of the story"

"It starts in one of Naruto's most typical scenes - Sasuke and Naruto arguing which of them is better…"

"In order for Naruto to stop annoying him Sasuke bets that Naruto can't go 24 hours without him noticing him, seems simple enough…the only catch is he has to wear a white vest and heart-shaped boxers" X raised an eyebrow.

"…I'm not going to begin with how to make fun of that or why Sasuke has that particular jutsu, but lets just say Naruto, being the idiot he is, excepts it thinking that'll he prove Sasuke that he's the better ninja"

"So Naruto goes a few hours, but gets bored and starts to leap across buildings to try and keep himself amused, and that's when he notices a ninja robbing a shop nearby. Hinata has been injured and Sasuke, when tries to save the day, gets his ass kicked"

"That's when, I'm serious here, Naruto leaps in in his shirt and boxers, coated in the Kyuubi's chakra to hide his face (so that Sasuke won't recognise him), and beats the ever loving crap out of the guy"

"The very next day - Konoha is in awe of the new super ninja that has arrived, now called Boxer-sama"

"Needless to say, Naruto isn't happy that he's not recognised and decides to never dress like that again, this changes however when a group of rogue ninja attack and seal much of the female ninja within a barrier jutsu, and would you believe it - Naruto dresses up as Boxer-sama again and beats the ever loving crap out of them; cementing rumours that Boxer-sama does exist and is Konoha's new superstar"

"This leads to a lot of problems for Naruto, because everyone ether wants to glomp or kill him! Now there's a lot of funny scenes in this story as Naruto tries to come to terms with his new alias…but my favourites have to be these!"

**1. Chapters dedicated to many of the male ninja and the reasons why they hate Boxer-sama, examples include:**

**A. Shino because now all the bugs inside his body now have Boxer-sama merchandise**  
**B. Kakashi because they swapped an Icka Icka Paradise movie for a Boxer Boxer Paradise movie**  
**C. Rock Lee because Guy has opened a gym dedicated to Boxer-sama**  
**D. Neji because he had to join said gym**

**2. The most hilarious fight scene ever; Boxer-sama vs. Itachi and Sasuke's grandfather…who just happens to be a thief that steals panties…**

**3. This…**

"Okay, so this is definitely one thing we can all do!" the girls said.

"Y-You don't have to do this! Really!" Naruto pleaded, but to no avail.

"Don't worry, Naruto! You haven't been washed the whole time you were asleep, so you're going to become filthy if we don't give you a sponge bath!" Ino announced, the girls all holding buckets of water and a bright yellow sponge. "Hinata, take off his pants, would you?"

"H-H-His pants!" Hinata suddenly returned to her usual nervous self, completely different from the Hinata that had thrown Tenten and Ino about earlier. "B-B-B-B-B-But..."

"Don't worry, we'll keep his underwear on!" Tenten exclaimed. "Just do it!"

Hinata's hands slowly and shakily pulled down the rest of Naruto's blanket. Her hands latched onto the side of his pants. She gulped, breathing heavily. Slowly, she pulled them down, trying not to look at Naruto too much.

"H-Hey, Hinata!" the girls squealed with red faces. "Stop making it seem like you're going to do something else!"

"S-Something else?" Naruto asked with fear. "L-Like what?"

"Y-You know, idiot!" Sakura screamed at him with embarrassment. "She's acting like she's going to... Well..."

"She's keeping her face so close to your... While she pulls down your pants and..."

The girls stopped talking, steam coming out of their ears as their faces burned up. "J-Just hurry up and get those pants off, Hinata!"

When Hinata finally managed to get them off, and finally managed to stop unconsciously moving her face towards Naruto in such a questionable way, the girls dipped their sponges into their buckets.

"Okay, I'll take this arm, Hinata will take the other, and you two take his legs, okay?" Sakura said, and they all nodded in affirmation. Naruto was still unable to see them clearly, but he could definitely feel it.

Since Naruto was practically paralysed, the girls had to lift up his limbs to wash them all out. All Naruto could feel were sponges lightly washing his skin, and soft hands rubbing him down. Naruto was truly

overwhelmed.

"O-Oh man... F-Feels really good..."

"A-Are you enjoying it, Naruto?" Tenten asked shyly, smiling.

"Y-Yeah... You're all making me feel real good..."

Soon, Sakura and Hinata had made it towards his chest, and Tenten and Ino were inching up his thighs, washing thouroughly and softly. Soon, there was only a few unwashed places on Naruto, and the girls stared at it with hot faces.  
"W-Well... I don't like leaving jobs half done..." Ino said with a sly look.

"B-But still... That's his... That's too much... I still want to get married one day!" Sakura said with a bright face.

"W-What are you girls talking about? Get married?" Naruto had no idea what they were talking about.

"Aha! What if we just blindfold ourselves!" Tenten announced. "That way, we can finish cleaning him properly, and still get married!"

"Again, get married? What are you all talking about?"

They didn't answer him, already beginning to enthusiastically blindfold themselves, even Hinata reluctantly put on a blindfold.

"G-Girls? What are you all trying to do?"

"Okay, let's just dip our sponges and go for it!"

"Girls?"

"But we can't see!"

"Hello?"

"Don't worry! Just try and get the right area!"

"G-Girls?"

"Okay! One, two, THREE!"

The girls launched themselves at Naruto, sponges held out, crashing onto him in a heap. They scrubbed their sponges and hands about Naruto, trying to clean the last spots. None of them were actually reaching the spot, but they sure were going over Naruto like it was a game of Twister. The girls squirmed about, moaning softly in defeat as they couldn't find it.

"O-OH MY GOD."

Naruto felt their bodies sliding all over his wet, soapy body, as they crawled all over the bed and his body trying to clean him up completely. Squishy female body parts were rubbing themselves maliciously over his body, driving Naruto crazy until he could no longer take it.

"ARGGGH!"

Naruto's nose suddenly burst, blood seeping out and down his face. The girls didn't notice, too busy trying to clean him still.

"Hey, Naruto, I was wondering if-"

Jiraiya had thrown the door open, with Shizune and the rest of the boys behind him. Gaara, Kankurou, and Temari had also just arrived. Everyone glanced over Jiraiya's body, and everyone felt their jaws hit the ground.

In front of them was Naruto, his face covered in blood, his body covered in bandages and quivering. And on top of him, four blindfolded girls, eagerly washing him with sponges and their bodies, moaning softly.  
Jiraiya's face suddenly swelled up, tears forming in his eyes.  
"YOU MAKE ME PROUD, NARUTO! UOOOOOOO!"

The boys also had tears in their eyes, but for different reasons entirely.

"SCREW YOU NARUTO! WE'RE GOING TO KILL YOU ALONG WITH THAT BOXER-SAMA, DAMMIT! WHY DO YOU GET THE GIRLS TOO?"

X slowly got back onto his chair, falling off form laughing so hard.

"If…if that's not reason enough to read this then you have some kind of mental problem, by far, one of the funniest fics ever!"

"With The Heart And Underwear Of Fire by Diamond-Avatar, and I speak from every male who wishes he was in Naruto's place!"

**(Trivia: If your not a comedy person, and you just want to see some good action - then look no further, as Naruto develops some wicked new techniques in this book; such as the Rasengan Vacuum and the RasenMan)**

_**Number 6...**_

_**Super Eds by Nintendo-Nut1**_

"I love Ed Edd 'n' Eddy! No questions asked! It still remains my all time favourite cartoon! Its still the only genuine show that has great writing, great characters and humour that sometimes sneaks towards adult humour!"

"And what's better than Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy? Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy…WITH SUPER POWERS!"

(The three Eds are seen flying in a Superman pose)

"The story revolved around the Eds thinking about what it would be like to be superheroes, well, Christmas comes early for them when each are called out to in their dreams by a mysterious voice - telling them that there powers need to be awakened"

"This leads to the most awkward and hilarious awakening of powers EVER!"

At precisely 2:03 AM, the late-night calm of the cul-de-sac was disturbed by a series of ghastly sounds, like hungry harpies tearing through the skies. All were awakened by the horrid commotion that no one could seem to identify.

"Dreamy spaceship clutter house! Halfway homes and catacombs!"

"AAAAHHHHH! MAKE IT STOP! HOT HOT HOOOOOOT!"

"WAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…!"

This madness continued on for about six minutes, full of immobilizing fear. At 2:08, the noise was still going strong, and people were on the verge of calling the cops.

Edd was doing cartwheels around his bathroom, shrieking in Latin, Mandarin, French, and Vietnamese at the same time.

Eddy was frantically wrapping ice cube trays from the kitchen fridge around himself with tape, his scalding-hot skin melting the ice upon contact.

Ed was in hysterics upon his bedroom floor, to the point where his lungs hurt and he was shedding tears.

Then, at 2:09, there was silence.

"After this scene of pure insanity and laughs, the Eds try to pretend nothing has happened and attend school as normal…that is until the army arrives)

(Scenes of soldiers filling the base are seen)

"Actually this is a private army hired to bring in 'Super-Children' by any means, which turns the school in chaos, the Eds having to try and escape the soldiers, not to mention the kids who, as always, blame the commotion on them"

"However, when their needed the most, their powers finally rise to the surface"

(Scene shows Ed healing form a gunshot wound, Eddy running at super fast speed, while Double D turns invisible)

"My I present; Ed, the Super Child of Regeneration with the ability to instantly heal form any wound and control zero point energy. Edd, the Super Child of Invisibility, who can become complete transparent and create fields of mental energy around objects. Finally, Eddy, the Super Child of Speed, who can run at incredible speeds, so much so that he can manipulate fire"

"After saving themselves and the rest of kids - their contacted by the story's villain; Vull, who invites the Eds to attend an academy where they apparently train Super-Children. When the Eds refuse he kidnaps Nazz and forces the Eds to travel to his own private island"

"There, they face all kind of hell, such as homing missiles, more soldiers, and even a man-eating plant that kind of resembles one of those giant flowers with teeth from Super Mario…only on steroids"

"They finally free Nazz, but there they find Vull and what his real intentions are…"

(Shows Vull laughing as an OC Super-Child is absorbed into a diamond, and becomes nothing more than a painting)

"He's absorbing the Super-Children's abilities, and leaving their remains as paintings. Unfortunately, when the Super-Eds intervene, he absorbs all their abilities at once, and becomes a giant behemoth with a shit load of powers!"

"Now, I couldn't do the final fight scene justice…but it is one of the best ever written - A MILLION TIMES better than what I could ever write"

"Nintendo-Nut is a great writer and a great artist, and if her drawings are to go by anything, it means that she's got another two stories planned out in this series - which look EPIC!"

"Super-Eds by Nintedno-Nut1, screw Superman; these are the heroes we deserve!"

**(Trivia: We actually see what's under Double D's hat, now its nothing out of this world - but if you check out her deiviantart pics, you'll see it makes for the perfect excuse for a Edd/Nazz scene)**

_**Number 5...**_

_**War With The Zodiacs by Nukid**_

I'm going to be honest with you, when I first read this story - I thought it was going to be another half-arsed Author Fighters story by an author that we would never see again…and I asked to be in purely because I wanted my insert involved in a story. I'm egotistical that way!"

"…And then I started reading it, and what I got was a story of intense action, explosive fight scenes, a story of revenge and redemption, some of the best villains ever conceived…and my insert was STILL involved!"

"I am of course talking about the brilliance of War With The Zodiacs, the first Author Fighter story to inspire a new generation of authors to create kickass fanfics!"

"This is the story that practically restarted the whole Author Fighters timeline, to begin with we just stuck, stopping whatever scheme Drake thought out; Nukid brought in a new and complex story that was the bedrock for many of the modern Author Fighter's fics".

"This is the story of young man named Nukid, a guns-for-hire kind of guy, working for criminal organisations such as the Huntsclan in order to make a living".

"Its here we encounter the Author Fighters, who arrive to stop the Huntsclan from stealing an ancient tablet, unfortunately…they get their arses kicked by Nukid"

"Its here that a series of incidences occur, between Nukid recovering and stealing the tablet, the Author Fighters, trying to find about Nukid and bring him down, and the villain; Drake Darkstar who has gained a new elite group of villains known as the Zodiacs"

"As the story progresses, we discover that the tablet was actually created by the Darkside God, Rasets, with the intention of creating Manufactured Darksides with, creatures with abilities far beyond that of any ordinary creature, and treat Drake as a God"

"The Author Fighters discover that Nukid was actually an ex-marine, who once slaughtered 100 soldiers yeas ago…"

"Nukid himself is busy gathering a team in order to safely secure the table with his friend Sofia Scotts , where he encounters a member of the Author Fighters who is determined to bring him down on behalf of his team…yours truly!"

"So after a fight, where we both kick each other's butts - we get a glance at one of the Zodiacs, who arrive n the scene and beat us both easily, luckily we escape and make back to the base"

"Its here we get to hear Nukid's past, which if I can be honest, is one of the best created back story's ever, and one of the reasons why I find his character so likable! Even if the story was all about him, his character is so involved, funny and determined its just as enjoyable as any character form any show you like!"

"Turns out Nukid and Sofia's sister Maria were once part of the World Government, and served as soldiers that justice and death to those who opposed 'justice'. However, when their ordered to kill a whole village full of innocents, Maria is murdered, causing Nukid to kill all the soldiers and abandon the justice he believe in for so long"

"This brings us to the crème de la crème of Zodiacs; the fights! Each Zodiac has kidnapped precious friends or lovers from the FAF, calling them to a one on one fight!"

"This is where Nukid really excelled, he gave each Author a decent fight scene, something no other story ever did! Best of all - the fights are unique, the villains are diverse and overall - it's just awesome! It keeps you guessing what abilities the Zodiacs have and how each Author will have to overcome this obstacle"

"Now…I owe Nukid for this, as I too had a fight scene, but he gave me three chapters worth of figth sequences, gave me an opponent that was one of the strongest Manufactured Darksides ever created and let my own solo team get involved as well; did it payoff? HELL YES!"

"Now most people have read Zodiacs and know how it goes, but I'll tell you it's a great story by itself, the characters are brilliant, the fights are off the hook - and the author is one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet! Hats off to you Nukes!"

"War With The Zodiacs by Nukid, it started off as a oneshot going nowhere…it ended up as one of the greatest FAF fics of all time!"

**(Trivia: Zodiacs was the basis for other great FAF stories to come out in recent years, such as Black Guardians, Four Horsemen, Anti-TL's Wrath and even the upcoming Dirge Of The Broken, thanks Nukes!)**

_**Number 4...**_

_**No Laws To Love by Ame No Megami**_

"Okay…now I know what your thinking…"

A GARRA/HINATA FANFIC RANKED HIGHER THAN A TOBI/HIANTA FANFIC ON XPRODIGY'S LIST?!! ITS THE END OF THE WORLD!!! TO THE BUNKERS!!

"…I…I really can't emphasise of how beautiful a story this is, I mean it's so…so…just take a look"

"What the hell are you doing here?!"

Both siblings froze on their spot on the stairs as they peered over to the front door where Neji had it propped open and a familiar redhead could be seen.

Hanabi turned to her sister.

Oh shit. She mouthed to a frantic Hinata.

"Is Hyuuga Hinata home?" Gaara blinked at the obtrusive boy before him.

Oh great. Great timing Gaara

"And who are you?" Neji narrowed his eyes at the same sight again. What is it with Hinata and attracting strange emo boys? First off it was the Uchiha…then this. And as far as Neji was concerned, he was a public school brat and nothing compared to Hinata's prestigious status.

The redhead didn't answer, but instead engaged in a heated staring contest with the older boy.

"A-Ah…Gaara-kun…" A meek voice behind the long haired boy interrupted them.

Neji turned around…and blinked. His little cousin was…all dolled up for the first time in his life. The boy standing behind him coughed slightly which only made the girl flush an incredible shade of red as she played with the hem of her sweater.

"Hina…Hinata…?" Neji coughed as a replica of her snickered behind Hinata.

"So, what'd you guys think of Hinata-neechan?" Hanabi purposely winked at the coloring redhead behind her cousin.

For once in his life, Neji was speechless.

On the other hand, Gaara managed a few coherent words.

Alright Gaa-chan, let's take this slowly. "You." Can you say that?

"Y-You…" His mouth processed the words his subconscious rallied out on its own.

"Look…" You can say it. It cackled, taking in pleasure of its host's inability to compliment.

"…look…" Gaara couldn't tell which was more visible, his grimace or the fact his face was matching his hair.

"…nice…" The last word came out more like a cough than speech, but the girl who was used to speaking in such manners caught the word and her face flushed an equal shade to his hair.

Hinata tightened her grip on her sweater as she forced the words out. He…had complimented her!

"T-T-Tha-Thank y-you," She squeaked, visibly wincing at how her voice sounded.

Then the awkward silence settled in as Neji still stood, stunned between Hinata and Gaara until Hanabi coughed.

"Uh, Neji-nii…I think…Isn't it time to call Tenten?"

Neji blinked and then turned around to glare at the redhead before shuffling away from them. Once he was out of sight, Hanabi took the initiative to shove her sister in the direction of Gaara outside.

"A-Ah!"

"Have fun, neesan!" The door slammed forcefully as Gaara clumsily caught the flying girl.

Hinata's face planted itself snugly into Gaara's chest as he wrapped his arms around her uncomfortably as she tried to regain balance, the bag in his hand flapping at her backside.

"Oomf!" She managed to step on his foot, smear her lip-gloss on his track jacket, and ram the top of her head into his nose. But at the same time, it felt nice to have his arms awkwardly circling her tiny frame.

Her slender fingers gripped the side of his jacket as she steadied herself, aware of his arms that still hung around her waist.

"G-Gomen, G-Gaara-kun!" She blushed as her right hand came up to the smudge on his black track and tried to clean the glossy imprint it left.

His arms left her side and immediately she missed the warmth, but said nothing as he pulled away to fix the smudge himself.

"It's okay," He stated as he shooed her hovering hand away.

Hinata blinked, "B-But I-I…I r-ruined y-y-your…"

He raised an eyebrow as he stuck his face closer to her face, "Do I make you that nervous?"

The blood rushed up to her face once again as she stammered an incoherent answer.

"N-No" She lied, her eyes darting, she was nervous as hell, "I-it's…I-I'm j-just…"

He smirked at her obvious answer. Gaara was prepared for this, as Ino had briefed him on how to manage shy, delicate girls like her. He couldn't simply state it as uncaring as Shikamaru did to Ino—which earned the lazy boy a fist to face before their first date.

"Hinata," He took a deep breath, "Uhm…when you said…"

She paused in her momentarily hyperventilating, giving him her full attention.

Fuck…

This was harder than he thought—putting it into words.

His subconscious picked that exact moment to bust into song, much to Gaara's discretion.

Want me, Want me…like how I want you, want you

…no…

As much as he could remember from Ino, that wasn't a way to approach it either.

"…that…uhm liking me…"

Hinata was definitely on pins, listening to every word in his broken speech. This was her moment.

"Well, uh, I…uh…" He paused as he stared at her, unblinkingly. She stared back with the same intensity for once, meeting his gaze with confidence that she didn't have earlier.

Her hair was curled slightly, with pieces framing her pale, delicate features that were enhanced by her milky lavender eyes. The dark blue sweater dipped down, exposing the shoulders and top part of her white button-up blouse. Not to mention that cute white skirt and navy blue leg warmers she was wearing.

"Uh…" Words lost him at that moment, and he did what the first thing he could think of.

"H-Huh, ah?" Hinata backed up slight as a light blue bag that Gaara had been holding behind him was thrust in her face.

Cautiously, she reached for the bag, "M-Me?"

He grunted in response, obviously kicking himself for the loss in words earlier.

Digging into the small bag, she pulled out a Prussian blue scarf. Her mouth pulled into an 'O' as she felt the soft, light material.

Who knew Gaara had such good taste?

"T-Thank you, Gaara-kun!" She beamed in response to the present. Looping the bag around her arm, she arranged the scarf around her neck, admiring the handiwork.

Raising her left hand tentatively, she reached and held onto the pocket of his track jacket, moving closer to the obviously blushing boy.

"I-I li-like you a-a lot," She stammered, heat rising on her cheeks.

He took a deep breath. If she could say it, he could too. Besides, what was so hard when you know the other person already liked you? Then again, this was Gaara's first mutual attraction to anyone. The words…just didn't come out right because he was nervous…it was more on the basis that he didn't have any experience in this before.

Gaara had always been that scary loner kid that everyone avoided. He was always angry and hard to talk to—until he met the two loud blonds. Ino was the first one to get past his temperamental exterior, matching fire with fire. Yet, she didn't affect him like how Hinata did in a subtle way.

Leaning down slightly so that they were face to face, "I…like you too." His face showed no other emotion, but the blush was eminent on his pale features.

Hinata flushed, pleased with his answer—and secretly with his close proximity. Maybe…

His hand reached up, patting her on the head much to her dismay as he smirked.

"So don't be so nervous," He pulled himself closer.

She nodded vigorously as his face came closer. Her stomach was doing flips as she could've sworn he could her heart beat. The way he was hanging over her, it was all too tantalizing to the girl who've barely had any contact with the opposite sex.

This is it, Hinata!

In excitement, she accidentally jerked her head, throwing him off balance, and his lips…brushed against the tip of her nose.

For a second she saw him smirk as he turned around, his hand still resting on her head and draped across her shoulders as he pulled her closer to him.

"Let's go."

She couldn't help but giggle, "A-Alright."

The corners of his mouth turned down, "Don'

"Ah…" She paused, staying quiet this time, her cheeks pink as she clung onto the side of his jacket.

"I wasn't being mean," He corrected himself, pulling her closer to keep the warmth, "Just don't let people walk all over you." Gaara was referring to Uchiha. But then, that was settled for.

That clicked in her head, the same conversation from the second time he had offered to walk her home. She turned her head slightly to gaze up at his face, smiling to herself, as she took a deep breath.

"That's why I have…you…right?" Not stuttering once.

Hinata could see a slight up-curve of his thin lips as he answered her. To her, he talked too much. But it wasn't a bad thing. Maybe it was time to change.

"Yeah."

They were going to need a lot of work.

But happiness was simple, and that was all they needed.

"Gaara-kun?" She tugged playfully on his jacket, raising her head to his chin level. They were seated alone at the top in groups of two. The downtown was decorated in multiple colored lanterns as the breezes made them flicker like fireflies during the summer. He was leaning against the window, her beside him as their fingers entwined secretly.

"Hn?"

As soon as he turned his head towards her, Hinata leaned over, raising her head to bring her lips to his. His body stiffened for a moment, but relaxed soon enough to pull her in and deepen the initiated kiss. Awkward first-times as their noses touched, making him turn slightly. Their lips moved in an unsynchronized rhythm, both trying to grasp the works of kissing. Small, soft lips clumsily massaged over a thinner pair as his head dipped down to ease her height difference. Hesitantly, his tongue lined her lips before meeting hers.

Separating, faces flushed, his arm dropped down to her waist as he pressed his forehead against hers.

"You're…a special one, Hinata," He couldn't help but smirk at the blushing girl clinging onto him.

"…AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" X sobbed, right onto Nukid's precious desk.

"I'm sorry but…this story is so beautiful, and yes it may be a high-school fic…but its the best one out there, trust me"

"No Laws To Love by Ame No Megami, because when it comes to love - anything could happen"

**(Trivia: The story covers a wide range of genre's, some of them including action in the form of a martial arts tournament, and comedy with Shikaku giving Gaara 'enragement' to get with Hinata!)**

_**Number 3...**_

_**One Of The Cool Kids by Firefly**_

"I'll say this once; FIREFLY KICKS ASS!"

"She's famous for Naruto stories, and each one she produces always get over 100 reviews, mostly in the 500s! Sometimes she'll right epics such as Quotidian (which, for the record, includes the pairing Hidan/Temari….hey, I'm just saying! She can make these pairings work!) or simple yet hilarious one shots such as Piano Man and Church Boy (…its too funny to describe)"

"BUT THERE'S ONE! ONE FANFIC TO RULE THEM ALL!ONE THAT DEFIES ALL OTHERS!"

"What's this story about? Do you really have to guess? Its about our main man TOBI!!"

Within a second of his name being mention, Tobi ran on to the scene. Huge applauses filled the area, as well as flowers and knickers being thrown at him.

"Hey guys! Remember to be good boys! Even if you're a girl!" Before running off stage.

"A true, living legend! And this story not only captures Tobi's character entirely…but it is MY favourite and one THE best Naruto fanfics out there…and my god is it HILARIOUS!!"

"The story is simple, Tobi wants to join the Akatsuki, Zetsu says no, Tobi persists, until The Leader finally agrees…the only catch is that he has to pass a test set by each members of the Akatsuki.

"Now, I could spend all day talking about how hilarious this is - and each test is frigging brilliant in terms of creativity and style and sheer comedy value!"

"…But my favourite has to be Hidan's"

"Hidan-san? It's Tobi. I'm ready for my initiation test!"

Silence at first, then a muffled curse.

"Come in."

Tobi cautiously opened the door and cautiously took a few steps inside. What he found was a tad alarming.

"Are you all right?" Tobi said in concern, finding Hidan lying flat on his back on the bloodstained floor, impaled with a metal pike.

"What the hell do you think?" the silver-haired man answered, struggling to sit up. Tobi hurried forward and gave him a hand, carefully depositing him into the nearest chair.

"Umm, what were you doing, Hidan-san?" Tobi asked a moment later. "If you don't mind me asking."

"Ritual thing," Hidan said shortly, reaching for the calendar tacked to the wall. "In addition to offering up my blood after every kill, I still have to do it once a month anyway."

Tobi retrieved the calendar for him and watched in curiousity as Hidan ran a bloodied finger down the page.

"Hmm…monthly bloodletting…check. Lamb slaughter…check. Hm, did I do that cleansing ritual? Oh  
yeah, I did. Heh. Anything else…?"

Tobi cocked his head to the side when Hidan's pale face suddenly went paler.

"…shit."

"Shit? Tobi echoed innocently.

"Shit," Hidan repeated, eyes wide. "I forgot this one."

Tobi leaned in closer to get a look at what Hidan was pointing to. He squinted at the scrawled, tiny writing.

"Virgin sacrifice?" Tobi said aloud.

Hidan suddenly shot to his feet, dropping the calendar. A second later, he lost his balance by slipping on the puddle of blood and went crashing into a desk. Tobi watched in dismay as Hidan fell solidly onto his rump, cursing up a storm.

"Damn…blood…" he gasped for breath, his hand against his chest as he struggled to stand.

Tobi helped him up, depositing him back into the chair.

"You don't look too good," Tobi commented, watching Hidan's face slowly go from pale to stark white.

Hidan grimaced, his voice dripping with sarcasm when he spoke.

"Oh no. Seriously?"

"Yeah," Tobi nodded somberly. "I think you need to see a doctor."

Hidan grimaced again, shaking his head before looking forlornly at his bloodstained calendar.

"I'm screwed."

"Umm, Hidan-san," Tobi said hesitantly. "I don't mean to sound insensitive…but are you going to give me an initiation test soon?"

Hidan's right eye twitched and just as he opened his mouth to retort, a thought occurred to him.

This guy…Tobi. He didn't seem too smart. Nor did he seem very cruel or powerful or cunning. Surely, he would fail all the other tests and die in the process. Was it necessary that he, Hidan, give him a test so trying and difficult when there were still five tests remaining, one of them being the Leader's?

No, Hidan realized. It wasn't necessary at all.

Tobi brightened considerably when a smile slowly replaced the grimace on Hidan's face.

"Listen," Hidan said, voice dripping with honey as he gestured for Tobi to take a seat. "I'll give you your test here and now."

"Really?" Tobi said brightly, plopping himself down in a chair. "What is it?"

"I'm in a bit of a tight spot," Hidan confessed, gesturing to the bleeding stab wound in his chest. "Because I need to complete one more ritual before midnight."

Tobi nodded exuberantly.

"What do you want me to do, Hidan-san?"

"Normally, I'd do this myself. But seeing as how I'm a bit"—Hidan suddenly went into a violent coughing fit, choking on the blood in his mouth.

"—incapacitated," he continued hoarsely. "I need you to do this for me."

Tobi nodded once more, patting him consolingly on the back.

"I need you to get me a virgin," Hidan said brusquely, all traces of honey gone from his voice. "Preferably a girl. They struggle less."

"Virgin?" Tobi echoed. "For what?"

Hidan opened his mouth to answer but then reconsidered, eyeing the naïve, masked man warily.

"My brother is getting married," Hidan lied. "We need a virgin to perform the rites during the ceremony."

"Really?" Tobi gasped. "Your brother's getting married? If I pass your test, will you invite me to the wedding

Great!" Tobi stood up, stepping over the puddle of blood on his way out. "One virgin, coming up!"

When Tobi returned to the Akatsuki headquarters, he headed straight to the prayer room. He found Hidan sitting in the chair with his rosary, looking paler than ever.

"Finally!" he said in relief, tucking his rosary into his cloak. "What took you so long?"

Tobi shrugged sheepishly.

"They kept running away from me, Hidan-san. It was a really hard test but I managed to find one."

"Where is she?"

"Waiting outside the door."

"Good. Turn off the lights and tell her to come in. You stay outside. Interrupt me, and you fail."

Tobi nodded.

"Right. I'll go get her."

The lights were turned off and the woman went to meet her maker. Tobi waited patiently outside the door, whistling to himself.

Half an hour later, Hidan emerged from the room looking relieved, finding Tobi sitting with his back to the wall and plucking at carpet lint.

"Hey swirl-face, good job."

Tobi looked up at the sound of his voice, scrambling to his feet.

"Does that mean I pass?" he asked excitedly.

Hidan nodded tiredly, wincing when Tobi let out a loud whoop and jumped joyously on the spot.

"Yeah, yeah. Congratulations. Do me another favour and call Zetsu. I'm too tired to get rid of the corpse," Hidan muttered, rubbing his forehead.

"Sure thing," Tobi chirped, then added, "I can't believe my luck, Hidan-san. I was about to give up but I finally found a lady who said she could be a virgin."

Hidan nodded unconsciously.

"Yeah, they're hard to find in this day and age"—he stopped, suddenly, brow furrowing when he realized what Tobi had said.

"Wait, a lady who said she could be a virgin?"

"Yup!" Tobi nodded. "She also said something about a charge but I told her you'd take care of it."

Whatever little blood that remained in Hidan's face drained out.

"Tobi, where did you find that woman?"

"Quite far from here," Tobi admitted. "Zetsu-san told me the directions. Without him, I would've gotten lost."

Hidan trembled.

"Where did you find her? Which street?"

Tobi thought for a moment, then put his finger in the air when he remembered.

"The red light district!" he answered, proud for remembering.

Hidan stared at him, saying nothing. By now, his face had gone stark white. When he finally spoke, his voice came out painfully small.

"…you brought me a whore?"

"No," Tobi corrected, still holding his finger up. "A virgin."

Hidan's breath shortened. Then he began to hyperventilate.

"You…you…" he wheezed, clutching his chest as he staggered forward, eyes full of murderous intent. "You idiot!"

"Ah! Hidan-san!" Tobi cried when blood spurted from the man's chest and he stumbled, catching the wall's edge as Tobi rushed to help him.

"Damn it," he said weakly, sweat building on his forehead. "I must have hit an artery or something…seriously."

Then he fainted.

Tobi caught him, panicking when Hidan's head lolled onto his shoulder, skin paler than the white half of Zetsu's face.

"Kakuzu-san!" he cried, scooping Hidan up into his arms bridal style, sprinting down the hall. "Help!"  
Kakuzu opened the door and was practically knocked down when Tobi rushed into the room, gingerly placing Hidan on his bed.

Kakuzu sighed as Tobi frantically tried to stop the bleeding.

"What are you so worried about? You don't even know the guy."

"Kakuzu-san!" Tobi cried, mortified. "He's your partner."

The masked man looked at him nonchalantly.

"So?"

"So…we have to help him!"  
Kakuzu stared at him before sitting back down on his bed, a calculator and balance sheet in hand.

"Yeah. You do that."

"Don't you care whether he lives or dies?" Tobi cried, aghast.

Kakuzu shrugged.

"Not really. He's a pain in the ass and he was asking for it, stabbing himself like that. Besides," Kakuzu looked up, looking annoyed. "The bastard refuses to die. He'll be fine by tomorrow."

"Are you sure?" Tobi said worriedly, looking down at Hidan's ashen face.

"Positive."

"Okay then, if you say so," Tobi mumbled, subdued.  
"Did you pass Hidan's test?"

Tobi thought a moment before answering.

"Well, he said I did…but then I told him something about the lady and he got mad. He fainted before he could say anything else, though."

Kakuzu looked up, somewhat surprised.

"Is that so? Then you've cleared two tests."

Tobi nodded, brightening somewhat at being acknowledged for his efforts.

"Kakuzu-san, I believe you're supposed to give me a test, next," Tobi reminded him.

The masked man nodded absently.

"Yes. Tomorrow. It's late now."

When Tobi didn't take that as a hint to leave, Kakuzu looked up, finding the masked man staring intently at Hidan.

"I told you, he'll be fine."

"I don't know…" Tobi said doubtfully, poking the unconscious man in the arm. "He looks really weak. Maybe I should…"

Kakuzu canted his head in curiousity when Tobi trailed off.

"Maybe you should what?"

Hidan woke the next morning, alive and feeling relatively well, or, as well as one could feel after losing three liters of blood.

He also found himself feeling unusually warm and comfortable, vaguely wondering how that was possible when his mattress was rock hard.

And, he noticed, brow furrowing. He felt dry. No blood. No metallic smell.

Hidan shifted, freezing when he realized he was swathed in a blanket, naked except for his black boxers.

His breath hitched in alarm when he tried to move his arm and found it pinned beneath something warm and heavy. He glanced up, and felt the blood drain out of his face.

Tobi stared at him, his masked face inches from his own as he spoke.

"Hidan-san!" he said brightly. "You're all right!"

He was in Tobi's bed. Tobi was in the bed with him. And Tobi was holding him.

Oh. Oh God.

Hidan took a few shuddering, gasping breaths, each growing shorter than the last before he reeled back and screamed bloody murder.

X was struggling not to laugh his ass off.

"And they only get better form there! Go and read it NOW!"

"One Of The Cool Kids by firefly, because to us; Tobi will always be the coolest kid there is!"

**(Trivia: I love this story, it could be number one…if I still wasn't waiting THREE FUCKING YEARS FOR AN UPDATE!! Stay clam, find inner peace…but seriously, it kicks ass!)**

_**Number 2...**_

_**Final Fantasy Eds by RogueStar**_

"I'll say it again - Ed, Edd and Eddy - YOU GUYS FRIGGIN ROCK!!"

"This is one of, if not the, best Ed, Edd, Eddy story out there! Why? Because it combines it with FINAL FUCKING FANTASY VII!!" X roared in triumph.

"Now, Super-Eds may have more detail and description and an overall better structured fanfic…but NOTHING compares to the three Eds flying around Midgar, using magic, fighting with kick ass weapons and a plot with so many action scenes you'd think we were watching Lord of the Rings!"

"Note to self, plan Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy: The Third Age fic…"

"Now, the plot, though full of action, is simple; the Eds find an abandoned games console with FFVII inside, they take it home and play it for a few hours…but then shit starts happening and they find themselves sucked into the video game!"

"There they find, check this out, they've BECOME characters from the game, Ed is Cloud Strife, Double D is Vincent Valentine (which is awesome) and Eddy is Cid Highwind!"

"But just as they realise what's happened to them - they're attacked by a giant snake and about to be eaten…before being saved by a brunette who shoots fire form the sky!"

"Its here we meet the author's OC, Amber, who unlike most OC's in fanfiction - is awesome! She has the power of Tifa Lockhart and is an expert on the game, and an essential part of the team in this fic!"

"Amber explains that she, like them, was taken into the game itself, but now we three extra characters - they can beat the game and free themselves!"

"Its there we see numerous adventures of the four travelling on Chocobos (which, as you can imagine, Ed loves and Eddy hates) running into Ultima Weapon, finding their summons, completing the Gold Saucer and gaining their best weapons…all leading up to a final confrontation with Sephiroth"

"…At least we're made to believe its Sephiroth, until it reveals itself to be a living virus , and was responsible for trapping the kids inside the machine!"

"So Amber, the Eds and Sarah (yes, she gets dragged along later as well - becoming Yuffie) fight there way through the virus's control of the world - often changing aspects of the game or increasing an enemy's strength to the point where it takes one of the Ed's miracles to beat!"

"I won't reveal too much - but I think I change give you a taste of the action you can expect while reading this, its where our heroes are fighting Hojo - and they all unleash their Limit Breaks…and it ROCKS!!"

With the Premium Heart on her fist, Amber stood up and turned to Hojo. "…Let's finish this."

Hojo backed away from the Eds and saw that Amber had her fighting eyes on him. "…You still believe you can beat me…you may have all your friends back with you, but that still doesn't-"

Before that sentence was finish, Amber came plowing towards Hojo, and landed one right in his ugly face! The misshapen one didn't even see her coming; her full recovering had sped her up. As for the power punch, that was the strength of the Premium Heart.

"WOO!! Nice one!" Eddy cheered out. The others too rooted for that awesome move on Amber's part.  
The renewed fighter couldn't help but grin from ear to ear. Hojo was ticked off now. He got back help and made a low snarl noise at Amber.

"…Hey guys…lets all have a piece, what do you say?" Amber called out to the others.

"Yeah, we'll teach you to hurt Amber like you did!" Sarah drew out her shuriken.

"This time we're aren't running away!" Double-D announced with his Death Penalty pointing toward Hojo.

"You think Amber can kick yer butt…?" Eddy started, his spear positioned for battle.

"We'll kick it into next Sunday!" Ed finished with sword in hand.

All together, the team dashed for Hojo. Everybody struck with perfect aim, every hit was dead on. Again, Hojo fell backwards.

"This ends now, Hojo!" Amber shouted. With everything that has happened thus far, him confusing Sarah into a panic, casting Silence, breaking her arm… "…I've had enough of you!"

Amber's fist began to glow with raw power, a blend of anger and vigor. And at the same time, the others behind her, who also felt fury from the madman who was Hojo, started to shine with pure fighting energy.

It was Hojo's final hour…

"…ATTACK!!" Amber called out.

"GAUNTLET!!"

"…BEAT RUSH!! …SOMERSAULT!! …"

"HYPER JUMP!!"

"…WATERKICK!! …METEODRIVE!!…"

In a short moment, Double-D performed his transformation Limit Break, becoming the powerful demon, Chaos once again. The rest stopped for a second, shocked to see their friend was already able to control and reach that Limit Break already!

"…CHAOS…SABER!!"

The others continued…

"…DOLPHIN BLOW!! …METEOR STRIKE!! …"

Ed's sword flared up, getting ready…

"…FINAL HEAVEN!!!"

"DO IT, ED!!" Everybody shouted.

The tall boy sprinted toward Hojo, who was already beaten to a pulp, but this last move was for good measure…

"OMNISLASH!!!"

With his blaring speed, the single brow warrior slashed through what was left of Hojo like a knife though butter. The sheer intensity of Ed's final attack ripped the monstrous into miniature pieces! When it was all over, nothing was left of the scientist.

A loud, harmonious cheer came out from everybody! It was yet another triumph for them all. It seemed like no matter what comes in their way, if they all worked together, anything was possible.

"That was some fantastic teamwork, guys!" Amber said with thumbs up.

"Score one more for us!" Sarah said joyfully.

"And one less weapon to find…" Amber added, looking at her new and better gloves…

"FREAKING AWESOME!!" X cheered, pumping a fist in the air.

"And that's not even a quarter of the fights that take place! Some of them even more intense!"

"This is a gem of a story, a personal favourite that is just timeless! And if I'm not mistaken is the second most reviewed Ed, Edd, Eddy story ever! The first being Edventures of the Thousand Year Door"

"…Paper Mario vs. Final Fantasy VII? You guys make the call"

"Final Fantasy Eds by RogueStar, it's a fantasy epic that will leave you begging for more!"

_**(Trivia: The Eds each have their own individual summons as well - Ed has Choco/Mog, Neo-Bahamut and Knights Of The Round, Eddy has Ramuh and Hades, Sarah has Shiva and Phoenix, Double D has Ifrit and Alexander, while Amber has Leviathan and Bahamut)**_

And that leases us with my Number 1 spot! What is it…do you really need to ask?

_**Number 1...**_

_**War With the Legacy by Nukid…**_

"Now, some of the reactions I'm guessing that are occurring right now are -"

**This is bullcrap! You gave an author two spots on the list, that's not fair!**

"FUCK YOU! ITS LEGACY!"

**You only like it because your insert is involved again and you get a lot of screen-time**!

"FUCK YOU! ITS LEGACY!"

**You get a Darkside, romantic interest, a hell of a lot of fights and a turn-back-the-clock arc! You're hogging all the glory!**

"FUCK YOU!! ITS LEGACY!!!"

"Yes, this is my number 1 favourite fanfic of all time! The sequel to Zodiacs! Many of us thought that it would be impossible for Nukid to get it into gear and exceed his original…well just like The Dark Knight he came back with a vengeance and boy did he deliver!!"

"This is set a couple of years after Zodiacs, Nukid is a full-fledged member and things are going smoothly…until everything bad that could happen DOES HAPPEN!"

"The Shadow Syndicate is now Corruption, the disciple of Rasets, and has kidnapped DarkMagcicianmon, leaving the team without a leader! What's worse is that Nukid's old pals The World Government are back, and they're thirsty for blood!"

"They send the Pacifistas, giant robots that are nearly indestructible, after the rest of us! It takes nearly everyone with their best efforts to even beat one of these things!…Which kind of sucks when they've got an army full of them"

"But wait! It gets better! The FAF are forced to retreat to Castle Doran and wait out the W.G, but while that's going on - Oldkid **(who I have to say is the greatest FAF villain to have ever been created!)** sends the infamous Society of Shadows after three powerful mortals to power Drake's secret project!"

"But wait! IT GETS EVEN BETTER!! Nukid's old pal and former marine, Jack, wants revenge and is determined to hunt Nukid down, and unleashes his own team known as the FREAK unit to hunt down the newer members of the FAF!"

"BUT WAIT!! IT GETS BETTER STILL! A new Darkside is prowling the streets, looking for Oldkid, slaying all in sight - and a loyal follower of King Rasets…I don't know about you but I feel he'll become a MAJOR threat later on!"

**-- SARCASTIC EGO ALARM --**

"The point is - even though we've barely scathed the surface, we know that Nukid is going to give us what could be the highlight of any FAF fic EVER! Every Author, new and old, is going to have a fight, every villain is sinister and has a story!"

"Plus, in the end, its Nukid! We wouldn't expect anything less than fanfic that kickass!"

"And hey, this is only the second of his trilogy, we never know what he'll pull out next, and some of his other fics have the potential to even outshine Legacy! I can't tell you how excited I am about Forgotten Snakes, and his new Avatar fic could possibly make every Avatar fic out there look like the James Cameron movie!"

"Congrats Nukes! Awesomeness run in your genes!"

"War With The Legacy by Nukid, what can I say…its Legacy!"

**(Trivia: Yes, I do can a turn back the clock arc…and it will be AWESOME!)**

"And so ends my Top 11! I hope you guys enjoyed it and I hope you read some of these! Some of them are probably some of the greatest fanfics ever made, and for writers like us - we should try to reach their levels of creativity!"

"I'm the Hollow Critic! I remember it so Nukid can have his show back! See'ya around!" X said, before dashing off screen

* * *

……**.In one chapter…..X Prodigy completely beat ANYTHING I've written. Hats off to X Prodigy everyone, for making the best NC parody I've ever seen!**

**And yes, it is coincidental that my fic is number 1. Don't like it? then go suck a brick**

**Admittedly, my ego is very happy right now. This was like a five course meal to him!**


	18. The Sailor Scout of Notre Dame

Hey everyone. Here's my first fanfic review! Enjoy

**Warning: The language in this review may not be suitable for minors. If you're under the age of 18 and have not heard the word "bullshit" before, you're about to read a perfect example of it**

* * *

"Hello I'm the Nostalgia Kid, I remember it because you're all idiots" Nukid introduced "and today ladies and gents, I take a step away from my regular look at Anime, and instead look at a fanfic"

"The parody I have in mind today is a parody of a well beloved Disney Film" Nukid explained "now, nearly EVERY Disney movie is pretty much in the overdone category, but this parody is different from the rest!"

"This parody challenges the way we look at fanfic writing, life and reality itself. A parody that dares to take risks and be different! And not succumb to the opinions of other writers!"

"I am talking of course, about the indescribable genius…..that is The Sailor Scout of Notre Dame" Nukid declared

(Screen shows the chapters of the fanfic)

"Now some of you may look at this fanfic and say 'hey, this is the worst parody I've ever read'….but that's because you can't see the symbolic meaning behind what LOOKS like a pile of horse shit"

"If we look deeper into this fic with open eyes and critical minds, we may see something deeper than even the author could've possibly imagined!" Nukid stated "with that said, let's begin with a chapter that always hints greatness…..a cast chapter!"

* * *

**_Quasimodo- Lita Kino/Sailor Jupiter (Sailor Moon)_**

* * *

"Now now now! Don't jump to conclusions just yet!" Nukid waved his hands in the air "I know some of you saying 'Sailor Jupiter is nothing like Quasimodo'…..and when you look at it at first that may seem the case, but that's because you're not looking at the DEEPER meaning of it!"

"I'm sure I don't have to tell you Sailor Moon fans that Sailor Jupiter is a….pretty cheerful characters on the outside" Nukid smiled, before his face saddened

"But the truth is that she's dead inside. Inside, she's just an empty shell created from years of abuse from Tuxedo Mask who raped on several occasion, while her Sailor Senshi friends used her as their personal 'Sailor Senshi Slave'-they called her 'SSS' for short, how cute!-and suffered years of physical and mental abuse by their hands"

"Of course for obvious reasons, none of this was shown in the actual series" Nukid added

"So, you could imagine that inside, she's a disfigured individual…just like Quasimodo!" Nukid exclaimed. Nukid then saluted "Author, I salute you for your Genius!"

* * *

**_Esmeralda- Ethan (Fellow Author)_**

_**Archdaecon- Ben10magician (Fellow Author)**_

* * *

"Ah yes, author inserts, looked down upon by most fanfic writers because they are considered lazy, pointless and a sign of an authors huge ego. It's true author inserts into parodies rarely work, BUT THIS PARODY IS DIFFERENT!"

"I mean think about it. What character fits the role of a female gypsy better than a Half Human, Half Saiyan and Half Vampire?….Genius…."

_**

* * *

**_

Captain Phoebus- Zoey (Pokemon)

_**Frollo- Mirage (Aladdin Series)**_

_**Djali- Raichu (Pokemon)**_

_**Achilles- Entei (Pokemon)**_

_**Laverne- Raimundo Pedrosa (Xiaolin Showdown)**_

_**Hugo- Julie Makimoto (Bakugan)**_

_**Victor- Zoey Hanson (Mew mew power)**_

_**Clopin- Terrence (Fellow Author)**_

_**Extra with Terrence- Katara (Avatar: the Last Airbender)**_

* * *

"And that's the awesome cast! I'm sure of you probably think that's the worst cast for a parody ever made…..if that's the case, then you just don't understand GENIUS!"

"So now, sit back and enjoy the Genius masterpiece that is...The Sailor Scout of Notre Dame!"

**The Sailor Scout of Notre Dame Review**

* * *

_The camera zooms as we see close is parts of Notre Dame. The camera zoom a little closer, until we see the city of Toondom_

* * *

"Because the extra camera zoom made the scene feel more powerful!" Nukid said, pumping his fist into the air

* * *

_**Morning in Toonris, the city awakes**_

_**To the bells of Notre Dame**_

_**The fisherman fishes, the baker man bakes**_

_**To the bells of Notre Dame**_

_As the camera zoomed we see Puss in boots sat of the side of the bridge, fishing. Then, Brock carrying bread and placed them outside, where the others are, so he can sell them._

_**To the big bells as loud as the thunder**_

_**To the little bells soft as a psalm**_

_**And some say the soul of the city's**_

_**The toll of the bells**_

_**The bells of Notre Dame**_

* * *

"_**I copy and paste this song because it's genius" **_Nukid sang _**"I change Paris to Toonris but I don't change Notre Dame because It's genius"**_

* * *

_Listen, they're beautiful, no?" Terrence asked the children, "So many colors of sound, so many changing of moods because you know, they don't ring all buy themselves."_

_"They don't?" said the little kids who was with him, the kid was Terrence's protégé Sokka._

_"Nah Sokka. Up there, high, high in the dark bell tower lives a mysterious bell ringer. Who is the creature?" Katara asked._

_"Who?" asked Sokka._

_"What is it?" asked Terrence._

_"What?" asked Sokka._

_"How did she come to be there?" asked Katara_

_"How?" asked Sokka_

"Ah, what riveting and mind blowing dialogue! Already this fic has grabbed our undivided attention!" Nukid said

_On a dark showy night, there were four people in the boat. One of them is a woman named Serena, carrying the baby, who was cry loudly. The others was her husband, Darien and another girl named Sailor Uranus. You see, they're outsiders, escaping from someone._

_"Shut it up, will you!" Darien said._

_"Will be spotted!" Sailor Uranus said._

_"Hush, little one," Serena hushed her baby._

_**Four frightened outsiders slid silently under**_

_**The docks near Notre Dame**_

_As they got off the boat, one guy named Cyborg held out his hand, "Four guilders for safe passage into Toondom." Suddenly, and arrow hit Cyborg's stick as a few guards came out of nowhere surrounding the people_

* * *

"Out of nowhere…." Nukid sighed with awe "….such a beautiful way of describing something! Who needs detail?"

* * *

_"Judge Mirage!" Darien said in fear._

_Katara sings._

_**The bells of Notre Dame**_

_Chorus: __**Kyrie Eleison**_

_Katara: __**Judge Mirage**_

_**To purged the world**_

_**Of vice of sin**_

_Chorus: __**Kyrie Eleison**_

_Mirage glared at the outsiders as the guards cuffed them, except Serena/Sailor Moon. The guards dragged them away except her, who was still carrying the baby._

_Terrence sings._

_Terrence: __**And she saw corruption**_

_**Ev'rywhere**_

_**Except withing**_

* * *

"You've gotta this author credit…" Nukid stated "….he makes sure you KNOW who's singing, even though it is technically against Fanfiction rules to write in script format. This author is daring!"

* * *

_Back in his story, Serena ran, holding her baby, as Mirage chased her with her horse. Serena slid a little and ran the steps, with Mirage, still chasing her. Mirage was almost close to her, until she jumped over the steel fence and thought she was going to lose her. Serena ran toward the Notre Dame and pounded the door a couple of times, "Sanctuary, please give up sanctuary!" Serena turned around and noticed she was wrong. Mirage ran towards her, with his horse as Serena gasped in fear. Serena continues to run, but Mirage grabbed half of the baby's blanket. Mirage kicked her, causing her to let go and hit the steps, hard. Serena was dead._

_Mirage heard the baby cry a little, "A baby," she opened the blanket a little to look at its face and gasped for it wasn't a human baby but a inner sailor, "A monster sailor planet!" Mirage quickly covered the baby and looked around quickly, until she spotted a well. Mirage walked toward the well and was about to drop the baby, until…_

_"STOP!"_

_"Cried Wise Ben10magician," said Katara_

* * *

"Who NEEDS to separate Katara and Sokkas viewpoint from Mirages? You can mash both viewpoints together without anything to separate them. And if you can't follow it….THEN YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND GENIUS!"

* * *

_"Care for the child, and raise as your own," said Ben10magician, as he carried Serena._

_"What? I'd be settled with this misshapen…" then, Mirage realized it was best to take care of the sailor scout, "very well. Let her live with, in your church."_

_"Live here? Where?" Ben10Magician asked._

_"Anywhere," Mirages looked at Notre Dame and thinking where she can hide the baby. As she kept thinking, she began to sing._

_**Just so she's kept locked away**_

_**Where no one else can see**_

_"The bell tower perhaps. And who knows, our Lord works in mysterious ways," said Mirage, as she continue to sing, while looking at the baby._

_**Even this foul creature may**_

_**Yet prove one day to be**_

_**Of use to me**_

_"And so Mirage gave a child a cruel name a name that means half-formed, Lita Kino aka Sailor Jupiter," said Katara, as she held up the puppet of Mirage, carrying the baby. The baby grew up into a 16-year old girl, ringing the bells_

* * *

"And so after that incredibly brief-but brilliant-description of the now 16 year old Jupiter, we now cut to Jupiter while she lives in the bell tower"

* * *

_A tall figure walked toward outside of the bell tower of Notre Dame. She was a brown haired girl with green eyes, wearing a sailor scout uniform that was white and green in color and a pink bow_

* * *

"Because that kind of clothing is worn by all those who live in Bell towers!"

"We are then greeted by Jupiter's three close friends and this parodies versions of the three stone statues…Raimundo Pedrosa from Xiaolin Showdown, Julie Makimoto from Bakugan and Zoey Hanson from Mew Mew power"

"Such…..such…GENIUS!" Nukid cried in awe

* * *

_"Well, when she says you're forbidden from ever leaving the bell tower, does she mean 'never ever'?" Zoey asked._

_"Never ever and she hates the Feast of Fools. She'd be furious if I asked to go," Lita replied._

_"Who says you got to ask?" Julie asked._

_"Oh, no," Lita realized what her friend is planning._

_"You sneak out…"_

_"I couldn't…"_

_"…And you sneak back in,"_

_"He'll never know you were gone," said Raimundo._

_"I mean, if I get caught," Lita panicked._

_"Better beg forgiveness than to ask permission," Zoey said._

_"You could wear a disguise, just be a human Sailor Scout, just this once! I'm sure others are in the festival," said Julie, as she wrapped the blue cloak around him, "What Mirage doesn't know, can't hurt you."_

_"Ignorance the bliss," Zoey rolled her eyes._

_"Look who's talking," Julie glared at Zoey_

* * *

"I know in most parodies, copying and pasting the script is taboo…..but in this parody, it's genius! It's like the Author is saying 'hey, my parody is so awesome it doesn't need to have its own unique dialogue, or have the characters not act OOC!"

"After a visit from the truly well casted Mirage as Frollo, we learn how Lita must stay in the bell tower since she is an 'abomination'. I'm sure some of you males-like me- would not only love to see Lita walking around the streets, but you'd love to bang her, so it….may seem weird she's considered an abomination"

"But here's the thing. In this world, she is SO hot that she is hated and envied by the rest of society!" Nukid explained "now that my friends, is deep. It's like the author is looking at society and the cruel way we sometimes treat the more physically gifted!"

* * *

_Downtown in Toondom, people and animals are still doing things like, working, shopping, or even hanging out. All except one person, who is holding a map and she had orange hair with dark green glasses, dark violet shirt over a orange vest, dark blue jean and brown boots. Her name was Zoey_

* * *

"Oh hoh! TWO characters called Zoey? That's Genius! That totally won't confuse the readers!"

* * *

_As they continue walking, music was playing and two figures dancing. The first was a young man who had dirty blond hair, his shoes are similar to Shadow's, as in the special hovering like skating shoes, expect it's blue and red. He is wearing a necklace with a bat emblem on it, a white shirt with the words 'Quicksilver' on the front, blue pants and he has blue eyes. His name was Ethan_

* * *

"And now, our prestige Author insert arrives! And boy does he NOT come off as a Gary-Stu" Nukid chuckled

"After a fateful and completely original encounter with Ethan, Zoey is taken to Mirages Palace of Justice"

* * *

_Vicky and Desiree lead Zoey to the Palace of Justice, it's like a castle, but different_

* * *

Nukid gasped "I've never heard such beautiful and well written description in all my life!"

"Here, she meets Mirage as she has became the new captain of the Toonris….or is it Toondom?"

* * *

"_You come to Toondom in her darkest hour, Captain" said Mirage_

* * *

Nukid stared at the screen, mouthing wide open

"….WOW! The name of the city actually changed! That might seem like a slip on the authors part, but when you think about it, it actually shows that the world is constantly changing, and we're seeing it with our very eyes! Knock knock, who's there? GENIUS!"

"Soon, a huge festival starts in the city and Sailor Jupiter decides to go against Mirages wishes and join in. However she accidentally bumps into our loveable author insert, Ethan!"

* * *

_Ethan quickly turned around, after Lita fell on the floor, "Hey! Are you all right?"_

_Lita uncovered herself, trying to cover her face from him, "I didn't mean to…I'm sorry."_

_"You're not hurt, are you? Here, here, let me see," said Ethan._

_"No, no, no!" Lita was afraid that she might get scared, but when he removed her hood, he doesn't seem to be afraid._

_While Raichu look disgusted._

* * *

"Remember guys: beauty…envy….Genius!"

* * *

_"There, see no harm done," Ethan smiled. Lita calmed down and smiled, as he escorted her out, "Just try and be a little more careful."_

_"I…I…I will," said Lita._

_"By the way, great mask and costume," Ethan smiled and went back inside to get dress. Lita calmed down and realized that she's a part of the festival. Lita quickly turned around and saw more people Lita quickly turned around and saw Homer Simpson_

* * *

"I love how the author emphasises how quick she's turning by saying it twice!"

"Eventually Jupiter is discovered by everyone in the festival, and despite her 'ugliness', people celebrate with her and she has a wonderful time"

* * *

"_The people kept cheering and chanting his name. Yes, everything is going perfect"_

* * *

"Oh, how I love how the author constantly changes from past to present tense"

"Things don't go well forever as things take a turn for the worse for Sailor Jupiter…"

* * *

_Hail to the king?" Ranamon yelled, as she threw another tomato at Lita. Lita was blinded by the tomatoes and accidentally slipped. The people began to laugh and one by one, they all join in. They kept throwing other vegetables at her, until Mylene threw parts of the rope and the rope is around Lita's arm, while the other, who is from Camula, roped Lita's neck. Lita got angry and used her strength to get loose, but Mylene and Camula tied her down quickly. Lita was unable to break free and Mylene turned the routing platform, causing Lita to spin_

* * *

"You know, if I was to hazard a guess, I'd say the sole reason the author made Sailor Jupiter Quasimodo so he could get sexual pleasure outta this scene!"

"Am I complaining? Hell no, it's GENIUS!"

* * *

_"Don't be afraid," Ethan kneeled down next to her, when Lita was a little scared, "I'm sorry, this wasn't supposed to happen." Ethan wiped some vegetables off of Lita's face, gently._

_"You, boy! Get down at once!" Mirage ordered._

_"Yes, your honor. Just as soon as I free the poor creature," said Ethan._

_"I forbid it!" Mirage yelled. Ethan nodded at Raichu, which he use his tail to free Lita. The people gasped._

_"How dare you defy me!" Now Mirage is angry._

_"You mistreat this poor girl, the same way you mistreat my people!" Ethan glared at her. "And you speak of justice, yet you're cruel to those most in need of your help!"_

_"Silence!" Mirage snapped._

_"Justice!" shouted Ethan. The people were whispering to each other, while a few were staring. Ethan helped her up._

_"Mark my words, boy, you will pay for this insolence," said Mirage._

_"Then it appears we've crowned the wrong fool," Ethan grabbed the crown from Lita's head, "The only fool I see…is __**YOU**__!"_

* * *

Nukid gasped, falling back in chair as held his chest breathlessly

"Such…..powerful….original writing!" Nukid panted, his face in awe

"Ethan manages to escape while Jupiter sorrowfully goes back into Notre Dame"

* * *

_It's a rainy day at Toondom; the people began to walk away, after when Lita had entered Notre Dame. All except two, which we know is Ethan and Raichu in disguises_

* * *

"That's right folks, we KNOW it's them even though we've had little description of the scene. It's like…..it's like this fic makes us SMARTER, just by reading it!"

"Captain Zoey notices them and follows them into a church, and the two get into a small fight, though Zoey proves to be the tougher one"

* * *

_Raichu tackles her, "I didn't know you had a friend."_

* * *

"Now SHE'S tough! Doesn't even show signs of pain or surprise at getting tackled by a Pokemon!" Nukid chuckled

"Mirages enters the church and demands Zoey arrest Ethan, but because he's in a church he can't be touched or hurt"

* * *

_"You think you've outwitted me, but I'm a patient woman, and Saiyan outsiders like you don't do well inside stone walls," Mirage paused, and then breathes deeply, smelling his hair_

* * *

"But surely the Vampire side of him will make you accept him!" Nukid insisted "unless he's a Twilight vampire. In that case, fuck him"

* * *

_"Such a cleaver Saiyan. So typical of your kind, to twist the truth to cloud the mind with unholy thoughts" Mirage said_

* * *

"Well, I always thought of Saiyans as blunt, violent war lovers. Guess I was wrong"

"And so Ethan is trapped inside the church, where he meets Sailor Jupiter, and is once again not bothered by her ugliness AKA envious sexiness" Nukid explained

"Oh, and this fic totally shows the Author is humble and not in this for self glory!"

* * *

_**Lita smiled, as she heard Ethan's handesome voice **_

"_**The one boy with the dirty blond hair and who's a total hunkster"**_

_**But you're a handesome fighter and dancer," said Lita as she smiled**_

* * *

"Humble indeed"

"Anyway, humble Ethan convinces Jupiter she is not enviously beautiful, and that half saiyans are not bad people. After that, Sailor Jupiter help to get Ethan out by taking him on a wild trip around the bell tower walls"

* * *

_"But there's no way out, and there's soldiers everywhere," said Ethan._

_"We won't use the door." said Lita._

_"You mean…climb down?" Ethan asked._

_"Sure, I'll carry you, you hold Raichu, and follow me," said Lita while Raichu gets on Ethan's back_

_"Okay, jump on," said Lita. Ethan nodded and jumped on Lita's back._

_"Ready?" asked Lita._

_"Yes," replied Ethan._

_"Now, don't be afraid," said Lita to Ethan._

_"I'm not afraid," said Ethan._

_Lita begin to walk to the edge of the bell tower._

_"Ok, I stand corrected, now, I am afraid," said Ethan_"

* * *

And you can TELL she's afraid! I dare you to read that last sentence and say you didn't feel the fear in her voice!" Nukid spat

* * *

"After helping Ethan escape, Jupiter goes back to the bell tower, only to be greeted by Captain Zoey, who asks that she apologise to Ethan for her for getting him into this situation" Nukid explained

"Meanwhile, Mirage is dealing with her own issues…."

* * *

_Mirage: __**Beata Maria**_

_**You know I am a righteous woman**_

_**On my virtue I am justly proud**_

_Chorus: __**Et tibit Pater**_

_Mirage walked toward the hallway, where the big fireplace is and stared at it._

_Mirage: __**Beata Maria**_

_**You know I'm so much purer than**_

_**The common, vulgnar, weak, licentious crowd**_

_Chorus: __**Quia peccavi nimis **_

_M9: __**Then tell me, Maria**_

_**Why I see him dancing there**_

_**Why his smoldering eyes still scorch my soul**_

_Chorus: __**Cogitatione**_

_Mirage: __**I feel him, I see him**_

_**The sun caught in his tan white skin**_

_**Is blazing in me out of all control**_

_Chorus: __**Verbo et opere**_

_Mirage saw the fiery figure of Ethan dancing, and smiling, but Mirage's eyes widen._

_Mirage: __**Like fire**_

_**Hellfire**_

_**This fire in my skin**_

_**This burning desire**_

_**Is turning me…to…sin**_

* * *

"Whoa-ho-ho-ho! Having the main villains have sexual desires for the author insert! G-E-N-I-U-S! GENIUS!" Nukid cheered

* * *

_Morning arrived in Toondom and Zoey and the other soldiers are here for the arrival of Mirage. "Attention!" Zoey and the guards went to attention as Mirage got out of his carriage Mirage saluted, "Good morning, Ma'am!" As Mirage got out, Zoey noticed that Mirage's skin is pale and he look like she didn't sleep well._

_"Are you feeling alright?" Zoey asked._

_"I had a little trouble with the fireplace." Mirage answered._

_"I see, your orders, ma'am?" Zoey asked._

_"Fine the boy!" Mirage ordered. Later that day, the guards broke down the door to the bakery store. Ben and his girl, Julie turned around and saw the guards are wrecking the store._

_"What are you doing?" Julie asked._

_"It's Hero time!" Ben went Swampfire, but Eva held him and Julie down_

* * *

"That's right, screw you Ben10 fans, you're hero is a wimp!"

"Turns out Mirage is striking hard on Toondoms community to find her sexy hunk Ethan, and will go to extreme methods to get information, including torching down peoples houses. However, Zoey won't allow it!" Nukid said

* * *

_"With all due respect, ma'am, I wasn't trained to murder the innocent." said Zoey, as she took the torch._

_"But you were trained to follow orders." said Mirage. Zoey glared at Mirage, while holding the torch; she was about to burn the house, but she dropped it to a barrel of water._

_"Insolent coward." Mirage said. She took another torch and torches the flame to the windmill. The entire structure quickly engulfed in flame. Zoey quickly turned and crashed to the window, where Eric and his family are screaming for help. Ethan and Raichu watched, with a shocking look on their faces._

_Zoey broke down the door and got out, carrying Melody followed by Eric who is leading his wife Ariel. The house continues to burn as Zoey handed Melody. The family hugged each other. Zoey smiled, until Desiree came behind Zoey and clobbered her. Zoey fell on the ground and Vicky held her, so she won't escape._

_"The sentence of insubordination is death. Such a pity…you threw away a promising career." said Mirage._

_"Consider it my highest honor, ma'am." said Zoey_

* * *

"WOW! She took a clobber to the head, and still showed no signs of pain! Ladies and gents, SHE is the female equivalent of Chuck Norris!"

"When Mirage can't find Ethan, she realises Jupiter may have helped him escape" Nukid explained

* * *

_Back at Notre Dame, the three stared at the city, burning. It was all thanks to Mirage, who plans to burn the city to find the boy, Ethan._

_"Oh, this doesn't look good." said Raimundo._

_"It's hopeless, absolutely hopeless." said Zoey._

_"You're telling me, I'm losing to a stinking bird!" Julie snapped as she played cards to a bird, which is stupid._

* * *

"And pointing out the fucking obvious is GENIUS!"

* * *

_"Any sign of her?" Lita asked, as she stared at the city to find him_

* * *

"Wait wait wait…is Ethan a boy AND a girl?…That's…..that's…" Nukid got off his chair and walked out the room. He proceeded into the AF social room, where Phoenix and Ross were watching TV

"**!"**

Nukid ran out the room, leaving a puzzled Ross and a bored looking Phoenix alone

"What was that all about?" Ross asked

"If I was to hazard a guess, I'd say he's parodying Nostalgia Critic Surf Ninja review" Phoenix yawned

* * *

_Lita? Lita?" Ethan entered Notre Dame, that night to see if she's there. She happily ran towards him, after ther friends turned to stone, "Ethan? Ethan! You're all right! I knew you come back!" Lita and Ethan hugged each other and held their hands. Raichu came in as well and Ethan also hugged them._

_"You've done so much for me already, my friend, but I must ask for your help one more time," said Ethan._

_"Yes, anything," said Lita, she followed him a few steps and stopped dead in her tracks. Ethan, Raichu, and a muscular man named Hercules brings in Zoey, who is still unconscious._

_"This is Zoey; she's wounded and a fugitive like us. She can't go on much longer. I knew she'd be safe here. Please, can you hide her?" Ethan asked. Lita remembered Zoey, from the last time they met, but Lita didn't have a choice._

* * *

"Well, that isn't technically true…" Nukid pondered. His face suddenly went pale in fear, and Nukid jumped off his chair, kneeling on the ground

"I'M SORRY! I SHOULDN'T DOUBT THE GENIUS!" Nukid apologised

* * *

_"I know…you helped him ESCAPE!" Mirage yelled and slammed the figure of Ethan on the table, making Lita fall on the floor._

_"But I…" Lita tried to explain, but Mirage didn't finish, "AND NOW, ALL TOONDOM IS BURNING BECAUSE OF YOU!"_

_"He was kind to me, mistress," said Lita. That made Mirage angry and she began to destroy Lita's modeled city, "YOU IDIOT! THAT WASN'T KINDNESS IT WAS CUNNING! HE'S A SAIYAN!" Mirage grabbed Lita's collar, "OUTSIDER ARE NOT CAPABLE OF REAL LOVE! THINK GIRL! THINK OF YOUR MOTHER!" Lita's eyes widen of what Mirage said about her mother._

* * *

"I LOVE THE ORIGINALITY!" Nukid shouted "forget Watchmen and its original look at superheroes! Forget No More Heroes and it's original style in gameplay! THIS IS ORIGINALITY AT ITS' FINEST!"

Nukid calmed down "so, as this masterpiece explains, Mirage knows Jupiter helped and is close to finding Ethan, threatening to invade his hideout. Jupiter and Zoey decide to join up and have hot lesbian se-I mean find Ethan!….Hehe…"

"They head to where he lived, only to find themselves ambushed and nearly killed by its other inhabitants

* * *

_"Don't interrupt us! You're very clever to have found our hideaway. Unfortunately, you won't live to tell the tale," said Katara, as she and Terrence began to sing._

_**Maybe you've heard a terrible place**_

_**Where the scoundrels of Toondom collect the lair**_

_**Maybe you've heard of that mythical place**_

_**Called the Court of Miracles**_

_**Hello, you're there**_

_Luffy, Sanji, and Usopp_: _**Where the lame can walk**_

* * *

"Adding One Piece…..the greatest Shonen Manga of all time…I'm in ecstasy!"

"Ethan manages to save them before they are killed, but it proves too late as they are all captured by Mirage, Jupiter is chained inside the bell tower, while Ethan is set to burn at the stakes"

_Dawn came; in Toondom, but things is now getting worse. The people gathered next to Notre Dame to watch Ethan burn, but they didn't like it. Ethan is tied up with these saiyan ropes to prevent him to use his powers._

"Saiyans ropes….." Nukid chuckled "…what an amazing and non-deus ex machina explanation"

"Jupiter manages to escape and with the help of the rest of Toondom, saves Ethan, but Ethan is injured. Jupiter takes him to the top of the bell tower, only to be followed by Mirage" Nukid explained

* * *

"_You killed him," Lita whispered_

_"It was my duty, horrible as it was. I hope you forgive me," said Mirage, as Lita continues to cry, "There, there, Lita, I know it hurts. But now, the time has come to end your suffering," Mirage held her dagger above, getting ready to kill Lita. Lita, looked up and saw the shadow of Mirage, getting ready to kill her, "Forever,"_

_Lita turned around and gasps, as Mirage was going to stab her. Lita grabs her wrist and struggles with Mirage. Before wrestling, Lita pushed Mirage, very strong with the dagger on Lita's hand. Mirage got slammed against the wall and looked through Lita's angry and revenge eyes, "Now, now, listen to me, Lita…"_

_"**NO, YOU LISTEN! ALL MY LIFE YOU HAVE TOLD ME THE WORLD IS A DARK, CRUEL PLACE. BUT NOW, I SEE THAT ONLY THING DARK AND CRUEL ABOUT IT IS PEOPLE LIKE YOU!**" Lita shouted at Mirage, after she throws the dagger_

* * *

"!" Nukid screamed "The major emphasis on anger is too much genius for me to handle!"

"And so, Ethan and Jupiter kill Mirage, Ethan gets together with Zoey and Sailor Jupiter is seen as the hero of Toondom" Nukid finished "and so ends this masterpiece! What an amazing parody this was! The level of genius in this fic beats any other! This is BETTER than the movie it's parodying!"

"Yes, there's no parody like Sailor Scout of Notre Dame…..no parody like Sailor Scout of Notre Dame…..no parody like Sailor Scout of Notre Dame…."

"**Wake up Nukid!"**

Nukid woke up with a startle, lying on his bed while his entire forehead was bandaged. He looked up, and saw DW64, Ranger24 and X Prodigy standing over his bed

"Oh….guys…wh..what happened?" Nukid asked, his voice weak but full of surprise

"You were shot in the head Nukes. You've been out for three days. We were starting to think you wouldn't come back" DW64 explained

"Oh but…..how did I get shot in the head?"

"Ah sorry, that was my fault" Ranger confessed

_**3 days ago…**_

Nukid whistled as he stepped out the bathroom. He didn't walk two steps before a bullet went straight through his skull, and he collapsed onto the floor

"Sorry, my finger slipped!"

_**End flashback…**_

"Man guys, I'm grateful you woke me up. I was having this….horrible dream that I was reading The Sailor Scout of Notre Dame and…I was liking it!" Nukid shivered

"Well, how is it really?" DW asked. Nukid sat up and grabbed him by the collar

"IT WAS THE MOST GODAWFUL PARODY I'VE EVER READ IN MY LIFE!" Nukid shouted, before lying back down with a smile

"Oh, but it's over now! And I'm finally able to hate once again!" Nukid cried in joy, before singing "**Somewhere over the rainbow. Way up high in the land that I heard of once. Once in a lulla**-wait a minute!"

Nukid turned to his friends "I got shot in the head…..how am I still alive?"

"It's all thanks to me kid!"

Nukid turned to his left, and gasped in shock as standing tall with his blue hair, red cape and big sunglasses, was Kamina from Gurren Lagann

"K…Kamina? YOU brought me back to life?" Nukid asked in shock

"Of course kid! Who the hell do you think I am?" Kaminia pointed at Nukid "Remember kid, I died for your sins!"

With that, Kamina disappeared into thin air, leaving the four authors silent and alone

"…..Gurren Lagann is fucking awesome, isn't it?" Nukid broke the silence

Ranger nodded "Sure is Nukid"

_The Actual Review_

_Pros: Nothing _

_Cons: Everything_

_Overall: This was painful to read. This was the worst parody I've ever read in my life_

_Rating: 1 Star (Out of 4)_


	19. Batthans Amyladdin

****

Hey everyone. Back from camping and ready to review. I was surprised how well my last review went! Probably my best one yet. Enjoy

**Warning: The language in this review may not be suitable for minors. If you're under the age of 18 and have not heard the word "Gaping" before, you ain't been to my college**

* * *

Nukid sat at his desk, rubbing his forehead as his face was scrunched up in pain. It seemed as though he had a headache

"Hello I'm the err…The Nostalgia Kid. I remember it because…..because…..oh god my head hurts" Nukid groaned, rubbing his forehead harder

"You'll have to forgive me folks. Not long ago I was actually killed by a gunshot to the head…" Nukid sighed "….all because SOMEONES FINGER SLIPPED!"

"I said I was sorry for Christ sake!" Rangers voice called out

"Well anyway, that isn't what gave me a headache. No, what gave me a headache was the memories of a…..god awful parody with terrible casting, no originality and so many writing mistakes you'd think Tara Gilesbie had written it"

"I'm talking of course about a fic created by Batthan, who is nothing short of the Uwe Boll of parody writing. If you go the Cartoon X-Over page nowadays, his 'parodies' are sprawled across it, and degrading what was already a section filled with pretty shit fics"

"The worst part is…..this guy doesn't seem to realise just how bad he is at writing. Anyone who criticises him gets blocked and the guy just goes on, writing his crap" Nukid shook his head, disgust on his face

"And now ladies and gents, I have decided to torture myself once again and review one of his pieces of crap. This time, it will be his take on probably the most overdone parody of all time, Aladdin"

"So, prepare yourselves everyone-and if Batthans reading this you might as well write your flame now-this is Amyladdin!"

**Amyladdin Review**

"Like last time, let's start with the cast. Or as I like to call them, "characters Batthan picked when he was high!"

* * *

_**Aladdin as Amy Mizuno/Anderson a.k.a Sailor Mercury (Sailor Moon)**_

* * *

"Umm…..a shy bookworm playing a energetic thief…what?"

* * *

_**Jafar as Maleficent (Sleeping Beauty)**_

* * *

"It's Maleficent as Jafar!" Nukid spat. He then arched an eyebrow as they examined the chapter on the paper he held

"Wait….the entire cast list is backwards!" Nukid pointed out "do you read right to left or something?"

* * *

_**Jasmine as Batthan aka Ethan (me)**_

* * *

"Huh…..Batthan tends to casts himself as female characters" Nukid pointed out "Is it me, or might that hint he's a woman trapped in a mans body?"

* * *

_**Iago as Team Rocket's Meowth (Pokemon)**_

* * *

Nukid stared at the screen, a shocked expression on his face

"Oh my god…..oh my god…..A CASTING THAT ACTUALLY FITS! THERE IS A GOD!"

* * *

_**Sultan as Knuckles the Echidna (Sonic X)**_

* * *

"Why? How does Knuckles fit the Sultan?"

* * *

_**Razoul, the Captain of the Guards as Hunter J (Pokemon)**_

_**The rest of the Guards as Yzma (The Emperor's new groove), Cassidy (Pokemon), Jessie (Pokemon), Oakley (Pokemon), Annie (Pokemon), Agent 009 known as Domino (Pokemon), Ember McLain (Danny Phantom), Angelica (All Grown Up), Larxene (Kindom Hearts) and Azula (Avatar**_

* * *

"Yea, because we REALLY give a shit about who plays the guards!"

* * *

_**Carpet as Charzard (Pokemon)**_

* * *

"A, Spellcheck. B,WHAT THE FUCK?"

* * *

_**(A/N) This is my first gender-switch parody. So its a gift to everyone.)**_

"Well thank you Batthan. I'm sure everyone appreciates the knowledge you want to be a woman"

Nukid shook his head "god I'm only reading the casting and I already feel raped. Let's just move on to the actual parody!"

* * *

_a man with long, black hair, black clothing, and a matching cowboy hat named Van Helsing the legendary monster hunter rode a black horse across a desert. Van Helsing then began to sing._

_Van Helsing_: _**Oh, we come from a land**_

_**From a faraway place**_

_**Where the caravan unicorns roam**_

* * *

"….Van…..FUCKING….Helsing?" Nukid exclaimed "A Vampire hunter and tough badass…..being a cowardly singing story teller?…."

Then, Nukid shrugged "but of course"

* * *

_Van Helsing_: _**Toonanian nights!**_  
_**Like Toonanian days!**_

* * *

"By the way Batthan, you won't change the name halfway through like you did with Sailor Scout, will you?"

* * *

_Then, Van Helsing dismounted the horse and look at us._

* * *

"Take a shot every time Batthan shows he doesn't know proper grammar. I swear you'll be drunk by chapter five" Nukid assured

* * *

_"Ah! good evening to you, fanfic readers" Van Helsing greeted "Please, come closer"_

_Then, the camera came closer. It got too close as it ran into his faces._

_"Too close. A little too close" Van Helsing said. Then, the camera got in the right distance._

* * *

"Your dedication to perfectly following the script outstands me Batthan" Nukid grumbled "I mean, copying and pasting the script is bad enough, but THIS is just humiliating"

"And so Van Helsing the story teller-can't believe I just said that-shows us the magical lamp which starts this whole story. We then cut to the villain of this story, standing in the desert"

* * *

_It was nighttime in a desert. A woman was waiting by a black horse who had green skin_

* * *

"…You know, I've actually tried not to insult Batthan personally much, just his fics…." Nukid said, sighing in defeat

"But Batthan….you fucking idiot. READ your shit before posting it dumass!"

* * *

_You're late, Zexion" the woman said._

_"A thousand apologies, Maleficent" Zexion said._

_"You have it then?" Maleficent asked._

_"I had to blast a few crummy heads, but I got it" Zexion smirked, getting half of a blue medallion out of the pocket of his coat._

* * *

"I had to be in this shitty parody because Kingdom Hearts: Birth By Sleep took too long to come out!" Nukid imitated Zexion

"After using the medallion, Maleficent opens up a secret cave from the ground"

* * *

_Maleficent, with Meowth, and Zexion rode their horses, following the glowing speck of light until it reached a large dune. All that remained were two glowing points of light on the dune. But then, the dune began to rise up, transforming into a giant tiger's head (its the tiger from Aladdin)_

* * *

"Because picturing a tigers head is WAY too hard for us on our own, so you need to point out the fucking obvious" Nukid snarled

"Furthermore, you're not even changing it! My god Batthan, when you try, you suck, and when you don't you're just lazy!"

* * *

_"Now, remember" Maleficent explained "Bring me the lamp. The rest of the treasure is yours, but that lamp is mine"_

_She then let go of Zexion, who then turned towards the cave and chuckled fiendishly as he walked towards the cave._

_Meowth then whispered to Maleficent "Geez! Where'd you find this dope?" Maleficent shushed him._

_They turned back towards Zexion, who was about to enter, but he was blown away by the cave's roar._

_"Who disturbs my slumber?" the cave demanded._

_"It is I, ZEXION!" Zexion exclaimed "Member of the Orgainzation 13!"_

* * *

"And if you don't let me in, I'll set my army of fangirls on you!" Nukid imitated

"Well anyway, Zexion fails to get the lamp, Maleficent is told he has to find the sapphire in the rough, and then we cut to our casting for Aladdin, robbing in the streets"

* * *

_Meanwhile, in the city of Toon Town, it was daytime and on the roof of a building, a teenage blue haired girl with blue eyes and a blue/white sailor scout outfit. Her name is Amy Anderson none to be known as Sailor Mercury of the Sailor Scouts, but she was referred to as a street mouse by almost everyone except her friends._

* * *

"Because that's obviously what a street thief is gonna wear"

* * *

_When Amy stopped, he almost dropped the loaf of bread she was carrying, but caught it._

_Stop right there, thief!" a voice yelled and Amy looked behind herself as she said to herself "Uh-Oh!"_

_The source of the voice came from a woman with a bracelet on her right arm. This was none other than Hunter J, Captain of the guards. With her were ten other guards who were dressed in different uniforms. They are Yzma, Cassidy, Jessie, Oakley, Annie, 009 known as Domino, Ember McLain, Angelica, Larxene, and Azula._

_"I'll have your hands for a trophy, street mouse!" J yelled angrily, pulling out her sword._

_Amy looked down over the edge and at the loaf of bread._

_"All this for a loaf of bread?" she asked sarcastically. She shrugged and then said "Oh, well"_

* * *

"Okay, first Sailor Jupiter is a grotesque monster, and now Sailor Mercury is a witty street thief?" Nukid pointed out sarcastically

"I bet you he'll make Sailor Saturn play Snow White. I bet he will!"

* * *

_Come on! Let's get out of here" Amy exclaimed as she ran off with Monferno._

_The other guards came up to J as she yelled "Get them!" The guards chased Amy and Monferno._

_Amy and Monferno bumped into Ember as Amy began to sing and Ember swung her sword at the two._

_Amy: __**Gotta keep... one jump ahead of the breadline  
One swing ahead of the sword**_

* * *

"_**Gotta keep….on copy and pasting the song!**_" Nukid sang

_The duo swung into a harem. There was Ash Ketchum, Shadow the Hedgehog, and Sora (The Keyblade Master)._

* * *

"I think Batthan's homosexual"

* * *

_And now, my flaming monkey friend, we feast!" Amy smiled as she broke the bread in half and gave a piece to Monferno, who began to eat._

_When Amy was about to take a bite from her piece of bread, she looked over and saw a boy named Sora and a girl named Kairi rummaging through the garbage for food. The two saw them, then dropped what they found and tried to hide. Amy looked at them, then at the bread, then at Monferno._

* * *

"Wait a minute! Wasn't Sora a part of your little harem group?"

* * *

_The kids then giggled with delight as Amy walked away, feeling proud of her generousity. Monferno then swallowed his bite and looked guilty. He walked over to Chiro and Kairi and offered his bread to them_

* * *

Nukid slammed his head on the table

"Oh my god you can't even keep track of your own cast!" Nukid groaned, lifting his head "words can't describe how embarrassing this is"

* * *

_Amy and Monferno walked into the daylight, where there was a parade going on. Monferno looked between the crowd while Amy looked over the crowd. She then saw an woman with a smirk, who was in a mini-skirt, elbow fittings of gloves, mini-pants and with long raven hair also with a pink cape. She was Tifa Lockhart, princess of the Hollow Bastion. She was riding a horse._

_"I suppose she's on his way to the palace" Cynthia assumed._

_"Another suitor for the prince" Sliver sighed, rolling his eyes._

_When Amy looked back at the street, she then gasped when he saw Kairi running towards Tifa's horse._

_"Kairi, wait!" Sora exclaimed, running after Kairi, but it was too late. Kairi startled Tifa's horse._

_"Out of my way, you filthy brats!" Tifa snapped, about to beat them with her whip that grew three times their original size._

* * *

Nukid stared blankly at the screen

"…Tifa….O..one moment please" Nukid said, standing up and walking out of the room

"…**SON OF A BIIIIIITCH!"**

Nukid stepped back in the room and sat back down "much better"

* * *

_The next morning, at the palace of Toon Town, the back doors slammed open and an angry Tifa stormed into the room, grumbling "Well, I have never been so insulted in all my life!"_

_He then stormed past a echidna with red fur, purple eyes, tan muzzle, a white crescent moon mark on his chest, white gloves with spikes, and red shoes with green socks. He is Knuckles the Echidna, ruler of Toonvale and Ethan's guardian._

_"Princess Tifa, you're not leaving so soon, are you?" Knuckles asked, concerned._

_"Good luck marrying him off!" Tifa snapped, storming out of the room. Knuckles then spotted that both of Tifa's sleeves was missing, or torn off, along with a piece of her cape._

_Knuckles then groaned and turned around to go into the courtyard, assuming that the incident had something to do with his master, Batthan. When in the courtyard, he walked around, calling "Ethan! Ethan!"_

* * *

"Dude, Tifa has the tits of a goddess and you turn her down?" Nukid raised an eyebrow, scratching his head in ponder

"Oh wait, is this just like Sailor Scouts of Notre Dame? Where everyone beautiful has to be hated?"

* * *

_Knuckles then reminded Ethan in concern, "The law says you…"_

_"…must be married to a princess…" Ethan and Knuckles said together._

_"By your next birthday." Knuckles finished._

_"The law is wrong, Knuckles." Ethan said to his guardian with a sigh._

_"You only got three more days left." Knuckles told Ethan in concern._

_As Ethan opens the cage, Ethan got a bird out, holding it, and said "Knuckles, I hate being forced into this. If I do marry, I want it to be for love"_

_"Ethan, it's not really just this law. I'm not gonna be around forever and I..." Knuckles said, taking the bird from Ethan._

_Ethan just walked off as Knuckles put the bird back._

_"I just wanna make sure you're taken care of. Provided for" Knuckles said._

* * *

"You do release Batthan you've just called yourself a pussy who needs a women to look after you, right?"

* * *

_"I've never even been outside the palace walls" Ethan finished._

_"But Ethan, you're a prince" Knuckles said, putting his hand on his shoulder._

_"Then, maybe I don't wanna BE a prince anymore!" Ethan snapped, slapping at the water._

* * *

"I'm already a Saiyan, a vampire and a hedgehog! Hell, I'm planning to add transvestite to that list!" Nukid imitated

* * *

_Anyway, I'd be happy to help you with this thorn in your side" Maleficent said to Knuckles._

_"Well, if anyone can help, it's you" Knuckles said._

_"But, it would require the use of the mystic blue diamond." Maleficent pointed out._

_"Uh, my ring?" Knuckles asked nervously, looking at the ring on his own finger, "But it's been in the reminder of my master's family for years."_

_"It is necessary to find the prince a suitor." Maleficent said. She then got out her scepter, and aimed it at Knuckles, and the crystal ball made a hypnotizing sign, and made Knuckles have a hypnotized look in his eyes._

_"Don't worry. Everything will be fine."_

_"Everything will be...fine." Knuckles said as if in a trance._

_"The diamond." Maleficent gestured._

_"Here, Maleficent. Whatever you need will… be… fine." Knuckles said as he removed his ring and handed it to Maleficent_.

* * *

"Dammit Knuckles! Use the power of Dan Green to snap out of it!"

"Well anyway, Ethan escapes from the palace and heads into the marketplace of Toonania, which miraculously hasn't changed its name yet"

* * *

_At the awning nearby, Amy saw Ethan and a strange look came over her face, noting that she had obviously fallen deeply in love with him. Her eyes became heart-shaped and her heart was even beating faster than normal._

_"Wow!" Amy said in amazement._

* * *

"My god Batthan you'd have sex with yourself if you could"

* * *

_Meanwhile, Ethan stopped at the fruit stand and saw a little black spiky haired boy named Goten reaching for a piece of fruit. He then looked sadly up at Ethan._

_"Oh, you must be hungry. Here you go" Ethan said with a smile as he handed him an apple from the cart._

_"You better be paying for that!" Ethan turn and see an angry shopkeeper named Bane glaring at him._

_"Pay?" Ethan asked in confusion._

_"No one steals from my cart!" snapped Bane angrily as he approaches him._

_"I'm sorry, I don't have any money" Ethan said._

_"THIEF!" Bane accused._

_"No, wait! I'm no thief! If you let me go, I can go to the palace and get some money from King Knuckles to pay you, I promise" the prince begged._

_"Do you know what the penalty is FOR STEALING?" Bane asked Ethan angrily as he pinned Ethan's hand on the table and, on 'STEALING', held his muscled arm up high._

_"No, wait! Please!" Ethan begged_

* * *

"Wait wait wait! Let's backtrack to the previous chapter" Nukid ordered

* * *

_This is Batthan aka Ethan, the warrior prince and Knuckles' master._

* * *

"You said you were a warrior prince…..so, why don't you just kick his ass?" Nukid asked, lifting his hands in the air "all bark, no bite"

* * *

_Then, the muscled arm came down, but all of a sudden, a hand came in and stopped the muscled arm from hitting its target. The hand was Amy's._

_"Oh thank goodness! Thank you so much, sir, for finding him!" said Amy with a smile._

_Amy turned to Ethan and begins to scolding him._

_"I've been looking all over for you" scolded Amy annoyed._

_"Uh thanks, but what are you going?" asked Ethan with a frown._

_"Just play along." whispered Amy._

_"You know this boy?" asked Bane with a frown._

_"Sadly, yes. He's brother." Amy said sadly " He's a little crazy"_

* * *

"Yea, he turned down the offer to marry and inevitably shag Tifa. He's very crazy"

* * *

_"He thinks that Pokemon is the king" Amy lied, pointing to Monferno._

_Ethan suddenly realized what Amy is suggesting and the he kneel to Monferno._

_"Oh great King Knuckles. How may I serve you?" asked Ethan as he bowed to Monferno_

* * *

"Well Batthan, why don't you delete all your weak excuses for fics and never return to Fanfiction? You would make your king very happy then" Nukid said in a gruff voice, imitating a king-like character

"After that, Amy and Ethan escape and they head back to Amy's home"

* * *

_"We're almost there" the blue haired sailor scout told the dirty blonde haired prince._

_When Ethan got to the top, he accidentally tripped and nearly fell. Lucky for him, Amy was there to catch him in her arms. The two looked at each other as if for the longest time. Ethan then let go and blushed._

_"Uh- I wanted to thank you for saving me from that big muscle guy" Ethan said, referring to earlier that day._

* * *

"Truth be told, I'm not really a warrior prince. I'm a real pussy"

* * *

_"Hey, Amy!" a voice greeted._

_They turned to see seven figures standing a yard behind them smiling. The nine figures were all wearing sailor scout forms; They were Serena Tsukino aka Sailor Moon, Raye Hino aka Sailor Mars, Lita Kino aka Sailor Jupiter, Mina Aino aka Sailor Venus, Michelle Kaioh aka Sailor Neptune, Amara Tenoh aka Sailor Uranus and Erin Dennis (Erinbubble92) aka Sailor Earth._

_" Serena, Raye, Lita, Mina, Michelle, Amara and Erin!" Amy greeted with a smile. The group hugged and Amy looked at her friends "How are you guys?"_

* * *

Nukid slammed his hands across his face

"What….is….the….POINT?"

* * *

_Mina then spotted Ethan and looked at Amy. "Who this, your new boyfriend, Amy?" she asked with a smirk._

_"BOYFRIEND?" Amy and Ethan yelled in disbelief and shock at the same time._

* * *

"Yea! It's not like they fell in love with each other in mere seconds!….Wait a minute…"

* * *

_"Sometimes, you feel..."_

_"You're just..."_

_"Trapped!" Amy and Ethan finished at the same time_

* * *

"You mean like how I feel reading this crap?" Nukid deadpanned

* * *

_"Well, that's just... that's awful!" Amy said in disbelief. If there was one thing that she hated, besides being hungry, it was when people were being forced into something against their will_

* * *

"Something tells me Batthan forced Amy to be in this fic against her own will" Nukid sighed

"Their painful to read conversation is cut short when the guards find them and capture Amy"

* * *

_Ethan, who had seen this, looked shocked. He then glared at J, ran up to her, and tried to punch her numerous times, but J's Drapion and Salamence blocked his way and got grabbed by Drapion's claws. "LET HER GO, J!" he yelled angrily._

_J turned to see Ethan trying to get out of Drapion's grip and laughed. "Well, looky here! A street rat!" she said with a laugh before she ordered her Drapion to throw him aside._

_Ethan was now really mad and he glared at J and gave her a dark voice tone (Think of it from Batman's angry dark voice). "UNHAND HER!" he snapped darkly, pointing to Amy._

_"Who says?" Oakley asked, laughing cruelly._

_The warrior prince then removed his hood to show who they are talking to. "By order of the Warrior Prince!"_

* * *

"Dude, we know you're not a Warrior Prince, you know you're not a Warrior Prince. Get over it"

"Prince Ethan goes to Maleficent to demand why his friend was arrested on her orders"

* * *

_"Maleficent!" he shouted. Maleficent turned around quickly and saw him coming._

_"Oh, Prince Ethan!" Maleficent said, seeing him._

_Meowth was on his way through the door as he hummed the song 'Hakuna Matata'. Then, Maleficent closed it shut, unknowingly pinning the the cat pokemon inside the door frame, forcing him to stop humming._

_"Ouch! Hey, Maleficent! I'm stuck!" Meowth said in a few wheezes._

_"How may I be of service to you, Prince Ethan?" she asked innocently._

_"The guards just took a girl from the market, on your orders." he replied angrily._

_"Well, your guardain charged me with keeping peace in the town. The girl was a criminal" Maleficent explained in a lie._

_"What was her crime?" Ethan interrogated her.._

_"Maleficent! I can't breathe!" Meowth wispered as his face started turned purple._

_Maleficent then thought up a quick lie. "Why, kidnapping the prince, of course"_

* * *

"We all know the prince is such a pussy that he can get kidnapped by girls in Miniskirts! Ha ha!" Nukid imitated Maleficent

* * *

_In the dungeon under the palace somewhere, Amy was struggling to get herself free of being chained to the wall. "So, he was the prince. I don't believe it. I must have sounded so stupid to him!" the sailor scout groaned, still angry with herself._

_"Hey, Amy! Up here!" a female voice called._

_Upon hearing that voice, Amy looked up and smiled. The reason: she saw Monferno, Serena, Raye, Lita, Mina, Michelle, Amara and Erin from an overhead window. They then leapt down to her. "Monferno! Serena! Raye! Lita! Mina! Michelle! Erin! All right! Get me out these" Amy said._

_Monferno just gave her a scowl. ("No way, forget it! Not after what happened back there!") As if to prove his point, he pulled out a cloth, put it over his head, and doing an impersonation of Ethan. He threw the cloth to the ground and snapped ("Honestly, what were you thinking?")_

_"Hey, he was in trouble. Well, he was worth it." Amy said_

_"Not to rush, but we better get you out of here, before YOU GET YOUR HEAD CHOPPED OFF!" Serena shouted trying to get everyone to pay attention to what's important: Their friend's life._

_"But that doesn't matter," Amy continued, "I won't be seeing him again. I'm a street mouse and there's a law. He has to marry a princess." After Monferno and Raye got her free, the raven-haired teenager sighed sadly as she rubbed her wrists. "He deserves one."_

* * *

"No, he deserves a kick in the balls for making this crap"

* * *

_Well good, because I did not like how that prince used his dark voice." Serena said._

* * *

"…WHAT?" Nukid shouted, mouth wide open

* * *

_"You'll have understand that Serena was scared when he talks like that." Michelle explained._

* * *

"She didn't seem that scared during the chapter!"

* * *

_"I think the prince used that dark voice to intimidate his foes and apprently he's got one." Raye said with a smirk on her face._

* * *

"BULLSHIT! That Prince couldn't intimidate a Goldfish!"

* * *

_"You're only a fool if you give up, girly" a creepy voice called out from the shadows._

_Amy, Monferno, Serena, Raye (which it stopped their fight after they hear a creepy voice), Lita, Mina, Michelle, Amara and Erin froze dead in their tracks and turned immediately around to see an old woman in tattered clothes. The six looked at her curiously._

_"Who are you?" Amy asked suspiciously._

_The woman stood up and went over to the group. "A lowly prisoner liked yourself, perhaps. But together, we can be more."_

_Amy crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow, "Go, on. We're listening…"_

_The old woman smiled and continued, "There's a cave, girl. A cave of wonders! Filled with treasures beyond your wildest dreams!" As she said that part, she took out a bunch of rubies and showed them to the group, who looked at them in awe. The old woman put the treasure away and turned her back to them. "Treasure enough to impress even your prince friend, I wager."_

* * *

"Meh, all you need is a pair of balls to impress him"

"Maleficent in disguise helps Amy escape and they and her huge cast of friends go into the desert to the caves of wonders" Nukid explained

* * *

_They headed to the place where Maleficent had last called forth the Cave of Wonders. The disguised villain made the same way as before to call it forth. Later, Amy, Monferno, Serena, Raye , Lita, Mina, Michelle, Amara and Erin (Which Monferno, Serena & Mina nervous), looked at the cave as it spoke._

_"Who disturbs my slumber?" the Cave of Wonders guardian demanded in a booming voice._

* * *

"Judging by those tiny miniskirts, a travelling brothel"

* * *

_Amy nodded cautiously and then turned to her friends. "Okay, let's go, guys," she said with a bit of courage._

_The eight followed Amy down the stairs._

_As they walked down the long staircase, Erin spoke. "Okay, let's all be careful. It looks like a long way down from here," she warned the gang, referring to the steps if they made a wrong move._

_The gang found a room at the bottom of the stairs. Amy's eyes widened when she saw that it was full of treasure and relics. "Wow!" she exclaimed._

_"This place is a gold mine!" Erin grinned._

_Lita looked around. "Check this out! Just a handful of this stuff will make all of us richer than the King himself!"_

* * *

"Pfft, big deal. Nowadays everyone in Britain has more money than the Royal family"

"As they go further into the cave, they realise they are being followed!"

* * *

_"Hello," the dragon greeted. "I'm Charizard."_

* * *

"…Pokemon don't talk…..the magical carpet doesn't talk…so why hell, ARE YOU MAKING CHARIZARD TALK?" Nukid screamed angrily. He shivered in his chair, rubbing his arms

"Oooh….this fic is gonna kill me before I finish! It's beyond sucking!"

* * *

_Led by the Charizard through the bowels of the cave, Amy and the others finally made their way to a big room, where, a top a tower of rocks, sat the lamp._

_"Wait here," Amy told everyone before she began her walk on the stones._

_Monferno nodded with the group, but he got sidetracked when he found a dragon statue with a ruby in his claws. His eyes grew big with greed, and he slithered away from the group._

_After skipping on the stones, Amy looked at the pillar before her. "I better start walking." She grabbed a step and ran up the steps._

_Charizard turned to look for Monferno, and he gasped when he saw his friend was about to get the ruby. The others took notice, and they wasted no time to stop him. Charizard grabbed Monferno's tail, followed by Serena, Raye, Lita, Mina, Michelle, Amara and Erin. They pulled to keep Monferno away from the forbidden jewel._

_Amy made to the top of the pillar. There she found a pink/blue/purple lamp on a stand. As she picked it up to examine it, she wondered, "This is it? This is the lamp we've been..." She trailed off when she saw Monferno breaking free of the gang's grasp and flying for the ruby._

_**"MONFERNO! NOOOOO!" **__Amy and the others shouted, but it was too late. Monferno grabbed the ruby and hugged it like a teddy bear._

_Suddenly, The Cave of Wonders roared, __**"INFIDELS!"**_

_"Oh no..." Monferno mumbled nervously. Charizard trembled with Erin, and Amy stood frozen with the lamp in her hands._

_**"You have touched the forbidden treasure!"**__ Monferno placed the ruby back on the statue, and they were both engulfed in flames. Monferno screamed and he ran for his friends. __**"You will never see the light of day AGAIN!"**_

_Amy threw the lamp into her bag, and she escaped the burning pillar. But as she ran down the stairs, the steps broke and she was bound to land into the lava below. Thankfully, Charizard caught her on his back. Riding on Charizard were Serena, Raye, Lita, Mina, Michelle, Amara and Erin._

* * *

"Good god his back's gonna get a hernia"

"The group are unable to escape the cave, and are trapped inside. There, they all slowly die from starvation, thus ending the fi.."

Anonymous Crowd: "GET ON WITH IT"

"Fine fine…." Nukid grumbled "…Well anyway, the look at the lamp, do the rubbing, and out comes….."

* * *

_Then a figure burst out of it hidden in smoke, and then stretched out and the figure appeared to look like a girl golden blonde with a blue bow (like Sailor Venus/Mina's), crystal blue eyes, and I wear an orange/blue/pink/white Sailor Scout outfit. Also she had pink/blue wisp instead of legs. She was known as AlyssaLioness. But friends call her Alyssa._

_"AHHHHHHHHHH…OY!" Alyssa shouted, "Ten thousand years can give ya such a crick in the neck." She spoke with a Hilary Duff to Amy and her friends._

* * *

"Tell me Batthan, did she promise you a blowjob for putting her in as the Genie?"

"In all seriousness though, THIS is why authors in parodies usually don't work. They're an easy way of casting, and usually they have no change in the dialogue. It's unoriginal!" Nukid snarled

* * *

_"Whoa, whoa! Wish Fulfillment?" Amy inquired._

_"That's three wishes to be exact. And ix-nay on the wishing for more wishes." Alyssa said turning into a slot machine, and three Alyssas appear in the windows. "That's it, three!" he said as three Alyssas come out of the slot wearing sombreros. "Uno, Dos, Tres!". She then transformed into Groucho Marx. "No substitutions or exchanges for refunds."_

* * *

"I have three wishes for you" Nukid stated

**1. Get rid of Batthans account**

**2. Never let Batthan near a computer keyboard again**

**3. Kill Sakura Haruno**

* * *

_Alyssa: __**Well Ali Baba had them forty thieves**_

_( Alyssa appeared in front of Amy and her friends and held a group of thieves out like a fan.)_

_Alyssa: __**Scheherazade had a thousand tales**_

_(The thieves surrounded Amy and her friends while drawing out their swords. Amy and her friends appeared nervous.)_

_Alyssa: __**But master, you're in luck, 'cause up your sleeves,**_

_**You got a brand of magic that never fails**_

_Alyssa pops out of Amy's shirt (DON'T PLAN ON GETTIN ANY IDEAS :(!)_

* * *

"Batthan, you've tried to pass off sailor scouts for thieves, talking dragons for carpets, and revealed to us some sick desire to be a woman. We're too MINDFUCKED to have ideas!"

* * *

_**I'm in the mood to help ya, girl!**_

_**You ain't never had a friend like me!**_

Alyssa opens her mouth and her tongue turns into a staircase and a miniature Alyssa walks out from it dressed in a rich girl's suit that was pink. As she does a little dance, her two giant hands pop up with drawn-on eyes.

Hands: _**Wah, wah, wah!**_

Alyssa: _**Oh yeah…**_

Hands: _**Wah, wah, wah!**_

Alyssa: _**Alright…**_

Hands: _**Wah, wah, wah!**_

Alyssa: _**Oh no!**_

_**Do, do, do, do, ba, ba, boop!**_

* * *

"Oh my god there is nothing original about this whole fucking song!" Nukid groaned "fuck this, I'm skipping the song!"

* * *

_Well for starters." Alyssa began, "Rule number one: I can't kill anybody." Alyssa said chopping her own head off. "So don't ask! Rule number two: I can't make anybody fall in love with anybody else," she said, kissing Amy (YOU KNOW WHAT I AM __GOING SAY RIGHT!)._

"Knowing you, whatever the script for the movie says" Nukid sighed

* * *

_At the palace..._

_Knuckles was scolding Maleficent and Meowth for her misdeed. Ethan was also present. "Maleficent, this is an outrage after all of your years of loyal service. You know the rules, discuss the prisoner sentence with me before they are beheaded!"_

_Maleficent bowed. "Yes, my lord. It won't happen again."_

_Knuckles took hold of Ethan and Maleficent's hand and put them together. "Ethan, Maleficent, let's forget this whole mess and put the past behind us."_

_"My most abject and humblest apologies to you as well, prince." Maleficent said, smiling. She tried to kiss his hand, but Ethan yanked it away._

_"At least something good will come of my being forced to marry. When I'm the King, I'll have the power to get rid of you!" He stormed out of the throne room._

"It's not like I'm a warrior prince that could kill you with ease…..wait a minu…oh wait nevermind" Nukid imitated

_No, Meowth," Maleficent interrupted. "Only until he finds a chump wife. Then he'll have us banished, or worse…Have us beheaded!"_

_Both Maleficent and Meowth shudder at the thought of that until Meowth came up with an idea. "Wait a minute, Maleficent! What if YOU were the chump wife?"_

_"What?" Maleficent snapped, cleared insulted._

_"Let me finish. You marry the prince, and you become the Queen!"_

* * *

"Well at least someone in the relationship would have balls"

"After freeing them from the cave, Alyssa admits she wants to be free, Amy promises to free her with her third wish, becomes a princess and bla bla bla you all know the story"

* * *

_A parade was going on in the streets of Toon Town. Apparently, the rhythmic ground shaking was caused by a herd of brontosaurs. This was not all that was in the parade. There were flag-twirling Keronians, juggling Autobots, fire-blowing Heatblasts, bell-ringing Dittos, sword-twirling Mobians, acrobatic cyborg monkeys, magical girls twirling colorful cloths, and many other things. Leading the parade was Alyssa, dressed respectively in a high school marching band uniform. As the fanfare gave way, the parade performers started to sing:_

_Flag-twirling Keronians: __**Make way for Princess Am Li**_

_People stopped what they were doing and watched the parade.)_

_Fire Breathing Heatblasts: __**Say hey! It's Princess Am Li!**_

* * *

"Am….Li?" Nukid raised an eyebrow "but the chapter's called 'Princess Ally!'. This is Toonris all over again!"

* * *

_"Ooh, lovely. Yes, I do seem to have a knack for it." Knuckles said, running up to Amy. "This is a very impressive girl. And a princess as well." He whispered to Maleficent, "If we're lucky, you won't have to marry Ethan after all."_

_Maleficent took the king aside. "I don't trust her, sire." she said desperately._

_"Nonsense." Knuckles said sternly. "One thing I pride myself on, Maleficent, is that I'm an excellent judge of character."_

* * *

"Hell, I've got a pussy for a prince. I need SOMETHING to be proud of" Nukid imitated

* * *

_"How dare you? I've told my parents a thousand times my love is something that can't be bought!" Ethan said angrily darkly. He stormed out of the room._

_"Man, he still has that dark voice of his." Serena complained._

* * *

"A. So Knuckles is your parent now? B. Wouldn't you get suspicious seeing all of Amy's friends there? C. FUCK YOUR DARK VOICE! You're less threatening than a Care Bear!"

"So Amy decides to talk to Ethan at night in his bedroom"

* * *

_Alyssa then as a small hummingbird appeared on Amy's shoulder and started speaking to her "Enough about you, Amy, talk about him! He's smart! Fun! the hair, the eyes, anything! Pick a feature already!"_

_"Uh, Prince Ethan, you're very…"_

_"Handsome, gorgeous, hot, masculine," Alyssa suggested._

_"Masculine!" finished Amy._

* * *

"….HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" Nukid laughed harder than he'd ever laughed in his life, falling off his chair. He got back up and sat down, smiling sarcastically at the screen

Eventually, Nukid got back up and sat down onto his chair. He was practically crying from laughter, still giggling

"No Batthan….just no"

* * *

_"How…, how're you're doing that?" asked a confused Ethan._

_Then Charizard flew up and Ethan got a good look at him_

_"He's my fire/flying pokemon Charizard," Amy explained to him._

_"It's magnificent creature…" said Ethan, a bit startled._

* * *

"I think if I saw a Charizard appear at my room…..i'd be a little more than startled" Nukid pointed out

"And now ladies and gents, the infamous song 'A whole new world'. And it's…..just the song copy and pasted, so there's no point me showing you it"

* * *

_You are the girl from the market!" said Ethan, grabbing her tiara off her. "I knew it! Why did you lie to me?"_

_"Ethan, I'm sorry!"_

_"Did you think I was stupid?" asked Ethan._

* * *

"Very" Nukid nodded

* * *

_"No!"_

* * *

"Shut up!"

* * *

_As time flew by, Amy and Charizard gave Ethan a ride home, as they made it to the balcony he hopped off Charizard and looked up at Amy. "Goodnight, my beautiful Princess," said Ethan._

_"Sleep well, Prince Ethan," said Amy. The two leaned in…and Charizard lifted Amy up so that she and Ethan could kiss. Then, Ethan went back into his room._

_"Yes!" Amy said. She fell backwards onto Charizard and he slowly landed on the ground of the courtyard as Amy gazes up into the sky. "For the first time in my life, things are starting to go right…" All of a sudden, she was grabbed and gagged by Hunter J, Yzma, and Cassidy. She tried to call for help, but she looked over and saw Monferno/Lugia trapped in a net, and he saw Larxene holding up Serena, Rei, Lita, Mina, Michelle, Amara and Erin who are bounded with ropes and their mouths tied shut. The Domino tied Charizard to a tree, and Maleficent and Meowth appeared before Amy in the shadows._

_"I'm afraid you've overstayed your welcome, Princess Am Li!" she said._

_"Hah, hah, we gotcha good huh!" Meowth said laughing in his own maniacal way._

_"Make sure she and her friends are never found!" Amy and her friends struggled, but the guards knocked them unconscious._

* * *

"I don't know about you guys, but this sounds like the beginning of a massive lesbian orgy" Nukid pointed out "my opinion of this parody would completely if that were to happen"

"Amy and her friends are thrown into the sea, but she uses her second wish to get Alyssa to save them all. They go back to the castle to confront Maleficent"

* * *

_"Tell him the truth, Maleficent. You tried to have me and my associates killed!" said Amy._

_"What foolish nonsense." Maleficent said. "Your highness, he's obviously lying…" she secretly held the scepter close to Knuckles to influence him even more._

_"Obviously… lying…" he said._

_"Knuckles, what's wrong with you!" Ethan cried._

_"I know what's wrong!" said Amy, grabbing the scepter from Maleficent, and smashed it to the ground, and Knuckles snapped out of it its control._

_"Oh, huh, what!" said Knuckles._

_"Sir, Maleficent has been controlling you with this!" Amy said holding out the broken scepter._

_"Iahw-what?" gasped Ethan's guardian. "Maleficent you, you traitor!"_

_"Your majesty all of this can be explained." Maleficent said trying to cover up but to no avail, Knuckles, Ethan, Amy and her friends advance towards her and Meowth._

_"Guards, guards!" Knuckles shouted_

_"Oh that's it. We're dead, we're dead, just dig a grave for both of us, we're dead!" Meowth said._

_Maleficent then sees the lamp sticking out of Amy's dress, she tries to make a move but was apprehended by Ember and Angelica, while Mewoth was grabbed by Oakley and Annie._

_"No don't take me, don't take me!" Meowth screamed like a sissy girl as they tried pulling him away by his feet, and Jack tried holding onto the floor._

_"This is not done yet, Am Li!" sneered Maleficent. _

* * *

"Couldn't you end it now? For me please?" Nukid begged

"But no, Maleficent escapes and Amy and Ethan become engaged…" Nukid sighed "…and here everyone goes angsty"

* * *

_Then Alyssa popped up and whispered, "Your next line is 'I'm going to free Alyssa…' anytime now!"_

_"Alyssa…I can't," sighed Amy._

_"Sure you can, all you have to say is…" Alyssa mashed Amy's mouth and mouthed the words "Amy, I wish for your freedom!'"_

_"I'm serious, Alyssa!" said Amy. "Look, I'm sorry, I really am! But they want to make me the queen of Toonvale…no; they want to make "Am Li" the queen of Toonvale. Without you…I'm just plain Amy Anderson."_

_"But you won Amy, you won!" said Alyssa._

_"The only reason anyone thinks I'm worth anything is because of you! What if they find out I'm not really a princess? What if Ethan finds out? …I'd lose him. Alyssa…I, I can't keep this up on my own!" and with a coward's averted gaze, he ended the rant with "I can't wish you free, I'm sorry."_

_"Fine, I understand," said Alyssa, grumpily. "After all, you've lied to everyone else, hey, I was beginning to feel left out! Now if you'll excuse me…Mistress!" and she disappeared into the Lamp._

_"Alyssa…I'm really sorry," said Amy. But all he got back was one last tongue-sticking-out in his face. "Well fine! Then just…stay in there for all I care!" Amy's friends looked a little scared and concern at Amy. "What are you guys looking at?" he snapped. Lugia's feelings were now hurt, and he and the Charizard slowly slinked away._

_"Al right Amy we'll leave ya alone." Mina said as she followed the Pokemon._

_"I thought you'd keep your promises." Rei said following Mina._

_"Yeah, and not live a lie to everyone." Serena finished as she followed the girls._

* * *

"You lied to me too!" Nukid stated with a hurt expression "you promised me Sailor Moon would get a decent dub! YOU LIED TO ME!"

"Meowth steals the lamp and takes it to Maleficent. She wishes herself to become the new queen"

* * *

"_Maleficent…I order you to stop now!" Knuckles ordered_

_"Oh, but there's a new order in this city…my order! Finally YOU will bow to ME!" Maleficent commanded_

_"We shall never bow to you!" Ethan said standing tall with Knuckles at his side as Ethan transformed to a Super Saiyan._

* * *

"…Can't…..keep….straight…..face….screw it, HA HAHA HA HA HA HA!"

* * *

_Maleficent sang as she trapped Amy and her friends into a turret of the palace, then used the staff like a golf club to hit it off into the air._

_**WHOOHOO! SO LONG!**_

_"Goodbye, see ya!" added Meowth who was waving goodbye._

_**"Ex-Princess…**__**Am Liiiii!"**_

_Maleficent finished singing and began laughing like a maniac as her shadow loomed over Toonvale._

* * *

"And so Toonvale is destroyed forever, Knuckles is killed, Ethan becomes a sex slave and life on Earth becomes hell" Nukid laughed "the end"

Anonymous Crowd: "FINISH THE FIC!"

"Ugh….at least there's only two chapters left"

* * *

_At the ends of the earth in a snowy mountainside, the turret smashed in half, and Amy, Serena, Lita, Mina, Amara, Michelle and Erin found themselves on a snowy mountainside. But no sign of Monferno._

_"Monferno!" she called. "MONFERNO!" Then she heard something, and saw a lump under the snow. She knew it was Monferno, and she began to dig him out and his friends began helping him. "Aw guys this is all my fault!" he said. "I should've freed Alyssa when I had the chance!" Then she found his friend. "Monfernon! Are you okay?"_

_"(Uh-uh!)" shivered Monferno._

_"I'm sorry, Monferno!" said Amy. "I made a mess of everything…somehow. I've got to go back and…set things right!" Amy got up and marched on, only to step on the frozen Charizard. "Charizard!" she said. Then she noticed that his tail was stuck underneath the turret._

_"Guys I'm stuck!" Charizard shouted_

_Amy then pondered but got a brain blast._

_"I got it!" Amy shouted as he began digging over by the turret "Guys, start digging!"_

_Her friends began to dig as well. "That's it!" said Amy, encouragingly. But then the turret started to roll…Amy grabbed Monferno and his friends…but was nowhere to run! But then she saw the window indent in the turret. Amy and her friends slid into the snow, and when the turret rolled over them, they were spared by the window! "Yeah! All right!" cried Amy._

* * *

"….That must be one HUGE window!"

"The gang heads back to Toonvale, where they find Knuckles and Ethan…"

* * *

_"Maleficent!" cried Ethan. "Why don't you leave him alone!" chained to Maleficent's throne with chains that were neutralizing his saiyan powers_

* * *

"Deus Ex Bullshit"

* * *

_"Don't talk back to me, you big, blonde girl! Unless you want to see your lifetime of servitude end in death, you will grant my final wish NOW!" Just then, Ethan noticed Amy, Serena, Rei, Lita, Mina, Amara, Michelle, Erin, Monferno and the Charizard creep in through the window._

_"…Slave!"_

_"Maleficent…" said Ethan, seductively. "I never realized how…incredibly beautiful you are…"_

* * *

Nukid started shivering "I've been dreading this scene…..well, I've dreading the whole fic, but THIS part especially"

* * *

_But Ethan kissed her._

* * *

"I think I know what Maleficent is thinking

"_Oh my god it feels like I'm kissing another woman!"_

"Well anyway, you know the rest of the fic. Amy and co. fight Maleficent, trick her into becoming a genie, and trap her in a lamp. They free Alyssa, and Amy and Ethan live happily ever after…..until Batthans parodies Aladdin 2"

"And so ladies and gents….I'm done. It seems almost fate that I reviewed this the same day I watched Nostalgia Critic 'A Troll in Central Park'…because words can't describe how atrocious this parody is"

"I….I honestly didn't think it was possible to be THIS bad!" Nukid stated "Batthan…..you are the only author I've seen that really sucks at all aspects of writing! Your grammar sucks, you originality sucks, and your casting is just pathetic"

"Dude…..you fail. I can't say it in any other way. You just fail at writing" Nukid sighed, before saluting to the screen

"Well, I know need to wash away the memories of this fic through liquor. I'm the Nostalgia Kid, I remember it because you're all idiots" Nukid then walked out of the room

_The Actual Review_

_Pros: Nothing _

_Cons: Everything_

_Overall: Batthan has proven to be the Uwe Boll of fanfiction writing_

_Rating: 1 Star (Out of 4) (btw, 1 star is pretty masochism level of bad)_

**God, uploading this was a real pain. Well anyway, hope you all enjoyed, and stay tuned for my upcoming Legacy chapter and my review of Insane Critics Manga Month!**


	20. Insane Critics Manga Month

****

**Warning: The language in this review may not be suitable for minors. If you're under the age of 18 and have not heard the word "frack" before, go watch Battlestar Galactica**

**Note: If you feel like I'm being unfair to the Fictors, note that they're planning to review Author Humor, so they can bash the fuck outta me there if they want**

* * *

We see Nukid sitting at his table. However, instead of a smile, his face was angry and clearly annoyed

"….You know, I try REALLY hard to respect peoples opinion and not give in to temptation and voice my own. If you prefer Naruto over One Piece, then fine. If you don't like Family Guy, then fine. If you call Battlestar Galactica a Star Wars rip off, I'll tear your nose of-I mean that's fine"

"….But I do NOT respect unfair opinions made by people who obviously don't know what the fuck they're talking about!" Nukid exclaimed, before breathing in to calm himself

"Let me explain it all. Last march, I was having a great time writing my "Gundam March" special. It was fun to write and I think I really got my opinions of the franchise across…"

**"THE UNIVERSAL CENTURY FTW!"**

"Stop that! I think I've made it very clear the UC century is awesome"

**"GUNDAM SEED DESTINY SUCKS!"**

"I..I..I didn't say it sucked! It's just disappointing"

**"CHAR AZNABLE IS THE GREATEST ANTI-HERO OF ALL TIME!"**

"Meh, won't argue with that"

"However, as many of you know, Insane Critic were doing a "Manga Month", where the Fictors Bros. looked at the manga industry and which manga they thought were good and bad. It was split into four chapters, one with manga they thought were good, one with manga they thought was bad, one award chapter and one 'lost chapter'" Nukid explained

"Now I'll admit the manga they said were good were pretty much spot on. They did choose some really good mangas…." Nukid then looked crossed "….but what I AM bothered about is the manga they said were crap! They showed they obviously don't know ANYTHING about Manga"

Nukid sighed "but, unless I don't show you all why, I'll be accused of 'not respecting their opinion'. That is why today I will critically look at the good…and the horribly bad, things about Insane Critics month special"

"So, sit back and prepare your angry flames to Insane Critic. These are the criticisms that need to be criticised. This is Insane Critics Manga Month!"

**Insane Critic Manga Month Review**

"To start off, we'll look at the Manga they said were good" Nukid said "though believe it not ladies and gents, even here they manage to fuck up"

* * *

**_FAIRY TAIL…_**

_"Now, before you start bashing this manga because of the title, this is actually worth reading"_

* * *

"Believe me Fictors, when Mangas have titles like 'DragonBall' and 'Bleach', Fairy Tail is hardly bad" Nukid assured

* * *

_"I mean, what's not to like about Fairy Tail?"_

"The current Arc. It's Grade A boring shit"

* * *

_"So, Fairy Tail is packed with explosive action, intriguing side-stories, memorable characters, and TONS of adventure. And if you need a laugh…this manga also provides just what you need."_

_Lunatic suddenly spun around and was clad in a Superman costume that had the letter "L" in place of the "S". He thrust out an arm as a voice narrated behind him…_

_(ADVENTURE, HO!)_

* * *

"Ah Fictor Bros. comedy…" Nukid sighed, before shrugging "…your mileage may vary?"

"Overall, Fairy Tail is an good Manga. It's pretty imaginative and got some good fights. For some reason though I just don't think its as good as most Manga out today. Personal taste in the end"

* * *

_**CLAYMORE…**_

_"Claymore takes place in a medieval-style world where monsters called Yoma roam, disguised as humans, and feast on their entrails."_

* * *

"Sounds like Internet Trolls"

* * *

_"Claymore has, by far, one of the greatest designs used in manga thus far. And it also has a deep storyline, which goes back to the origins of the Yoma, the Claymore, the organization they work for, and even their weapons."_

_"I only have one complaint about it: the fact that several scenes involve characters being NAKED." Lunatic said, emphasizing the last word,_

* * *

"Because seeing someone without any clothes is SOOOOOO BAAAAD!" Nukid pretended to gasp, before snorting "c'mon guys, it's not like its Gantz"

"I can't argue Claymore is a good Manga. It does have some unique and creative ideas and some good fights. But to call it a 'Masterpiece' is giving it too much credit. That whole 'oh we're all actually on a huge laboratory and the organisation created Yoma' deal felt VERY rushed and unprepared!"

"And in terms of European styled fantasies…it's pretty much in Berserks shadow. But once again, it's all my opinion"

* * *

**_D. GRAY-MAN…_**

_"Now, I heard people call this a Fullmetal Alchemist rip-off, but…I don't see much resemblance. Personally, I think they're as different as chalk and cheese."_

* * *

Nukid raised an eyebrow

"Really? You can't see much resemblance? You're either blind or stupid not to notice the similarities"

**_Cutaway gag…._**

We see Edward Elric and Allen Walker standing together in a room

"Hi, I'm Edward Elric" Ed greeted "I tried to bring my mother back to live, but suffered greatly because of it! Now, I have a weird arm, cool powers and I get angry when others call me short!"

* * *

"Hi, I'm Allen Walker" Allen greeted "I tried to bring my father back to live, but suffered greatly because of it! Now, I have a weird arm, cool powers and I get angry when others call me short!"

* * *

We see Envy and Road Kamelot standing in the same room

"Hi, I'm Envy and I'm a Homunculi" Envy greeted "that means I'm superhuman, evil and I think I'm superior to humans!"

"Hi, I'm Road Kamelot and I'm a Noah" Road greeted "that means I'm superhuman, evil and I think I'm superior to humans!"

* * *

We see Maes Hughes and Komui Lee standing in the same room. Maes looked directly at Komui

"My god it's like looking at a mirror" Maes said, rearranging his glasses

* * *

We see Winry Rockbell and Lenalee Lee standing in the same room

"Hi, I'm Winry Rockbell…." Winry started

"And I'm Lenalee Lee…." Lenalee added

"And Nukid would fuck us both!"

**_End gag…._**

"Hahahaaaa….I'm shameful"

* * *

_D. Gray-Man has several good things to it, but the main thing I like is the fact that it's PRO-CHRISTIAN! _

* * *

"I'm...afraid i'd have to disagree there. D. Gray Man is set around a christian setting, but it's not really supporting it. It's just like how Naruto is (loosely) set around a ninja setting" Nukid explained

"If you wanna see a pro-christian series, i reccomened either Full Metal Alchemist or Trigun. Both try to teach you the value of human live and how to treat others better"

"So yea, despite some borderline plagerism and some fans incorrect interpretation, D GrayMan is a good manga. I'll admit despite its flaws, I do really enjoy it"

* * *

**_ULTIMO…_**

_"I know what you're thinking: 'a manga named Ultimo can't POSSIBLY be good'." Lunatic said, mocking the quoting, then swiftly said, "THAT'S where you're wrong. Ultimo was actually co-created by comic-book god Stan Lee."_

* * *

"Meh, Heroman is Stan Lee better manga in my opinion"

* * *

_**Reborn…**_

_"But you don't read Reborn for the action or the ooga-booga death talk." Lunatic pointed out, "You read it to watch THIS KID suffer!"_

* * *

"No, I read it because it's the closest manga in Shonen Jump to match One Piece awesomeness"

* * *

**_RUROUNI KENSHIN…_**

_"Rurouni Kenshin also has a unique touch when it comes to action. The fight scenes are scientific, realistic, and actually well-paced"_

* * *

"Giants, human sized puppets, Completely burnt samurai, guys who can smash rocks, and the main character being able to slash 9 places at once and create a vacuum in the air…..yea, very realistic"

Nukid laughed "in all seriousness folks, Rurouni Kenshin is awesome and I love it…..however, I put this in for references on an UPCOMING manga"

* * *

_**BLEACH…**_

"_The reason Bleach is popular, I think, is because of two things. One: the main characters are insane to the point of being funny. And two: the action scenes are intelligent, and yet, flashy; just what most manga fans would want."_

* * *

"Bleach has kinda hit a slope in my eyes" Nukid stated bluntly "I used to think it was amazing, but the plot has just become reduced to this"

**1. Good guys show off their powers **

**2. Aizen pulls out his next dues ex machina **

**3. Beats them with his gary stu powers **

**4. Ichigo just stands there like an idiot**

"Honestly, I'm debating as to whether Naruto is better than Bleach" Nukid pointed out "debating mind you. Not sure yet"

* * *

_**ONE PIECE…**_

_I will give Eiichiro Oda credit for giving us a fun manga to read. I actually think he got his ideas off a kid hyped on the strongest energy drink known to man."_

_Lunatic changed his voice to imitate an adult, showing he was imitating Eiichiro Oda._

_"Whaddya wanna see in a manga?" he asked. _

_Lunatic took up a more kiddish voice, then answered, "Uh…I dunno."_

_Lunatic/Oda took out a can of NOZ, then handed it to the kid._

_"CHUG IT!"_

_Lunatic/Kid chugged the whole thing, then went into a sugar rush. "I wanna see a guy stretch like rubber and EAT everything! (Luffy) And then-then, I wanna see a guy use exploding BOOGERS because BOOGERS are funny! (Mr. 5) And then I wanna see a bunch of guys turn into animals! (CP9) I gotta use the restroom…"_

* * *

Nukid eyes twitched "Must...resist...urge...to rant"

* * *

_**LOVE HINA…**_

_So, if you need a laugh and a bit of mushy romance…pick this title up, then one of two things should happen. ONE: you put it away because you can't handle anymore. Or TWO: you keep reading it because you just feel so sorry for this bespectacled sap."_

_(ADVENTURE…)_

_Suddenly, a beautiful woman seized Reynol and they began making out. A split-second later, she mysteriously vanished and Ray was left with lipstick prints all over his face._

_(Ho…)_

_Suddenly, Lunatic barged into the room and shoved Reynol out of the chair. "GET OUTTA HERE!" the ninja ordered._

* * *

"Yea! Go back to secretly flaming people with your side account, Criticman!"

"And so, now we have finished looking at the manga they recommend. Anything I missed was pretty much the same. Insane Critic explained the manga, why it's good, and failed to be funny"

Nukids face darkened "but here ladies and gentlemen, is where Manga Month REALLY fucks up. They express about these manga which are so inaccurate, so unfair, they can only be described as Narrow Minded"

* * *

_**HAJIME NO IPPO (boxing)…**_

"_If I don't score this knockout punch, I…I…I got nothin'." Lunatic mocked, "Cinderella Man was a good watch…but THIS is not."_

* * *

"Notice everyone, that Insane Critic doesn't even EXPLAIN why it sucks"

* * *

_"THAT'S NOT FUN!" Lunatic shrieked, "So, these mangas are about guys that…play sports. And that's it. They play sports. Sure, there's some kind of drama or pervy humor, but it's not enough to save these failures. Does a combination of sports and drama sound stupid and boring?" _

* * *

"Um…no. It sounds potentially awesome" Nukid said with an annoyed look "done in the right hands, it could be a great series! That's why Hajime No Ippo and Eyeshield21 are seen as cream of crop among anime fans!"

* * *

**_SOUL EATER…_**

_"The main characters are a bunch of snot-nosed brats and their partners are guys who can turn into scythes."_

* * *

"Oh, so it's okay for Naruto to have snot-nosed brats for main characters, but not Soul Eater?"

* * *

_"I have a certain issue with characters turning into weapons." Lunatic pointed out, "Like this…"_

_(Megatron turning into a blaster pistol)_

_"In the eighties, I'm sure that was an awesome idea. But in the modern day, it's lost so much touch it's not even fun anymore_

* * *

Nukid slammed his head onto the desk. Noticing the loud thump, X Prodigy walked into the room

"Hey Nukes, what's up?" X asked

"I'm reviewing Insane Critic Manga Month…" Nukid lifted his head "hey X, you like Soul Eater don't you?"

"Sure do" X nodded "has a great plot, great action and some really fun characters"

"Well then, read this" Nukid waved at the screen

X Prodigy bent down to read the comments on Soul Eater. After reading it, X stepped back up saying nothing at all. However, Nukid noticed his hands slowly reaches for his pistols

"That….IS GRADE A NARROW MINDED BULLSHIT!" X roared, taking out his guns and running out "FICTOR BROS., GET OUT HERE NOW SO I CAN FILL YA WITH LEAD!"

* * *

_**YU YU HAKUSHO…**_

_"The main character is one of the biggest jerkwads I've ever seen: he bullies, smokes, drinks, and has beaten people up enough times that he's almost considered a mobster. It's pretty much the definition of juvenile delinquency."_

* * *

"Oh….the horror…."

* * *

_"The design of this series also leaves a lot to be desired. The protagonist's main rival looks like a cross between both Beavis AND Butthead and some of the funny expressions come off as irksome to me. They look more like a four-year-old's drawing got edited with Photoshop or something."_

* * *

"FORGET the awesome fight scenes! FORGET the plot that gets better as it goes along! FORGET the awesome villains like Toguro and Shinobu Sensui! No, because the design isn't the best and the main character a bit of a jerk, IT MUST BE AWFUL!" Nukid snarled

* * *

_"So, bad design plus bad characters and somewhat-selfish storyline equals…not very good. AGAIN, I apologize, but this is my honest opinion."_

* * *

"No, this is your 'Look at chapter 1 and nothing else' opinion"

* * *

_**CASE CLOSED…**_

_"Lemme put it down to you. This manga is about murder cases and court. Now, I do love a good murder case, but I don't want to read the manga equivalent of Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney…especially when the main character is a six-year-old, four-eyed kid who passes off as a mastermind detective."_

* * *

"….Ladies and gentlemen, there is more to manga than this"

_**Cutaway gag….**_

A Japanese boy with spiky black hair and a hero-like attire stood in a field

"Hi there, I'm a Manga hero! I have a traumatic past, hidden super powers, a cast of unique and quirky friends, and I'm currently facing an evil organisation and my long time rival!" the boy proclaimed, pumping his fist into the air

"Manga hero….INSERT ANNOYING CATCHPHRASE!"

_**End gag…..**_

"Yep, with the exception of Death Note, Insane Critic seem to think only Mangas with fighting and super powers are good" Nukid pointed out

"I've got news for ya Insane Critic. THERE'S MORE TO MANGA THAN THAT!"

* * *

_**TRIGUN…**_

* * *

"Oh no…" Nukid groaned, rubbing his face in his hands "..not Trigun…why Trigun of all Mangas…."

* * *

_So, it's about this guy named Vash the Stampede and it takes place in a somewhat cowboy-based, post-apocalyptic warzone. The major cities are named after months or days, and people these days have the annoying habit of snuffing each other."_

__

_"Sounds good, right?" Lunatic asked, "Well, that's where the good stuff ends. To be honest, I couldn't really gravitate towards Vash. Why? Because he's a freakin' pacifist in a bloody warzone!"_

_"And you guys complain about Naruto wanting peace, you hypocrites!" _

* * *

"No Fictor Bros. YOU are the hypocrites. And let me explain why"

"Now, remember I referenced Rurouni Kenshin. This is what they said about it"

__

* * *

_"It's about a samurai named Himura Kenshin in nineteenth-century Japan. He was once an assassin by the name of Hitokiri Battousai the Manslayer, but for some reason he doesn't want to kill._

* * *

"Now, Kenshin is obviously a Samurai Manga. And while it isn't actually set in the Cowboy era, Trigun is very much based on that period" Nukid explained

"Now, the Samurai and Cowboy periods in history are often compared due to their similarity. So much so that many Samurai films were adapted in Cowboy Films, Seven Samurai becoming Magnificent Seven"

"And if you look at Trigun and Kenshin, there's a lot of similarity. Both are individuals who wield great power, but have sworn never to kill. They both meet average people, badass rivals/friends, and have to face enemies from their own past" Nukid explained

"So Insane Critic, I ask: Why do you call Kenshin awesome…BUT YOU CALL TRIGUN CRAP!" Nukid roared "THAT IS JUST HYPOCRITICAL AT ITS WORST!"

__

* * *

**_VAMPIRE KNIGHT…_**

_"Oh, UNPROFESSIONAL!" Lunatic groaned, "CURSE YOU, STEPHANIE MEYER! YOUR EVIL INFLUENCE OF SISSIFIED VAMPIRES HAS MIGRATED TO JAPAN! CURSE YOOOOOOU!"_

* * *

"Oh yea, very funny Insane Critic…." Nukid nodded "…Except you seemed to forget the fact Vampire Knight was made BEFORE Twilight! DO YOUR RESEARCH!"

__

* * *

_**xxxHOLIC...**_

_"Okay, this isn't technically a girl's manga. It's about this guy who winds up in a witch's house and is forced to do her bidding."_

_Lunatic gasped, "Maybe it wouldn't be so bad…if he wasn't forced to work at her store that sells drinks from tea to booze."_

_(Homer Simpson: BO-RING!)_

* * *

"Oh, so the whole part about dealing with spirits and ghosts does NOTHING to help the story!" Nukid snarled

* * *

_**ROSARIO+VAMPIRE II**_

_"Yes, this is a sequel to a title under Rosario + Vampire. Again, I hear tons of hype over this, but when I picked up the latest Shonen Jump and read this sequel, I was ticked off big-time. Why, you may ask? Lemme tell ya."_

_"The manga's description of the main character is as follows and I quote." Lunatic whipped on a pair of spectacles, took the Shonen Jump and read the description._

_"Ahem. 'A nice, caring, loving person. What's not to like?' GARBAGE!" Lunatic shot down, then threw the spectacles away._

________

_"MARY SUE OFF THE PORT BOW!" Lunatic screamed into a radio communicator, imitating a sailor in distress._

* * *

Nukid started laughing loudly

"You know what's funny about this? Ranger24 previously called them out for bashing Rosario+Vampire, and dared them to actually properly read it!" Nukid stated

"So one of them did, and guess what? HE LIKED IT!" Nukid exclaimed "people, if you need more proof they weren't properly looking at these manga, THAT is proof enough!"

_______

* * *

_

_**HUNTER X HUNTER**_

_"This manga isn't bad so much as it is BORING." Lunatic criticized, "The main character is like Monkey D. Luffy if he WASN'T enthusiastic. Sure, he seems okay, but he almost has no personality whatsoever."_

* * *

"Well judging by Reynols logic, only characters with traumatic pasts who angst over it make good protagonists"

_______

* * *

_

"_Granted, fans might know what his motivation is, but…I couldn't read FOUR CHAPTERS of this thing! It's THAT boring!"_

* * *

"I THOUGHT THE FIRST 30 CHAPTERS OF BLEACH WERE BORING! BUT I STUCK WITH IT AND I FOUND I LIKED IT!"

Nukid slammed his hands onto the table "ladies and gents, I've had enough. In THESE chapters, I can pretty much say the Fictor Bros. didn't properly look at HALF of the manga they dissed. That is just lazy!"

"There was also that Award chapter, but I don't really have any complaints. That was more fair opinion….though this statement pissed me off"

* * *

_So, Aizen got this award because, he fills the slot perfectly. I know there's a bit of hype over the Major from Hellsing, but there's a problem with him: he looks and talks the part, but he doesn't DO the part. He just sits back and lets his cronies do all the work. Aizen, on the other hand, looks the part, talks the part, and by golly, he DOES the part. He took on all comers in a fight, feigned his own death, and killed his own subordinates."_

* * *

_**Cutaway gag…..**_

Nukid stood next to the Major from Hellsing, holding a microphone to his face. Behind them was a huge red curtain

"Major, how does it feel to be told you don't do anything?" Nukid asked

"I tell you now voy, it is an outrage!" Major boomed "I planned vor sixty years a night ov pure chaos and evil! And yet some twirps say I did Nothing!"

"They seemed to think because you don't fight yourself, you're not as good of a villain as others" Nukid pointed out

"And vat that makes me less evil?" Major huffed "nonsense! Vhese children know nothing of True evil!"

"So, how do you plan to respond to this Major?"

"Simple voy…." The Major chuckled. Suddenlythe curtain flung up, showing the entire army ready to wage war

"…We shall vring hell down to zhe whole Fictor race! All will know ov our wrath, and ve vill have…." The major licked his lips "…..a vunderful time"

_**End gag….**_

Nukid sighed "well that's Insane Critics Manga Month done. I'll admit it's not all terrible, they did recommend some good manga"

"But…..this is pretty much what happens when someone who doesn't know much about something…PRETENDS to know a lot! It was unfair to generally great Manga, and just embarrassing to read!"

"I'm sorry Fictor Bros., but this was in my eyes, how NOT to do a months special. Overall this month was a…" Nukid flicked his fingers at the screen

**FAILURE**

Nukid saluted "I'm the Nostalgia Kid, I remember it because you're all idiots!"

"…Now I've gotta makes sure X Prodigy hasn't killed the Fictors" Nukid said, getting up and walking out the room

_The Actual Review_

_Pros: They did make some decent recommendations _

_Cons: Unfunny, unfair, narrow minded and it was very amateurish_

_Overall: It's not completely bad, but it is a perfect example of how not to be a Critic. _

_Rating: 1 and a half Stars (Out of 4)_

_With apologies to the Fictors..._

**There you have it. Sorry i couldn't get Legacy up as well today. Ah well, hopefully tomorrow. Stay tuned for my next chapter!**


	21. Top 11 Stupidest Things About Naruto

Hey everyone. Been a while since I've done one of these. Enjoy!

**Warning: The language in this review may not be suitable for minors. If you're under the age of 18, then go fuck yourself, because I can't fuck you.**

* * *

Outside the Author Fighter base, a huge castle-like wall had been constructed around the entire base, only a small section at the front left to be finished. At the top, both X Prodigy and Ranger24 hammered down nails into wood as they made slow progress.

"…Hey, Ranger?" X said.

"Hmm?"

"Why are we building this huge wall anyway?" X asked. Ranger stopped his work and looked at X sceptically.

"We've been constructing this thing for the past week…and only now are you asking that?" Ranger grumbled. X scratched the back of his head embarrassingly.

"I just…got into the flow of things, that's all…" X mumbled, "You didn't answer my question though."

"Nukid told us our base would get invaded very soon. He didn't specify _who_ would be invading, just that we should prepare ourselves, and build a wall even The Nights Watch would be envious of."

"He reads too much A Song Of Ice And Fire" X sighed "speaking of him, where is Nukid?"

"I think he's doing that return review of that Nostalgia Kid thing he used to do. The bastard. If he's gonna get us all worked up over this unknown threat, the least he can do is help us." Ranger growled.

* * *

We see Nukid sitting at the desk he once prominently sat at when he made his Nostalgia Kid reviews. Unlike before though, Nukid wore a crown on his head and worse a large red fur coat, making him look somewhat like a king.

"Hello I'm the Nostalgia Kid. I remember because you're all idiots" Nukid greeted "God it feels good to say that again! It's sure been a while folks! Over a year and not a single review. I daresay most of you thought I'd given up on this, didn't you?"

"Well, truthfully, I had. I realised a long time ago that'll I'll never be a quick updater of fics, and what little time I had to write fics, I decided to focus on my Magnum Opuses, Avatar: The Legend of Zeo and War With The Legacy."

"But…recently, for the second year in a row, I was voted The Top Critic on the AF forums! Go me!" Nukid proclaimed.

_**Egotistical asshole…**_

"Kiss my ass" Nukid deadpanned, taking off the crown and cape and setting it down "so, since I got an award for basically doing nothing, I figured I should return to this fic…if only for one more review. My last review was…slightly controversial."

_**Cutaway gag…**_

We see Nukid, tied to a beam post whilst TLSoulDude and Lunatic121 slowly pieced together two rifles.

"…You know, I didn't actually mean any offence by that review." Nukid pointed out, fidgeting in the ropes.

"Uh-huh" TL replied.

"I wasn't trying to be offensive or insulting."

"Of course you weren't" Loony replied.

"I was just pointing out how…well, badly you reviewed those Mangas, and…just showing people an example of…um…bad critiquing."

"Right."

"Hell, you've gone on to say you liked some of the Mangas you originally disregarded. It just shows you shouldn't judge something by the very beginning. You need to invest time into it before making a fair opinion on it."

"Totally."

"So, I apologise to you both for offending you. Do you guys forgive me?" Nukid asked.

"Sure" they both said in unison. At the same time though, both raised the now complete rifles straight at Nukid. Nukid felt sweat go down his face, his eyes twitching.

"…Then put the bloody guns down."

"Naaaah."

BANG, BANG, BANG.

**_End gag…_**

"So then, how do you come back after writing something so controversial?" Nukid spread out his arms "by writing something even MORE controversial! Today, I am finally gonna write the review I wanted to write from the very beginning."

"I am of course, talking about the **'Top 11 Stupidest Things About Naruto!'**"

* * *

Ranger and X Prodigy stopped working on the tall wall when they started to feel the ground shimmer. X turned to Ranger and bellowed "Whoa! Is this an earthquake?"

"I don't think so. It feels almost like an…army marching towards us" Ranger cuffed his hands over his eyes to block out the sun. He looked upon the horizon, trying to spot what was coming towards them.

What Ranger24 saw made him go pale.

"My god…"

* * *

"I would normally now give a brief summary of Naruto…" Nukid shrugged "but what's the point? You all know what Naruto is, so it's not necessary. With that, let's begin my-"

_RING RING, RING RING_

"Oh, one moment please" Nukid reached into his pocket and took out his phone, placing it to his right ear "hello?"

"_NUKID! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL HAVE YOU DONE NOW?" _Rangers voice roared down the phone.

Nukid winced, pushing the phone away, before answering "let me guess, the Naruto fanatics have arrived?"

"_There's…there's tens of thousands of 'em! I've never seen such a pissed off army! What did you do?"_

"Well it's not what I've done…more like what I'm about to do." Nukid explained "I'm doing a Top 11 Stupidest Things About Naruto."

"…_Nukid…Nukid you can't do it. You can't do that man. I sympathise with your reasons but they'll tear the base apart!"_

"Relax. Once I'm done I'll sort that. You just keep them back till now" Nukid assured "well, have fun!"

_"Nukid! WAI-"_

Nukid turned off his phone, and put it away. He turned forward and said "sorry about it. Anyway, that call has brought up a little fact. I'm not actually a hater of the series. I do still somewhat enjoy the series…it's just these 11 points have made the series disappointing and not live up to its amazing potential."

"To be prove my point, here are 5 things I like about Naruto!"

_**Number 5…**_

_**The Dub…**_

"Some say it's bad, I think it's a genuinely well made dub. Maile Flanagan does a decent Naruto-save that annoying catchphrase-and it's a very solid dub. Stand out Voice Actors are definitely Steve Blum as Orochimaru, Dave Wittenberg as Kakashi, and Yuri Lowenthal as Sasuke."

_**Number 4…**_

_**The Art Style…**_

"In my opinion, Naruto has some of the best art in Shonen Jump today. It's well detailed, clear, the characters are all unique, and thanks to the anime, it does feel very colourful and appealing. I'll be saying many bad things about Kishimoto, but I can at least compliment his art!"

_**Number 3…**_

_**The fight scenes…**_

"If you take away all the pointless exposition…the fights in Naruto are quite well done. They use a lot of strategy and often quite clever moves…when they're not doing my eventual Number 4 stupidest point."

_**Number 2…**_

_**The Characters…**_

"Once again, despite all the bad things I'll say about a few of them, I do genuinely like a lot of the cast in Naruto" Nukid stated "characters like Rock Lee, Gai, Killer B, Hinata and Shikamaru to name a few are all great characters."

"Most famous of all is Kakashi, who is like even by avid Naruto haters. There's no denying that Kakashi kicks ass."

_**Number 1…**_

_**The Akatsuki…**_

"I will not deny for a second that I LOVE the Akatsuki." Nukid proclaimed "they were some of the most badass I've ever seen in anime. Each with their own unique power and each with a badass personality. Itachi, Sasori, Deidara, Kisame, Kakuza, Pain, at one point, they all stole the show."

"My two favourite Akatsuki members are Tobi/Madara Uchiha and Hidan. The former because his plot twist was incredibly awesome, and the latter because…well…he's just incredibly awesome."

"With that done, all I need to now is point out that this is NOT the "**Top 11 Stupidest Things About Naruto…that no other series does as well**". Maybe Bleach has some of these problems as well. Maybe Katekyo Hitman Reborn does. Hell, maybe even One Piece has these as well. I'm not saying they don't, I'm just not looking at those series" Nukid explained.

"With that said, let us begin our countdown of the Top 11 Stupidest Things About Naruto!"

**Top 11 Stupidest Things About Naruto**

_**Number 11…**_

_**Technology in the Naruto universe…**_

"Okay, so this is a series about Ninjas. I don't expect to see cars or any electronic vehicles in it. I don't expect Ninjas to use firearms or missiles or anything like that. I absolutely agree they would feel out of place in a world dominated by Ninjas" Nukid stated.

**"…**So then why the are there computers in the Ninja world? I'm pretty sure they came after Firearms and vehicles." Nukid sighed. "Oh, I know what some of you might say. '_But Kishimoto needed to have computers in his story!_'. That might arguably be true later on in the series, but let me show you this scenario of out of place technology in the series."

_**Cutaway gag…**_

We see Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura standing amongst the other Genin in the battle arena for the Chunin Exam, having just braved the Forest of Death. The Third Hokage stepped forward from the various Jonin beside. He raised his left arm, and pointed towards the large computer screen on the wall behind him

"Allright, behind me is a computer which will call out two combatants names each turn. Those two will battle and the winner will head to the finals. Any questions?" the Third Hokage asked.

Naruto raised his hand "I have a question Hokage…why do you need a computer just to read out peoples names?"

"W-what?"

"Why do you need that really big computer just to read out two names at random? Couldn't you have just used a Tonbola or something? That would been a lot cheaper and more fitting for a setting about ninjas, wouldn't it?" Naruto asked sceptically.

"Well…er…erm…" the Third Hokage stuttered, "…it…looks cooler."

**_End gag…_**

"That's what it really boils down to. Half of the modern technology he throws in could have been worked around and made the world he's created far more unique. By NOT doing that, he's made some of us wonder how the computer came before the gun." Nukid explained.

"That being said…this is number 11 because it doesn't actually bother me that much, and I'm kinda nitpicking" Nukid admitted "since it's not based in our world, Kishimoto can to an extent get away with it. It's not like he's fucking up our own timeline."

"In other words, fuck you D Gray Man."

_**Number 10…**_

**_The beginning of the series…_**

"Often I hear people say…"

"_I stopped watching Naruto during the Chunin Exam."_

"At this, I often wondered why? Right after things do start to get really good. You get the first appearance of Akatsuki, the search for Tsunade, and Sasuke retrieval arc! Why did people give up before checking all that out?" Nukid asked out lous.

"And then, it hit me. The Chunin Exam arc happened way too soon."

"Allow me to explain. When you start an epic story, you're pretty much creating your own world. Towns, countries, races, YOU the writer decides what happens in this world…" Nukid then shrugged "…but if you wanna get people interested in your world, you've gotta bloody show it to us."

"With Naruto, the first few chapters were in The Leaf Village, which is fine, I wouldn't expect anything else. Quite soon though we're brought away from Konoha and to the Mist Village. This is good. Regardless of whether you liked that arc, it at least shows us a part of the Ninja world."

"And then…we're stuck in Konoha….for over 60 episodes…what?"

"What I'd love to know is why Kishimoto decided to have this Chunin Exam arc so soon? He frankly had Iruka point out the stupidity of it- it was bloody too soon! They've only done one mission! Why didn't he show off more of this world? Hell, he could've introduced characters like Rock Lee, Gaara and Orochimaru separately and given them each more time to shine, instead of the massive clusterfuck that was the Chunin Exam arc" Nukid ranted.

"But what I think made this turn off many from Naruto is that they realised something…something I can completely understand." Nukid sighed, shaking his head.

"When many saw the Chunin Exam arc, they realised Naruto wasn't a show about Ninjas…they more likely felt it was just a generic Dragonball wannabe."

_**Number 9…**_

_**Kisame's forced motives…**_

"Y'know, it's only when he's nearly dead did I realise that Kisame had been a pretty awesome character. He's like the blood knight of the Akatsuki, only caring about battle and mutilating people. That was okay on its own. Hell it worked for Hidan, why not Kisame?" Nukid shrugged.

"But what does Kishimoto do? He's gives him a backstory! And…it makes no fucking sense whatsoever."

"Supposedly, Kisame hates all the lies Ninjas tell each other and wishes to live in a world without lies…" Nukid frowned "well…ignoring the fact it's retarded on its own, why would Kisame care? His character has given no inclination before as to hating lies. In fact…he's seems more likely to enjoy the brutality of the Ninja world."

_**Cutaway gag…**_

Kisame and Itachi walked down a pathway, Kisame smiling merrily whilst Itachi face was emotionless. Kisame's sword Samehada was covered with blood and small bits of flesh.

"Ah, what a day! Nothing beats starting the morning with mutilating an entire platoon of Ninjas! God I love this world." Kisame cheered merrily. Itachi turned to his partner.

"Hmm. By the way Kisame, I lied to you about eating your egg this morning." Itachi said.

Kisame stopped in his track. He slowly turned to Itachi, tears streaming down both eyes.

"…H…how could you?…..You….YOU MONSTER! I HATE YOU AND THIS WORLD!"

_**End gag…**_

"Long story short folks, this is number 9 because it is without a doubt the most forced backstory I've seen given to a villain" Nukid declared "it's pretty much proof that sometimes a bad guys doesn't need reason behind what he does…sometimes he does it for the fun of it."

"Amen to that Nukes" Oldkid chuckled, suddenly walking into the room and patting his human counterpart on the shoulder.

"Oldkid! What are you doing here?"

"Pfft. You planned a massive battle with fangirls and DIDN'T invite me? Shame on you Nukid. Shame on you." Oldkid scolded. He then turned to where he entered and waved

"well, gotta go Nukes! Those Naruto fanatics won't kill themselves…unless Kishimoto died before finishing the series…huh, that gives me an idea."

_**Number 8…**_

_**Sakura Haruno…**_

"If you're a Sakura fan…and gets offended easily, skip this one" Nukid said sternly "I'm not gonna hold back. Since the day I started watching Naruto, she has been a big problem for me."

"Now, women in anime, just like most forms of fiction, could be improved on. Frankly most female characters fall into several degrading categories, and an unfortunate case is that they're usually used for fanservice." Nukid explained. "there are exceptions of course. There's Kino from Kino's Journey, Revy from Black Lagoon, Lenalee from D Gray Man, most of the Sailor Moon cast and the Haibane Renmei cast."

"Overall, I actually have to say Kishimoto does really well with female characters. Yea, he abuses the Tsundere archetype like a catholic preist abuses a little boy…."

_(Crowd): BOOOOO!_

"Sorry, sorry, I…kinda have to make a few catholic jokes…it's in my contract." Nukid said nervously "but anyway, Kishimoto at least gives most of his female characters either backstory, unique powers, or both! Hinata, TenTen, Tsunade, Anko & Kurenai are all great female characters! And one thing of note is that he doesn't put in loads of unnecessary fanservice, which I compliment him for."

"And yet…what does he create for the main female lead?…Sakura…_Sakura_"

"Be honest, at the start of the series, what are her two defining characteristics?" Nukid tapped his right hand twice with his fingers "she's madly in love with Sasuke…and she's a tsundere…not very good, is it? no backstory or good reason for being a Ninja"

"Now, that WOULDN'T bother me as much if she actually fought, but does she?…Haha, no. Her role in Naruto at the start is pretty much this."

_**Cutaway gag…**_

Naruto and Sasuke were stood side by side, facing a mob of Mist ninjas, whilst Sakura stood some distance away, her hands around her mouth.

"Sasuke! Naruto!" Sakura bellowed out "Sasuke! Naruto! Sasuke! Naruto! Sasuke! Naruto! Sasuke! Naruto! Sasuke! Naruto! Sasuke! Naruto! Sasuke! Naruto! Sasuke! Naruto! SASUKE! NARUTO!"

"JESUS CHRIST, SHUT UP!" Naruto and Sasuke shouted back.

_**End gag…**_

"Even now, I can't understand why he gave so many cool powers to most of his female cast, but…didn't give one to the main female lead. He did try to sell off her 'excellent chakra control', but wouldn't technically all the characters with cool abilities have that as well? It's hardly anything worthy of note."

Nukied suddenly placed his right hand beside his ear "wait, what's that I ear avid Naruto lovers? Sakura matures and becomes less annoying? Sakura DOES gain her own powers and becomes useful in fights?"

"Yea, she does…for ten minutes."

"I mean yea, she does save Kankuro with her medic skills, and she does help defeat the Akatsuki member Sasori…but let me ask you, what has she done since then that's worthy of praise?…Nothing at all. She TRIED to stop Sasuke, and made a pigs ear of that."

"It's almost like Kishimoto knew after the timeskip, he would have to show her off to appease the fanbase. That would've been fine…had he NOT. GIVEN. UP!"

_**Cutaway gag…**_

We see Sakura Haruno, post timeskip, talking enthusiastically to her creator Masashi Kishimoto.

"Wow! I was so awesome against Sasori! I can't believe what cool powers I've gained over the timeskip!" Sakura said happily.

"That's great Sakura…" Kishimoto said. But then, he raised his arm and pointed to his right "…now get back in that kitchen."

_**End gag…**_

Nukid sighed "I hate to make fun of her character because…I'm trying to write a similar character in Zeo. In it, I have Princess Ursa, who wants to be strong and able to look after herself, but has problem doing so. The difference is I at LEAST give her backstory!"

"Honestly…I think this is why people prefer Naruto/Hinata to Naruto/Sakura. HINATA IS A BETTER CHARACTER! Why couldn't she have been the main female lead? I think she could've done an awesome job. Far more interesting than this pink haired whore."

"So that's Number 8, Sakura Haruno…seriously, Hinata would've been way better as the main female lead."

_**Number 7…**_

_**Destiny in Naruto…**_

"Destiny plays a big part in Naruto. It was first brought up during the Chunin Exam, when Neji fought Naruto. Neji believed that due to the restriction imposed on him by his clan, that everyone is bound by destiny and that they cannot change their fate." Nukid explained.

"Naruto retort is pretty much…"

_"Screw Destiny! Life isn't written in stone! If you try, you can do anything!"_

"I frankly love this. I love a "screw destiny" kind of plot. It's encouraging, heart-warming and coming from Naruto, makes perfect sense." Nukid said, before frowning "but after the time skip…this plot point comes up."

"_Naruto is the child of Prophecy, who is destined to end the conflict in our world."_

"W…what? But…before it was…"

_"Screw Destiny! Life isn't written in stone! If you try, you can do anything!"_

"But…now it's…"

"_Naruto is the child of Prophecy, who is destined to end the conflict in our world."_

"Ah…ah…"

"_Screw Destiny! Life isn't written in stone!"_

"…"

"…_child of Prophecy, who is destined to end the conflict in our world."_

"…Kishimoto…**MAKE UP YOUR BLOODY MIND!**"

"I mean, my god Kishimoto, this is storytelling 101. You support one morale, YOU DON'T SWITCH SIDES LATER! Either Destiny DOESN'T play a part in our lives, or it DOES play a part. Stick with one or the other!" Nukid bellowed.

"Now, I don't know about all of you, but I prefer with the former." Nukid shrugged "why? Because that morale fits beautifully with the story of Naruto overcoming persecution."

"Of course, THAT story is long gone. Now Naruto is only ninjas wanti-"

"Er, Nukes?" Dawn leaned out from beside the door "that's your Number 2 point."

"Oh, right, sorry. Got carried away. Well, moving on."

**_Number 6…_**

_**Naruto, post Two-year timeskip…**_

"So, Naruto has been gone for two years, training with Jiraiya so he can one day save Sasuke. What new and exciting techniques has Naruto learnt? What awesome powers will our hero show us when he returns in Part ?" Nukid asked excitedly.

"Well, he's improved his taijutsu, he's created a new Rasengan, learnt how to fight through genjutsu's, aaaand once went up to four tails in his Nine Tails form. What else though has he learnt?"

_(Eerie silence…)_

"…That's it. That's it. That's all he's done. Two years away, and that's all he's achieved over those two years…" Nukid took a deep breath "**WHAT THE FU-**"

_**2 Hours later…**_

Nukid downed a small cup filled with various colourful tablets. Wiping his mouth, Nukid looked forward again, calmer than before but still looking uncomfortable.

"…C..calmed down now, just…whenever I think about this one, I can't help but shake my head at how such potential was wasted there. And what makes it worse is that since then, Naruto has learnt a lot of powers. Rasenshuriken, Sage Mode etc. Why couldn't Naruto have learnt some of that during those two years?" Nukid demanded.

"I'll tell you why. Because Kishimoto is a whore for training arcs. It's just further proof along with the Chunin Exam that Naruto isn't really about Ninjas…it's about glorified fighters."

_**Number 5…**_

_**Filler…**_

"I really didn't want to put this in my list. It's such a cliché criticism, and I'm probably pointing out things most people don't notice" Nukid sighed "but…it's an unavoidable fact that Naruto has too much filler…even by Shonen standards."

"Filler is an unfortunate necessity when animating long running Shonen series. It's needed so it doesn't catch up too quickly to the manga, though that doesn't change the fact that half the time, it sucks. The writing is worse, the animation is less spectacular, and it's often boring." Nukid explained "there are exceptions, of course, but they're usually filler that only deterred us for a few episodes, not ten or twenty. Like…say…the Goku vs Vegeta fight in he Buu saga."

"Suffice to say, Naruto has a filler…a LOT of filler. In fact, I honestly feel it has too much filler. It doesn't need quite as much as it gives us. Of course, this wouldn't matter if the filler were interesting. Is it?"

Nukid shrugged "well, if you're definition of interesting is paint drying, I suppose."

"It's quite well known that there is around a 100 episodes of nothing but filler. W-why? I mean sure, it does open the world up a bit, but since It happened AFTER Sasukes betrayal, it made it feel like that everyone had just forgotten about him. Why couldn't they have just finished the anime and waited a while? It's insane I tell ya."

"Shippuden though only worsens the issues. Now, after every big arc, we get an almost equally long filler arc that'll most likely bore the fuck out of you. Hell, after the Pain invasion arc, they just gave us flashbacks to Part 1 as filler! That's just bloody lazy!"

Nukid placed his hand over his forehead "I'm probably sounding contradictory, aren't I? Look, filler is okay…if it's short and sweet. Only aim for around 5 episodes, 10 being the limit. We don't 20 episodes of filler Studio Pierrot. I-I-It's too much."

"Though to be fair, at least Kishimoto doesn't put filler in the actual manga!"

_(Image of Naruto chapter 538 appears onscreen.)_

"Kishimoto you son of a bitch."

**_Number 4… _**

**_Plot No Jutsu… _**

"You know when the creator creates a power or plot point that comes out of nowhere and feels like a Dues Ex Machina?" Nukid grinned "Kishimoto does that so often people gave it a nickname: Plot no Jutsu!" "There are so many instances of Plot No Jutsu, it's a goldmine of fail!" Nukid laughed "oh but which ones are the juciest? Which dues ex machinas make you slap your heads and go 'what the fuck did I just read?'"

"Well, it should come as no surprise that the single biggest Plot no Jutsu moment is chapter 449, or as I like to call it: 'Chapter WTF? You just ruined several dozen chapters of any meaning to it'." Nukid groaned "to those of you who aren't that far into Naruto, allow me to spoil the entire arc for you!"

"Basically, Pain invades Konoha and kills several characters, and not to mention dozens of other ninjas, along with blowing up the entire village. Naruto eventually arrives, they fight, Naruto wins, and then confronts a defenceless Pain."

"Naruto convinces Pain he's wrong in what he's doing, and the Akatsuki leader reforms-oh don't worry I will be getting to that in a minute-and what does Pain manage to do?"

"Bring back everyone he killed during the arc back to live…I am not joking."

"Ignoring the huge fact it makes all previous chapters in the arc MEANINGLESS, it just brings so many questions. Like, how? How can he bring people back to life? Why wasn't this miraculous power brought up before? Why can he only bring back those he killed? Why can he bring people only recently dead? Why can't he bring back former Akatsuki members who have been killed? Why can't he bring back his friends? I-I-It begs so many questions!"

Nukied sighed "of course, if it was just THAT moment, I would've have called this point 'Chapter 449'. No, there are several moments where a plot point is brought up that's just…so out of nowhere."

"I mean, just off the top of my head, there's Sasuke's countless new Sharingans. Sasuke's miraculous save from Deidara's mass suicide explosion, Sasuke's mind control power, Sasuke's new form of genjutsu, and…am I the only one noticing a pattern here?"

**_Number 3…_**

_**Gaara and Pain's Heel/Face turns…**_

"Bad guys turning good is another cliché in Shounen" Nukid went silent for a moment in ponder "well…more often than not they don't turn good, it's just they and the good guys develop a similar goal…"

_(Image of the Varia from Hitman Reborn! appears onscreen)_

"…Or you find out they're not as bad as you thought they were."

_(Image of Mukuro Rokudo from Reborn! appears onscreen)_

"…don't give me those looks. I know some people think Mukuro will betray Tsuna, but it's not happened yet." Nukid stated.

"However, there are cases where the bad guy does reform into a better person, but these are much harder to do. The transition and reform from evil to good must be done carefully, and most importantly, slowly. It cannot happen overnight. A good example of this is Vegeta, from Dragonball Z. It took him most of the series to reform into a genuinely good person, and it was well paced and believable."

"As you've already guessed, Gaara and Pain were not."

"The thing is, both Gaara and Pain had both suffered intense psychological trauma and both had gone insane because of it. One had a warped sense of creating peace, while the other simply wanted to slaughter everyone." Nukid explained "and yet, what happens to them?"

"Naruto gives them both a speech each, and they completely change…in the space of a few minutes."

"No..nonono Kishimoto. It doesn't work like that. It worked for Neji yes, but he WAS sane. These two are genuinely screwed in the head. It should take both of them years to recover from that, and more than just a speech from a blonde haired boy with ADD."

"It'S seriously annoying how Kishimoto thinks mental health works. The next time you see Gaara after his "reform", he's practically OOC. Caring, calm, dependable and very stable. And what's worse, that's only down to Naruto beating him and telling how awesome friendship is. It makes you wish mental rehabilitation worked like that in real life."

**_Cutaway gag…_**

Nukid stood in a room, standing over X Prodigy who was sat in a chair. X had his hands wrapped around his body, his body rocking back and forth.

"Hehehe, because of my horrible childhood, I want to slaughter everyone!" X cackled.

"Dammit man! Pull yourself together!" Nukid roared. He then began to slap X Prodigy in the face several times over "TASTE. THE. POWER. OF. FRIENDSHIP!"

When Nukid stopped slapping him, X Prodigy rose from his seat, a smile beneath his mask "wow! Thanks Nukes! The power of friendship has instantly reformed me! I now see how beautiful the world is and…and…" X prodigy groaned "…okay, I've done your bloody sketch. Now give me my twenty quid."

**_End gag…_**

**_Number 2…_**

_**Ninjas Wanting Peace…**_

"I can already guess some peoples reaction" Nukid rolled his eyes "'Oh Nukid, going on about Ninjas Wanting Peace again? That's so annoying! Why do you keep going on about that? You should just go die.'"

"To those people, fuck you. I have legitimate reasons for hating this idea of Ninjas striving for peace."

"Now, I'm all up for an anti-war story…a GOOD anti-war story. I hate to watch a bad one."

_(Image of Gundam Wing appears onscreen)_

Nukid shivered "point is, if the writer attempting this is great, it can be interesting…and there's the first problem. Kishimoto is not a great writer. I mean he's good, bit of a cheeseball, but I don't believe he is capable of tackling a subject like world peace."

"To be fair, Kishimoto does do one thing right. Obviously holding hands and dancing in a circle cannot create world peace. Kishimoto does acknowledge that." Nukid nodded "but there are two big questions that he seems unable to answer."

"Question number 1: **What solutions does Kishimoto offer to creating peace?** Kishimoto goes on and on about how the 'cycle of hatred' can be broken and peace can be found between the neighbouring villages…but does he offer a solution? Nope."

"I suppose some will argue that he'll answer this towards the end, but I'm 95% certain the answer will be something like the 'we must all become friends' or 'we must all learn to understand one another'. Remember, Kishimoto is a cheeseball." Nukid reminded

"Question number 2 is far more significant: **If the Ninjas do find peace…what will happen to their economy?**"

"Think back to the start of the series, when we're introduced to the various ranked missions. A C mission alone entail body guarding someone on their trip, which implies they may get attacked, so god knows what a B, A or S mission would entail!" Nukid explained

"Now here's the problem. If the Ninja world DOES achieve peace…won't all those jobs go away? Sure, they may be a few to fend off bandits and such, but all those big missions will go away because the villages are now buddy buddy with each other!"

"Just imagine it. All the Ninja villages would slowly lose income, the buildings going to ruin and decay. The families would starve and become homeless because there were no missions for them to go on. Sooner or later, they'd have to leave their villages and give up being ninjas. And then? AND THEN?" Nukid banged his fist on the table "AND THEN THEY'D ALL HAVE TO GO WORK IN TESCO!"

"…Okay, that…last point probably won't happen." Nukid shrugged "the point I'm trying to make is that it's a gaping plot hole. I respect people trying to encourage peace in their works, but the problem with Naruto's setting is that it THRIVES on conflict! They NEED conflict! Without conflict, they've got no work!"

"Oh, and you know what the icing on this is?" Nukid asked rhetorically "the way the stories going, it's setting it up to be like Madara Uchiha is the cause of all the current worlds problems, and once he dies there'll be peace between the villages…yeah, right."

"If anything, this is a lesson to aspiring writers." Nukid pointed out "**Know. Your. Limits.** Kishimoto did not know his limits, and he tried to tackle a subject he could not handle."

**_Number 1…_**

_**The Naruto/Sasuke relationship…**_

"There are…several reasons why this is the stupidest thing about Naruto, I'm a little at loss at where to start" Nukid admitted, "the thing is, it's not just Sasuke, despite what most people feel. I think Naruto himself is a part of this problem."

"I'll start from how I used to feel about Naruto." Nukid nodded "there was a time when Naruto was about a young boy, overcoming the persecution of his village, screwing destiny, and one day becoming Hokage to prove his worth. This was the story I grew to love at one point."

"This is not what Naruto is about anymore."

"Let's be honest, for most of Shippuden, the persecution Naruto suffered as a child was barely mentioned, and Naruto's dream of becoming Hokage is never mentioned at all!" Nukid growled "oh, but some of you will say 'but Nukid, that's just a sign that he's developed as a character and he's changed as a person!'"

"I'd accept this…if his reasons for doing so weren't complete horseshit."

"What is Naruto's goal now? To get back the friend who up till then, really didn't get along." Nukid shrugged "I get that they respected each other and cared about each other…but were they 'best friends' or 'brothers' as Kishimoto claims them to be? No, frankly they barely came off as friends."

"This is the problem with Naruto now. His reasons for obsessing over Sasuke are weak and…his obsession itself is pretty damn creepy. Suffering a beating to protect him, collapsing at the thought of him being killed, and then claiming he'll kill Sasuke and himself together…" Nukid bit his nails nervously.

"Y'know, those Naruto/Sasuke fangirls aren't sounding so stupid right now."

**_Cutaway gag…_**

We see Naruto and Sasuke, facing each other in the midst of the great battle against Madara. Both were at their strongest, and both stared daggers at each other, ignoring the rising conflict around them.

"Sasuke! We've crossed paths many times up till now, but here's where it ends!" Naruto proclaimed, pointing at Sasuke "today, I will bed you!"

"Bring it on Naruto. Today I will cut you do-" Sasuke stopped and stared with confusion "did you say 'bed me'?"

"I meant beat you! BEAT YOU! I-I-I-I-I'm straight. Really."

**_End gag…_**

"Before anyone accuses me though, I'm not homophobic, so I wouldn't be bother personally if that did actually happen" Nukid shrugged "but, let's face it, it would be a dumb move on Kishimoto's part. He'd pretty much lose his entire fanbase with a single chapter."

"Of course, that's not the worst part. Oh no, Naruto may be obsessive and lost his originally reasons for…well, existing, but Sasuke is far, far worse."

"At the star of the series, I actually liked Sasuke." Nukid admitted, "sure he was cold, but he was caring towards people. Sure he was arrogant, but you could argue he had right to be. He had one of the best and most tragic pasts in the series, and you saw that he did change of the course of the series into a more friendly person."

"And I LOVED IT when Sasuke betrayed the Leaf Village. It was fitting, and it cumulated into one of the best arcs in Naruto. After, I was psyched to see how Sasuke would be in Part II. I imagined that he'd be more determined than ever to kill Itachi…but he would still care for his former comrades, and that he'd be internally conflicted about the choices he had made."

"But what did we get? An emotionless, uncaring to his friends, practically OOC Sasuke that pretty much stuck a third finger towards over 200 chapters worth of character development…I died a little inside when I realised this."

"The more I looked into it, the more I realised this new Sasuke was something I'd have expected from a fanfic writer with a bias against Sasuke. A writer who ignored his good points and the character development he received during Part I" Nukid said sadly "really, WHAT happened to all that character development? Kishimoto showed he CARED for his friends…but ever since part II that's all gone"

"And the more and more this series goes on, the less likeable he becomes, and this is made worse by the fact he's in the series 90% of the time. Even Naruto fans are begging for his death, which I can't believe Kishimoto intended" Nukid pointed out "why? Because he keeps forcing this 'super special relationship' between Sasuke and Naruto down our throats like we're supposed to give a damn about them both."

"But that's impossible for me man. This is what my Top 2 points boil down to. While I can still enjoy this series time to time, especially if Kakashi or Killer B is involved, Kishimoto has so fucked up his two main characters, along with forcing down this preachy anti war story…well…" Nukid mumbled, scratching his head.

"I have…no emotional investment to the story. To put it blunty, I don't care what happens anymore. I don't care if Naruto survives, I don't care if Sasuke survives, I don't care if the Ninja world gets there oh so wonderful peace. The themes of the story and main character are so screwed up now I just don't give a damn anymore."

Nukid sighed "and you know what the worst part is? I once did care. A lot"

* * *

Due to the relentless attacks from the infuriated Naruto fanatics, the Author Fighters had been forced to retreat inside their HQ. At the front entrance, we see Range24, X Prodigy and AdventChild101 piling up furniture next to the barred front door, pressing more and more weight to it. It seemed to be in vain though, as the doors continued to bump violently.

"Dammit! I've never seen such a relentless force!" Range exclaimed, stacking another closet next to the door.

"This barricade won't hold for much longer. At this rate we'll be torn to pieces by those mad berserkers" X growled, a hint of fear in his voice.

"I can't die yet!" Advent cried "I haven't killed everyone I wanted to kill!"

"Fear not, my friends" the three authors turned around and saw Nukid walking casually towards them "those fanatics will go no further."

"Nukid! This is all your fault, you idiot!" X snarled "if you hadn't pissed them off we wouldn't be in this situation if it hadn't been for you!"

"I know what I have done, and the strain I have put on all of you" Nukid said "that is why I will end it now. Ranger, open the door. I will go out there alone and surrender myself to them."

"Have you been shot in the head again?" Ranger said with disbelief "they'll just kill you! Slowly and painfully!"

Nukid nodded "if that is the case, then so be it."

"Idiot, I won't you go alone!" X proclaimed, raising his firearms "if you're going to hell, I'll go guns blazing with you!"

"Same here. I don't abandon comrades" Ranger stated, stepping forward.

"I'll just stay in here and watch you all die." Advent added, smiling.

"I thank you all…except Advent, but I must go alone. You all have lives to live. I on the other hand have made an epic rant against Naruto. My life is complete."

Nukid walked away from the shocked authors, towards the barricaded door. He quickly pushed aside the barricade, and opened the front door. He took a single step outside, slowly starting to close the door.

Before he closed it, Nukid turned back to his friends, smiled and said.

"I'm the Nostalgia Kid. I remember because you're all id…" Nukid sighed "…you know what? I'm the one that pissed off the Naruto fanbase. I'm the idiot."

And then, the door closed.


End file.
